Protests in Egypt Cause Market to Take It in The Sphinxter
Holy(land) shit did the market sell off on Friday as civil (or more exactly, uncivil) unrest overran the streets of Egypt like Ben Bernanke overran the Fed's printing presses or hepatitis C overran Pam Anderson's liver. Protesters were apparently frustrated by government corruption, economic stagnation, a lack of political freedom, and Ehsan Hatem El-Kirdany's
refusal to pose for Playboy. Shit Money McBags hasn't seen rioting
like that since OJ Simpson was set free (the first time), Ohio State beat Michigan, or Alf was canceled.
The Egytian government tried to counter the protesters by ignoring
them and hoping they would go away before deciding to just beat the piss
out of them and then disconnecting the fucking internet.
No really, there was no Facebook, no Angry Birds, and no Spankwire in Egypt
so it is no wonder everyone was so fucking pissed off (And a quick
digression here in case President Obama or any future Presidents of the
United States are reading this. First of all, why the fuck are you
reading this? No really? There is nothing better for you to be doing
than skimming dick jokes about the market and pictures of Isabeli Fontana? But second, and most importantly, if you ever turn off Money McBags' internet and thus his access to the market, news, and NSFW muff guessing,
he will personally take to the streets and scream anarchy with such
force that it will certainly mark the beginning of the devolution. In
short, choose your punishments wisely).
That said, the Egyptian protests were the catalyst to the market
selling off on Friday (with the 9%+ unemployment rate, the housing price
double dip, and the spiraling debt in the ponzeconomy™ being the
promoters in the shitacular chain reaction). Obviously with the Middle
East now potentially in more disarray than Josef Fritzl's dating life,
there are a shit ton of concerns over oil reserves and unknown policy
changes, and all of that spooked the already inflated market enough to
cause it to drop almost 2%. This could be a blip, this could be the
start of the correction, or this could just be an opportunity to buy the
fucking dip (as opposed to selling the fucking rip), but the market
needs a breather (more so than Johnny Carson did) so make sure you are properly hedged.
As for macro news, Q4 GDP was released
and as usual it GDpeed on analyst guesses by rising 3.2% which was
below guesses of 3.5%. Inventory build (or unbuild) caused a -3.7% hit
to GDP as companies have finally restocked from the downturn and now
are all properly stocked (or potentially overstocked) as Money McBags
has been pointing out for the last couple of Qs (he has also been pointing this out
for the last couple of Qs, so you're welcome). Surprisingly, the
biggest driver of GDP growth was consumer spend which jumped 4.4% due to
a strong holiday shopping season and a suspension of reality. Despite
this growth, wages and benefits were up only 0.4% in Q4 as Americans get
back to their second favorite hobby of spending money they don't have
on shit they don't need (their first favorite hobby of course being dick flashing).
The only other piece of macro news was that consumer sentiment fell
from 74.5 to 74.2 but it was above analyst guesses of 73.2 and also
completely meaningless to Money McBags since as always, the absolute
differences between any of those numbers is less clear to him than a urinal is to Tihomir Petrov.
The positive was that consumers are expecting more cash due to federal
tax cut extensions and a temporary reduction of payroll taxes, the
negative is that the extra cash won't do much as inflation will make the
extra dollars more worthless than investing advice from Larry Wilcox or a tampon for Chaz Bono.
Some consumers are starting to realize this as one-year inflation
expectations edged up to 3.4% from 3.0% in December which was the
highest since October 2008, but luckily, according to Ben Bernanke and
his magic inflation reader (which works best when he is riding his
unicorn to his crystal palace in the land of make believe), inflation is
nothing about which to worry.
In the market, AMZN was down ~7% after their Q4 disappointed and they gave guidance weaker than Troy Aikman's marriage. While the company had strong topline growth of 36% (the kind of topline growth usually found only in Heidi Montag),
it was slightly below guesses and their $.85 eps was below the $.88 eps
guessed at by analysts. Of course Money McBags' favorite part was that
management blamed the weather for some of the revenue miss, which is as
nonsensical as Fred Hoyle's Steady State Theory of the Universe of Sofia Vergara
ever blaming her boobs for not getting an acting job, because people
being stuck at home is exactly the fucking point of AMZN. Anyway, the
real reason for the sell off (other than AMZN not really having a
competitive advantage and trading at ~50x earnings, which are just minor
details, like don't get too close to a giant fucking stingray, or Amy Winehouse)
was that next Q's operating income guidance is for between $260MM and
$385MM which is a fuckload below analyst guesses of $469MM as the
company will see declining margins as they invest in new fulfillment
centers to aid in growth.
Elsewhere, F was down ~12% after missing analyst guesses of $.48 eps by $.18 which is a bigger miss than Waterworld.
Ford blamed the miss on the costs of launching new vehicles, european
operations, and rising commodity costs (but again, inflation is nothing
about which to be worried according to the Fed, you know, the guys who
missed the entire economic collapse even though it was their only
fucking job, so nothing to see here).
Finally, Monster Worldwide was fired
by investors as the stock dropped 25% after the company missed analyst
guesses for revenue, earnings, bookings, and anything the fuck else at
which analysts guessed. Revenue growth of 20% was not enough as the
company missed $.07 eps guesses by $.01 even though this is pretty much
the best market this company will ever have. Seriously, barely being
able to turn a profit when your business is listing jobs in the midst of
a global depression is like barely being able to turn a profit selling
crack to Charlie Sheen so if they can't make it work now, that doesn't
bode well for the future. And the magnitude of the 25% stock price drop
shows that this a short favorite which was further highlighted by noted
mouth piece and butt buddy of the shorts (but not this short), Herb Greenberg, who regurgitated the thesis his hedge fund cronies likely screamed at him mid-fellatio which is that social networking sites like linkedin, twitter, and tagged may soon make Monster more obsolete than Alan Greenspan's speaking engagement invitations.
Money McBags has a shitload more dick jokes, small cap analysis, and even some Doutzen Kroes at the award winning When Genius Prevailed. And if you want to see the kind of analysis that makes the buy side money and the sell side jealous (only with a fuckload more tits), Money McBags gets detailed his fundamental investing on with a small cap name.