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PPT Hiring Mortgage Quant

Tyler Durden's picture




After throwing $1 trillion at the mortgage problem, the president's working group realized that it needed someone who actually knew what the problem was, so it hired TREPP a few weeks ago. And now that they have a cash flow modeling system, the gentle souls with the invisible hands have expanded their hiring efforts, with the latest fat fingered talent sought by the New York Fed being that of an MBS Quant.

In addition to the job responsibilities listed below, a successful candidate will need to be able to covertly purchase billions of toxic MBS securities with taxpayer capital with minor but encouraged spillover effect into equities and other security classes, to indicate interest in $1,000 blocks of MBS securities while in fact purchasing trillions, and to have minimal restraint when it comes to lifting a bid, especially one which should exhibit constantly rising characteristics in a no volume market. The candidate's annual bonus will depend on the general level of the S&P at the end of the year and will be inversely proportional to the number of enforcement cases brought on by the SEC and other so-called market regulators.

Oh, Michael Moore, Oliver Stone as well as foreigners who want nothing less than stealing all of the Fed's trading secrets - you are out of luck: "This position requires access to FOMC information, which is limited to “Protected Individuals” as defined in the U.S. federal immigration law."

hat tip IMA5U




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Tue, 06/30/2009 - 00:22 | Link to Comment agrotera
agrotera's picture

And timmy g. will be back tomorrow to remind us how lucky we are that money is being printed to purchase all this crap so that the TBTF banks can live another day-- we are living in the twilight zone.

And, for any lawyers that are reading, isn't there something citizens can do other than bitching, writing their elected officials, or revolution that could get a recall to the paulson/bernake/geithner agenda?

Tue, 06/30/2009 - 03:22 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Tue, 06/30/2009 - 03:35 | Link to Comment agrotera
agrotera's picture

I am with you!

We as citizens need to make a proclamation that we were lied to. There were enough clean nosed banks to take over the duties of the failed monsters. The power was always in the hands of congress to give to unwind these entities, paulson and bernake instead spent 3 weeks lobbying for what they wanted for the beloved Fed cartel.

Instead of letting the chips fall, we may have a whole country default...or a slow death to save these corrupt entities.

We need to make a song out of the truth verses what people believe that the banks had to be saved, then demand a revocation of TARP and all acronyms that are wrong...

Tue, 06/30/2009 - 05:39 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Tue, 06/30/2009 - 05:59 | Link to Comment agrotera
agrotera's picture

I'm down wit my homies fo de 140 project

Tue, 06/30/2009 - 16:32 | Link to Comment dza
dza's picture

Okay, let's get the party started. Maybe need to start a forum on this. I will get on it.

Tue, 06/30/2009 - 05:42 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Tue, 06/30/2009 - 05:49 | Link to Comment dza
dza's picture

double post = my bad
new site = nice, however

Tue, 06/30/2009 - 00:43 | Link to Comment Comrade de Chaos
Comrade de Chaos's picture

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7Ky5R-vxns

that's how TG & BB picture themselves when they are trying to come up with the new solution: "you can go with this & you can go with that, or you could go with us.."

Tue, 06/30/2009 - 01:17 | Link to Comment ghostfaceinvestah
ghostfaceinvestah's picture

Like the new site, will take a while to get used to the look and feel, but otherwise...

Also, just read the tips on how to read/contact ZeroHedge without Big Brother watching. One other tip that I find works well - use your personal Blackberry (or iPhone, or whatever). They cost next-to-nothing these days, and the data plan is cheap ($5 a month I think). The voice plans are the usual ripoff, but no more.

As I work on a nice, open, light-filled trading floor, it is impossible for the bastards to block my Verizon signal (though they try), and as far as I know, they can't snoop on your personal communications through the cell-network (only the govt can do that). And there are no cameras in the john.

The Internet is portable and wireless these days; no need to tie yourself to the connection provided by The Man.

Tue, 06/30/2009 - 01:38 | Link to Comment agrotera
agrotera's picture

Be careful, and see if you signed any communications agreement. At least one of the old IB's has a policy that all communication devices are subject to review, whether it ur pc, cell, or blackberry.

Tue, 06/30/2009 - 01:47 | Link to Comment ShankyS
ShankyS's picture

Off balance sheet experience preferred.

Former GS employee preferred.

I guess GS is the new GE as far as being a desired management candidate.

Tue, 06/30/2009 - 03:04 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Tue, 06/30/2009 - 05:02 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Tue, 06/30/2009 - 10:03 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Tue, 06/30/2009 - 13:21 | Link to Comment Arm
Arm's picture

This is a great call TD.

Why do you require that a quant analyst have security clearance? Perhaps, because you could label his activities as government secrets so that neither him, nor regulators can divulge what is being done without some SERIOUS litigation?

(essentially, the trader could go to jail for blowing the whistle, unless he proves beyond a doubt that he was being asked to perform illegal activities. The whole trial could be carried out in secrecy, so he would be undoubtedly screwed)

My they are devilishly clever. I had not thought of that one.

Tue, 06/30/2009 - 13:34 | Link to Comment JohnKing
JohnKing's picture

Area 51 Financial Services

Tue, 06/30/2009 - 13:21 | Link to Comment Arm
Arm's picture

This is a great call TD.

Why do you require that a quant analyst have security clearance? Perhaps, because you could label his activities as government secrets so that neither him, nor regulators can divulge what is being done without some SERIOUS litigation?

(essentially, the trader could go to jail for blowing the whistle, unless he proves beyond a doubt that he was being asked to perform illegal activities. The whole trial could be carried out in secrecy, so he would be undoubtedly screwed)

My they are devilishly clever. I had not thought of that one.

Tue, 06/30/2009 - 15:55 | Link to Comment Anonymous
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