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Unfuckingbelievable: Goldman Has Zero Trading Loss Days In Last Quarter

Tyler Durden's picture





 

If you ever wanted to see what monopoly looks like in chart form, here it is:

In the quarter ended March 31, Goldman made money on every single trading day. The firm did not record a loss of even $0.01 on even one day in the last quarter. That's 63 days profitable out of 63 trading days. The statistic probability of this event is itself statistically undefined. Goldman is now the market - or, in keeping with modern market reality, Goldman is the house, it controls the casino, and always wins. Congratulations America: you now have far, far better odds in Las Vegas that you have making money with your E-Trade account.

Adding to the alice in wonderland insanity of this announcement, the firm made over $100 million daily on 35 different days. Of Goldman's $9.7 billion in total Q1 revenue, 76% came from trading. Forget investment banking, forget underwriting, forget advisory: over three quarters of the firm's value is based on being the house to the biggest corrupt casino in existence. Ever.

 

 


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Mon, 05/10/2010 - 08:57 | Link to Comment AccreditedEYE
AccreditedEYE's picture

Just got done reading this over on Bloomberg. WTF??!! There is just NO WAY this is legit. How do rational people look at this and say "wow, they must be good." Jezus, how many signals need to go off before somebody does something about these scum bags??!! KILL THE SQUID!!

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:04 | Link to Comment doublethink
doublethink's picture

 

(Reuters) - Goldman Sachs Group Inc, facing fraud charges from U.S. securities regulators, on Monday warned that more litigation and investigations could be coming.


Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:55 | Link to Comment AccreditedEYE
AccreditedEYE's picture

I'm hoping for something with a lot more teeth... I want them dismantled. It's the only way you really end it all. Otherwise, they write in SEC settlements into their profit forecasts and it becomes a cost of doing business.

Tue, 05/17/2011 - 02:10 | Link to Comment Karston1234
Karston1234's picture

Congratulations America: you now have far, far better odds in Las Vegas that you have making money with your E-Trade account.psychology school
engineering degree

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 12:08 | Link to Comment prkr01
prkr01's picture

Thinking Lenny Dykstra must be running the trading desk

 

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 12:15 | Link to Comment BlackBeard
BlackBeard's picture

Phhhhtt someone obviously hasn't been watching their recommended dosage of CNBC.  Hook up that IV and get some of that koolaid from our favorite tiny titty anchor E. Burnett baby! YEAH!

Thu, 08/11/2011 - 08:07 | Link to Comment mediahuset
mediahuset's picture

Thanks for the tips, maybe I can use this ended my tufted marketing and I've been use untold anulus media in run a interaction and they someone existing a big amend on me.

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Mon, 05/10/2010 - 08:58 | Link to Comment ghostpirate
ghostpirate's picture

this is fucking unreal... the raping of America continues.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:00 | Link to Comment TomB
TomB's picture

That's how God's work looks like.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:01 | Link to Comment john_connor
john_connor's picture

This is called a vertically integrated super monopoly.  It's like a manufacturing company that controls all of its supply chain, or in the case of a food company as an example, also controls the FDA.  LMAO.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:01 | Link to Comment Missing_Link
Missing_Link's picture

"WHO RUN BARTER TOWN????!?"

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 11:18 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Master Blaster run barter town. Looks a lot like Blankfein.

Tue, 05/11/2010 - 00:07 | Link to Comment Crab Cake
Crab Cake's picture

I do appreciate your evocative thoughts and words CD, but that is the best post you've ever had.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:02 | Link to Comment Gold Hedger
Gold Hedger's picture

My god

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:03 | Link to Comment LoneStarHog
LoneStarHog's picture

/sarcasm on/ Now wait just a minute here.  Have none of you kept up over the years with the Yahoo! boards, where only the greatest traders since Jesse Livermore reside?  According to the posters, in the last TEN YEARS no one has lost on a trade, either long or short.  So why is this story considered so unbelievable? /sarcasm off/

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:03 | Link to Comment unwashedmass
unwashedmass's picture

 

i don't know why you guys are so surprised...they run the game, they own the government, in fact, they are now running the global financial system.

any thought that the US government has any power any longer to control them or their activities is a pipe dream. its over.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:43 | Link to Comment Sisyphus
Sisyphus's picture

I don't think anybody is surprised at this. Tyler's not expressing surprise; he is just decompressing or gradually floating down from an Endorphine induced high. And in that process he is just uttering random words and phrases, which makes it seem that he is surprised, but he isn't. Let me give you an example. Are you surprised when you orgasm after a long ****? It is to be expected, right? You call her names, your utter the name of the God you believe in, you tremble and shake and make weird faces, but you aren't surprised. This is exactly similar to that. GS ****s us and orgasms every single time; how is that not statistically possible? There is no statistics, mathematics or economics involved in this. This is just Biology. It is their love for us and how they express it by fornicating with our future and enjoying every minute of it.

