Tim Geithner's Cover Letter To Goldman Sachs Leaked

Tyler Durden's picture

As Zero Hedge readers predicted by a margin of more than nearly three to one, Tim Geithner's next employer of choice, per bnet's Constantine von Hoffman, is none other than the universal viceroy-cum-vampire squid presiding at 200 West according to a just "leaked" letter. And while we all know the key resume highlights (issuing $1.5 trillion in debt a year for the duration of his tenure, mopped up on both sides by Quantitative Easing, bringing America to the verge of insolvency and living on an "auction to auction" basis), here is the summary of Geithner's key qualifications that make him a shoo in for the job.


Timothy F. Geithner
Department of The Treasury
1500 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington DC 20220
(202) 622-2000
HR Department
Goldman Sachs & Co.
200 West Street
New York, NY 10282

Dear Mr./Ms. Last Name:

I am writing to apply for the position of Master Of The Universe at Goldman Sachs as advertised in The Bilderberg Group Daily News. I believe my experience in experimenting on the economy
playing with other people’s money makes me an excellent candidate for
this position. As requested, I am enclosing a completed job application,
my certification, my resume and three references. (Please call Dr. Kissinger first. He’s not getting any younger.)

I have extensive experience working for with the rich and powerful. My most recent job was as secretary of the U.S. Treasury (a
situation which put a premium on diversity awareness). Even before I
took the job I was the center of attention in Washington. And despite
not paying any income taxes for four years, my nomination was opposed by
only a third of the Senate. As Treasury Secretary, I ended all those
fluctuations in the unemployment rate and kept it at a nice
steady level. Despite the job’s title, I did NOT answer phones or any
filing. Although I can do both while typing 120 wpm. With one hand.

Among my many other accomplishments: Helping a large number of
financial institutions avoid the consequences of their actions.  As many
of the very large number of our mutual friends (hint, hint) will tell you, the quid pro quo
on this — cutting executive salaries and perks while limiting dividends
and corporate acquisitions — was strictly window dressing. Remember the
bonuses AIG paid to executives in its Financial Services division after receiving $170 billion in bailout?

Prior to my current position I served as president of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York. It was in that job, when I got Bear Stearns
a $30 billion bailout, that I discovered my true vocation: Giving large
amounts of other people’s money to down-on-their-luck wealthy
institutions. This was very important to help the economy, no matter what Paul Krugman says. I mean really, what’s he ever done?

In closing I would just like to say how much I respect and admire your CEO, Lloyd Blankfein, whom everyone agrees is very spry for a man of his age.

Very Sincerely Yours,


P.S.: Don’t believe what you read in the press about me: I still want
the job. Actually, just don’t believe anything about me you read in the
press. Call me!


h/t @vigilantgrandpa

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citizen2084's picture

Of course - Timmy gets to book a whammer if his own now..



marsdefIAnCe's picture

Timmy is trying to avoid the vortex of the sinking ship that is QE-infinty and ineligible illegal resident fraudulent president

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Dear Tim,

Thank you for taking the time to apply for employment with the great and mighty OZ Goldman Sachs & Co. While the position of Master of the Universe has not been vacated as of yet (the hit team has encountered a snag) we feel you are much more qualified to fill the glamours and far reaching position of head janitor. Please bright your own plunger and coveralls.

We will expect to see you on Tuesday.

HR Dept

Goldman Sachs Inc.

