A Religiously Monetary Parable For "Efficient" Market Sanity
Compliments of reader Chindit13, we present to you this religiously monetary parable on how to keep your sanity under the modern version of "efficient" markets. For full effect, we also recommend a CDS-unhedged shot of ouzo, a triple rereading of Seth Klarman's lessons promptly forgotten, and two pills of 50 mg Amoralhazardine, followed by a visit to your central banker in the morning (just to be safe).
As QE1 passes below the horizon, most assuredly QE2 is undergoing the last polishing of the brass and will be setting sail as soon as Mrs. Bernanke cracks the champagne across the bow. Abby Joseph Cohen, your prince has come!
Actually, Ben is far more than a prince. He is more than a king. He is a savior! He himself believes this, as in one of his gospels, which someday will be held in the same esteem as the Bible, Koran, Bhagavad Gita or Book of Moroni, Ben stated: "We saved the world". (Gods are known to refer to themselves in the plural.)
An old god told a man to build an ark to save the world. Ben knows a helicopter does the job much faster, and if need be one can always use it to escape the infidels and apostates.
Another bearded one from long ago, a piker some people call savior, merely made a few fish and loaves appear out of nowhere. So what's that worth? Even with inflation probably no more than a few hundred dollars.
Ben has made at least two trillion dollars of his own, not to mention the trillions he has added to the equity market, the quadrillions he has added to Hamptons' real estate values, and the quintillions he has added to the accounts of the partners at Goldman Sachs.
Who wants smelly old fish in the desert when one can have Beluga caviar on Nantucket?
And the best various and sundry other false gods can do is make lots of footprints or drop more teeth than a great white shark, make milk drip from a statue, or father way too many kids. Parlor tricks!
One savior forgives sins. Ben forgives debts. We all know which one carries more value.
One savior says those who err must atone and repent. Ben says those who err should be rewarded and are welcome to do it again.
One savior tossed the gamblers out of the house of worship. Ben has restored the gamblers to their rightful place, at the center of the Universe.
One magic man turned straw into gold. Ben turned gold into tungsten.
One savior says we should face Mecca five times a day. Ben calls 85 Broad twenty times a day. Who gets more done?
One savior asks us to take Sunday off. Ben says Sunday night is sacred worktime, especially in the S&P futures.
One book says it is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into the Kingdom of heaven. The Beige Book says it is easier for Ron Paul to get into the Fed's archives than for a bear to get into the Hamptons.
Even the Greeks have given up their false gods of Zeus and Apollo and accepted the sacramental healing power of supplemental debt. The faithful cheered 3x (oversubscribed) and partook of the body.
Ben, when our spirits were deflated you inflated us! When our cups were empty you filled them to overflowing. When we were on the verge of being contrite, you led us back unto temptation! Show us the way to Dow 36000!
Assets to ashes or debts to dust? Ben has chosen.
"let he who is without sin....pay for everyone else's"
- advertisements -