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Paging Ben Dover To Provide Taxpayer Funded Workplace Humor
It doesn't get more surreal than this. In Federal Solicitation RFI-BPD-09-0028, the The Department Of The Treasury is seeking a contractor to provide... Humor in the Workplace. As there is $800 billion to be spent, what better way than for Tim Geithner to get himself a private court jester (with the market relying on the PPT every day at 3pm to prevent a complete and total meltdown we kinda sympathize with the morose, yet tax-troubled guy). Obama's stimulus doesn't get better than this - you, dear taxpayer, would indirectly fund some guy cracking bad jokes (most likely about the economy and politicians): now that is a way to get the economy started if there ever was one.
From the RFP:
The Contractor shall conduct two, 3-hour, Humor in the Workplace programs that will discuss the power of humor in the workplace, the close relationship between humor and stress, and why humor is one of the most important ways that we communicate in business and office life. Participants shall experience demonstrations of cartoons being created on the spot. The contractor shall have the ability to create cartoons on the spot about BPD jobs. The presenter shall refrain from using any foul language during the presentation. This is a business environment and we need the presenter to address a business audience.
Upon completion of the course, participants shall be able to:
• Understand the importance and power of humor in the workplace in a responsible manner
• How to use talents in a creative way that adds humor to everyday experiences
• Alleviate stress in home and the office
• Know how and why humor is important to communication
• Improve work-place relationships
• Prevent burn-out
As supremely bizarre as this whole thing is,we would nonetheless suggest that Zero Hedge is your holistic and comprehensive RFP solution, as we satisfy all 6 bulleted conditions. In addition, we will charge far over and above the next highest bid, as we realize the only way to get Stimulus II is to spend Stimulus I ASAP, and we sympathize. Zero Hedge, like Goldman Sachs and many valiant others, realizes how difficult it is to blow exorbitant amounts of taxpayer money in a short amount of time, but we would nonetheless be willing to do this sacrifice for our country. Hell, we are willing to purchase billions of CIT CDS in the process, if it will make our laughter coefficient higher.
However, as this is a competitive and democratic process, and we realize and accept that there are much funnier entities in the public domain (hard as we try, we will never be as hilarious as CNBC), we provide the link where interested readers and other funny guys can present their laughter inducing skills to the Department of the Treasury. May the least hopeless man amuse Tim Giethner.
hat tip My Money Shrugged
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Say it aint so!
The Andrew Dice Clay full employment Act of 2009.
"Hickory dickory dock. Some chick......"
OOOOWWW!!
"So I got my tongue up this ch***s a**! No, really, this is funny. I was standing on line at the BANK! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
No balloon animals?
How about a Gwar concert. Geithner on the front row!
OMFG. OMFG.OMFG.OMFG.
Welcome to The Office. Does it get any more Twilight Zone than life imitating art imitating life? All is Tao.
OMFG.
Gallagher will smash watermelons with Tim in front row.
....don't fuck this up guys!!! Paulie Shore and Rick Moranis need this bailout more than we all think!
Too bad Bill Hicks is dead.
I often wonder if Hicks would have been happy to have made it to 2009. I remember how much he hated Bush the Father, who knows if he could have dealt with Bush the Son. His head might have exploded.
I suggest staging a movie built off of a Paulie Shore classic: Biodome. Except this time, the Biodome is located at 1400 Pennsylvania Ave. where nothing resembling reality enters or exits.
Hell, I can't even convince my employer that naps are invaluably productive in the workplace - let alone spontaneous cartoons. Time to finally get that taxpayer-funded job everyone else has been raving about (0% unemployment in the Gov't sector).
Please don't tell the Treasury that for the low cost of a monthly cable bill and an HD Projection TV, they could have CNBC do all this and more - never calls in sick, or forgets to wash their hands... This is about employment, one job at a time.
Isn't there 0% unemployment in every sector, since being in a sector implies that you have a job?
haha, good point.
Wow, yeah - that was poorly worded at best. 0% layoffs would have made a little more sense there.
I can't wait to find out who gets the job and how much this circle jerk costs. It would probably save taxpayer $$$ just to sponsor one of these events:
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/fantasies-fetishes/its-...
We are on the same path as Rome may as well do as the Romans did, a court jester fits in perfect with the daily bread and circus along with the games and the fighting between the beast.
