Presenting Bank Of America's Latest Product Offering To Hedge Funds: The Definitive Shorts Terminator

Tyler Durden's picture

Now that traditional alpha generation is long dead courtesy of central planning, and even levered beta no longer works as a strategy at least until such time as Benny and the Inkjets return with a whole printer cartridge full of goodies for the uberwealthy, and that old "sophisticated investor" go-to staple - insider trading - is no longer an option courtesy of the clamp down on "expert insider information leaking networks", what is a hedge fund to do to justify ridiculous terms such as 2 and 20 (or 3 and 45 in some soon to be Wall Street criminal folklore cases)? Simple: run, don't walk to Bank of America Merrill Lynch Countrywide and demand an immediate, if not sooner, hook up to the "Securities Lending GM Portal Locate System (SLGPLS)." Why the SLGPLS? Because it is the last remaining way to make money: isolate companies with large short interest and create a major covering spree. From the horse's mouth: "We are offering a brand-new technology for prime broker clients giving them the ability to do locates via the web. It is a user-friendly system that features instantaneous easy to borrow (ETB) locates and hard to borrows (HTBs) that are delivered to our securities lending desk personnel desktop. Additionally, clients have the ability to get color and email alerts on a select list of securities." Translated: BAC, seeing plunging PB revenues now that everyone is departing this bloated scam of a bail out with hundreds of billions in toxic RMBS, is offering the holiest of holies straight to the end user (for a price): all the names, that with just a little buying prod, would likely surge as shorts get spooked an cover en masse.

Easiest way to make money: buy all the HTB names and tell your neighbor to do the same. Then watch as the basket surges once the buying interest overwhelmes the max pain level for the shorts, especially as forced buy-in notices start flooding in, once lent out shares are recalled.

If nothing else, this, in addition to all other methods already undertaken by the Fed and the administration, will almost certainly destroy any interest to be short the stock market which will be great for a short-term rally, only to result in the biggest ever sell off once everything starts plunging and there is no natural buyer at any point above zero.

Frankly, we can't wait until every single bank offers this service to Prime Broker clients and the only strategy left in the market is to burn the shorts. That will be the true beginning of the end of US capital markets.

Stock Locates User Guide 1

h/t D.S.


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espirit's picture

Reaffirm this, "No Selling".

slaughterer's picture

Our firm was actually part of the pilot group for this service.  It allows you to borrow many hard-to-borrow shares at low cost.   We only got irrationally squeezed (probably by our broker) on one insane issue: BSFT.    

TorchFire's picture

Waiting for the central bank assassins to take out BofA. Question is, will panic drive any given dying tentacle of the fiat monster to inadvertently threaten its' own host?

idea_hamster's picture

VW/Porsche goes retail -- sweet!

dark pools of soros's picture

these jackoffs started an $12 a month service fee on my account..  used to use them since their bill pay was top notch but screw em now.. my main bank is still a credit union but i'll find a local bank that has some good billpay tools..   and i already moved my mortage away from these fools with a refi last year..  let them die

slaughterer's picture

Tyler and his followers: I would not mock this service from BAC/ML.  It is probably the most convenient way to play "ninja assassin" by comparison to other, more expensive and more shark-infested alternatives  

SwingForce's picture

A futile attemp to raise the price of their own

Lmo Mutton's picture

Sign me up for the short squeeze.


Will they accept PayPal?  I am offering $1.

imaginalis's picture

I hope the first tip is for JPM's silver shorts

carbonmutant's picture

Another Viral Fantasy...

adr's picture

Remember as long as the market goes up everything with the economy is fine. I'm still waiting for $700 Lulu stock and 1000 P/E ratios to be called a buy.

scatterbrains's picture

What's the short interest on Double Long Silver ETF – AGQ?  just sayin

Mike2756's picture

What? No long squeeze? Ahhh, that's right, the exchange wipes out all flash crash trades.

sabra1's picture

call in the next ten minutes, and we'll throw in up to date RobotTrader comments!

Rikki-Tikki-Tavi's picture

So assuming the shorts know what they are doing - invest heavily in the worst companies around? How did we survive this long without such a brilliant product???

slaughterer's picture

With no certain QE3 in sight, the timing for this service is excellent.  I am sorry, but I really think the venom is misdirected here.   If you can ignore the heavy New Jersey accents on the trading floor line and the sometimes unfriendly way you will be handled by their margin department, this is not a bad service. 

carbonmutant's picture

There's nothing here to prevent shorts from using the tech to drive the featured stocks lower.

Cdad's picture

Can we please just nail the doors shut on all branches of Blight on America bank?  

