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This Is Probably Not Good
BARCLAYS'S JENKINS SAYS `SERIOUS' PROBLEMS IN EUROPEAN UNIT
For those who may have forgotten, back in the summer of 2007 Bear Stearns had some problems with some of its own units as well...
And some of the other soundbites:
- BARCLAYS CEO SAYS BARCAP IS REDUCING CREDIT MARKET EXPOSURE
- BARCLAYS CEO SAYS BANK DOESN'T USE RETAIL DEPOSITS FOR INV BANK
- BARCLAYS'S JENKINS SAYS 2013 INT RATES TO RISE 100 BASIS POINTS
- BARCLAYS'S JENKINS SAYS COMPETITION HAS INTENSIFIED IN THE UK
- BARCLAYS'S JENKINS SAYS BANK CLOSED FINANCIAL PLANNING UNIT
- BARCLAYS'S JENKINS SAYS ECONOMIC RECOVERY TO BE 'SLOW'
- BARCLAYS'S JENKINS SAYS RESTRUCTURING TO REDUCE HEADCOUNT
- BARCLAYS'S JENKINS SAYS RESTRUCTURING IN SPAIN IS 'COMPLEX'
- BARCLAYS'S JENKINS SAYS : PLAN IS ABOUT EXECUTION, 'ORGANIC GROWTH'
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Doomed, bitchez!
Its all live and happening folks, and, heh, transitory by nature.
BARC.LN off about a 1%, no biggie.
This is probably not good...Seriously
Soft patch
Transitory
Anthony Weiner is having trouble with one of his units too.
Speed bump
Power nap.
Definitely bullish!
zzzzzzzzzz
Green chutes and ladders.
Nothing some Viagra won't fix.
Dear Fed:
Please make the US taxpayers suck my dick. Party on. Pass the hookers and cocaine, the annual bonuses to keep Barclay's "talent" is incoming.
Suck it, peasants!
spike strip
Merely a flesh wound
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKhEw7nD9C4&feature=related
But his Twitter account seems to be performing.
what was it performing?
That soft patch carries a big fucking stick!
In other news, albeit off-topic.
U.S. diver wants to find bin Laden's underwater corpse. No shit !
If successful, he wants to take a sample and have the DNA analyzed.
In yet other news:
U.S. diver missing off the coast of Pakistan.
Ok, just kidding.
This is probably one of those things where you want to do it, then talk about it. Not the other way around.
Or so he can kill bin Laden for a third time.
Numerous top sources have said Osama bin Laden was already dead.
Reported in Pakistan Observer that he died Dec 15th 2001.
That sonuvabitch is a tough one.
You only live thrice.
Rasputin.
It's not even like looking for a needle in a haystack, it's more like looking for the end of a rainbow. Maybe he can create a startup called RaiseOBL and do an IPO to build a big salvage fleet, sell it to the US Navy and make a bundle.
he is making a pretty big assumption that any body was ever thrown into the ocean. my take, all total BS.
I hope the USN was considerate enough to at least sprinkle some fish food overboard during the show.
It's not nice to fool mother nature.
If he ends up finding him, maybe they'll end up putting him alongside Juan Francisco Franco in the Valle de los Caídos...
Daily confirmations to follow (& 'hourly' updates in the final run up to the Obama 2012 re-election campaign)...
He's a cheater he wants 72x3 virgings!
All I can say is that he'd better hope the NAVY doesn't have a 'shark' team to go along with the SEAL unit...
Zombie bin Laden.
Why do you think the SEALs put a round through his head without hesitation?
silver, no doubt
He needs to ask these guys for the coordinates.
They know. Starts with "469" if that's any help.
http://youtu.be/F0gswhoOCQI
Almost as good as "Houston, we have a problem"
This time, no studio ;-0
Wait...do you mean NOT GOOD or LESS THAN previously expected OK?
Serious problems beat expectations.
Blowhorn says its no problem Cdad, we got 'smoothing mechanisms' appearing, likely giant steam rollers, and Chinese tourists coming to save the economy, nevermind the Chinese military uniforms on the tourists.