By the way, I have read that 9 out of 10 folks on this web site don't trade for a living. Hence, most of you are nincompoops.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 13:50 | Link to Comment Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

So Goldman made money every single trading day in the past quarter? Let's express the question in statistical terms: if I flip a coin 63 times, and it comes up heads 63 times in a row, what are the odds of it coming up heads again on the next toss? Well-schooled non-traders will say that the odds remain 50-50, regardless of previous outcomes. Traders will realize that if a coin comes up heads 63 times in a row, the next toss will be heads also, for the simple reason that the coin is dishonest and the game is rigged.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:06 | Link to Comment Sigma X
Sigma X's picture

Its as simple as you're playing Stu Ungar in a game of no limit holdem and he's staked by the Fed, and you've got your kids piggie bank.  Guess who's going to win that one..  I'm suprised it took GS this long to open up a bank "branch" so that they can borrow our money to take our money away from us.  It shows they're not as smart as some people think...lol

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:15 | Link to Comment silvertrain
silvertrain's picture

 Yep,  gs uses its monoply status to self deal....

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:54 | Link to Comment Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Good ol' Stewie was also coked out on pixie powder...much like Wall St.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:05 | Link to Comment Brett in Manhattan
Brett in Manhattan's picture

I think the analogy is that Goldman can see the flop before the cards are turned over.

And, may I suggest a less dated reference, perhaps Phil Ivey. lol.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:07 | Link to Comment Goods
Goods's picture

Now that's what I call doing god's work.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:08 | Link to Comment Handle with care
Handle with care's picture

Market has been very volatile.  Up and down a few percent a day.  Frequently even within a day.

 

And on no occasion, not a single one, were GS caught on the wrong side of a volatile move.

 

This to me is very clear evidence that they are controlling the market

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:16 | Link to Comment Cookie
Cookie's picture

Hints of Madoff.....

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:28 | Link to Comment The Rock
The Rock's picture

exactly, they should all be butt-fucked in prison like him too.  that would be the only justice.  they can read their "quantitative ponzinomics for dummies" book to bubba as he's working them from the back.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:54 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Anybody ever consider that Madoff may have been the front for something bigger than Madoff? My question isn't so much what was Madoff doing but who's doing it now that Madoff is gone? Madoff's Ponzi was a front for something else and Madoff took the sword for whatever reason.

It's all there folks, laid out in front of us like a 3000 piece puzzle. Only in this case there's no picture on the front of the box to guide us and in fact the picture slowly morphs each day. But none the less it's all there. Who's up for some group puzzle solving?

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:26 | Link to Comment Rick64
Rick64's picture

I got a couple pieces for you. Madoff+AIPAC=Mosaad in America.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:19 | Link to Comment The Rock
The Rock's picture

GS - excuse me, i believe the term is "unbefuckinglievable".

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 11:14 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

LOL

Grammar Nazi. There's one in every wood pile. :>)

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 13:32 | Link to Comment SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Whew!  Glad you cleared that up!

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:23 | Link to Comment Cursive
Cursive's picture

If we had an electorate who cared, this would mean something.  It would be a red light.  But, no, the CNBS crowd will explain to us what Masters of the Universe the gaggle of 20-something GS employees are....

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:50 | Link to Comment Argonaught
Argonaught's picture

The electorate does care.  You wouldn't see so much misplaced vitriol between the "two" parties if people didn't care.  The majority of them are just uneducated and/or raised by ex-hippie baby-boomers to believe that Peter (the future) can always be robbed to pay Paul (themselves). 

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 11:06 | Link to Comment declineNfall
declineNfall's picture

the Greek electorate care and have said no thanks,

the bovine electorate of the US doesnt even have the intelligence to look up from the cud, let alone the courage.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 11:29 | Link to Comment Argonaught
Argonaught's picture

Nonsense.  The Greek electorate is not different.  They have had their punchbowl taken away.  So now they riot!  It will be no different in Germany, the UK, or the US when the alcohol disappears.

