Some Intraday Hilarity From The Federal Reserve

Tyler Durden's picture

Presented without commentary:

  • FED'S PARKINSON SAYS FED'S JOB IS TO COUNTER OVER-OPTIMISM' BY BANKS
  • FED'S PARKINSON CITES `SHORTSIGHTEDNESS' BY BANKS PRE-CRISIS
  • FED'S PARKINSON URGES HIGH-QUALITY CAPITAL ON SIFI SURCHARGE
  • PARKINSON: FED TO PAY CAREFUL ATTENTION TO DIVIDENDS, BUYBACKS

Actually one word, or abbreviation, of commentary: WTF

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SecondComing's picture

Afflicted with an eponymous disease, coupled with dementia?

slow_roast's picture

Countering over-optimism in reality since 1913.

Dick Darlington's picture

Fed's Parkinson is suffering from Parkinsons

Steroid's picture

Mr. Parkinson must be in charge of the printer button.

scratch_and_sniff's picture

Still, you cant beat "we need to raise the debt limit to avoid a debt crisis"...i though that one the funniest of the series.

centerline's picture

Yup. I need to increase my blood-alcohol level to avoid a hangover!

nantucket's picture

agree, that one still stuns me.  i listened to some of the Bernank's speech yesterday and the message was "if we don't raise the debt ceiling it will cause a financial crisis".  HUH???  How about reducing spending?  It's wrose than a bad Onion story because it's really happening.

TheTmfreak's picture

At least weekly there is a story or two that has to be an onion piece tucked into the news. Shits in unbelieveably ridiculous times.

Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

It would be funny if it weren't true...I think if we stop paying interest and have sovereign-issued money, that too would avoid a debt crisis. 

"'OVER-OPTIMISM' BY BANKS" -- are these the same banks that won't even loan money to folks to buy their own foreclosures? Having seen a relative trying to sell their house (even within line of the FCL home prices) and getting no 'qualified' buyers (with 750 credit scores and 10% down), I can only conclude that the banks must only be over-optimistic with their bonus expectations.

gwar5's picture

Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot....

At least somebody is optimystic.

 

hedgeless_horseman's picture

WTF was driving yesterday's market?

aheady's picture

"I'm an excellent driver."

"Three minutes to Wapner."

digitlman's picture

My Full of Shit 'O Meter is pegged.

cougar_w's picture

Tyler:

What the fuck doesn't quite catch the spirit of the moment.

What the actual fuck.

Stronger.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=What%20the%20actual%20fuck%3F&defid=3281124

Raynja's picture

He obviously meant "winning the future"

cougar_w's picture

See, that's just the sort of confusion we're attempting to avoid here.

A_MacLaren's picture

End the fucking Fed while there is still a chance to rebuild.

Atomizer's picture

Mr. Parkinson forgot to take his Ritalin this morning.

Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

Musta gotten the wife's Rohypnol instead...

alien-IQ's picture

let's not let the irony of his name be lost on us.

fuckin priceless!

DosZap's picture

Actually one word, or abbreviation, of commentary: WTF

LOL-ROTFLMAO

francis_sawyer's picture

"Rational Pessimism" bitchez!

Sutton's picture

QE 3 begins July 1

King_of_simpletons's picture

Operation Twist Dance, I hear.

mayhem_korner's picture

Operation Chubby Checker.

(If it were Arkansas Billy at the helm, it'd just be operation chubby)

John McCloy's picture

About time for a Fed rumor to spin the market plates.

TheTmfreak's picture

So in other words... if there was ever a chance to have a recovery they intend to make sure it doesn't happen? Or at least not as good as it could be? Is that now official policy?

"If we don't fuck up the economy, you'll get your money back (in the form of an IOU)"

Cleanclog's picture

Twilight Zone - Episode 137 "The Fed Soothes the Markets with Absolute Nonsense But the Calming Noise ceases to Work" - threatening to supplant the earwig episode as the most frightening and memorable.

London Banker's picture

Parkinson was the Fed's point man on derivatives liberalisation for twenty years as the BFF of Wall Street in the run up to the crisis.  Naturally we can trust him to supervise those same banks now so they behave better in future.

Bam_Man's picture

This is what happens when you "financialize" the economy.

And it only gets worse.

AldoHux_IV's picture

All fed members will have to answer for their actions and justice will be unforgiving.  The insolvent institutions they protect for the sake and suffering of so many is one of many crimes they will be responsible for.

Bam_Man's picture

Too bad they will all be GONE by then.

The Fed's real "exit strategy" is a briefcase full of one-way business class tickets to Paraguay or some other banana republic with no US extradition.

Eireann go Brach's picture

Cocaine is fun until you have a heart attack!

glenlloyd's picture

wtf fits that pile of gibberish quite well.

So Close's picture

I have successfully completed the 5 step grieving process...

1. Denial and Isolation

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Accpetance.

And have adopted the inverse of one of Nassim Talib's tenets...

The characteristic feature of the loser is to bemoan, in general terms, mankind’s flaws, biases, contradictions, and irrationality-without exploiting them for fun and profit.

economessed's picture

Create the reality you seek for yourself and your imaginary friends, Mr. Parkinson.

HomoHominiLupus's picture

Let's paraphase Churchill's famous utterance:

...never in the field of human conflict, have so few been out of synch with so many over so so much (at stake).

And that's an observation politely expressed. I for one continue to be amazed of the total absence of personal violence directed at members of the ruling elite. Yet, at one point, the the rain barrel will surely overflow...

Beatscape's picture

Let the finger pointing begin!  Benny and the Jets may get a ride out of town tarred and feathered when the derivatives market starts to blow-up.  A simple 5% loss on a hundred billion dollar highly leveraged bet is gonna be the gasoline on the fire to really get this bonfire going.

YesWeKahn's picture

The real job of the FED is to create a bubble, maintain the bubble and blame others for the bubble.

buzzsaw99's picture

DOIN' A HECKUVA JOB!

Cone of Uncertainty's picture

The Fed's job is to print money and ass rape the middle class.

They are very good at what they do.

TheGoodDoctor's picture

It's like the Wookie argument on South Park. "It doesn't make any sense." We all live in Bizzaro World now.

ziggy59's picture

we must of missed the memo of the upgrade of the FEDs job description, no?  funny how banksters bonuses arent mentioned

centerline's picture

Sort of like a head vampire advising the little vampires not the drink too fast or they wont be able to get all the blood out of the victim.  How cute.