Transocean Admits To Vocabulary Malfunction: Says 2010 Safety Wording "May Have Been Insensitive"

Tyler Durden's picture

A few days ago Transocean stunned every sapient creature (with a memory just a little longer than that of momos chasing every up and downtick of Travelzoo stock) in the world after it announced it had achieved an "exemplary" safety record last year as measured by its total recordable incident rate and total potential severity rate, which in turn justified executives' safety bonuses. For those who may have forgotten last year's unprecedented Gulf oil spill, this is comparable to TEPCO announcing next year that management will receive record bonuses due to the company's unprecedented ability to avoid hazard, not to mention nuclear power plant meltdown and recriticality. Luckily, it only took a few days for the firm's PR division to realize someone may get very angry with the company's spin of events, and as Reuters reports, the company has "acknowledged that its description of 2010 as its "best year in safety" despite a blowout that sank one of its rigs, killing 11 workers and causing a huge oil spill, might be insensitive."

More on this unbelievable vocabulary malfunction:

Ihab Toma, the company's executive vice president of global business, said some wording in that statement "may have been insensitive" given the Deepwater Horizon accident caused by a blown-out BP <BP.L> well in the Gulf of Mexico last year.

"Nothing in the proxy was intended to minimize this tragedy or diminish the impact it has had on those who lost loved ones. Everyone at Transocean continues to mourn the loss of these friends and colleagues." Toma said in a statement on Monday.

Earlier on Monday, U.S. Interior Secretary Ken Salazar had disputed Transocean's claim that its safety record last year justified executives' safety bonuses. He told reporters on a conference call that Transocean was "at some fault" for causing millions of barrels of crude oil to leak from the underwater well.

On Friday, the head of the Interior Department's Bureau of Ocean Energy Management had chastised Transocean Chief Executive Steven Newman for not doing more to encourage two employees to attend a hearing this week for the government's probe of the oil spill.

And while America continues to eat shrimp and who knows what which "most certainly" has far less than the legal threshold of oil content in it, the company's executives keep getting richer.

Newman, who became CEO of the rig contractor less than two months before the April 20 blow-out, received $6.4 million in 2010, including $850,000 in base pay and a $5.4 million long-term incentive award, according to the filing on Friday.

We can't wait for TEPCO's CEO to emerge from the hospital following his hospitalization for a headache a few days after Fukushima blew up, if only to collect his well-deserved multi-million bonus from a nationalized TEPCO, and for the general irradiated population to simply shrug its shoulders. After all, the conditioning treatment that nothing can ever change in the klepocratic oligarchy is now all too well embedded.

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Rodent Freikorps's picture

Newspeak is our reality now.

They don't even try to make it believable anymore. The average prole considers themselves "informed" is they watch 20 minutes of the Evening News.

It is over.

It only took the Dept. of Education two generations. Amazing.

Mad Max's picture

Department of Stupefaction.

Broder_Tuck's picture

I a decent society they would be lined up against the wall and shot for this.

Misean's picture

Hey, they didn't say they were doing god's work.

dark pools of soros's picture

it was only one spill..   plenty more at the supermarket

unwashedmass's picture


but not insensitive enough to forego the bonuses, and donate them to the families of the eleven that were lost, right?

MilleniumJane's picture

*head nodding*  I'm in complete agreement with you.  Funny how the public will settle for any clumsy explanation or apology but won't demand anything resembling justice for those who are affected by this disaster.

Lesson 1 for the masses:  psychopaths are incapable of empathy...they just imitate and mimic it so they can accomplish their evil deeds without much notice.

umop episdn's picture

“No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up” 

Lily Tomlin

disabledvet's picture

AT&T stock up!  Buy, buy, bye, by, Bayh!

knukles's picture

I get more shit for my insensitive comments.

Well in all honesty, they probably figure that they did only have one platform clusterfuck, not more. 
Like QE7.... need to do more because so far it hasn't done enough good and without it, we'd be worse off.  Another non sequitur marriage of QED and syllogystic logic.

Missions Accomplished!

treemagnet's picture

Its funny how a patriot is also a traitor....all in the same breath - just depends not on the viewpoint, but who stands to lose or gain.  Pardon the deep thought with Jack Handy - its the wine.  Now back to our regularly scheduled broadcast.

jkruffin's picture

I will do, or say, anything for a bonus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LostWages's picture

Their goal must have been to have less than 12 deaths and 3 spills.

I had been careful to eat only Pacific shrimp, now what?  Worried that if I combine Pacific and Gulf shrimp, they will ignite each other and blow up the kitchen.


Mad Max's picture

Try Mediterranean shrimp - I hear it's light and sweet right now, just south of Italy.

disabledvet's picture

still--EGS also known as Exploding Gulf Shrimp--is highly entertaining come BBQ time!

