Tokyo Passengers Set Off O'Hare Radiation Detectors

Tyler Durden's picture

No seriously, it is all under control. And furthermore, the radiation detectors only go off on less than dangerous doses. And if that fails, GE can simply raise the sensitivity threshold on its scanners so no more vile, malicious false alarms such as this are set off in the future. "Mayor Richard Daley acknowledged today passengers on a flight from Tokyo had set off radiation detectors at O’Hare International Airport, but he offered no details and said federal officials will be handling the situation."

From Chicago Breaking News:

“Of course the protection of the person coming off the plane is very important in regards to any radiation, especially within their families and anything else,” Daley said at a downtown news conference to discuss his trip to China this week.

City Aviation Commissioner Rosemarie Andolino would only say, “We are aware that occurred yesterday. We are working with Customs and Border Protection on this issue." She referred reporters to the Department of Homeland Security.

And the follow up from Chicago Positive Spin News:

Federal officials found traces of radiation on a United Airlines jet that arrived at Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport from Tokyo Wednesday but determined that the plane’s cargo and passengers were safe.

Airline and government officials are reluctant to address their efforts to detect radiation contamination on U.S. aircraft at a time when some members of the public are jittery about possible fallout from Japan’s stricken nuclear plants.

It is unclear if those who set off the alarms will be arrested for smuggling illegal radiation from Japan, where gamma waves are being scared into hiding if one is brave enough to believe the domestic government.

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cossack55's picture

No more need be said. Good job, Tyler.

nope-1004's picture

Hmmm.... wonder if the those detectors had their detection sensitivity increased?

Wonder if Japan will be blamed for bottom line losses to the airlines?

Just another US gov't initiative to put further blame and shame on a nation clearly struggling to survive at this point.

Fish Gone Bad's picture

The Japanese passengers will be easy to see because they tend to glow in the dark.

patience...'s picture

The director of Homeland security just stated on the radio, HS has been inspecting cargo and people from Japan and have found no radioactivity.


HS is right on top of the situation as usual.

When we end the Fed, HS needs to be included.

Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

HS couldn't find anything except doughnuts & porn.

chumbawamba's picture

They found my joint but I convinced them it was tobacco.

I am Chumbawamba.

HedgeFundLIVE's picture

Investors may want some facts and figures that ignore opinion on Japan too: blog post

barliman's picture

Obama is going to detail how bad things are in Japan, advise all non-essentail personnel to leave Japan, and express his sympathies for the bitchez left behind


NOTW777's picture

thats too much work - he s working on picks and brazil vacation

RacerX's picture

That guy is so beyond hope it's embarassing. When does someone call "uncle" and begin impeachment proceedings? I mean seriously.. WTF is this guy doing?!

SilverRhino's picture

He is doing his job: Weakening / Destroying the United States of America's worldwide influence and power.

Left or Right, if you ascribe this motivation to him. Everything he is doing starts making perfect sense.

Fish Gone Bad's picture

A politician's job is to talk out of both sides of his mouth, saying one thing and meaning another.  Is any politician different?

Practical Irrationality's picture

Don't you have to actually DO something in order to get impeached?

RacerX's picture

Lol.. "Gamma exposure".. lol. That's hilarious. I am laughing like a retard right now..

Let's hope the Theta decay works in our favor. Those pesky greeks..

Sweet Chicken's picture

Totally unrelated but Racer X is one of my most favorite things in the world. Black and yellow FTW!

duncecap rack's picture

That's the explanation! I just got home from work and have been trying to figure out what has pumped up the market so much. Next time there is a pause in the market they should set off a few nukes here.

savagegoose's picture

ever since %25 of our populatiuon started dying of radiation sickness, we havent had to lie about unemployment numbers so much. radiation is good for the economy.

knukles's picture

Here's the deal...
We got all the empty houses...
Japan got all the unhoused people...

We import the people and house them...
In exchange for forgiveness on our debt which they hold...

Then they all die or radiation sickness anyhow...
And we still got the houses...

Dude, a repeat of Pebble Beach, Rockefeller Center and and the upper half condo arrangement of Citicorp Center.

Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

Seriously, I thought about that--plane loads of Japanese with loads of cash coming to America and helping out with that housing slump. Right now I'm praying for two guys from Tokyo to start a bidding war on my mom's front lawn.

karzai_luver's picture

Cool. do they glow in the dark too?


As long as their bracket cards are wiped clean all it well.



NOTW777's picture

yeah and all the libyan rebels will be dead by the time the obama does something

NotApplicable's picture

He will just have to find other people to kill, then.

Bastiat's picture

Apparently that was the idea -- use the rebels to provide a reason to go in but be sure to wait until the rebels are not a viable force in the aftermath -- which of course they aren't if we let Gaddafi kill them all.

MachoMan's picture

Or, alternatively, posture and let gadaffi stay...  IF he keeps the oil pumping.

High Plains Drifter's picture

For the final smackdown , El Presidente for Life has instructed his troops to reduce Benghazi to ashes and to kill everything moving. Yeh I think that will about do it.........

High Plains Drifter's picture

How would you like it if we had a rebellion and some outsider came here and said that they thought they would have to interfere in our national business?  How would you like that?  It is not our responsibilty nor is it our business to bother other nations about their internal matters......

SoCalBusted's picture

"How would you like it if we had a rebellion and some outsider came here and said that they thought they would have to interfere in our national business? "


What's the downside?

mkkby's picture

That would be ideal.  We'll need lots of help getting rid of our corrupt gov.  Just like when the French helped us leave the King of England.

Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

Yeah, but how have we treated the French since then? F--- you, givers of the statue of Liberty!

-Michelle-'s picture

Oh, no worries.  False alarm.  There was a guy with a dirty bomb on the plane and that's what set them off.  Nothing to see here!

tmosley's picture

Someone had a copy of Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within in their luggage?

Send that guy to Guantanamo!

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Amazingly for someone over 50 I get that joke. I've watched it several time because Dr. Aki Ross is HOT. :>)

tmosley's picture

I enjoyed playing the games up through the tenth one.  When it came out, I thought that it would be as good as the storyline for one of them.  Sadly, they must have spent all their cash on the effects, leaving nothing for the writers, so they got an enviro-hippy to write it for free.

It was certainly a special effects spectacular, but the plot was just all over the place.  It might have made a good game--maybe a venture into the survival horror genre.

Ah well.  Not much time for games these days.

AccreditedEYE's picture

CD- I already knew you were the Man, but now even more so! :) LOL I'm a big old school final fantasy fan and just the fact you watched that movie at your age is great. Keep on keeping on sir.

Dolar in a vortex's picture

"... but he offered no details and said federal officials will be handling the situation."

He means Rahm.

NotApplicable's picture

Don't worry, it's cool. It's not like radiation can penetrate aluminum airline fuselages or anything.

So, I'm wondering how long it will take to contaminate every international airport?

rubearish10's picture

It's a good day in the market. No need to worry. USD/JPY might as well go offerless tonight. That'll even things out a bit better. Isn't that what we should expect?

Oh regional Indian's picture

Now I'm beginning to think that never lettign a good crisis go waste, this is somehow going to be used as an attempt to thrus NWO agenda. In some huge way. Clearly, world populations are on edge, were even before Japan, now more so.

At such times, people gladly give up their freedumbs for a little security.

Which is always a chimera or short-term anyways.

And they set them off in Rahm town too.



aheady's picture

Wondering that as well, ORI. Unreal.

defn8Dog's picture

Good thing they went digital with their cameras.

alien-IQ's picture

Finally!!!! A way to keep the TSA from sticking their fingers up your ass!

Revolution_starts_now's picture

"Finally!!!! A way to keep the TSA from sticking their fingers up your ass!"


Flying out of San Fran?

knukles's picture

Into San Fran.... into my boy!
Excuse me Spartacus, but you can only bring one pair of leather chaps and two hand tooled leather decorative Cricso tubs duty free.   

camaro68ss's picture

i wonder what its like to be radio active..... i guess i will find out soon living in california and all