Things That Make You Go Hmmm - On The 99th Anniversary Of The Titanic's Sinking...

Tyler Durden's picture

From Grant Williams' Things That Make You Go Hmmm

Just before midnight on this day in 1912 something unthinkable happened to something unsinkable as the Titanic failed to avert its course in time and struck the iceberg that would rip a hole in five of the 16 separate compartments that made up its hull. The 883 foot-long luxury liner had been designed so that it could withstand damage to 4 of the 16 compartments and stay afloat – thereby earning its unsinkable reputation.

The Titanic had left Southampton four days earlier, stopped in Cherbourg in France and then Queenstown in Ireland to pick up passengers before heading out into the North Atlantic en route to New York. Below decks, a drifter named Jack Dawson and his best friend Fabrizio De Rossi had won tickets to the ship in a card game. Dawson spotted society girl Rose DeWitt Bukater, who was on her way to Philadelphia to marry her rich snob fiancé Cal Hockley. Rose felt trapped by her situation and made her way to the aft deck where she contemplated suicide until she was rescued by Jack. Cal was therefore obliged to invite Jack to dine at their first-class table where he suffered through the slights of his snobbish hosts. In return, he spirited Rose off to third class for an evening of dancing, giving her the time of her life. Deciding to forsake her intended future all together, Rose asked Jack, who had made his living making sketches on the streets of Paris, to draw her in the nude wearing the invaluable blue diamond Cal had given her. Cal found out and had Jack locked away….

Hang on a second….

sorry, I think I may be getting my facts a little muddled.

Let’s reset.

The Titanic truly lived up to its name. It was the biggest, most prestigious ship of its day and was set to rule the seas for many years to come. There’s really no point in going into great detail about either the construction features or the tragic set of circumstances that led to the deaths of more than 1,500 poor souls that fateful night as, by now, after 99 years (not to mention a three-hour epic that chronicled the adventures of Jack Dawson and Rose DeWitt Bukater) the story is woven into the fabric of history. Instead, we shall take a look at some other ‘unsinkable ships’ that struck icebergs of a different kind and sank without trace into murky waters. Some were half-raised years later and others languish still.

Full report (pdf)

Hmmm Apr 14 2011

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FunkyMonkeyBoy's picture

If the Bernank was at the pump in the hull of the Titanic it wouldn't have sunk... that guy can, on cue, pump harder and faster than Ron Jeremy.

Hard1's picture

Yep, he can do that and more in less than 15 minutes. He is the Chuck Norris equivalent of the financial system. 


-The Bernank doesn't target inflation. He roundhouse-kicks it until it begs for mercy.

-The Bernank dollar buys 3 Canadian dollars, and trades at parity with the euro.

-The Bernank doesn't supply collateral, only collateral damage.

-The tears of The Bernank would supply enough liquidity to solve the credit crisis. Too bad he never cries.

-When the yield on a The Bernank bond goes up, the price also rises.

-The Bernank trades on fear and greed simultaneously.

-Alan Greenspan calls The Bernank ``The Maestro.''

-The Bernank has already banked his dividend payment from Lehman Brothers

-The Bernank Asset Management made 50 percent on its subprime mortgage-backed bond fund in 2008

-The Bernank's curves never invert.

-Net income at Goldman Sachs Group Inc. rose 79 percent in the first quarter; profit at The Bernank Securities Inc. climbed 80 percent.

-There is no market regulator. Just a list of securities The Bernank allows to be traded.

-The Bernank’s iPhone never needs recharging.

-The Bernank doesn't buy gold to hedge against inflation. Gold buys The Bernank to hedge against inflation.

-The Bernank charges the Bank of England a penalty rate for borrowing. And guarantees its deposits.

-The Bernank doesn't mark-to-market. The market marks to The Bernank.

-When the U.S. economy sneezes, the world catches a cold. When The Bernank sneezes, the U.S. economy catches pneumonia.

-When The Bernank makes you a price, it isn't an offer; it's an obligation to buy.

-The Bernank isn't a market maker; he IS the market.

-The Bernank can still get a 125 percent mortgage on a $2 million condo without providing proof of earnings.

-The Bernank subprime collateralized debt obligations still trade at 100 percent of face value.

-The Bernank completed Halo 3 on his Microsoft Corp. Xbox 360 on the day before the computer game went on sale.