He be the count of Monte Cristo
Could be a quake any day
Maybe somebody from Siam
Begin the era of a new rage
Keeps lickin' all the honey
Chewin' up the fat he rakes
Instead of sending to the lions
They cover him with praise
All hail Cesar, Hail, Hail!
All hail Cesar, Hail, Hail!
Down at the epicenter
Things started heatin' up
Rockin' on the richter scale
Swinging in the chariot
Around and around we go
The senators rehearse the tale
Starring in the coliseum
Tied upon the rack
Up comes the thumb of Cesar
To stab you in the back
All hail Cesar, Hail, Hail!
All hail Cesar, Hail, Hail!
Down at the epicenter
Things started heatin' up
Rockin' on the richter scale
Swingin' in the chariot
Around and around we go
the Senators rehearse the tale
"Watch out Cesar, watch out Cesar"
[I said hail, I said hail!
I said Hail, I said Hail!
Hail
Hail
Hail
Hail
Hail
Hail
Hail
Hail
Hail ]
[All hail Cesar, hail, hail!
All hail Cesar, hail, hail!
All hail Cesar, hail, hail!
All hail Cesar, hail, hail!
You need eyes in the back of your head boy,
or you're dead.]
Happy, happy.
Joy, joy.
-
A funny thing happened to me on the way to prosperity...
-
A central bank chairman, a treasury secretary, and an elected representative to the upper chamber of national government walk into a bar...
-
Take my off balance sheet liability...please.
Read the interested vendors:
Maximillionaire Laughs-a-Million
STOP WASTING TAXPAYER MONEY AND INFLATING THE CURRENCY. Obama wanted $787,000,000,000 for THIS?! Every contractor on this list should be ashamed to be fleecing the American taxpayer with this worthless contract. Hard working people are being forced to give the government the sweat of their brow...to fund this joke on the taxpayer. Every single one of you should be fired.
Washington DC 20001 US
Email: fakeemail@hotmail.com
Phone: 2022940934
Fuck yeah!
I can't say to much because I'm in the middle of negotiating for some of that "Funny" money...Already.
Farting...I'm going to express quite literally it's importance's in the work place, for "Humor". Especially when some stressing news comes down the pipes, also quite literally in some cases.
How?
1. Using talents in a creative way. Different pitches.
2. Alleviate stress, in primarily the intestinal region.
3. Communication. I don't think I have to "Expand" on that do I?
Oops, I just did.
4. Improve work-place relationships. Like alcohol, it has a leveling affect.
5. Prevent burn-out. By only doing it occasionaly.
Why, I'm crowning just thinking about it.
LMAO! <Insert raspberry here.>
I can do a little dance too. +the above. I am your man.
Joe Biden: ‘We Have to Go Spend Money to Keep From Going Bankrupt’
http://www.cnsnews.com/public/content/article.aspx?RsrcID=51162
OMG!
your failout money working hard and laughing all the way to the bank
Reminds me on Hitler's Third Reich. They called it "Kraft durch Freude" = Strength Through Joy then.
I think this particular post was made for Joe Biden. Obama decided that he needs to be put somewhere where he can actually do something constructive.
He's way too funny to be VP.
Looks like Matt Drudge is riding on TD's coattails.
Sorry, Drudge had this as a top link for a long time before is was discussed here.
Who cares? Let it be distributed as widely as possible to let the world know this government is out of control.
gilbert godfried is always looking for a stable gig
You're kidding me - the finance industry needs *more* jokers?
Reverend Johnson: Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I'm leaving.
Blazing Saddles 1974
Since we are on the subject of comic relief and humor- cartoons a possible conduit- I'll help and contribute the following.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIUa4GblVJg&eurl=http://organizedexploita...
TD,
Who's Ben Dover? Is he any relation to Hugh G. Rection?
As if the existing mockery is not funny enough. TBOR (geithner, bernake, obama and the rest) make an excellent humor team. The subject of fun during these sessions: how they ripped off the common man. I beleive all these sesions should be paid by GS, butyouknow, as a continuing tradition, Tax payer should foot the bill.
What did these people do for the common man? Nothing! Look at foreclosure rates!Itreally surprises me that they are able to get away with it. If it was a socialist state (whichis what TBOR intend to be), every loan would be have been modified already with lower rates refinanced by the govt.