Whew! Tyler scared me, Dog. I thought for a moment that criminal syndicate Wall Street banker expectations were not in line with the impending game of dominoes.
We all know that LESS THAN PREVIOUSLY EXPECTED CRACK PIPED DREAMS is just fine, in relation to smoothing mechanisms. I just wasn't expecting NOT GOOD.
As for Chinese tourists, uniforms or no, I can't wait to get my job at the sticky rice ball factory. Looking forward to it.
Cue the food riots in 5.....4.....3.....2.....
Food? Who needs food?
On a related note, so much for yesterday's BlowHorn lunacy dejour...the thesis of getting long Miracle Grow with the specific catalyst of all those pot growers out in CA. Check the price action on SMG.
You cannot make this stuff up faster than bankers...errr...anchors at the BlowHorn.
The human need for food is transitory.
And it appears Miracle Grow was having problems before today. Down 15% plus since May 31st? Better stop here at $49-$50 or the next leg down is $45, then $38.
The "Wiener" scandal is having various cross-marketing effects on some consumer items...
The weekly chart on that one does look pretty Wiley Coyoteish. Meep meep.
So...either pot growers in CA are about to experience upside earnings surprises OR pot prices are heading lower due to oversupply. Hmmmm?
It is a damn good thing we have the BlowHorn to alert us to such pressing things...while the entire continent of Europe is imploding.
MG sucks.
Now that Peter's Hydroponic Mix....very good stuff....and dirt cheap....
And ironically....it has the perfect NPK ratio for our favorite plant.
What a coincidence.
Theres an app for that, just send a picture of a gyro to your I-Phone.
Theres an app for that, just send a picture of a gyro to your I-Phone.
Food riots come AFTER the lineups at banks and looting of bank machines.
@BobPaulson
Are you still long Corruption?
What's the ticker for that?
How does one say "transitory" in various European languages?
Anything related to this being transitory is called "QE3" no matter what language you speak
In German, it is the word Blitzkrieg.
In French, it is the word for monogamy.
In Spain, it is the word for virginity.
In Italy, it is the time when an Italian woman can fit comfortably into a Fiat.
In England, it is, "nice weather."
In Irish, it is the same as the Irish phrase for, "bury the Armalite."
In Greek, it is the word for the time between tourist seasons.
In Switzerland, it is the French, German, or Italian phrases for, "the time our neighbors are at peace."
Well played sir. Thanks for the laugh.
Bravo!
Sweet Horseman. I heart u.
transitory = no schvitz
no?
a moment on the fainting couch . . . (chiefly british)
Damn it! And just when the Stress Tests showed all is well!
ROTFL. The funniest thing about the stress tests is that they pretend to do them and people pretend to care.Marcel Marceau excersice #777 in the hilariously fake world where virtual reality is more real than the real thing...(whatever that is).
fucking pussies, always having problem - ever heard something of effective risk management?
What are you talking about?
The bankers have perfected risk mgmt.
Its called the taxpayer backstop.
With 25%+ real unemployment and record high bankruptcies, the taxpayer backstop is pretty flimsy.
+1
First your unit starts to hurt, then it turns a nasty shade of black and blue until it finally falls off. At least that's my personal experience.
Wait.....what are we talking about?
True, but it isn't that big of a problem because it is a European unit.
Drat, am I now the only chic on ZH?? WTF?
CD, I thought you were a girl! Now back to playing old Queensryche albums.
Too funny.
I've been a dick all my life. :>)
ha ! :)
Tyler,
Barclays has been asking for help to the Swedish National Bank to acquire a spanish saving bank.- LA CAM-
but on the other side, they have sold out the branches not owned. 20%.
Barclays knows perfectly that Spanish 10yr Bond will hit the 7% trigger, they are preparing the terrain for the invasion
The layoff scheme has been awesome disgusting,
Can we call these Units reactors 1, 2 and 3 for simplification?
