The New "New Wall Street Reality"

Tyler Durden's picture

On the two year anniversary of the original New Wall Street Reality list, it is time for a long overdue update.

The New Wall Street Reality 2011

  • 1st of the month=housing showing signs of life
  • 15th of the month=housing showing signs of stabilization
  • The reality of shadow inventory=never mentioned
  • Single dip= reality
  • Double dip=reality reminder
  • Robbing American citizens blind=stabilization between the first and second dip
  • I’m broke= "restraints in income......."
  • Your grandmother’s broke=QE2
  • Everyone’s broke=bad weather was a factor
  • The unexplained rise in sales of cat food=QE3 is an unequivocal success
  • The end of free markets=victory for the bulls
  • Fake statistics=bears caught off guard
  • Soon to be revised statistics=bull rally continues
  • Inevitable revision of statistics=POMO day
  • 1000 point drop=Waddell and Reed sold something
  • No human is stupid enough to buy stocks=another round of cuts on Wall Street
  • Oil at $120=QEx
  • Oil at $100=QEx
  • Oil @ $90=QEx
  • Oil @ $50=A huge boon to the economy
  • QEx=put it together yourself
  • Hard times=’Summer of Recovery’
  • Harder times=”Welcome to the Recovery”
  • Rats on a sinking ship=U.S. Economic recovery team
  • Guy who cut more jobs here than created=Jobs council leader
  • Guy who lost a billion dollars=Chief economic advisor
  • Guy who cheated on his taxes=treasury secretary
  • NY fed chief who bought house near the top of the fed induced housing bubble=same guy
  • Guy who completely missed housing bubble=guy to help fix housing depression
  • Joke= economist
  • Bad joke= Wall Street economist
  • The joke of jokes=Joseph Lavorgna
  • 100,000 jobs created =recovery
  • 18,000 jobs created=soft patch
  • Surge in pitchfork sales=rescindment of birth/death model
  • Record stealing=trillion dollar stimulus
  • Massive Theft=QE2
  • Complicit to it all=congress and senate
  • Global kleptocracy=The ‘New Normal’
  • In prison=Bernie Madoff

And the one we should all be very, very wary of:

  • U.S. TROOPS HAVE JUST INVADED CANADA= “monthly jobs print has just come in at -72,000”

Courtesy of J-Dub

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Hedgetard55's picture

You forgot: buy Chinese solars 24/7.

blindman's picture

dedicated to .... wall st. and related environs.

GeneMarchbanks's picture

Bond market=King Ponzi

Quixotic_Not's picture

Equity market=Dope you can bleed in

¿Tienes plata gringo?

Whoa Dammit's picture

"I'm not sure who is selling who to what anymore." 

from the movie Get Low 

HungrySeagull's picture

You forgot sales of very large old books at 10 pence in london shops during winter when coal is more expensive to heat by the bucket at night.

You also forgot a new developing economy based on a few bits of firewood, crops and other considerations other than the almighty dollar.

And don't forget the towns filled with flea markets doing a boom in commerce against retail which has been strangled by the web of walmart for decades.

Also the workers have ceased to try and get a camel into employment by way of the eye of needle but instead started to live the way they want to by any way they can. Legal or not.

doesmybuttlookfatinthis's picture

Wait till next months unemployment report. My take is it will be abysmal.  As was stated by a teachers union rep, on another thread here. 1 to 2 million teacher were layed off July 1st.  Their jobs are not coming back.  I tend to believe this number. Further evidence of it is the NEA just increased its dues by 10 dollars a month.  Fox said it is to support Obamas re-immaculation, I believe it is to make up for a short fall due to cutting so many teachers jobs. Fewer teachers mean fewer unioun dues.

alex_g's picture

can you point me to the thread?  thx

Atomizer's picture

Everything is going to be OK. Let's just sit back and drink our Kool-aid. LOL

A repost to another ZH poster earlier.

At his first press conference since being elected President, Barack Obama spoke about new job numbers and steps the government can take to help our struggling economy


President-Elect Barack Obama on American Jobs


Quixotic_Not's picture

Keep voting for the (D) & (R) Free Shit Empire™!

Vic Vinegar's picture

Holla.   We can pick this up on Tuesday.

sgorem's picture

Fort Knox = Area 51

Fannie & Freddie = Bloated Carcasses

Sheeple = well, Sheeple

US.Gov = Shit Salesmen

Future = History

Fiat Paper = Ass Wipe

Italy = The New Greece

Gold & Silver = Priceless

AssFire's picture

 Black Teen Youths= Norwegians

When will our Mulatto in Chief speak out about the fuckin Norwegian flash mobs?? Sure he's a looter, but at least his color will allow him to call them out without being denounced for his honesty ahh.., I mean racist rant.

"I don’t want to be a prophet of doom -- and I really don’t believe that we are approaching doom -- but I think we’re going to slide into intensified social conflicts, social hostility, some forms of radicalism, there is just going to be a sense that this is not a just society."
-- Ex-National Security Advisor Zbigniew Brzezinski

The Norwegians already feel all is unjust. Just wait when the fake goobermint jobs and public assistances are removed. They just need one beating or police violence incident to launch Eric Holder and his people into full chaos.

Maniac Researcher's picture

I'm sure a racist post like the one above is *bound* to be junked out of existence to preserve the credibility of Zero Hedge.

