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Some Intraday Hilarity From The Federal Reserve

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Presented without commentary:

  • FED'S PARKINSON SAYS FED'S JOB IS TO COUNTER OVER-OPTIMISM' BY BANKS
  • FED'S PARKINSON CITES `SHORTSIGHTEDNESS' BY BANKS PRE-CRISIS
  • FED'S PARKINSON URGES HIGH-QUALITY CAPITAL ON SIFI SURCHARGE
  • PARKINSON: FED TO PAY CAREFUL ATTENTION TO DIVIDENDS, BUYBACKS

Actually one word, or abbreviation, of commentary: WTF

 

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Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:05 | 1371561 SecondComing
SecondComing's picture

Afflicted with an eponymous disease, coupled with dementia?

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:05 | 1371566 slow_roast
slow_roast's picture

Countering over-optimism in reality since 1913.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:02 | 1371567 Dick Darlington
Dick Darlington's picture

Fed's Parkinson is suffering from Parkinsons

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:02 | 1371568 Steroid
Steroid's picture

Mr. Parkinson must be in charge of the printer button.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:02 | 1371574 scratch_and_sniff
scratch_and_sniff's picture

Still, you cant beat "we need to raise the debt limit to avoid a debt crisis"...i though that one the funniest of the series.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:05 | 1371588 centerline
centerline's picture

Yup. I need to increase my blood-alcohol level to avoid a hangover!

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:11 | 1371611 nantucket
nantucket's picture

agree, that one still stuns me.  i listened to some of the Bernank's speech yesterday and the message was "if we don't raise the debt ceiling it will cause a financial crisis".  HUH???  How about reducing spending?  It's wrose than a bad Onion story because it's really happening.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:12 | 1371641 TheTmfreak
TheTmfreak's picture

At least weekly there is a story or two that has to be an onion piece tucked into the news. Shits in unbelieveably ridiculous times.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 14:34 | 1372043 Steaming_Wookie_Doo
Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

It would be funny if it weren't true...I think if we stop paying interest and have sovereign-issued money, that too would avoid a debt crisis. 

"'OVER-OPTIMISM' BY BANKS" -- are these the same banks that won't even loan money to folks to buy their own foreclosures? Having seen a relative trying to sell their house (even within line of the FCL home prices) and getting no 'qualified' buyers (with 750 credit scores and 10% down), I can only conclude that the banks must only be over-optimistic with their bonus expectations.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:07 | 1371579 gwar5
gwar5's picture

Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot....

At least somebody is optimystic.

 

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:31 | 1371584 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

WTF was driving yesterday's market?

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:39 | 1371766 aheady
aheady's picture

"I'm an excellent driver."

"Three minutes to Wapner."

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:08 | 1371589 digitlman
digitlman's picture

My Full of Shit 'O Meter is pegged.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:13 | 1371591 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Tyler:

What the fuck doesn't quite catch the spirit of the moment.

What the actual fuck.

Stronger.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=What%20the%20actual%20fuck%3F&defid=3281124

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:23 | 1371675 Raynja
Raynja's picture

He obviously meant "winning the future"

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:26 | 1371689 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

See, that's just the sort of confusion we're attempting to avoid here.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:09 | 1371595 A_MacLaren
A_MacLaren's picture

End the fucking Fed while there is still a chance to rebuild.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:06 | 1371598 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Mr. Parkinson forgot to take his Ritalin this morning.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 14:35 | 1372047 Steaming_Wookie_Doo
Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

Musta gotten the wife's Rohypnol instead...

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:10 | 1371601 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

let's not let the irony of his name be lost on us.

fuckin priceless!

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:10 | 1371602 DosZap
DosZap's picture

Actually one word, or abbreviation, of commentary: WTF

LOL-ROTFLMAO

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:07 | 1371605 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

"Rational Pessimism" bitchez!

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:07 | 1371606 Sutton
Sutton's picture

QE 3 begins July 1

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:15 | 1371652 King_of_simpletons
King_of_simpletons's picture

Operation Twist Dance, I hear.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 14:06 | 1371914 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

Operation Chubby Checker.