Of course there will be problems. Euro collapse is only a matter of when not if so after Greece defaults every other nation see it as a more valid option and eventually the only option. The most entertaining aspect of all of this is that none of them can violate the gentleman's agreement of not selling stock to raise cash and lower leverage so the question is who steps up first to save their own firm by violating the under the table agreement?
under the table agreement, what are those?
Gold and silver are all the rage in Europe.
You guys are so pessimistic. Can a brother get some excitement about Pandora in this bitch?
Sure.
Pandora's box is up 40% in Greece this afternoon.
Bullish.
LOL! Good one, brother Cog.
Tried shorting this POS at 23 but no dice !
Wait for it....
Hope was the only thing left in the jar after the evils were released.
Barclays is on the inside of Ben and the BIS's (fire) line in the sand circumscribing chairsatan's alter to the fiat devil.
Bank of America-Merrill Lynch
Citi
Goldman Sachs
JP Morgan
Morgan Stanley
Wells Fargo Bank
BNP Paribas
Societe Generale
Deutsche Bank
Barclays Capital
HSBC
RBS
Credit Suisse
UBS
well my intuition says,,..the fed order has ended.
Those banks are mostly kaput Just HSBC or JPM will be in a good long term position
C neutral, Credit Suisse ok,
Specially RBS,WellsFargo,BAML, SELL
Also UBS and socGen SELL
Don't worry....it's TRANSITORY!!!
Mr. Waddell, Mr. Reed,
Please take your fingers of those keyboards and slowly step away.
No shit
I could have told him that 10 years ago.
The problem is much older but began to accelerate into the abyss 15 years ago.
There simply is not enough goverment money in the Eurozone , and if the CBs refuse to bid up the price of Gold the velocity along with trade & commerce will die.
Thee most important statistic in the Eurozone starting from EMU convergence.
Central government debt; total (% of GDP) in Euro area
The malinvestment from credit inflation via a vacuum in Goverment money has been massive.
Fuck em...do you need a picture ;-)
Lulz!
or a 1000 words. You decide :)
Picture is worth a thousand words :) Some of your pictures are worth far more.
Put Papandreou's head on that college picture of Weiner in a bra... Or make him a Greek super hero with tights and a cape...
OT but anybody here front running today's POMO?
Once Greece defaults, Ireland will follow then Portugal.
A bailout last year and now a bailout this year and whose to say a third bailout next year.
Staying in the euro currency makes no sense for these countries but the other countries can remain in the euro currency once these countries have left.
You know in the United States..when you file for Bancrupcy...and it is finalized....about a week later you get an application for credit cards from Citibank among all the others...so why worry...in three years these countries will be back in the Euro zone....
I like this one from the soundbites:
So, I guess we're just winging it now.
Are they only closing U.S. branches of financial planning ? Maybe they know the gov. is about to take charge of every one's 401k/pensions/IRA and perhaps GS or JPM will be contracted to manage same.
Barclays is a very good merchant bank with great customer service. I've used them for years. Maybe they should stick to their knitting and leave the investment hi-jinks to crooks like Goldman.
LOL...you're kidding right?
Nice udders on that filly, Tex.
Wait a minute.
Wasn't Barclays the one whose prop trading desk took a hard hit in the aftermath of Fukushima, when the yen surged due to "repatriation" ?
And they had to close FX positions in their BARX system ?
http://seetell.jp/2011/03/barclays-kills-yen-trading-during-usdjpy-flash...
"RESTRUCTURING TO REDUCE HEADCOUNT"
Yep, RESTRUCTURING the debt TO REDUCE HEADCOUNT of bankers by decapitation.
How do you like that haircut ?
That would amount to a hairlength of -30 cm = -1 foot.
"BANK CLOSED FINANCIAL PLANNING UNIT"
Yep, and opened up a crystal ball unit.
+1
so funny
Is this a John Meriwether, or a Jérôme Kerviel moment?
Deleted
Going to take time. But we are on track. FAZ healthy today. Sheeples bought yesterday, wiped today. Great market. Great country.
Ah, just give them another 6.66 billion.
Problem solved.
Sarc on/off, I forget which.
This will be the rallying cry for anyone that has any welath tied up in fiat bassed assets.