-The Bernank has a trade surplus with China.


To give credit to the real author, Taken from a Mark Gilbert piece on Bloomberg in 2007. Replaced Chuck for The Bernank, and removed some that the Fed actually has acomplished (although Greenspan calling him the "Maestro" he accomplished but still worth leaving there). Note that some Mr. Gilbert's  jokes aren´t even funny for the the Bernank as he is even more powerful than Chuck:

-Chuck Norris doesn't borrow at the Fed's discount window. Chuck Norris LENDS at the Fed's discount window.

or even worse than the joke:

-Chuck Norris funds at Libor flat.

New_Meat's picture

good tag-team y'all - Ned

Zero Govt's picture

good so now we know Benny the Bean "controls the economy" and know he made the stock markets drop -5% ...yes Benny wishes them up and like Pavlovs Dog the stockbrokers and investors bark enthusiastically and drip at the lip and pile in.

I'm not sure how Benny signalled the recent stock sell-off (maybe 'Fed believers' here can post when Benny whistled)?

And if we drop another -5% as looks likely someone tell me how Ben signalled that drop too please?

Of course the Feds PR agent has put about if the market corrects it's what Benny really wanted to 'prime the market'. According to Fed believers Ben wants the wealth effect but according to the spin Ben wants the market to go down too, presumably to get a poverty effect.

So Ben's not only pulling the markets strings but also everyones heart strings, he controls human emotions as well as the economy!!

Ben is God then according to his believers... or the Fed believers are delusional thought of that?


Cindy_Dies_In_The_End's picture

Hey, I would just settle for Obama explaining the last episode of Lost. I mean, really, people, how am I supposed to drink an understand shit like that at the same time?!?

Hephasteus's picture

You don't tax the rich. The rich tax you. What about this DON"T PEOPLE GET.

Cthonic's picture

Two different definitions of "rich", the poor man's and the rich man's.  The poor man's definition will fit anyone who appears better off.  The rich man, well, he can find the definition in the mirror.

NOTW777's picture

remember obiden or "joe" as obama calls him is watching over every penny of stimulus $

I am Jobe's picture

LOL. How about the Air Traffic Controllers. I need a job there to sleep. Ray Lahood said that he will not sleep till he solves the problem. I guess he should go and work as a Air Traffic Controller. F the Bitches.

Hedgetard55's picture

Why should Air Traffic Controllers be held to a higher standard than all other govt. workers?

bob_dabolina's picture

Other things that make you go hmmmm

-Google shares after hours

NOTW777's picture

547 with a flash up to 579ish??

bob_dabolina's picture

What you did there, I saw it.

You just pulled a Liesman.

NOTW777's picture

say what. liesman doesnt read charts.  look at the flashcrashup gyrations

546ish now

EvlTheCat's picture

All I saw was the picture of Joe Biden and the word "stroke" in the summary and my hope and change leaped in excitement.

Rodent Freikorps's picture

On the plus side, Obama's newest new deficit commission is gonna be headed up by old sleepy Sheriff Joe Biden.

buzzsaw99's picture

Obummer = any way the wind blows.

NOTW777's picture

another non-partisan government servant just doing his job and saving the economy

gunsmoke011's picture

That Little tax Cheating Pip Squeek makes me absolutely want to go postal every time I see him or here about anything he has done. Talk about a silver spoon fed waste of skin.

bob_dabolina's picture

He didn't cheat on his taxes he just couldn't figure out how to use the Turbo Tax software. A promotion to U.S Treausury Sec. was clearly the only logical choice for Obama.

Zero Govt's picture

he couldn't figure out how to do his Tax and can't figure out how to do a sustainable budget either this the best 'talent' America can find for its crones?

gunsmoke011's picture

Yeah – AND – you have to be even more filled with confidence knowing that Biden will be the guy who will be in charge of overseeing much of what the President outlined.

Everybodys All American's picture

Obama makes Jimmy Carter look like Ronald Reagan. Nobama 2012 ...

AldousHuxley's picture

Rule of sales:

The better looking you are, the smoother talker you are, the more you get away by lying and less you have to deliver in terms of real value.

Politicians sell their looks, public speaking abilities, and promises which are all superficial qualifiers to position of power.