Bill D. Cat's picture

“No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up” 


 Damn . I thought that was from Stuff Jefferson Said , Vol IV .

Cistercian's picture

 I think another tag should be added to this article....FAIL

 Transocean...wasn't a happy joy joy celebration of epic safety occurring when the rig EXPLODED?Yes...and that is one EPIC FAIL!!!!

Jendrzejczyk's picture

"momos chasing every up and downtick of Travelzoo...."

I think another tag should be....RoboT pwned

Mad Max's picture

But besides that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?

In all seriousness there does some to be a fair bit of suggestion that the BP Macondo well disaster was largely BP's fault.  On the other hand, even if it's someone else's fault, it's hard for Transocean to say that they had a great safety year.

Wish I was benefitting from one of these bonus pools.

Miss Expectations's picture

Kind of gives "bonus pool" a whole new meaning.


Hephasteus's picture

It's the perfection of homo-psychoticus. Able to pat himself on the back and justify his reward in the face of killing 11 people on a burning oil platform. Pass this guy a nobel prize and citizenship award and emmy.

disabledvet's picture

I had a Macanudo disaster once.  Her name was Chloe...or was it Carrie?  Anywho....

Xibalba's picture

it's a really big ocean....and the human race is resilient. 





until it isn't.

max2205's picture

Historic spill. Better

treasurefish's picture

I disagree with Tyler's conclusions. This article fails to mention how many people Transocean kills per year.  I don't know what the number is, but if it was an average of 200 per year around the world, and last year they only killed 11, then statistically, that would be an excellent improvement - clearly, exceeding expectations.

Matt's picture

To be fair, they had 364 days where there were no fatal oil rig explosions, so that's a 99.726% success rate, which is pretty good.

glenlloyd's picture

pretty brazen pr spin IMO, it takes a lot of balls to have a catastrophe like that and still be able to print shit like that with a straight face.

alien-IQ's picture

Considering the fact that we have a president that was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize while simultaneously being engaged in 3 wars should make this claim by Transocean no big deal. In makes perfect sense. They are laughing at us and daring us to do anything about it. It's a game...and we, the people, are losing...BIG TIME.

tahoebumsmith's picture

Wording "May Have Been Insensitive"???? Just because a year has passed don't think many of us remember the truth about this accident. BP and Transocean had reported kicking problems with this well as early as Nov 09. They paid off the MMS into delaying and even canceling crucial tests that they knew the rig would fail. Transocean was fully aware that this well was out of control for months prior to the accident. And remember this...

SLB (Schlumberger)gets out to the Deepwater Horizon to run the CBL, and they find the well still kicking heavily, which it should not be that late in the operation. SLB orders the
“company man” (BP’s man on the scene that runs the operation) to dump kill fluid down the well and shut-in the well. The company man refuses. SLB in the very next sentence asks for a helo to take all SLB personel back to shore. The company man says there are no more helo’s scheduled for the rest of the week (translation: you’re here to do a job, now do it). SLB gets on the horn to shore, calls SLB’s corporate HQ, and gets a helo flown out there at SLB’s expense and takes all SLB personel to shore....


6 hours later, the platform explodes.



Yeah I know you changed the story about 3 times after this came out but the truth is was it is... So go ahead and give everybody bonuses for killing those innocent employees and causing the largest ecological disaster in history. You would think most of these people would be in jail? But no, here in the Fascist USSA you reward the Corporations for their mistakes and tell the sheep to bathe in the Corexit, eat the toxic shrimp and STFU. Kind of reminds me of Wall St. too...They totally send the Globe into an economic crisis and need to be bailed out to avoid bankruptcy yet they are rewarded with the largest bonuses in history? Welcome to the new America, a place where a bunch of greedy fascist pigs destroy everything around you and get bigger rewards based on the amount of damage and mayham they create.

honestann's picture

It taking bonuses on that basis isn't blatant hyper-fraud, then it certainly qualifies as crimes against humanity.

Broker NotBroke's picture

And what can we do!!!!?? DAMNIT!

Twindrives's picture

Pathetic.  But then again so is this country.   

-Michelle-'s picture

I just give up on the "news."  The doublespeak makes my head ache.  I flipped on the local station this morning to check out the squall moving our way and was treated to the talking heads celebrating the new "low" unemployment rate and acting positively giddy over McDonald's adding 50k new minimum-wage+$1 jobs to the economy.

Exemplary.  Sad.

Sweet Chicken's picture

As a recovering pacifist I wonder when someone will finally start shooting these SOB's!?!?!?

thames222's picture

"Exemplary."  Um, thanks for the blatant lie?  Thanks for polluting the environment, causing deaths of innocent workers and bringing tragedy to their families, and thanks for playing!  Let's try to use a little stronger wording than "might" when owning up to your mistakes.