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Unemployed In Britain? Just Proceed To The Magical Land Of Jobs
And you thought our own Christina Romer was somewhat "out of touch" with reality for noting that the higher unemployment gets, the worse the economy is, the more people stockpile on spam and pitchforks, the better a job Obama is doing. The Brits once again prove that when it comes to Keynesian reality shifts, they still have no equal.
From The Daily Mash:
UNEMPLOYED TOLD TO CLIMB DOWN RABBIT HOLE TO MAGICAL LAND OF JOBS
THE unemployed are to be relocated to a magical land full of talking
animals and cute, furry
jobs, the government has confirmed.
Welfare
Brian
the Rabbit needs a cleaner who will work for magic beans
secretary Ian Duncan Smith has opened a rabbit hole portal to the realm
of Bilbon where delightful, waistcoat-wearing mammals form lifelong
friendships with wise old trees.
In echoes of a speech given in
the 1980s by his dad, Mr Duncan Smith said that jobseekers who were not
prepared to leave this dimension were being 'unrealistic'.
He
added: "The people of Bilbon are crying out for hard-working humans to
perform any number of well-paid whimsical fairytale tasks, such as
working in the floating castle where dreams are made, or picking and
processing the cartoon fruit that run around on little human legs
getting up to all sorts of hi-jinks.
"It is the diametric
opposite of Sheffield."
Jobseekers who refuse to relocate to
Bilbon will have their benefits
stopped until they are forced to squat in the dreary council house they
have been defiling for the last 20 years.
Unemployed man Tom Logan said: "I've been out of work for so long
I've started referring to certain episodes of Murder She Wrote as
'classics'. Plus I keep catching hepatitis from the touch-screen
monitor in the job centre. Sorry, 'Job Centre Plus'.
"Anyway, I'm
ready to try the annoying-sounding fairy place. I don't relish the
prospect but on the other hand I've always quite fancied the Caramel
rabbit. I reckon she'd be very bendy."
However Bilbon pensioner
and pipe-smoking badger Bill McKay, said: "Despite being a talking
animal with half moon spectacles perched on the end of my nose, I have
unremittingly strident views on immigration and you'll find that many of
my fantastical friends feel the same.
"Bilbon is only a magical
land of joy and wonder because we've managed to keep all them fuckin'
gypos out."
h/t CreditTrader
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Sorry, how does this satyrical article prove that?
yeah. must be a slow news day.
Wait, this is satire? I thought this was a legitimate idea since governments around the world are fresh out.
Expected World population of 9 Billion by 2050. We have 6 Billion today and probably 2 Billion, unemployed, underemployed or just plan unemployable.
Is the human race running out of time? HAL are you there?
"Is the human race running out of time? HAL are you there? "
Be careful what you ask for... this is closer than you think.
that'll be this then.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0InYNeKkhs&feature=player_embedded
check the silly bint at 1min 05sec
"I fink its a stupid idea, I fink they should just make more jobs ere, innit? "
Yup. It would have made a lot more sense to do this in, say, 2004 when there were still some jobs to move to, but of course the Conservatives weren't in power back then, were they? Whisper it, but the Labour Party sometimes seems pretty comfortable with a UK where large swathes of the country are locked into dependence on benefit payments and public-sector jobs. And of course the Labour Party is by far the most ardent supporter of deficit spending - especially now that it doesn't have to produce a budget for 2010 or (probably) 2011 - so mocking the relocation scheme as a "Keynesian" program is especially off the mark. No-one's claiming that this is magic medicine for the UK's cyclical unemployment crisis; it's meant to be a treatment for the UK's structural problem of labour immobility.
Comment of the day, by far.
Actually had me LOLing, guvna!
Romer reminds me of the Harry Potter character Dolores Umbrage, except more despicable and evil.
I have an idea where this "rabbit hole" may be.
I think this satire was in response to the British govt talking about the need to move old people out of public housing so "job seekers" could move more easily.
A mobile job force is important. The housing crisis has made Americans much less mobile and has exacerbated our jobless recovery.
However, the idea that tossing "Grammie" out on the street to allow people to move for new job is thought a little over the top, by some.
Hard for an outsider to say what is fair but my first observation is this is what happens when people are dependant of the govt for housing, medical care, jobs, etc. Once the govt has all the answers, the questions all begin to sound like "who should we take care of and who should we screw over." That is all governments do, take from one group and give to another (after skimming most of the money for themselves).
England, in my opinion, is too far gone to ever come back (at least in foreseeable future). We, and most of western world are close behind.
A mobile job force is important.
Yeh - Turn the population into Pikeys, Gypsys, Travellers - They are a mobile force allrigth; but not "working" in the traditional interpretation of the word. But I am sure that the new British government will be satisficed with 50% suck-cess ... so "Pick up your Shit and Go"
I heard a great quote today: "England was one of the first nations to enter the age of enlightenment, and it is now one of the first to leave it."
Nevertheless, you do realise this is the UK version of The Onion, right?
The magical land for Poms is down under. No work visa required or work in that case. Fly's eyes are optional.
The Daily Mash is one of the things that my country still does well, namely satire, particularly against its own shortcomings. I refer you to such previous gems as 'Women Upset About Something, Say Men'
Obviously a pisstake to anyone with half a brain, but I bet somebody junks me...
I think this little story is closer to reality then yesterday's "the US must extend unemployment benefits to boost jobs"...