90% of African Americans have been "served" by this half white uncle Tom.

Just Observing's picture

Hey NOW.....don't be picking on Joe Biden.  I finally found common ground with him, as I think taking a nap is the perfect use of time while the "Yes-man" reads the teleprompter.

AldousHuxley's picture

Titanic proves that there is no reason to worship the rich ever. They are a lesser human being than you are but perhaps just luckier. They are rich because they own your labor.





Lord Welligton's picture

Or because they worked harder.

Or because they saved and accumulated.

Or because they are criminals.

Or because .....

AldousHuxley's picture

I meant rich as in rich enough to buy political power, rich enough to never work again, rich enough to not only control your life but others as know the billionares.

How many become billionares because they saved and worked harder? When you are born penniless, you can save and work to provide yourself a nice retirement and fund your kids college, but more than that involves one of the following in addition to hard work and savings: cheating, luck, connections (parents), inheritance (parents).

In fact, can you even name one out of 1000 richest Americans who didn't have one or more of the above non-merit qualifications?

Oracle of Kypseli's picture

You guys are arguing details without looking at the big picture of insanity

Pool Shark's picture

"In fact, can you even name one out of 1000 richest Americans who didn't have one or more of the above non-merit qualifications?"

Okay, here's a start:

Andrew Carnegie

Steve Jobs

Ralph Lauren

James Cayne

Bill Gates

Guy Laliberté

J.K Rowling

Oprah Winfrey

Micky Jagtiani

Larry Ellison

Leonardo Del Vecchio

John Paul DeJoria

Roman Abromavich

Sheldon Adelson


"Almost two-thirds of the world's 946 billionaires made their fortunes from scratch, relying on grit and determination, and not good genes"

red_pill_rash's picture

Hmmmmm, it sure was convenient that a lot of the opposition to the federal reserve was on that boat,



Sabibaby's picture

I see no mention of rainbows or pots of gold.

Lord Welligton's picture

"ride a unicorn across the White House Lawn and explain the final episode of Lost."

OK. I'm sold.

If he can do that he's got my vote.

tonyw's picture

ride a unicorn, no problem m'lord, in the Land of elves and fairies, with unicorns grazing in the pastures, tended to by members of the Texas Communist Party it's a regular thang.

explain the final episode of Lost - i'm glad to say i haven't seen any episodes:-)

Almost Solvent's picture

The final episode of Lost is comparable (imho) to the old dream episode from DALLAS back in the 80s when Pam "woke up" and Bobby was alive in the shower.


The Lost finale was the opposite, where we learn that the survivors had all died along the way and were residing in a type of dream world created by Hurley.


Or something completely different.  

mynhair's picture

Bama and Byteme on the Titanic.

Then we are stuck with a Boner that lasts longer than 4 hours.

I give up.

What's up with the B's?

Bernanke, Blythe, OMG!  What's Larry Summers middle name?

Total Scroomage.

boiltherich's picture

All that and he still can't produce a birth certificate!

ThePhysicist's picture

His Kenyan birth certificate is available online...


honestann's picture


Civilization is a stream with banks.

Civilization would be a fabulous raging pristine river through paradise without banks!

End [central] banks.

AldousHuxley's picture

Civilization is that town situated in the lower valley.

Banks are the damns controlling the water flow.

Sometimes towns are flooded, sometimes not enough water for the farm. But banks always have money.

That my friend is "trickle down". No rain, just damns with 100% control over your water.

Now, the damn is holding toxic water in the reservor.


israhole's picture

Should read "At a stroke, Obama offered to tax the rich, cut the military budget and yet never accept a cut that would “compromise our ability to defend Israel or Israel's interests around the world”


mynhair's picture

"Should read "At a stroke, Obama offered to tax the rich, cut the military budget and yet never accept a cut that would “compromise our ability to defend Israel or Israel's interests around the world”"


Should be:

Should read "At a stroke, Obama offered to tax the rich, cut the military budget and yet never accept a cut that would “compromise our ability to feed the stupid Sheeple that voted for me”

tawdzilla's picture

Joe Biden was dreaming that he was selected as VP under Socialist Obama to destroy capitalism and implement a new world order...then he woke up only to find it wasn't a dream.

AldousHuxley's picture

Obama have guaranteed that no black man (100% black) will ever become the president in US.