"Help, there is a fucking problem with my unit!"
This will be the rallying cry for anyone that has any welath tied up in fiat bassed assets.
"Help, there is a fucking problem with my unit!"
"BARCLAYS'S JENKINS SAYS BANK CLOSED FINANCIAL PLANNING UNIT"
No worries. FED and ECB have both established a Central Planning Unit.
- BANK CLOSED FINANCIAL PLANNING UNIT -
In explanation, Barclay's Jenkins offered that, "There is really no need for the financial planning unit anymore as we now recieve updates from the Federal Reserve of the United States each month as to what will occur each month on a day-by-day basis in the markets. This has allowed us to reduce headcount and will provide stability in the markets for the banks."
How can any bank possibly have a problem with the Fed giving all of them free money?
my olive grove on the med will soon be within reach. as soon as the civil war stops i will retire there.
Buh-bye Barclays. UK has too many big banks anyway.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_banks_in_the_United_Kingdom
Oh, wait. No they don't.
Well they can always use Harrod's, Tesco and the state-owned banks.
spike strip
He actually said 'Serious problems in European unity' which obviously has slightly different implications for Barclays.
Wasn't Jenkins the smartest guy in the room some time ago?
Maybe he still is, he managed to extricate himself from part of Barclay's mess
So why is he still attached?
duplicate -very slow system today
This is turrible
I assume this is from the barclays investor seminar today and you probably should not read to much into these headlines.
Firstly the european units probably excludes the main operations in the US and the UK which means France, Germany, Spain, Switzerland, Portugal and Italy. This probably refers to Spain specifically.
Chief executive Bob Diamond considers the bank's losses in Spain to be unacceptable and plans to reposition its activities there to concentrate on higher earners, it was reported.
Secondly the financial planning unit was a service that barclays used to provide to customers. This is of concern in a way because barclays is effectively saying that there is no money in helping your customers make money.
What you should be asking yourself is how barclays really expect to raise its return on equity to 13%, what exactly is its strategy in Spain. Just as Barcap is focused on making money the retail part of Barclays focus is moving from a focus on the customer to a focus on making money.The big axe is falling on its spanish operations,yet Barclays is looking to leverage up to get back into the market through aquisitions. Is Barclays really a balanced bank with Barcap probably bigger than its retail operations and not much presence in Asia and South America. If all this sounds good for the short term investor then you might be right, but it all smells of short termism to me and could all backfire in the future.
"could all backfire in the future..."
---
kind of like fractional reserve banking...
On a totally unrelated note, I gave LeBron James a dollar and he gave me back only 75 cents.
Why?
He's got no 4th quarter.
...and,
Why is LeBron James like a single woman?
No ring.
bud-a-bee, bud-a-bee, bud-a-bee, that's all folks!
"Conquest of Greece" not going well and poor banksters may not win the day. Not crying over anyone who won't cry over me.
Afterall the theft of printed dollars (trillions) to fund these insolvent oversized institutions, they are still having problems?? These institutions are broke, much like the governments they now control and influence-- they are all broke and now will have to face the wrath of the taxpayer as in this latest battle it's become painfully clear that their greed knows no bounds.
obviously Barclays wasn't the recipient of any of the QE2 euro bank cash stuffing program.
I really wish people would quit using the word 'recovery' when the patient has been pretty much comatose now for 3 years.
STFR
Oh relax
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSjK2Oqrgic
What does he mean by "serious?" Some teenage trader buy a few hundred trillion of Greek debt ...on 100:1 leverage?
Or does he mean "serious" as in "the Europe Branch ran out of croissants?"
Let's see, when Bear Stearns went Tango Uniform, Joe Lavornga was on Bubblevision saying we were not in a recession nor would we go into one because bank balance sheets were strong (Feb 2008).
If there are entertainment Gods out there, hear our plea: Put him on the air again tonigh, PULEEEASE!
I could use a laugh.
I think we are going to see those runs on European (especially british) banks like we did back in 08. This game is falling apart and when it does it will take alot of economies with it.