The New Wall Street Reality

Tyler Durden's picture

Compliments of j-dub

GM chapter 11 = PRICED IN
125K+ jobs lost from GM chapter 11 = PRICED IN
unemployment @ 9% = BETTER THAN EXPECTED
unemployment @ 10% = DOW SOARS
unemployment @ 11% = GREEN SHOOT RALLY
unemployment @ 12% = ALREADY FACTORED IN
unemployment = 35% = DOW DROPS 100 POINTS
housing price =1% = RECESSION ENDING
housing collapses = GREEN SHOOT
Housing falls 20% = STABILIZATION
Government spends 1 trillion of OUR dollars = STIMULUS
North Korea fires nuke = RALLY
Israel bombs Iran = 30 MINUTE END OF DAY RALLY
world explodes = ASIA RALLIES
PMI crashes = HUGE RALLY
No jobs are created = RECESSION ALMOST OVER
U.S. debt overwhelming = TOO BUSY RALLYING TO CARE
Consumer stops spending = RETAIL RALLY
Banks are insolvent = SIGNS OF STABILIZATION
American auto industry BK = GOOD THING
Banks pass scam stress tests = HUUUUUUUUGE RALLY
Banks "only need 75 billion = OUT OF THE WOODS
Banks pass a real stress test = NEVER WOULD HAPPEN
Banks pay back tarp = LATE DAY SURGE
Banks can't pay back TARP = EARLY MORNING SURGE
12% mortgage delinquency = GOOD FOR STOCKS
Hundreds of thousands of mortgages underwater = HOUSING BOTTOMED
Dollar rises = RALLY
Dollar crashes = RALLY
Inflation = BULL MARKET
Gold rises = STOCKS RALLY
Banks' fake earnings = SIGNS OF STABILIZATION
CRE stabilizing= 1000 POINT RALLY

And the one we should all interpret correctly:


Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
SilverIsKing's picture

My one criticism is no mention of Goldman Sachs.  Other than that, perfect!

ptoemmes's picture

..or mustard seeds.  Gotta tweak Kudlow.

Cheeky Bastard's picture

lol ... priceless ... thanks for an early morning/late night dose of laughter ..

cbxer55's picture

I don't know whether to laugh or cry!?

So I guess I'll laugh! :-)

BorisTheBlade's picture

I think you just published that secret sauce from Goldman, bet they have it as part of their fancy algos.

Altan311's picture

That is the funniest fucking thing I have read in some goddamn time. Don't forget the all imporant, Bill Clinton gives KJ a BJ = MASSIVE RALLY ON AMERICAFACE.

Anonymous's picture

Asia / Europe starting to crumble a bit.
Last week's 5% down in China which led to crude and commodities eating it was completely glossed over.
That's how this whole thing started last time.

Anonymous's picture

I'm laughing all the way to the bank.

Anonymous's picture

anon 25434,

a very good read thank you. what particularly struck me was below the article in the comments the 50/50 split between folks who found the article informative/on point and the folks who were just blatant WB apologists. at this point, i would've expected the split to be slanted towards folks in the first category.

Anonymous's picture

has zero hedge or anyone hear discussed "deep capture"?

Cheeky Bastard's picture

i have posted the link to that article numerous time on the comment board here, and never have i yielded one single response ... its a shame, that his large scandal has gone under the radar ...

agrotera's picture

I've mentioned the site, and i have seen it a number of times mentioned here.  I particularly love what they report about wikipedia.

Apocalypse Now's picture

An understanding of naked phantom shorts, pump & dump schemes, and narco dollars is essential for seeing the underbelly.  I understand they are finally going to ban naked phantom shorts, that's a good thing if it is enforced.

If phantom shares for the purpose of shorts can "exist", I wonder whether phantom shares for the purpose of simply trading can "exist".  In this case, prices could easily be manipulated if the number of shares is "flexible" and your cash going in would not be going out to another individual, but would be new cash directly to a potential market maker.  Who reconciles the total number of shares in aggregate accounts at any given time now that we don't receive the certs?

plongka10's picture

Why, the NSCC and DTCC. I've mentioned before that the DTCC is the banks' black box. Its totally corrupt and the one reason why the US cannot pull out of its nose-dive.

I've been a big fan of Deep Capture for over a year. Those guys are doing a great job pulling back the curtain. Their contributor, Jim de Costa, has it nailed IMO.