Chuck Walla's picture

Yeah, but I bet he works exclusively on Lloyd's Golden Crapper which Lloyd regularly fouls while disgorging what's left of the American Taxpayer's bones.

knukles's picture

             Confidential and Threatening

To:  HR, G. Cohn

From: Lloyd Blankfien

Re: Attached letter and resume, T. Gheifftner 

Why need I point out to you that with respect to FINRA's consolidated rules covering suitability (rule 2111) as well as the know your customer obligation (rule 2090), not to mention the NYSE's rule 406 dealing with suitability standards, Giepheetner is not properly suited nor adaptable to employment here in the Land of OZ as he perfectly fits not only the NYSE and FITINYA's standards but Our Very Own Special Suitability Standards as a Most Desirious Client who remains a central part of The Utmost Importance To Retain The Status Quo, because he's the most profitable fucking thing that's ever happened in Our (For this Fucking Moment) Very Happy Land of OZ.
May I thus suggest that if you ever want to see the inside of my office on a more than temporal last time visiting basis and if everybody in HR wants to remain employed, and let me remind you all of the absolute shit hole the economy is in right now regardless of our own propaganda, Guppy Boy will remain our Bag Man at Treasury for the foreseeable future.
I care not how much we must spend in additional campaign contributions with Schumer, Frank, Dodd and the rest of the less than stellar illuminary leeches, just make really sure Two Hands Stays Fucking Put.


PS  Is there any truth to those rumors about photos of Twinkles and DSK?  Put Kroll on it.  And while you're at it, back door their new ratings service.

PSS  Why the fuck am I the only one lrft doing all of God's Work around here all the time?  Is there anybody else with an ounce of not shit for brains at this place that's paid anything less than $5million/year?  And you wanna hire Tiffles.  Jesus H Fucking Chreeeeist, you can start accruing next year's bonus pool at a higher rate with an increased participation percentage to me.

euclidean's picture

Tyler - before Timmy leaves his post, can he answer this question?

US Treasury says it holds 258.6Million Oz of gold bullion with a book value of only $10.9Bn. Why is the Treasury using $42/oz?


More than a bit curious why book value is not using $1500/oz - some 35x larger book value.

Rainman's picture

The Squid will always make room for made guys once they've looted the failing regime. Timmay is an earner. He can squeeze out of paying taxes for a kicker. He'll fit right in. 

euclidean's picture

No chance going local. Timmy's unique skills and abilities lend him either to Carlyle or some key foreign diplomat posting. Possibly China or Middle East - but somewhere offshore IMO.

Josh Randall's picture

Lloyd: " I like the cut of your jib Geithner...the position requires a mop and bucket, but you must furnish the bucket, knowing that, when can you start ?"

ebworthen's picture

"Although I can do both while typing 120 wpm. With one hand."


bankonzhongguo's picture

Let's all make a pact.

Whoever hires this hump and his Dr. Strangelove hair-do deserves to be boycotted.

Let's put out of business the pure evil that allow this human stain to afflict the Earth.

Oh and yes.

On behalf of every American turned debt bondage slave for you and your diseased money worshiping friends - We will never forget.


XenoFrog's picture

It's much too late for any of that. The American people are still playing their opening while the TBTFs are in their endgame.

hbjork1's picture

I an afraud that is exactly the case.

The Axe's picture

well half the senate and congress already think Timmy worked at Goldman Sucks, I think it would be a great fit. However, Goldman does have a real balance sheet with assets market to the real mark, not Maiden Lane I thru 3 million with toxic assets and crap marked to Imaginationland Marks.  He may find it hard to adjust to the real world,, since he never has been there...

Piranhanoia's picture

Why are the original colonies so tolerant of traitors living among them?

hooligan2009's picture

ok fixed the problem at last, in case anyone missed my comments over the last few months. If anyone else hasn't been able to access and post on zerohedge, I fixed it my accessing via google chrome rather than microsoft explorer..anyways...timmay might get a very good job at the GVS, especially if he has to break in the incoming with lots of training...you can imagine....

new Sec Treas..Timmay, how do I...

Timmay, let me set it out for you, just a second... (background conversation..which way round is the prop desk? very short duration, ok..double down ...) ok.Sec Treas..announce you will be instructing the Fed to auction its Treasuries to the highest central bank bidder, so that you can swap them for their own governments equivalent!