If ten percent of people stop making money, what do you think that will do for other jobs?
If *one* person stops making (printing) money, namely Bernanke, what do you think that will do for other jobs?
The ten percent in your example are spending future income and not making (producing) anything.
Highly sustainable situation, don't you think?
One of the stories is making fun on the reality, the other is trying to fool me into lala-land. Pick one.
Seven billion sometime in July
People will hate our Gov for it, but they are doing the right thing. There are so many non jobs in the UK.
Labour stats:
38M people of working age.
28M employed
6.5M employed by government
22M private sector
1.5M unemployed yes 1.5M out of 10M people without a job are classed as unemployed)
2.5M incapacitated (Apparently a wheelchair business is what you need to run in Britain)
Too damn right the government needs to shrink. Nearly a third of the size of the private sector!
Too damn right the government needs to shrink. Nearly a third of the size of the private sector!
Well, don't feel so bad. It's even worse in France.
"Non-job of the week" - http://www.taxpayersalliance.com/waste/
38-22=16
16/38*100=42.1% parasites
And that is just the stat on quantities
They get paid more for doing nothing too.
They only break into a sweat when they fuck dogs
Get real
Awwww, I thought this was just a typo in an article about manufacturing tariffs:
Lawmakers seek to speed efforts to stop Asian carp
Maybe we need to make the Fourth of July more like the First of April while the jokers stack the deck....
so... has this site just jumped the shark? for good?
Aaaaaayyyy!
One of my friends is a Director of a Juvenile Delinquent home in the UK for very violent young offenders under the age of 18. Once they turn 18 most of them end up in prison. All of them have horror story families and backgrounds - mother a prostitute, crack addict, abuse, etcetera.
It costs the UK government 25,000 pounds a month to house one of these offenders in the "home". (about 20 residents in thie privately operated facility). They all come from families (used loosely) who live in council housing, receive government assistance for all of their needs and have never worked, ever. His company did a study and figured that each family of one of these offenders costs the UK government about 1 million pounds per year. A sum they neither have the skill or ability to ever earn. Now multiply these wards of the state by about 2 million and you see the problem in the UK. NOTE: The US has similar problems as well.
I worked for a public housing agency in college. The cyclical nature of poverty was the most depressing thing.
If you have some 50-year-old living in public housing and collecting checks for some mysterious "disability" the odds of getting them off the dole are low.
So my conclusion was that you have to just focus on their kids and try to break the cycle. But now we have multiple generations of poor parenting. Kids being raised by a single mom, who in turn had a single mom, who in turn was raised in a dysfunctional family. These people have zero frame of reference of what a functional family even looks like. They couldn't do it if they tried.
Not all poor families are like this by any stretch, but too many of them are.
Mad Hatter == Alistair Darling
Nothing is truly sustainable. Not even the sun. Eventually it will burn out or explode. Certainly the UK economy is and has been shall we say overly reliant on the public sector, so too has the US. Theirs is just more magnified due to slight policy differences and more importantly a much smaller land mass and smaller population.
But it is baffling to me how inept public officials and the chain of lobbyists that determine their policies are. (shifting to the US, here)
Ending the unemployment benefits or really any public austerity is surely the fastest way to a minor gain in poll numbers but its also the surefire way to destroy the whole house of cards these same people are intent on maintaining!
Those checks stop coming in and those people stop buying their Iphones and there will be a new wave of further unemployment. Everyone on this site knows the market is a HFT playground, I actually can't wait for the day when some 250,000 people get laid off in a week and the Dow jumps up 100 points. I cannot wait to see the kind of spin the cheerleading squad will have to put out there.
Seriously, the only real way to end unemployment like this is a complete redistribution of wealth and a massive population decline. Go open a history book and tell me what kind of event is required to meet those criteria and that is surely what happens next.
The only question is, who invades who? Where does it start?
Anyone who's ever bothered to pursue a real career already has about half his earnings *redistributed" to the Entitled dependents who have no interest in ever working and have been told their whole lives they're owed something.
What possible level of redistribution do you think would somehow make the math work out, and not bring us even more poverty and wealth destruction as has happened in every case so far?
And on that note, I think a viewing of "Dr. Strangelove" is in order tonight!
- The truth is not always a pleasurable thing-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZV_lIwmz5E&feature=related
Someone is going to have to answer to the Coca Cola company.
Great line. Interesting avatar Drinkingjacket?
How can I apply?
How can I apply?
Its some sumerian tablet about their beer god/goddess. I thought it appropriate given "Drinkingjacket" and that we are all getting fucked 24/7. At least that's what the internets told me.
+1000 LOL.
You just need to label the person standing up as "congress" and the one bent over as "the public".
hahahaha
Daily Mash is my second morning visit after you guys. Its brilliant. But I never thought i would see a DM article here!
It indeed refers to a coalition proposal to make it easier for unemployed people receiving housing benefits in their current location to get equivalent benefits from a housing association closer to a job in a different area in order to increase workforce mobility. Currently you can't take that job because you lose your right to public housing.
It refers to a decades earlier policy of 'getting on your bike to find work' and should be applauded on this site as reducing the welfare trap that so many brits find themselves stuck in ie pay more tax and lose your housing benefits if you take that available job across town.
Also it reduces NuLab client voters which can't be a bad thing....
Certainly a lot of details like that to take into consideration. Thanks windows vps | cheap vps | cheap hosting | forex vps