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SERS | Spouse Electronic Recording System
SERS | Spouse Electronic Recording System
Some comments on the new Spouse Electronic Recording System...
Mike, on February 21, 2011 at 7:01 am said:
I have finally come to one conclusion: if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!
My
proposal is quite simple–a paperless marriage recording system, called
SERS, (Spouse Electronic Recording System) for the electronic recording
of marriages. To avoid the high costs of (not to mention the hassle of)
the filing of marriage certificates, a SERS member would be able to
simply record himself or herself as a “nominee” for A marriage to A
spouse. The SERS system will record that A marriage has taken place,
but the person to whom the SERS member becomes married does not have to
be specified until just prior to the termination of the marriage–via
divorce or death.
In this manner, one is able to “leave one’s
options open.” It is a perfect system for those who would like the
stability of the institution of marriage, yet, at the same time, yearn
for the flexibility of non-commitment. It announces to the world, “I’m
married–I’m just not saying to whom it is that I am married.”
Mind
you–the flexibility provided by SERS would have its limits. For
example, a SERS marriage could only be assigned to a SERS member, and
the marriage would have to be “officiated” by a SERS authorized
officer. Nevertheless, virtually anyone with a pulse, $25 for an
official SERS certifying officer stamp, an ink jet printer, and access
to a SERS terminal could become a certifying officer of SERS. (And then
there is Provision K, the “Kunkle Provision,” which provides for dead
certifying officers, as well.)
At the “consecration” of the
relationship–which is technically an “agency relationship,” the
marriage will be given a SIN number, or Spouse Identification Number.
In this manner, through the SIN number, any married person can track
who their actual spouse is–except in the case of most situations–where
the SERS member prefers to keep that information private. Rest assured,
however, if you die or if you cause a divorce, a spouse will be
assigned to you at least 30 days prior to such death or divorce, except
in the case of most situations, where the spousal nominator doesn’t
know what the heck is going on—wherein an assignment will be backdated
to reflect that the spousal assignment transpired 30 days prior to said
death or divorce.
Due to the high-tech nature of the proprietary
data tracking software used by SERS, only one employee of SERSCORP will
be necessary, and the cost of her salary and generous bonus structure
will be virtually unnoticeable as it is skimmed off one marriage
transaction fee at a time as SERS marital swaps are traded seamlessly
Over The Counter through Cayman Island accounts. Due to the swapping
functionality enabled by their individual (original) SINs, SERS
marriages will facilitate the marital churning process without the
pain, humiliation, or cost of conventional marital swapping. The cost
of SERS transaction fees will be recouped in the sheer volume of
marital business as marriage certificates are securitized into MBS
(Marriage-Backed Securities.)
Keep in mind that many marital
swaps can be transacted over the life of a SERS marriage, and the
nominee spouse will be unaware of such arrangements. However, therein
lies the genuine excitement that only fraud-ridden obfuscation could
ever bring to a marriage. (Will my nominee spouse be long? Will my
nominee spouse be short? Will my nominee spouse be naked? Will my
nominee spouse purchase enhancements? Will my nominee spouse be
synthetic? Will my nominee spouse be square?)
At SERSCORP…we’ll put the SERS in Sersprise!
Pamela, on February 21, 2011 at 7:47 am said:
Wow,
I can’t wait wait until SERS becomes the common accepted business
model.Is securitization going to be included.BTW is this a BEAR STERNS
financial product?If in fact it is a SERSCORP marriage and securitized
will this be funded everytime it is assigned allonged sold or
tranferred. And finally can I get a HUMP modification on this?Any help
you can give me would really be appreciated.
Mike, on February 21, 2011 at 8:34 am said:
Pamela,
Thank you for your interest in SERSCORP.
Actually,
the SERS business model of public(ish) recordings is based on an
age-old recording system that pre-dates PUBLIC recording systems. It is
a reflection of days gone by–when a friendly handshake (or weapon of
lethal force) was considered binding.
As far as your question
regarding our HUMP Modification Program–you would first have to meet
certain criteria to be considered for our Try-all HUMP Program; the
first of which being the cessation of current marital relations, with
continued abstinence for a period of three months. The viability of
your current marital arrangement can only be assessed after you have
irrevocably harmed it.
We appreciate your marital business here
at SERSCORP, and encourage you to direct all other questions to a
not-yet-determined call center overseas where our customer service
representative will be happy to not answer your questions.
Mike, on February 21, 2011 at 9:07 am said:
Pamela,
We apologize for disregarding two of your questions. To clarify, SERSCORP is not a Bear Stearns Financial Product.
SERSCORP
is a remotely bankrupt vestigal construct of Pair Churns, and an
independently-operated arm of the (MBA) Marriage Breakers Association,
which is powerful corporate hobby on Okay Street in Washington, DC.
As
far as funding is concerned, here at SERSCORP, we put the “fun” in
“funding” by using our own proprietary version of electronic currency
that is too difficult for people outside of the Marriage Breaking
Industry to understand.
Again, thank you for your interest in SERSCORP.