ZeroHedge = Whiny Bigots

bob_dabolina's picture

Black people are not productive. You cannot find me one upscale black enclave anywhere in America. And I already know what you liberal hippies are gona''s because they're disenfranchised by the whites. Wrong. We have a black president so that shit doesn't fly anymore (which oddly comes at a time America is despised by the world, and is at it's weakest point arguably ever). Which brings me to my next point that what do you want to bet that even though the unemployment rate for blacks is ghastly (and gotten WORSE under Obama) that he still retains 99% of the black vote? That must be because blacks are immune from racial bias right? You'll never hear anyone talk about that.

And this was a nice story: 


Black Youths March in Peoria Screaming, “We Need to Kill All White People!”



AssFire's picture

I'm sure a racist post like the one above is *bound* to be junked out of existence to preserve the credibility of Zero Hedge.

I didn't mention the forbidden "Jew" word that summons the mega junk storm from hell. Some subjects are just taboo, but I believe the "Norwegian" problem should be the first to explode. <Don't talk about it though>

zen0's picture

You are unsophisticated.

Black man Chris Rock hatin on niggers...

bob_dabolina's picture

Why would he do that? He wants to redistribute the wealth remember (his own words)Who do you think he's taking money from, and who do you think he's giving it to?

zaknick's picture

KKK cocksuckers alive and well!

Redneck scum! And I'm not black but I know many black people who are better human beings than this rebel yell scumbag!

bob_dabolina's picture

Redneck scum!

Racist!!!! If I had a big enough lobby (like NAACP) I would sue the fucking shit out of you and ruin your life forever.

AssFire's picture

Norewgians Are Always Causing Problems

Maniac Researcher's picture

Corporate criminals love polities full of divisive ignoramuses like you.

AssFire's picture

If the everyone world has Neanderthal DNA except Africans and Africa has evolved to this:

I think I'll remain and ignoramuse. Egypt fell after the 25th pharaoh (the first mixed race pharaoh) after importing too many and the US is quickly on its way to the same fate. History is fascinating to those not blinded by the last 40 years of bullshit.

OldPhart's picture

You're playing their game using their rules.  It's called 'Divide and Conquor'.


Citizen against Citizen instead of Citizens United.

zen0's picture

See zen0 2 posts up. Is Chris Rock KKK?

Your kneejerk position is out of date.

AssFire's picture

Sorry Zeno,

I know it's not your fault you missed the Neanderthal update 2.0 about 80,000 years ago.

You are that idiot who talked about the blossoming "Sharia democracy" in Egypt.. LMAO. Last I saw the military there was giving virginity tests to female demonstrators.

Miss anthrope's picture

I will unjunk you.... PC is way over-rated today.  I'm sick TO DEATH of politically correct!!

Misstrial's picture


Not to criticize, although Area 51 lore is not true, Bigfoot does exist.


Quixotic_Not's picture

Free market capitalism has been subverted and captured by by the Ivy League Tribe's licensed criminals, and is now nothing but an algorithm-based version of three-card monte.

This is reality - Economics is not about mathematics; The game is about the bankster & politeer tribes abililty to continue servicing the global elite!

Systematically looting the wealth of nations is not a new paradigm...Same shit, different century!

Tribal warlords are only as rich & powerful as the thugs they employ and their ability to coerce the consent of the sheeple to rape, pillage & plunder.

The looting will continue until morale improves!

dwdollar's picture

"The looting will continue until morale improves!"

That statement would be hilarious if it weren't so true.  It is exactly the mentality of modern economics.

In other words...

We will continue to print more money to debase what little wealth you have left unless you "buck up" and continue buying junk sh*t on credit.

OutLookingIn's picture

No need to invade Canada. The biggest newest group of immigrants are US citizens, seeking the very things that were supposed to be their birthright, as stated in the US Constitution. Thank you. They will make VERY good additions to the citizenry, for they have lost those rights once, but never again. From one who is outside looking in - very little time left to get your s**t together! Almost too late now, in many respects.

CrashisOptimistic's picture

Brent spread $22 = maybe the North Sea doesn't have infinite oil

Urban Redneck's picture

Look at the spread of PHYSICAL oil prices to paper BENCHMARKS.  Perhaps the North Sea has less rigged (price suppressed) oil than the US. 

scratch_and_sniff's picture


  • No human is stupid enough to buy stocks.

    Thats a good one. Its the way he tells them.

    TuesdayBen's picture

    Laser-like focus on job creation = whittling the handi down to 24 using a different caddy daily

    scratch_and_sniff's picture

    Hey Tyler, check out just put in ~100 pip move in one tick.

    Franken_Stein's picture


    Can anybody tell me why there is a discrepancy in numbers here, between this report:


    June 2010, page 124, table 22A, col: June 2009 / row: Other precious metals:


    and that report


    June 2011, page 134, table 22A, col: June 2009 / row: Other precious metals:




    scratch_and_sniff's picture

    Because they are two different reports, on two different years. Why, what's your "???".


    Do you actually think they would let a fuckwit like you catch them out?

    Franken_Stein's picture


    But not with regard to the same data point of June 2009, which lies in the past of both reports and therefore shouldn't change.


    macholatte's picture

    and Dec 2008 is also in both reports and has conflicting numbers.

    Franken_Stein's picture




    Is this maybe that some banks and CBs only file their numbers with the BIS after more than 1 year, so some of the PM derivative position changes didn't make it into the earlier report, but into the later one ?


    Or is this cook da books ?



    Urban Roman's picture

    They seem to have mislaid almost $200 worth of their 2009 stash.