Ted Rall would be perfect.
ROFL!
Perfect start up business for our beloved ex vice president who got us into this mess with off the balance sheet accounting practices for the elected WAR! He must have lots of funny stories to tell. Sure he has enough connections to get the financing from the bankrupt CIT.
Don't they already have Al Franken?
Yes, but they need somoene to be funny - not funny looking. Al's never been intentionally humerous a day in his life.
I thought thats why Frankin was elected? to be the offical government Jester.
At 9:58 am this morning, they decided that they no longer have a need for this position
https://www.fbo.gov/index?id=0ec17b4522def4cef17c5b4df3b9d861
Synopsis: Added: Jul 17, 2009 9:58 amBureau of Public Debt has determined that it no longer has a need for this requirement."
interesting how TPTB all of a sudden are paying attention to bloggers.
they are starting to get nervous.
time to befriend my neighborhood cop - i want that guy on my side when this all goes down.
Schwartz: "Owww"
Hank: "Gimmeh some cash Benny"
Ben: "Heres you go"
Schwartz: "Thanks, lemme go make dis work"
Hank: "Aight, gigs up"
Schwartz: "Damnit!"
Jamie: "Fixed!"
Hank: "You da man."
Hank: "We gots problems Benny"
Ben: "Oh yeas?"
Hank: "Yeas. Houses be blowin' up. Freddie's fanny hurts, you dig?"
Ben: "Yea I dig, like mine is startin' to."
Hank: "We gotta let Lehman go.."
Ben: "Nooo.. I just paid Jamie back."
Hank: "Plenty more opportunities."
Ben: "you like, want me to print mo' money?
Hank: "uh, no lol, not yet. We gots to let insurances fail first."
Ben: "Oh yeas?"
Hank: "Yeas. Banks be blowin' up."
Ben: "Oh noes. That's gonna need moneys."
Hank: "Yeas, but not yet. We gotta writes stuff off."
Ben: "Depreciationnn"
Hank: "I gots an idear about Merrill tho"
Secretary: "Visitor Mr. Paulson"
Hank: "Send him in"
Ken: "Good evening Mr. Paulson."
Hank: "Buy dis bank."
Ken: "Our 48 hours of critical research leads us to believe that the risk associa..."
Hank: "Ben?"
Ben: "If you don't buy dis bank, no mo' money!"
Ken: "Hrmmmm"
Hank: "And we kick all youz out"
Ken: "dotted line prz"
Hank: "Nice job Benny."
Ben: "Thanks Boss, can I prints money now?"
Hank: "Not yet."
Ben: "grrr"
Hank: "Aight, I gotta go do this Liddy thing, the boys really effed up good."
Liddy: "Next!"
Hank: "Hang on hang on I'm gettin' there"
Liddy: "The system thanks you."
Hank: "I'm gettin' too old for this."
Hank: "We gots problems Niel"
Neil: "Fixed!"
Hank: "Thanks man."
Hank: "We gots problems Jamie"
Jamie: "wassat, Angelo's?"
Hank: "Yeas."
Jamie: "Fixed!"
Hank: "Knew I could count on you."
Hank: "Vik, dis bank cheap."
Bandit: "You pay us back?"
Hank: "Mebbe"
Bandit: "Lemme check wallet."
Hank: "I'll talk to Sheila."
Bandit: "Ok, here." gives money "We wait for Wachovia."
Sheila: "Here's Hank's err Bandit's money."
Steel: "Hey thanks! We gonna go hang with Stumpf tho."
Sheila: "whateva"
Bandit: "Hey!"
Hank: "lol"
Ben: "Someone wants dis money..."
Hank: "700? Holy shit!"
Ben: "Aight. I'll go warm up the presses."
Hank: "Okeys. I'll call the boys during the party. Be available."
Hank: "Ok boys, I've asked you all to come here today to fix dis."
Bankers: "Aight"
Hank: "Sign here"
Bankers: "Sign what?"
Hank: "Ok, scribble 13 billion in there, then sign it"
Bankers: "Aight"
Obama: "Hail!"
Hank: "Damnit, grats Timmay."
Timmy: "wheeeee!"
Ben: "Damnit"
Timmy: "Turn those machines back on!"
Ben: "Wheeee!"
Is this the Federal government's version of that Richard Pryor classic "Brewster's Millions"?