Gilgamesh's picture

It's been brought up quite a few times in the comments section; some responded to and some not.


IMO, it's better to not take the focus away from ZH's more immediate goal(s).  True, DTCC has been the topic of a few posts - but that was more about certain relations to neighbors/co-tenants.  Hopefully the "rabbit hole" eventually tunnels sideways once the target depth is reached, but I have to resist the urge to fire buckshot at every sound in the forest.

Anonymous's picture

Deep Capture was set up by shills of Overstock(dot)com to create a fictional short seller boogie man to justify OSTK's failures. Nice accounting at OSTK by the way.

Jim Chanos is a hero that helps debunk frauds, including government protected frauds, like Enron. "The evil short sellers kept my (insert bogus product/firm here) from succeeding!" Spare me. Be sure to watch the upcoming version of "Wall Street 2" with short sellers as boogie man courtesy of Oliver Stone. It's designed to appeal to the sub-105's. Gordon Gekko destroyed my 401K!

dnarby's picture

Uh huh.  That's why some stocks have/had been on the REG SHO list for over a year.  Because there was/is no naked shorting/stock counterfieting problem.  And you can't buy all the shares of a company and still watch shares being traded, that just can't happen!



Anonymous's picture

You have got to be kidding me. Those fucking hollywood liberals.

Anonymous's picture

anon 25461,

hope you don't get prostate cancer.

Anonymous's picture

Deep Capture is the ultimate website for understanding Wall St corruption. It's main problem is that it takes a lot of time and energy to read the stories in full and validate the facts by checking all the hyperlinks -- few people, I suspect, are willing to put in this effort. The Wikipedia section is just incredible.

The other great site is -- once again, it takes a LOT of effort but it's brilliant.

It would be great to see Zero Hedge support these sites.

Max Keiser is also doing a good job covering corruption in detail and Michael Hudson is the best guy when it comes to the bigger picture.

Anonymous's picture

If people really understood what is happening, they would vomit on the spot - especially the retired and almost-retired. The next few years will not be pretty.

Anonymous's picture

We are in for a monster shit bath - i guess

Anonymous's picture

The big banks are hoarding capital for a coming blood bath and it will be nasty - these things end ugly, they always do. This extends way beyond the reach of Washington - nothing the bureaucrats can do. The scenario is on the horizon. Pack your saddlebags and head for the mountains!

CD's picture

Choking with laughter and wheezing for breath brings its own unique kind of
(much needed) adrenaline rush... thanks, that truly was priceless

Anonymous's picture

Wealth has not been destroyed like the fucks want you to believe. It has simply been transferred from one entity to another and in no place more than America. Massive transfers of wealth ALWAYS lead to civil unrest and ultimately World War. Wouldn't it be funny that Obama the "Peace Candidate" winds up being the biggest war time president this country has ever seen. It will happen.

Marla Singer's picture

Irony is not always funny.

Anonymous's picture

Replace "funny" with "sick". The message is real.

dnarby's picture

Who to go to war with?  Iran?  Please.  Bomb their electric and petroleum facilities, and they're back in the 1920's.  NK?  Probably the best thing that could happen to NK (quick demise to their gov't), but that would take about 10 days.  China?  LOL.


Ain't even a good candidate to start a war with any more!  What are we going to doooooooo..!?

zeropointfield's picture
zeropointfield (not verified) dnarby Aug 5, 2009 7:47 AM

you can always bomb yourselves.

Anonymous's picture


Within two years the world economy will be so utterly trashed that China and Russia will both be more than happy to find a scapegoat to keep their citizens in line....and Chicago thugs will be happy as well.

War is almost inevitable if you simply study history and human nature.

Anonymous's picture

Ignorance is the main reason we have come to this point on the timeline of humanity.

No offense up front (ok, perhaps I lie). But are you so ignorant as to NOT realize the political alliances of the world? Iran is bedtime buddies with Russia and China. Iran supplies them with the most important commodity in the world, that being petroleum. Russia and China are both fighting to be well positioned during the economic struggles and (possible) recovery of the world. An attack on Iran by the US or, more likely, its proxy in the middle east known as Israel will quickly burn out of control. Oil speculation in such a scenario will destroy any hope (or semblance) of an economic recovery. The Russians and Chicomms need oil to industrialize their countries as high industry capacity allows for a large military capacity, which in turn is a necessity to be a world power. Iran supplies a large percentage of their oil, hence why they are allied. Any attack on Iran would quickly escalate into a (possible) world war.