Where was the Greek electorate when the government was raping the future for the present?  Answer: living the easy life on bribes from the gov't.  Or maybe throwing rocks at the banana-eating Germans sitting in the trees.  :)

Tue, 05/11/2010 - 04:45 | Link to Comment declineNfall
declineNfall's picture

americans have had their punchbowl taken away and yet we see no reaction.

the banking reform bill is a travesty of justice, no reaction. while the greek parliament discussed their new bill, the greeks demonstrated their anger.

greece was run by a military junta until 1974, maybe the fear of oppression is fresher in the peoples minds?

and what s wrong with bananas? perhaps not enough sugar?

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:22 | Link to Comment UGrev
UGrev's picture

and the obviousness will go un-noticed by MSM and "the cops". Nothing to see here, move along. 

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:23 | Link to Comment GS is short Gold
GS is short Gold's picture

the difference is that casinos actually do have losing days when a whale gets lucky. GS never loses.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:29 | Link to Comment tlil5774
tlil5774's picture

If this creates enough negative press maybe they'll throw in a few negative days on purpose next quarter in order to appear more human :)

 

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:33 | Link to Comment chunkylover42
chunkylover42's picture

lol!

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:43 | Link to Comment RemiG2010
RemiG2010's picture

So, when does Goldman Sachs change name to Goldman-Madoff LCC?! Or are they just masters of universe in screwing everyone in the markets with their HTF Hal 9000?!

 

 

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:36 | Link to Comment silvertrain
silvertrain's picture

Perfect is no problem, all 30 dow stocks are up..

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:38 | Link to Comment theprofromdover
theprofromdover's picture

I always thought it was un-be-fucking-lievable.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:39 | Link to Comment unwashedmass
unwashedmass's picture

 

you know, there is one thing we could do.....we could all start calling GS, the main switchboard, and just asking which way the market is going to go on an given day....

if we could get thousands and thousands of calls going in, that would tie things up....along with showing them that some of the peasants ain't too happy about having their cash stolen for lloyd's bonus.

 

 

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:10 | Link to Comment The Rock
The Rock's picture

great idea! 

Media Contact:
Lucas Van Praag
Tel: 212-902-5400

Investor Relations Contact:
Dane E. Holmes
Tel: 212-902-0300

 

btw, did you know that COO Gary Cohn is speaking tomorrow?

http://www.vanityfair.com/images/business/2010/01/goldman-sachs-1001-01.jpg

http://www2.goldmansachs.com/our-firm/press/press-releases/current/ubs-conference-announcement.html

 

http://www2.goldmansachs.com/our-firm/press/contacts/index.html

 

 

 

 

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 11:58 | Link to Comment Duuude
Duuude's picture

And ask them

 

WHY THE FUCK THEY CAN GET FREE $$$ FROM THE FED

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:44 | Link to Comment Astute Investor
Astute Investor's picture

I didn't know that HarryWanker worked at GS......

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:54 | Link to Comment EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

It's easy, when you play in a rigged market.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 09:55 | Link to Comment Popo
Popo's picture

It's like, they're not even TRYING to make it look legit.

Not only are they obviously guilty, but they're obviously confident that nothing can touch them.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:01 | Link to Comment jbt6561
jbt6561's picture

The more important question is what happened on the 7 days that they earned $25-$50M...I hope someone was fired for that underperformance.  I have a sell rating on the stock until we can see a full quarter of only $100M plus days of net trading revenue.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:09 | Link to Comment Dburn
Dburn's picture

+1

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:30 | Link to Comment silvertrain
silvertrain's picture

 I think that was due to low volume on sunday..Lot of people sleep in so there wasnt that much that could be made.....

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:08 | Link to Comment Tarheel
Tarheel's picture

wow, thats a great record. i hope they publich a book of trading secrets soon so i can increase my profits...

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:09 | Link to Comment Brett in Manhattan
Brett in Manhattan's picture

Goldman gets too much of the credit/blame. It's a High Priest/Rabbi of the financial establishment, but not the whole thing. I'm sure most of the other big broker/dealers showed similar results.

Poker is an easy game when you can see the other guy's hole cards.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:14 | Link to Comment The Rock
The Rock's picture

but they are one of the 4 American o.b.'s (original bankstas).

o.b. tampons come in 4 different aborbencies to meet your needs on any day of the global period.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:10 | Link to Comment DeweyLeon
DeweyLeon's picture

Maybe someone could start a rumor that GS is shorting porn.  Then we'd see the sec after them hammers a tongs (thongs?).

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:18 | Link to Comment qussl3
qussl3's picture

What's crazier is that the squid knows that nobody can touch them such that they throw all pretense aside and brazenly proceeds to fleece us all.

 

If that isnt evidence enough that the game is rigged and the refs bought i dunno what is.

