SocGen Sees Deutsche Bank, Banco Popolare And Commerzbank As "Near Fails" Under Adverse Stress Test Scenario

Tyler Durden's picture

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Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Is "Near Fail" like "Almost Pregnant".

Just askin'

equity_momo's picture

No its like touching balls in a 3 way. Near gay.

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Not that you would know anything about that. :)

Speaking from the male point of view, just go with two females and avoid the issue entirely. I always say that it is better to prevent disasters than to deal with them after the fact.

ads56's picture

WOW, with Deutsche Bank on there, thats big!

baby_BLYTHE's picture

Deutsche Bank is a Rothschild consortium that was used to financie Hitler as he came to power.

Thus, it will never be allowed to fail.


The Deutsche Bank helped to create Hitler because he represented war profit. During the Second World War, the Deutsche Bank profited when it took over banks and industries in occupied countries

Conrad Murray's picture

Quite the rabbit hole to start down. Standard Oil, I.G. Farben, The Federal Reserve Corporation, the Bush's, Auschwitz, and so on. Some say Hitler himself was a Rothschild.

Ahmeexnal's picture

Spot on, BabyBlythe.
Not only DB, but most of the current big names in german industry were also heavily involved in the thousand year reich pipedream: VW, Bayer, BMW, etc...

Will they once again rally behind a lunatic Merkel in their psychophatic urge to cleanse the world of "inferior" greeks/spaniards/irish/portuguese/italians/non-aryans??

D. uber alles?

They have already managed D. uber Griechenland.
Who's next?

Popo's picture

The CDS market sees a 9/10 chance of a Greek default of some kind.

The so-called "Stress Tests" didn't even include the *possibility* of a Greek default.

Say no more.

slaughterer's picture

Deutsche Bank has one of the best risk management systems of the European banks.  Hugo Benzinger is a genius.  His approach is all based on military strategy learned in the Swiss army.  SocGen is full of it or has a grudge.  I mean, how is SocGen better?  

equity_momo's picture

Financial risk management. Genius'. Swiss army. Military strategies.  

Possibly the funniest post i have read in months.

slaughterer's picture

Glad the ZH court jester made you laugh. 

Ikea nesting instinct's picture

I think taking old fashion banking out of banking was one of the reason we got into this mess...

DrunkenMonkey's picture

Précisément. SocGen is a basket case, as is Paribas, but don't shout about it.

sabra1's picture

funny how these results are released only after the european markets close!

AccreditedEYE's picture

We recommend buying subordinated CDS protection on Deutsche Bank and we recommend selling subordinated CDS protection on HSBC as a means to hedge against

Not saying that I disagree with the strategy, but at what point do we start worrying about who our counter-parties are on these trades? And who are the "kind souls" offering protection from the storm? ... mostly other insolvent banks and under-funded pensions. haha

Coldfire's picture

This Hank Calenti dude should step away from the crack pipe. Both Deutsche and Commerzbank have government printing presses in their basements.

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

At this point crack might just be our best friend. I always close my eyes just before the head on car crash.

But that's just me. :)