NKorea will not get envolved in a war. They have always saber rattled in the past and that is exactly what they are doing now for attention. However, Iran and Israel are no longer just rattling sabers at one another - the swords are drawn and the grimace of war is being bared on their faces. Unless something drastic happens soon there is no way Israel will hold back from attacking Iran's nuclear processing facilities. Iran will strike back with missile launches and things will just go (quickly) downhill from there.

The whole world will feel the effects of the economic pressure from oil shortages. And there is a high probability that the such a war would not be kept in the cofines of the middle eastern theater.

Cheeky Bastard's picture

you are absolutly right on every single point, except for this one 


 And there is a high probability that the such a war would not be kept in the cofines of the middle eastern theater.


I hate Israel, but this is not an expansionist war, nor a war to secure geopolitical positioning. If Israel and Iran go into conflict ( and they probably will ) the war will be led in a small area, not all over the world. Russia, China and the US will surely get involved,but not in a conventional manner, but something like the CIA did in Afghanistan during the 80s, but there will be no global war, just a war with global consequences ( high oil, massive depression etc ) but there wont be a war like WWII.

Furthermore, if Israel uses nuclear weapons on Iran i can guarantee you it will be wiped from the face of the Earth by Syria, Lebanon who will get, make no mistake, Russian nuclear bombs. Again, the only thing that needs to worry us is the global economical consequences of that kinda of war, not the consequences of the war itself ( destruction, refugee question, expansion etc )

Anonymous's picture

we are already at war. economic warfare is being waged from all sides and on all fronts. the question to which I believe each of you refers (and attempts to answer) is who will be fighting the resource wars. there will be more than one. let's not forget about food and drinkable water (the scarcest natural resource on the planet).

BorisTheBlade's picture

You really need a drama to demonstrate the process? Why redistribution of wealth always leads to World Wars? Neither 1st nor 2nd WW were started because of the wealth redistributions. Far from that.


Anonymous's picture

Wars are always fought over the bottom line - money!

BorisTheBlade's picture

"When small men attempt great enterprises, they always end by reducing them to the level of their mediocrity" (c)

With such a mentality you never likely to wage a proper WWIII, money is just a tool, paper, you need it for war, lots of it, but it is never something nations are fighting for, no more that they are fighting it over bullets or cannons.

Anonymous's picture

If I understand it correctly WWII was fought over oil.

BorisTheBlade's picture

Clearly you just don't get it.

Anonymous's picture


Clearly you don't have a clue that you are the one that doesn't get it.

Anonymous's picture

Anon 25449; do you know something we don't??

Anonymous's picture

25449 knows history and 25506 don't.

D.O.D.'s picture

Historically a war has always followed a market plunge > 50%....yes ww3 is on the way, should be no problem for oil to hit 100$ in that enviroment...

Anonymous's picture

one Roosevelt spoke of peace, yet had war, unrest, and depression. While the other Rough Rider had balls and the world respected him and prospered. Which one do you think Obamer is?

plongka10's picture

Didn't daddy Rooseveldt shaft the Philippines?

Anonymous's picture

The chicago criminal activist.

Apocalypse Now's picture

The only logic to this market is to destroy all opponents (the resistance - individuals with brains) by moving the market in the opposite direction of reason and logic.  Meanwhile, they let their ilk know the inside scoop regarding support prices and direction.  Insiders profit on a taxpayer induced market pump, while opponents that believe in free market principles get left behind. 

Obama probably thinks he is saving the world by pumping while the bankers use the opportunity to line their pockets, their friends pockets, and pick-pocket yours.  Those that don't believe the HOPE message will be destroyed, this is just a test of whether you believe in him and trust him (now is a good time to go long).  This is raw unbridled political power and forces all to look back to the state. 

If you had a printing press, would you give your friends and family an unlimited supply of funding?  If you wanted to destroy opponents, would you defend the printing press and starve them out by reducing liquidity?  The Fed has a monopoly on the printing press, as long as you remain locked in this system nobody can compete and they always win.  The printing press is the ring of Soron.  Audit the Fed, let's see who they have given electronic 1's and 0's to.  If Barney Frank stalls it in committee, we'll have to remove his "frank" and replace it with disengenuous - never trust someone with two first names.