Zero Govt's picture

you missed out Timmays PPS

PPS. My experience of pissing away $Trillions of a Sovereign peoples money just like Goldman-Sucks losing 98% of the Libyan Soveriegn Fund makes me a top candidate for managing national and international funds. I've an amazing burn rate Lloyd  ;) 

Bartanist's picture

I think there are two real possible places he might be able to land a job.

1. BAC (BAC probably thinks that if they had Geithner they would garner less negative attention .... Bzzzzzt WRONG!)

2. Blackrock (It is massive enough to hide anyone away for 10 years... even though they have no need for Timmy the Weasel.)


knukles's picture






I am Jobe's picture

How about AIG or WFC? I am sure FNM and FRE might have a closet for him .

imaginalis's picture

He should be landing a ten year position as a cook in some low security prison kitchen with a few of those who would employ him at GS.

Coke and Hookers's picture

Timmy could just countinue his current job at another venue ... like becoming a chamber maid at the Sofitel selling blow jobs to the elite.

sunnydays's picture

Tim never left GS - he has pretended to do the ST job, but has been undercover for GS the whole time.  Of course they will be taking him back in publically and and giving him billions in bonuses immediately no doubt.  I bet good ole Timmy will be very wealthy within weeks of leaving his position.  Wonder how many Swiss bank accounts he will have?

FeralSerf's picture


Timmy is already wealthy thanks to his partners in crime.

The accounts aren't Swiss.  They're in the same place that the rest of the Kosher Nostra has them.

FeralSerf's picture


Timmy is already wealthy thanks to his partners in crime.  He might need to keep a lower profile as TSHTF.  He's already served his masters and it's time for a comfortable retirement.

The accounts aren't Swiss.  They're in the same place that the rest of the Kosher Nostra has them.

knukles's picture

At the FED.
They're never audited.....

spiral galaxy's picture

I wanna see his birth certificate to authenticate that indeed he is a squirrel, sibling of Ben.  Transcript would be nice too.

Imminent Collapse's picture

Timmy is a puppet.  There will be another take his place.  His reward for services rendered will be determined by the puppetmasters, but will be such that other puppets will continue to feel comfortable doing whatever the fuck they are told to do.  As far as eternal rewards, he should be concerned about the bad karma he is lugging around from enslaving all the hard working people while destroying the dollar and rewarding the asswipes that caused and are causing the problems.

TheSandy's picture

Come on team, you know better than that. 

He will write one or two books for 1M each signing bonus, then he will take a stint at some non ivy league university, while at the same time consulting for a European bank for 1M/year.  They need him and his connections and money.  He can't do it here....so he will do it there.  They need him more and it is significantly more under the radar. 



ak_khanna's picture

The politician­­­­­s and the Federal Reserve are only working for the bankers and make rules only to help those who are useful to them.

They bail out the bankers and the rich corporatio­­­­­ns (who should not be in business because of their incompeten­­­­­cies) without even changing their previous management because they fund the election campaigns and also place them in their organisati­­­­­ons at exorbitant salaries once they leave office. This class alongwith the rich individual­­­­­s pay the minimum amount of tax while getting the maximum benefit of the tax collected from the rest of the population in the form of bailouts.

The politician­­­­­s make promises to unions and pay them salaries which the employees in the private sector can only dream of in return for votes which would get them elected.

Th­e too big to fail bunch of banksters can get away with murder, fraud, coercian, harrasseme­­­­­­­­nt of the general public and any other illegal activity under the sun because they have a lot of influence on the political class, the rule makers and the rule enforcers due to their enormous purchasing power. So irrespecti­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­v­­e of the position in the government­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­, everyone works for their benefit. 


slewie the pi-rat's picture

i think they may need timmah @ the state dept:  Al Qathafi Threatens to Retaliate to NATO Bombing by Attacking Europe

the week's Bearish Bullshit is now complete!

actually, while discussing my pro-moQ, $20, 11-to4 bet (reverse fully amortized annuitized term life insurance) months ago, i predicted that if sarko pissed this guy off to the max, he would light up paris on 7.14---bastille day, possibly taking out the louvre. 

slewie is not responsible for life imitating art. 

i took the 90-day full life option term policy bet against death, and have already been handsomely paid for my "investment".

among the globally-flowering fields of bankster haters, the moQ is the loosest cannon we have seen in a good, long time, is he not? 

Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Down, down, Sarkozy!

Chanted the crowds of Tripoli that numbered in the hundreds of thousands.

I am surprised by Gadafi's declaration of war (not that war had not already been declared on him).  If K-Man wanted to have history on his side, he would wait until the Anglo-American Empire invaded him, and would send the Western armies packing.  He needs not bomb Europe when every man and woman, educated and not,  is carrying assault rifles.

G-R-U-N-T's picture

Mr. Geithner your resume appears to be quite impressive, however right now we are in desperate need of an "Economic Defibrillator".

As you can see he's having a bit of a problem reviving our current economic...hm...shall we say....predicament.


Are you interested?

JW n FL's picture

I believe my experience in experimenting on the economy playing with other people’s money makes me an excellent candidate for this position.

hooligan2009's picture

experimenting ...drugs...economy...economy on drugs...JW experimenting on the economy? heh

LetThemEatRand's picture

[K]Neel Kashkari also has a job waiting for Tim at PIM[P]CO

digalert's picture

Dear Gold Sak, I did good...no?

slewie the pi-rat's picture

98 Bottles of Beer ON The Wall

DJ Comex Gold And Silver Warehouse Stocks-Jul 1

if timmah can drive a forklift, he can stack gold bars for blythe.

JP Morgan Chase Bank NA
Reg 10,070 0 0 0 0 10,070
Elig 2,480,349 256,229 (added) 0 256,229 -497 2,736,081
Ttl 2,490,419 256,229 0 256,229 -497 2,746,151

here, we see she has a quarter-million troy ounces to stack, which i figure is abt 1/2 the gold ballast she took aboard, last month.

and here are the 98 bottles:  total silver in crimex vaults, where 1mm toz = 1 beer.

Reg 28,090,714 0 0 0 0 28,090,714
Elig 71,359,723 0 736,472 -736,472 0 70,623,251
Ttl 99,450,437 0 736,472 -736,472 0 98,713,965

i am now dying to see what these pastes look like when they hit the string... pls see the original link if ???

Downtoolong's picture

Put some WD 40 on the revolving door between Goldman's offices and the U.S. Treasury; we don't want it to get stuck now.

I only wonder if Geithner’s new office at Goldman Sachs will be as well ornamented as John Thain’s was at Merrill Lynch back in 2009. If only he were Ben Bernanke, there would be a solid gold throne and jewel studded crown waiting for him behind the desk with a value only to be exceeded by his guaranteed bonus.

Cruzan Stomp Revival's picture

Every day, I walk by the building where our first Treasury Secretary learned business as a clerk in Christiansted, St Croix. I often wonder if our Founding Fathers would have still gone to the trouble of birthing a nation if they could have known the deeply un-serious and venal men that inherited their positions some 200+ years hence.

Atlantis Consigliore's picture

Write the book first...


"Mein Scam... or How I learned to Love the Bailout


 (per Maddoff,  the US Govt,


is a ponzi scheme,  just look at Greece for the



wandstrasse's picture

why not start his own printing firm, maybe together with Fitrat? 'We make cutting edge, high quality fiat money... only made of organic thin air... individual solutions for democracies, dictatorships and all variations of corrupt regimes...'

PulauHantu29's picture

God Bless you! Great letter....That's all they need is another guy 'doing God's work" there at GS.

TraderVix's picture


Bansters-in-my- feces's picture

Henry Kissinger is as big a scum sucking sleaze bag as what Timmy Two Tounge is.

Ps....Fuck Off Timmy you piece of shit.

Problem Is's picture

Timmay's new job... Kissinslime's new chauffeur... Little monkey cap Timmay...