Sudden Debt's picture

It will surely attract gamblers who think they'll be able to hit a lottery ticket with every gamble, only to later realize that they have a 99,999999999999999% chance of failure.

Shorting is already so dangerous. Why hedge the risk even more?

hedgeless_horseman's picture

Bank of Amerril Lynchuntree Wide wants your margin account and collateral.

carbonmutant's picture

"Bank of AmericaMerrill Lynch does not warrant that such information is timely, accurate, complete or error-free. In particular, such information is not suitable and should not be used for trading or valuation purposes." -disclaimer

banksterhater's picture

Did they already try it out on RMD ?

check that out starting yesterday, classic ahead of opex.

Johnny Yuma's picture

Another garbage proprietary tool from BAC with the typical "cheap" user interface. All their systems are the same... I'm sure this is full of technical problems as is most of their other programs. 

orangedrinkandchips's picture

NOT ONLY THIS...I swear they are selling portfolio lists, or concentrations of securities held by retail. MUCH LIKE CATALOG COMPANIES SELLING MARKETING LISTS!!!...It use to be a nickle a name back when my fam was in the business....these fucks do the same.....selling portfolio lists....


i swear.

banksterhater's picture

The'd sell insurance on your shit if they made money.

buzzsaw99's picture

since "they" front run every trade i'm pretty sure they already know.

Urban Redneck's picture

Isn't front running the hole point of the product?  By the time an issue shows up on the HTB list- all the important players already have their positions on, hence HTB, and they just need to lure in more money from smaller suckers to boost their margin on the exit play.

Piranhanoia's picture

Insider trading fraud. And does anyone think they will benefit by a scheme set up by someone else?   hahahahahahahahahahah

slaughterer's picture

Sign up and set up a short portfolio of Chinascam ADRs.  We did, following ZH--it returned quite alot to us.    

SwingForce's picture

And let me guess, they'll lend me the money at 14.99% to do it?

High Plains Drifter's picture

can we pull a zerohedge train on blythe?  she deserves it..........

entendance's picture

the fed (and their banksters) make the dumb salivate.
yesterday (2010)
and today
I can see the future (dumb all over).

Sudden Debt's picture

I have always shared everything about the stockmarket with my best friend.

Every friday we almost always go out to lunch and talk about our investments.

I've been out of the stockmarket for about 6 months now, and finally he also has sold off everything.

He even sold one of his houses because in Europe we're sitting on a bubble beyond belief in real estate. I'm also have 2 apparments I rent out and I'm planning on selling also 1.

He's never been that hard of a PM fan, but finally today he told me he wanted to go all in into PM's with a 100K start.

His problem is that he simply didn't know how to buy them. I fixed that one and helped him with his first orders, all 2K orders over different sites. for 12K in total and after that every week until the first 100K.


The problem seems to be that still a lot of people don't know how to buy and sell PM's.

But that's changing now PM's are making headlines every 2 day.

PM's selling sites aren't to well advertised. Once that picks up, it's going to go skyhigh.




Pat Hand's picture

Does anyone here actually know what a PB is? who the clients are? 

This is a moronic article. 

All PBs have some equivalent system.  This is like getting hot & bothered because you discover that a grocery store has an inventory tracking system.

Brokenarrow's picture

pb=prime broker

the banks that used to front run their clients are now letting their clients front run.

if u dont know what a pb is? u have no business being here

Pat Hand's picture

How does this let anyone front run?

this is just a new locate system.  Clients who short use this or equivalent.  This isn't retail - PB clients are generally hedge fund or large institutional accounts.

Urban Redneck's picture

If the PB clients don't have a banking/theft license (now that the banks & ibanks are one in the same), then they're LITTLE PEOPLE, even if they have big wallets and big attitudes.


Would'nt you know that BAC stock showed up at the top of the list! Brilliant, sell a service and boost your own stock as well. "find the most shorted stocks and create a short squeeze", I almost threw up my lunch reading that bullshit. Like its something new, newsflash-they do the same to stocks that have a majority of long holders as well.

realdeal's picture

short squeeeeeeeeze

Mindarus's picture

Ladies/ Gentlemen and Mr Durden

Just like to add this is not a new service as such in the securities lending industry. Most  PB's offer this locate service to their hedge fund clients. Short sell data is readily available to the investment community and all PB SBL desk put out market colour anyway. Replying upon this service as a way to squeeze the shorts out is likely to cost you a lot of money. The SBL desks control the amount of stock that is shown on their portal and will allocate the specials as they see fit to the account requesting borrow. So if you are a Paulson of the word you will get a better allocation than someone with 20 bux under management. By offering this service all it says is ML is catching up to the rest of the street.