The New "New Wall Street Reality"

Tyler Durden's picture

On the two year anniversary of the original New Wall Street Reality list, it is time for a long overdue update.

The New Wall Street Reality 2011
 

  • 1st of the month=housing showing signs of life
  • 15th of the month=housing showing signs of stabilization
  • The reality of shadow inventory=never mentioned
  • Single dip= reality
  • Double dip=reality reminder
  • Robbing American citizens blind=stabilization between the first and second dip
  • I’m broke= "restraints in income......."
  • Your grandmother’s broke=QE2
  • Everyone’s broke=bad weather was a factor
  • The unexplained rise in sales of cat food=QE3 is an unequivocal success
  • The end of free markets=victory for the bulls
  • Fake statistics=bears caught off guard
  • Soon to be revised statistics=bull rally continues
  • Inevitable revision of statistics=POMO day
  • 1000 point drop=Waddell and Reed sold something
  • No human is stupid enough to buy stocks=another round of cuts on Wall Street
  • Oil at $120=QEx
  • Oil at $100=QEx
  • Oil @ $90=QEx
  • Oil @ $50=A huge boon to the economy
  • QEx=put it together yourself
  • Hard times=’Summer of Recovery’
  • Harder times=”Welcome to the Recovery”
  • Rats on a sinking ship=U.S. Economic recovery team
  • Guy who cut more jobs here than created=Jobs council leader
  • Guy who lost a billion dollars=Chief economic advisor
  • Guy who cheated on his taxes=treasury secretary
  • NY fed chief who bought house near the top of the fed induced housing bubble=same guy
  • Guy who completely missed housing bubble=guy to help fix housing depression
  • Joke= economist
  • Bad joke= Wall Street economist
  • The joke of jokes=Joseph Lavorgna
  • 100,000 jobs created =recovery
  • 18,000 jobs created=soft patch
  • Surge in pitchfork sales=rescindment of birth/death model
  • Record stealing=trillion dollar stimulus
  • Massive Theft=QE2
  • Complicit to it all=congress and senate
  • Global kleptocracy=The ‘New Normal’
  • In prison=Bernie Madoff

And the one we should all be very, very wary of:

  • U.S. TROOPS HAVE JUST INVADED CANADA= “monthly jobs print has just come in at -72,000”

Courtesy of J-Dub