This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

Stress Test Update: Europe Calculates Cost Of Nuclear Holocaust At €0.69

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Also Europe finds that :

  • Full GoM clean up will be around 2 bucks
  • The cost of the Large Hadron Collider was reduced to a couple of dimes
  • The US budget "deficit" is estimated to actually be a $100 quadrillion budget surplus
  • Merrill's expense tab at Hustler Club is only $19.95
  • etc.
 

- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:28 | 485537 Mont Bleu
Mont Bleu's picture

Ron Hubbard Scientology Stress Test Confirms Results

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:36 | 485562 Missing_Link
Missing_Link's picture

Anyone who disagrees with the stress test results is full of engrams and needs to be "cleared" with an E-meter.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:52 | 485621 Clayton Bigsby
Clayton Bigsby's picture

and our attorneys will be in touch

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 13:11 | 485683 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

"Anything which is not directly observed tends to persist."

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 17:19 | 486164 God
God's picture

It's in the milk. In the milk.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 23:02 | 486452 fxrxexexdxoxmx
fxrxexexdxoxmx's picture

Clearing on a cash basis. No money no e-meter.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 14:33 | 485891 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

But there'll probably be a lynch ticker added. Or Linch Mob. Whichever.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 15:11 | 485978 fuu
fuu's picture

Guerillas in tha Mist

"With the boom ping ping"

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 17:48 | 486206 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

+1 (for word play!)

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 23:50 | 486476 snowball777
snowball777's picture

Bank of Lynching America

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:29 | 485544 William Mooney
William Mooney's picture

And Bernanke only dropped a few bucks from a hang glider.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:32 | 485548 kaiten
kaiten's picture

" Europe calculates cost of nuclear holocaust at €0.69 "

 

Now, that´s a deflation I tell you ;p

 

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 21:29 | 486372 Iam_Silverman
Iam_Silverman's picture

"Now, that´s a deflation I tell you ;p"

Now, does that imply that all of the gold Krugerrands purhcased last month will now be dumped on the (U.S., I hope) market?

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:33 | 485551 weltvermesser
weltvermesser's picture

our most beloved finance Schäuble minister read 1984 do-it-yourself manual well and learned a lot from Dr. Goebbels just stating: this stress test will have significant good impact on economy - improve trust

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:38 | 485566 Tarheel
Tarheel's picture

The PPT is working their asses off today

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:39 | 485570 AccreditedEYE
AccreditedEYE's picture

They can try... sell off begins in 3...2...1....

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:44 | 485589 BigSkyBear
BigSkyBear's picture

Anything to keep the S&P with more than 3 digits is the PPT's only Rule!

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 13:14 | 485690 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

 Timmay's on the phone to the Ministry of Finance as we speak...

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 13:36 | 485754 docj
docj's picture

Yep - nice pop on bleh volume at almost precisely 13:00.

Almost as if someone rebooted one of the HAL9000's that had been taking a breather since yesterday's "rally".

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 17:47 | 486205 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Almost?

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 21:31 | 486373 Iam_Silverman
Iam_Silverman's picture

"bleh volume"

Just bleh?  Check this out:

NYSE stocks posting largest volume decreases

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/NYSE-stocks-posting-largest-apf-4250547675...

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:38 | 485568 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

CNBC just had Kyle Bass of Hayman Capital on the phone and Kyle wasn't being kind to the stress test. Kyle was in the process of pointing out that only one Greek bank failed the test but Greek Banks hold 3 times more Greek sovereign garbage than the yearly Greek GDP..........when his call was suddenly dropped.

Opps.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:53 | 485627 Clayton Bigsby
Clayton Bigsby's picture

d'oh!!!

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 13:06 | 485671 Gordon Freeman
Gordon Freeman's picture

Yeah--ol' Kyle was tellin' it like it is!

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 13:14 | 485692 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Kyle was way down at the bottom of the scale. That scale is as follows.

No credibility

Little credibility

Some credibility

Pretty credible

Credible

Very credible

Extremely credible

Way too much credibility for our advertisers and management to tolerate = Kyle Bass

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 17:53 | 486211 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

I think PEYOTE comes after that on that scale...

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 21:34 | 486376 Iam_Silverman
Iam_Silverman's picture

"when his call was suddenly dropped"

I'm sure it will be leaked that he was using an Apple iPhone 4- and hadn't received his free bumper yet.

AAPL tanks tomorrow on the news.......  The selloff proceeds all pour into European financials.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:39 | 485569 kaiten
kaiten's picture

This is more interesting news:

U.S. gasoline deliveries for June fell to the lowest level for any June since 2004, the American Petroleum Institute said Friday.