4closureFraud.org
»
- advertisements -
tyler, do you have a SIN #?
how will this affect gay marriage?
in fact, could you be in a gay marriage without even knowing it?
how about abortion?
married to an as yet unborn fetus?
tooooo funny....
infidelity-backed collateralized synthetic derivative marriage-vow volatility index, btchz!
I thought they already had this program in Cali - when I lived there you didn't get married you just found some bitch you couldn't stand every three years and gave her half your shit.
Look to your laurels, WB7, and beware! This guy may not have your artwork, but his written content is Top Notch!
If only we were discussing mortgage resets, we could have an ARMs race!
omg...I love it like that...
...don't take a picture baby...I don't want your other boyfriends to be jealous...
(no marriage, tats, no taxes, no child support, no jail, no credit card bill, mmmmm)
she's cheep to keep too using a $42 unlocked razr v3.
Dylan Ratigan is hot tonight: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31510813/#41723463
Exactly.
Dylan has it right.
If the mice need to hit "C" but the only choice is "1" or "2" (Dem or Repub) then who loses?
The mice.
The mice need to hang the cats.
SERS...aka the "divorce lawyers employment act of 2011"
brilliant!
"HUMP Modification Program"
omg...
Thank you.
"I'm sorry, we can find no record of your marriage to Mr. XYZ, therefore, you DO NOT get the house, the child support check, the kids, AND the boy toy in your marriage bed."
We already have SERS - the Western Legal System treating Husbands and Fathers like ATM machines instead of human beings!
Nice tie-in though...
Too many things too right!
I'm sure we all know that when Fido gets a sticker for his/her collar we have to fill out an application.
GENIUS. You had me at “nominee”
OMG, Genius!
Cheap, but damn funny. Wish I had thought of it.
Me like. Licenses are for dogs.
with "we put the “fun” in “funding”, you almost made me falling off my chair while laughing!
simply amazing!
Awesome.
This will never work as it makes it possible that one spouse can be claimed on mulitple tax returns. Don't even get me started on divorces, "I wasn't married to her, you were. I was just living with her."
Good job
Interesting. Perhaps a derivatives market would allow me to hedge against the financial impact of my own possible future divorce.
Or you could sell that shitty deal to someone else and then CDS it yourself, then go to Vegas. win win win
too fuckin much. great. funny.
Standing Ovation to you for this brilliant and hilarious post! LMAO!!
This is one of the best posts I've read on ZH! Well done. Common Law is the LAW of the LAND! Offer, Consideration, and Acceptance is all that matters to sovereigns, and this applies equally to marriage and other contracts.
Stick your UNLAWFUL Legalease up it: investment banks, loan servicers, robosigners, and MERS!
1215.org
Brilliant!
As SERS has the ability to package a variety of marriages into MBS's which are then traunched into Certain Death Obligations, we conclude that everybody is married to everybody and everyting will work great just as long as nobody dies, so we won't have to sort out this whole "who was actually married to whom" thingy....
well, the more 'dead-ish' a SERS entity is, the lower the tranche they'll be re-assigned, so the 'deadest' ones... will obviously sink to the bottom tranche making certain that the most virile/energetic 'productive' SERS's remain in the AAA bundles. SERS officers could personally verify the 'energy' levels of the various members as part of the internal/self-audit.
a few deaths in the high-risk tranches won't really have much negative impact on the vehicle at large as it's already written into the prospectus as expected.
By George I Think He's Got It....He's (i.knoknot) Really Got It!
+10
I think you could sell some of them CDOs...
Great, now single people will be sued for alimony and spousal support without ever having been married.
Will our legislators, via a secret voice vote of course, make these virtual marriage certificates tradable across state lines, or will they only be recognized in the state of origination? Since the assigned nominees' identities will likely be secret, the marriages won't likely be consumated; does this cloud the chain of matrimony?
Marriage (those that include certificate from the State) is for those who don't have a clue about the problems with a binding legal agreement with the US government. If you are foolish enough to let the US government into your personal life via marriage license, you will indeed get the screwing of your life.
well....depends on who are you going for as a replacement......here in europe, we have this nasty hydra known as the catholic church, which is - in my opinion - the most criminal organisation I can imagine and have ever heard of! look at all those sacral buildings, where do you think they got their gold from? it came from those poor, god-fearing farmers like my grand-grand-father, a man who used to say "the only thing they cant take from you is whats in your brain".
and some insight into their archives would maybe explain why medival europe practically fell behind the standard of living we had since the roman/greek culture.
Hey, buddy, whaysamatter? You got something aGainst secretive international gay pedophile cults, or something?
Frankly, I don't see why the Catholic Church continues to expend so much effort trying to keep this secret. Everyone knows by now. They should just get a parade float, and chant "We're here, we're queer, get used to it!"
LMAO!!! Maybe the POPE as the Queen of the Rose Parade in Pasadena. Milestones
And I thought it would take R.K. Arnold longer to find a new job!
The description of man or woman won't be used in this system as we descend to a nation of degenerates. Most school forms for parents are androgynous already. <sick>
And then there is Provision K, the “Kunkle Provision,” which provides for dead certifying officers, who will scan the departed's taints. <progress>