Tokyo Passengers Set Off O'Hare Radiation Detectors

No seriously, it is all under control. And furthermore, the radiation detectors only go off on less than dangerous doses. And if that fails, GE can simply raise the sensitivity threshold on its scanners so no more vile, malicious false alarms such as this are set off in the future. "Mayor Richard Daley acknowledged today passengers on a flight from Tokyo had set off radiation detectors at O’Hare International Airport, but he offered no details and said federal officials will be handling the situation."

From Chicago Breaking News:

“Of course the protection of the person coming off the plane is very important in regards to any radiation, especially within their families and anything else,” Daley said at a downtown news conference to discuss his trip to China this week.

City Aviation Commissioner Rosemarie Andolino would only say, “We are aware that occurred yesterday. We are working with Customs and Border Protection on this issue." She referred reporters to the Department of Homeland Security.

And the follow up from Chicago Positive Spin News:

Federal officials found traces of radiation on a United Airlines jet that arrived at Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport from Tokyo Wednesday but determined that the plane’s cargo and passengers were safe.

Airline and government officials are reluctant to address their efforts to detect radiation contamination on U.S. aircraft at a time when some members of the public are jittery about possible fallout from Japan’s stricken nuclear plants.

It is unclear if those who set off the alarms will be arrested for smuggling illegal radiation from Japan, where gamma waves are being scared into hiding if one is brave enough to believe the domestic government.

Comments

[mkkby]

We had the solution to this in 1942 -- put anybody who even looks Japanese in a concentration camp. (sarcasm off)

[agNau]

You guy's are disappointing me. The scanners. The radiation from the body scanners is what is being detected. The radiation from the Japan will be blamed. Chertoff's body scanners are working perfectly as planned! "There are just too many people in this world!" Ted Turner

[eri]

I have heard rumours of USS Nimitz detecting high levels  of radiation 150 kilometres off Japanese shore, with about dozen marines flying over in helicopter being contaminated because they were not aware of radiation risk.

Apparently US is furious at Japanese for not providing them with info on how bad radiation really is and marines are being treated on aircraft carrier.

[chindit13]

A spokesperson for the Bureau of Labor Statistics said, "We're going to need a bigger Birth-Death adjustment", to which Economist Joe LaVorgna replied, "Day-Glo Green Shoots!"