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/june-gasoline-deliveries-lowest-since-2...

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 20:06 | 486318 chindit13
chindit13's picture

Allow me to put a CNBC on that data.....

It's great news because...

---it means people are now getting much better gas mileage in the NEW CARS that they must have been buying

---it means people have more money than before so they're flying again instead of driving, which means the airlines are a screaming buy

---it means Teslas must be driving themselves off the showroom floor

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 21:38 | 486381 Iam_Silverman
Iam_Silverman's picture

1.)  "U.S. gasoline deliveries for June fell to the lowest level for any June since 2004"

2.)  "It's great news because..."

The consumer is guaranteed the freshest product by adapting Japanese Style just-in-time delivery methods.  No wasted octanes to evaporate overnight!

or

Americans have wholeheartedly "jumped on the train" - the new high speed coast-to-coast transit system, that is! (CNBC headline)

 

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:39 | 485571 traderjoe
traderjoe's picture

Steve Liesman/CNBC is suggesting that Europe is far away from us, and therefore any troubles won't impact our economy much. All is well. 

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:43 | 485585 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

For the first time in months, I have the volume turned on while CNBC runs in the background. They are saying some really funny shit as they try to create this image that they're fairly discussing the stress test.

I promise you by 4 PM they will have concluded all is well so buy, buy, buy. I just heard someone say "It's already priced in the market." Funny shit man.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:53 | 485625 knukles
knukles's picture

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no....He really didn't say that, did he?

Please Joe, say it ain't so.
Shane, come back!  Shane!

Wasn't there some oblique reference to this shit in Revelations?  Beasts with forked tongues, all covered with Aye's? 

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:41 | 485579 Spawn of Cagliostro
Spawn of Cagliostro's picture

Test also finds that:

Hopium dealer Barack Obama was born in Iowa-

Dubya won the 2000/04 elections in a landslide-

Politicians pass lie detectors 100% of the the time-

And: The Federal reserve is owned by the American Taxpayer!

 

 

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 14:39 | 485906 traderjoe
traderjoe's picture

I've slowly started asking some of my friends/family who owns the Federal Reserve - and not one person has answered correctly. And, as a sign of the times, no one really seems to care about the correct response, or its implications. 

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 15:58 | 486062 tenaciousj
tenaciousj's picture

mhm.. yeah..

What were you saying again?  Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.  There is a cool new commerical for some Apple gadget.  Anyways, lets talk about this later I need to run to the store and pick one up.

Sun, 07/25/2010 - 00:54 | 487286 dogbreath
dogbreath's picture

sad isn't it.  this collection of zh'ers that has with the exception of a few trolls shown its concern for that which eludes most of them.  where do i stand? 

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:45 | 485584 knukles
knukles's picture

Unicorns pooping rainbows.
(sigh)
And these people wonder why they've no credibility. 
(sobbing)

I'm gonna go have a Thorazine and Ativan enema and watch Jerry Springer.

Its over I tell you.  Over. 
Fin.  Gone, done never never land, nada, no hope, no remission.  Doomed, we're fucking doomed.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:46 | 485600 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Buy the dips...

National Bank of Greece CDS tightens in from 850bp to 758bp

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:47 | 485605 Max Hunter
Max Hunter's picture

May I quote George Constanza:

"what kind of a topsi-turvey world do we live in??"

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 12:50 | 485611 sweet ebony diamond
sweet ebony diamond's picture

New findings:

Rush Limbaugh is drug-free

Ben Johnson was drug-free

Blago is not a crook

P.A.'s tits are real

 

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 13:00 | 485652 n2dark
n2dark's picture

now that the (no)stress tests are over and everybody trusts/believes ?? everybody take a look at the eur/jpy overlay eur/usd lie detector

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 13:04 | 485662 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

"Stress Test Update: Europe Calculates Cost Of Nuclear Holocaust At €0.69"

Is this testable?

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 16:19 | 486100 umop episdn
umop episdn's picture

I happen to know that they'ed start a Holocaust for just €0.49 Such a deal

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 13:14 | 485691 Clayton Bigsby
Clayton Bigsby's picture

Banky Edwards: Alright, now see this? This is a four-way road, okay? And dead in the center is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people, okay? You following?
Holden: Yeah.
Banky Edwards: Good. Over here, we have a male-affectionate, easy to get along with, non-political agenda lesbian. Down here, we have a man-hating, angry as fuck, agenda of rage, bitter dyke. Over here, we got Santa Claus, and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?
Holden: What is this supposed to prove?
Banky Edwards: No, I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny?
Holden: The man-hating dyke.
Banky Edwards: Good. Why?
Holden: I don't know.
Banky Edwards: [shouting] Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination!

