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Selling Traditional Marriage Short
Judging by the large percentage of recent equity trades that have involved sales, I'm fairly certain that the SEC has not yet implemented my suggestion to outlaw all stock sales. To its credit though, it has finally imposed additional regulatory requirements on economic terrorists short sellers, by mandating greater disclosure of short sales and requiring that firms locate shares that could be borrowed before allowing short sales. Although the SEC's new rules are a far cry from my proposal to waterboard short sellers (OK, it was originally Dennis Kneale's idea), any measure to harass those responsible for the economy's recent self-esteem problem is a step in the right direction. And now that the SEC has the short-selling menace under control, it can turn its regulatory ire toward the second most pressing unnatural practice that's undermining capitalism: gay marriage. As more and more states capitulate to the tyranny of the majority and legalize same-sex marriage, this back-end assault on the traditional marriage model poses an increasingly turgid threat to the sanctity of marital assets and thus to capitalism as a whole. Historically, the SEC has not had jurisdiction over the personal strategic partnership space. But the institution of marriage has long been recognized as one of civilization’s most valuable legacy assets. And like any asset, it can be securitized in order to enhance capital liquidity, re-allocate risk and, of course, disincent deviant sexual behavior.
Using the peerless technical expertise of the same portfolio managers "pre-qualified" to manage the PIPI plan, the SEC could create innovative derivatives whose payments are supported by the cash flows generated by pools of marital assets. Once securitized, marriage could be regulated by the SEC, which would then require its end-to-end heterosexualization. The SEC could positively spin this initiative by marketing these instruments as "Monogamy Obligations" or "The Bonds of Marriage." And those choosing to orientate themselves non-heterosexually could be placated by permitting them to buy these instruments pari passu with normal people.
It's about time the SEC got on the right side of history. Much like the hate that dare not speaks its name -- short selling, gay marriage has no future. The sooner the SEC bans them both, the sooner it can get back to its intended purpose of laissez-faire-ing the securities markets.
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The majority of Americans do not support gay marriage or John Kerry have been president.
Yes, thank goodness the other guy won...
Personally, I'm all-in on the double-inverse marriage ETF (ticker GAYUP). I just hope I don't lose my ass!
Likewise as it was also in the days of Lot:
They ate, they drank,
they bought, they sold,
they planted, they built;
but on the day that Lot went out of Sodom
it rained fire and brimstone from heaven
and destroyed them all.
Even so will it be in the day when the Son of Man is revealed.
** It couldn't be that much longer now!
Let's stick to finance before all the braniacs on here reveal themselves to be idiots.
I agree.
Homosexuality is genetic....
Yeah, sure it is. Whatever makes you feel better.
Best argument for thinking homosexuality isn't a choice:
Who would choose that, given the alternative?
peter pan syndrome, etc plenty of reasons why someone attaches their faults/fears into other structures for support
it ain't all physical.. a lot of it is mental
kinda like implying that someone who believes in god and satan would choose satan to 'worship.' this isn't too surprising. the 'church of satan' are atheists :D
Marriage = A scam, A way to turn a free man into woman's slave. It is no longer about love and family. It is an industry designed to reward feeloaders jsut by hooking up with a man and if there are chidren involved then it is a way to destroy him completely.
This used to be the greatest country in the world. It is now country with the greatest redistribution of wealth in the world.
I no longer have no faith in our legislation or judicial sytem. It is all about them and they won't stop until there is nothing left
there's already nothing left and they print it out and make you pay for it some more.. nothing will stop them except some well paced anger
Dude, you married the wrong woman. My wife and I have been married for 25 years. Best thing that ever happened to me, through thick and thin.
what's in her pill basket?
or in yours?
You missed the best part, FINRA is supposed to publish daily short interest. Yup, that a good way to stop bear raid. I can hardly wait!
I have the habit of clicking all the ads on each visit.
Thnx for the work and we are supporting with tips, donations and t-shirts.
Clicking ads is a good idea and we like the ads running on the website.
awsome, thnx to the web that i can find so many people who thinks like me and concrete my views are not uniqe and absurdly wrong...(translation: i'm not going insane)
reading your posts make me feel i'm normal and think like others think(al though a very small percentage)
Tyler you have what it takes to be the guy in fightclub...
Just make sure you don't focus too much on making money from this website and let cool the heat inside for a good cause.
We are donating and will donate as much as we can to the cause.
www.f-six.org
just awesome
nice captcha
I'm not exactly sure what tranche my marriage is. Can I get a Wife Default Swap?
Now you've done it. Goldman will be trading the new market of WDS's by this time next month.
they'll need to parter with absolut to provide PLENTY of liquidity
lmao
Now, now... there's no need to lash out at the general public. Yes, your parents made a very poor choice of name. But once you grew into a man, no one forced you to take it.
Maybe it wasn't a choice for you to be such a hardass. But don't sell the rest of US short.
I found this particularly entertaining, especially the "back-end assault" mentioned in paragraph #2.