(If it were Arkansas Billy at the helm, it'd just be operation chubby)

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:07 | 1371609 John McCloy
John McCloy's picture

About time for a Fed rumor to spin the market plates.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:15 | 1371631 TheTmfreak
TheTmfreak's picture

So in other words... if there was ever a chance to have a recovery they intend to make sure it doesn't happen? Or at least not as good as it could be? Is that now official policy?

"If we don't fuck up the economy, you'll get your money back (in the form of an IOU)"

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:15 | 1371636 Cleanclog
Cleanclog's picture

Twilight Zone - Episode 137 "The Fed Soothes the Markets with Absolute Nonsense But the Calming Noise ceases to Work" - threatening to supplant the earwig episode as the most frightening and memorable.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:15 | 1371638 London Banker
London Banker's picture

Parkinson was the Fed's point man on derivatives liberalisation for twenty years as the BFF of Wall Street in the run up to the crisis.  Naturally we can trust him to supervise those same banks now so they behave better in future.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 14:25 | 1372008 A_MacLaren
A_MacLaren's picture

+1 Quadrillion Derivatives

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:15 | 1371649 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

This is what happens when you "financialize" the economy.

And it only gets worse.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:19 | 1371656 AldoHux_IV
AldoHux_IV's picture

All fed members will have to answer for their actions and justice will be unforgiving.  The insolvent institutions they protect for the sake and suffering of so many is one of many crimes they will be responsible for.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:18 | 1371667 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

Too bad they will all be GONE by then.

The Fed's real "exit strategy" is a briefcase full of one-way business class tickets to Paraguay or some other banana republic with no US extradition.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:18 | 1371664 Eireann go Brach
Eireann go Brach's picture

Cocaine is fun until you have a heart attack!

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:56 | 1371865 Cone of Uncertainty
Cone of Uncertainty's picture

Cocaine is one helluva drug!

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:57 | 1371867 TruthInSunshine
Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:21 | 1371666 glenlloyd
glenlloyd's picture

wtf fits that pile of gibberish quite well.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:22 | 1371669 So Close
So Close's picture

I have successfully completed the 5 step grieving process...

1. Denial and Isolation

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Accpetance.

And have adopted the inverse of one of Nassim Talib's tenets...

The characteristic feature of the loser is to bemoan, in general terms, mankind’s flaws, biases, contradictions, and irrationality-without exploiting them for fun and profit.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:18 | 1371670 economessed
economessed's picture

Create the reality you seek for yourself and your imaginary friends, Mr. Parkinson.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:22 | 1371685 HomoHominiLupus
HomoHominiLupus's picture

Let's paraphase Churchill's famous utterance:

...never in the field of human conflict, have so few been out of synch with so many over so so much (at stake).

And that's an observation politely expressed. I for one continue to be amazed of the total absence of personal violence directed at members of the ruling elite. Yet, at one point, the the rain barrel will surely overflow...

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:31 | 1371717 Beatscape
Beatscape's picture

Let the finger pointing begin!  Benny and the Jets may get a ride out of town tarred and feathered when the derivatives market starts to blow-up.  A simple 5% loss on a hundred billion dollar highly leveraged bet is gonna be the gasoline on the fire to really get this bonfire going.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:37 | 1371742 YesWeKahn
YesWeKahn's picture

The real job of the FED is to create a bubble, maintain the bubble and blame others for the bubble.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:44 | 1371776 Beatscape
Beatscape's picture

+2

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:52 | 1371823 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

DOIN' A HECKUVA JOB!

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 13:59 | 1371859 Cone of Uncertainty
Cone of Uncertainty's picture

The Fed's job is to print money and ass rape the middle class.

They are very good at what they do.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 14:03 | 1371883 TheGoodDoctor
TheGoodDoctor's picture

It's like the Wookie argument on South Park. "It doesn't make any sense." We all live in Bizzaro World now.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 14:16 | 1371931 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

we must of missed the memo of the upgrade of the FEDs job description, no?  funny how banksters bonuses arent mentioned

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 14:18 | 1371975 centerline
centerline's picture

Sort of like a head vampire advising the little vampires not the drink too fast or they wont be able to get all the blood out of the victim.  How cute.

Wed, 06/15/2011 - 16:37 | 1372524 alangreedspank
alangreedspank's picture

 

lol @ SHORTSIGHTEDNESS

Apparently, this guy didn't know the NY Fed was in the heist too.


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