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 13:15 | 485698 Clayton Bigsby
Clayton Bigsby's picture

stress test results = figment of their imaginations :-)

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 13:31 | 485742 knukles
knukles's picture

Just tuned back to CNBC.  Fighting Trannys on Jerry Springerfrom SEC Enforcement Division not as funny.

Now that is fucking hilarious. 
(openly drooling, Ativan and Throazine enema taking edge off)

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 13:43 | 485779 Ripped Chunk
Ripped Chunk's picture

All fiction now.  Has been for some time I guess.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 13:45 | 485783 saladbarbeef
saladbarbeef's picture

If a bank has a deposit at another bank, it is treated as lock-solid "CASH" on the balance sheet.  But wait.  The stress test admits that "only" 6% of these Euro banks will have issues?  Did the stress tests then reflect that loss in failure to receive that cross-deposit from the failed bank? Enter the cascade and the resulting failu

 

< REDACTED BY NSA FOR NATIONAL SECURITY CONFIDENCE ENHANCEMENT PURPOSES>

 

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 13:46 | 485790 wiskeyrunner
wiskeyrunner's picture

Straight up, no retrace, straight up or straight down. I'm done, can't trade this crap. Only ones making money are the crooks who have the indise info before the NY Fed ramps it up or down. Goldman and JP Morgan get free rides all on your nickle.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 16:01 | 486070 tenaciousj
tenaciousj's picture

If you are gonna play the game at this point, you might as well treat it like you would any money that you take to Vegas.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 13:50 | 485799 wiskeyrunner
wiskeyrunner's picture

Now what, how can they rig the market futher. Retail won't come back. The banks have spent alot of there free fed money propping up this fraud. Guess they can hold out longer than most since thay have free money.

 

The banks need for dumb retail to come back so they can unload.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 14:07 | 485841 Midasfinancas
Midasfinancas's picture

I AM DONE WITH THIS BULLSHIT.. FOR ME I AM DONE WITH FINANCIAL MARKETS AND BULLSHIT LIKE THIS. FUCK ALL THE WALLSTREET GANG.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 15:09 | 485972 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

I AM DONE WITH FINANCIAL MARKETS

Markets? You've got to be kidding.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 16:32 | 486117 AccreditedEYE
AccreditedEYE's picture

"Ray has gone bye-bye Egon.... whadda you got left?"

Hang in there man. Yes, it's BS and, yes, these aren't real markets anymore. There is only so long they can keep this crap up for before something gives. They can only hide the rot for so long...   There is no curse in Elvish, Entish or the tongues of Men for their treachery.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 17:13 | 486152 DosZap
DosZap's picture

"The US budget "deficit" is estimated to actually be a $100 quadrillion budget surplus"

Were did we get a 100 Quadrillion Surplus?.

If we have that kind of SURPLUS.....we should all get checks, or direct EFT's of no less, that 100 million per American Family.

Now, back reality,,,,,,,,,,,,,pass the Crackpipe momma.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 18:27 | 486240 VodkaInKrakow
VodkaInKrakow's picture

Typical of The ECB and The Fed to release this news on a Friday.  Monday is going to be Hell.  Can we never get the bad news on Monday so we can all look forward to Friday?  These results are published on Friday at bargain prices!  When the markets open on Monday, they'll be multiple magnitudes more expensive.

 

I want to buy damnit!

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 20:10 | 486321 chindit13
chindit13's picture

Dick Cheney's heart could pass these stress tests.

Sat, 07/24/2010 - 09:00 | 486641 Byte Me
Byte Me's picture

Since which ice-age did Cheney actually possess a heart??

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 21:05 | 486360 MichiganMilitiaMan
MichiganMilitiaMan's picture

-----The preception of solvent sovereigns, Priceless.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 21:11 | 486363 MichiganMilitiaMan
MichiganMilitiaMan's picture

Meanwhile 100 banks have now failed this year, up from 57 last year, and all of them small local and regional banks.  The concentration of wealth and power continues.

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 21:44 | 486387 Iam_Silverman
Iam_Silverman's picture

"and all of them small local and regional banks"

Thus was coined the new term: "Too Small To Survive".

Fri, 07/23/2010 - 22:38 | 486437 grunk
grunk's picture

Please post the name of the bookie who is covering this action.

 

Thank you so much.

Sat, 07/24/2010 - 10:08 | 486692 Grand Supercycle
Grand Supercycle's picture

DOW/SP500 daily chart is bullish for now ...

http://stockmarket618.wordpress.com

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!