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Santa Claus Tells All in a No Holds Barred Interview
I managed to catch up with my old friend, Santa Claus, the other day, before he took off on his global gift giving rounds. I have had a rocky relationship with old Saint Nick over the years, usually finding coal or potatoes in my stocking, as one who lives a feckless life might expect. But one year I found a Mercedes S600 V-12 under the tree! I ended up regifting it because I didn’t like the cup holders, but hey, it was a nice thought! Things are not good at the North Pole. The cost of the software upgrade needed to switch from children’s handwritten letters to email has been a killer. And what the hell is Twitter? The First National Bank of the North Pole won’t let him roll over his debt because snow appraisals aren’t coming in like they used to. Labor costs are rocketing. Elves used to work for a few pieces of candy cane a day, but no more. Now they want black snowmobiles with chrome wheels, big screen TV’s, and Blue Ray HD players. There are rumors of a strike over health care costs, which are bleeding him snow white. The Amalgamated Confederation of Elves must be the only union that gets Viagra with their benefits, besides the United Auto Workers. And now they want free mistletoe, to boot! He’s going to have to skip the unfortunate children of Afghanistan and Iraq once again because Obama’s budget cuts won’t allow the US Air Force to provide needed fighter cover. The price of reindeer food is going through the roof, thanks to Chinese hoarding, and Donner and Blitzen are down with the swine flu. Rising costs, lower revenues, and an unruly workforce are not a good business model. Since the government forced that TARP money down his throat, the green eye shades from the Treasury have been camping out in accounting. To top it all, compliance is telling him he’s being investigated for backdated stock options in Santa Claus Inc. All this while the debate rages on over whether he even exists. Tell that to the SEC! Coming on top of all the shareholder carping about his ten figure compensation package, and unlimited use of the corporate sleigh, he needs this like a hole in his head! To be honest, he would have retired by now if he had not invested so much of his savings with Bernie Madoff. Sure, being Santa Claus is a bitch, but somebody’s got to do it.
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Whats the difference between this topic and reading the Torah, Bible or Koran??? Nothing!!!
If I must believe I'll take Santa as my Saint.
Santa has a message for you;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7XBGOG46uM
here's some free blank lines for your next post:
you welcome, and merry end-of-the-fiscal year!
Santa got 100 cents on the dollar from AIG.
Small wonder with his extensive Goldman connections. Yep, the Vampire Squid even has guys at the North Pole.
I wonder how many people know Santa Claus was created by the people at Coca Cola?
Santa Claus was born a corporate sellout!
maybe but other nations have similar figure and i doubt it was coca cola who created them
'The Night before Christmas' was first published in 1823*.
Coca-Cola was founded in 1892.
I'll have to do the math but I think the guy in the red suit predates a cocaine-laced beverage.
* Saint Nicholas of Myra is the primary inspiration for the Christian figure of Santa Claus. He was a 4th-century Greek Christian bishop of Myra (now Demre) in Lycia, a province of the Byzantine Anatolia, now in Turkey. Nicholas was famous for his generous gifts to the poor, in particular presenting the three impoverished daughters of a pious Christian with dowries so that they would not have to become prostitutes.
You know, I wondered how he could fly all around the earth giving out presents all night.
"Most people can agree on what Santa Claus looks like -- jolly, with a red suit and a white beard. But he did not always look that way, and Coca-Cola® advertising actually helped shape this modern-day image of Santa.
2006 marked the 75th anniversary of the famous Coca-Cola Santa Claus. Starting in 1931, magazine ads for Coca-Cola featured St. Nick as a kind, jolly man in a red suit. Because magazines were so widely viewed, and because this image of Santa appeared for more than three decades, the image of Santa most people have today is largely based on our advertising."
http://www.thecoca-colacompany.com/heritage/cokelore_santa.html
Our elected officials believe there is a fat guy who wears a red suit and lives up near the north pole who brings abundant gifts at no cost via a 19th century sled propelled by Scandanavian livestock.
All the fat guy expects in return is a steady supply of cookies and dairy products and ready access to the fireplace.
The fat guy keeps track of personal behavior. If you are a murderer, a burgler, or live in poverty, you will receive nothing. If you have parents with high credit limits, the fat guy will deliver an abundance of mildly toxic Chinese-made playthings and a substantail number of electronic gadgets that require enormous numbers of batteries.
The fat guy in the red suit decides if the RTX index will be up or down in January. He is the single largest motivating factor in Q4 GDP. If the fat guy didn't uphold the routine each year, western economies would be crushed, bonuses would not be paid, tax revenues would plummet, and electronic trinket manufactuers would sit idle.
So as a good American, I urge you to rekindle your belief in the celebration of the old fat man in the red suit. He needs you to consume stuff in mass quantities or his relevance will diminish.
Actually Santa is diabetic and lactose intolerant now. He doesn't give a shit anymore.
Santa is TBTF. Santa Sachs.
+ Partridge in Pear Tree - hilarious!
"He is the single largest motivating factor in Q4 GDP."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
HO HO HO
and to top it all off now we find out we will be forced to pay for four years before being FORCED onto his Totalitarian obamacare plan!
http://www.news-sentinel.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20091223/NEWS/91...
Philly transport workers union just had a viagra upgrade in their new contract. 1 a day now- up from 14 per month before.
"He’s going to have to skip the unfortunate children of Afghanistan and Iraq once again because Obama’s budget cuts won’t allow the US Air Force to provide needed fighter cover."
Since the USA rules the sky in both countries from 2000 feet up and RPGs rule the sky from 300 feet down, it looks like even with USA air cover, Santa ain't making it to either country this year.
Unless of course the USA is looking to create an "international incident" with another false flag attack, ostensiblyfrom those nasty resurgent Taliban. You'd have though the American public would have grown wise to that particular whipping boy but alas, Americans (of which I am one) aren't too bright after 50 years of a steady diet of boob tube, now new and improved in HD.
Don't forget the "new" 3D that is getting pushed down our throats. Now we can watch all of our boob tube heroes come at us just like the fed coming to get our gold.
Santa's had a stealth package longer than the AirForce.
That was actually the plot of a South Park episode a while back that was recently re-shown. Santa was shot down flying over the mid-east and Cartman, desperate to get off the naughty list he is almost certainly on, stages a rescue mission with the other boys and Jesus.
P.S. make the captchas harder already!
Very classic episode.
Aldous Huxley reference?
"[Santa's] going to have to skip the unfortunate children of Afghanistan and Iraq..."
That's an interesting concept -- Santa coming down a Muslim chimney...
Does lying get you on the naughty list?
OBAMA PROMISED A PUBLIC OPTION
Yesterday, President Obama claimed, "I didn't campaign on the public option." Seriously? Reporters quickly proved otherwise.
Now we have a rapid-response TV ad showing that Obama not only promised a public option, but said that mandates requiring people to buy private insurance are bad policy. (The Senate health care bill does the exact opposite of what he promised.)
Can you help make sure Congress knows the truth as they negotiate a final bill? Click here to see the ad and chip in $4 to help put it on TV in DC.
http://tinyurl.com/yanatt4
He promised us the same coverage as CONGRESS. Who cares about the public option. We wuz ALL gonna get the same deal as all the Representatives and Senators.
I voted for the man, but mainly because I wouldn't vote for McCain.
Little did I know I voted for the biggest Uncle Tom in history. I have always hated the term in the past and please understand in every shape, form and fashion that I have no prejudice against any race or religion, we all bleed and we are all equal before god, but Obama is the very definition of a "house nigger", all too quick to sell out the rest of us, the "field niggers" plowing the earth to raise food for master.
Ohhhh and just so you know it's not a half-white guy saying this.... hear it directly from KRS-One
http://www.infowars.com/krs-one-obama-911-the-nwo-freestyle-austin-tx-1-24-09/
Or, in what I find to be a delightful website that has poignant views and commentary
http://www.thedailynigger.com
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