P.S: Thank you and keep up the good work ZH :)

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:24 | Link to Comment -273
-273's picture

They finally got Sergey's software dialed in perfectly.

This perfect record is not really a surprise, as they themselves state:

“The bank has raised the possibility that there is a danger that somebody who knew how to use this program could use it to manipulate markets in unfair ways”

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:21 | Link to Comment joneog
joneog's picture

They should atleast manipulate the data a little to produce some losing days. 

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 10:22 | Link to Comment wawawiwaa
wawawiwaa's picture

The issue is that they call it "TRADING DAYS" as if they were trading. They are not trading they are front running and back running and side running and doing circles around client orders and call it trading.

Guy gets an order to buy a 100mln worth of a bond for a big client. Buys 95 for the client 5 for him marks it up for the client and presto he is a "Trading" genius. That created a positive trading day. The guy had NO RISK..

The question is why institutions don't trade w/ each other rather than dealing w/ these guys?

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 11:48 | Link to Comment Mark McGoldrick
Mark McGoldrick's picture

Quick logic flow:

If Godman is "doing God's work," as quoted by their CEO

And the primary work for Goldman is trading stocks (76% of revenue)

Therefore work is synonymous with trading.

Then one can assume that Goldman is "doing God's trading."

In conclusion, Goldman is simply fulfilling God's trade orders. 

--

Lesson learned:  Do no pray to God between the hours of 9:30 and 4. God is glued to his Bloomberg terminal, watching swap spreads in Europe.  It is also advisable not to pray between 5pm and 6pm, as God is most likely listening to the Fast Money Crew.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 13:00 | Link to Comment The Rock
The Rock's picture

LOL

Btw, their God = Satan (a squid-like manifestation)

 

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 12:51 | Link to Comment stoverny
stoverny's picture

Step right up ladies and gents, place your bets!  Every hand a winner!

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 13:52 | Link to Comment Paul E. Math
Paul E. Math's picture

I would say it really is the opposite of God's work that Goldman does.

Many of the brightest and hardest-working people go to Goldman because that's where the money is.

But they squander the talent, intelligence and ambition that God gave them on an endeavor that is utterly devoid of social utility.

These people could be curing cancer, developing clean energy, designing rockets to Jupiter.  But they are trading securities back and forth solely for their own profit, at the expense of people who make real things of real value.

Goldman Sachs is an acursed disgrace.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 17:04 | Link to Comment TheDreadPirateR...
TheDreadPirateRoberts's picture

it would be interesting to see the same graph, but this time for the results of the clients for whom they manage money.

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 17:37 | Link to Comment GS is short Gold
GS is short Gold's picture

I've asked this before- Tyler, is it possible to see the results of other players like MS and JPM for the same quarter? 

Mon, 05/10/2010 - 22:59 | Link to Comment Euro Dude
Euro Dude's picture

There's nothing nothing sinister or illegal going on here. Goldman's just better than the rest. For example, Morgan Stanley lost money on only four days in the last quarter: 

http://www.morganstanley.com/about/ir/shareholder/10q0510/10q0510_files/...

Wed, 05/12/2010 - 23:59 | Link to Comment Arthur
Arthur's picture

Goldman Sachs expected in December 2008 to pay $14 million in taxes worldwide for 2008 compared with $6 billion the previous year, after making $2.3 billion profit and paying $10.9 billion in employee pay and bonuses  Source:  

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goldman_Sachs#GS_Capital_Partners

 

It is amazing how tone deaf GS is, how is that place structured?  You would think that they take a few losses just for show.  

I wonder if GS truly believes that it can not be touched or rather that GS will ultimately be torched and those in power at GS are collectively grabbing what they can.  After all, if Goldman is ultimately sacrificed by the Feds to save the Fed/politicians butts, we all know that there will never be a claw back of distributed bonus's.

How many ZH'ers could manage to provide for several generations of their offspring if they were given 30-100 million in bonus money?   How many would be willing to risk tanking the economy knowing that you and yours would be safe?  Greed is a powerful motivator. Too bad the politicians forgot that the market place is no different then the "real world"  without locks and police, courts and judges and yes lawyers anarchy would reign.  Of course many of the politicians were just as greedy only they sold out for pennies on the dollar when they removed restrictions on the investment banks, allowed a lax SEC and encouraged Fannie & Freddie to support the subprime market. 

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 15:44 | Link to Comment kenny56
kenny56's picture

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Wed, 02/23/2011 - 02:17 | Link to Comment shawnlee
shawnlee's picture

If we had an electorate who cared, this would mean something. It would be a red light. But, no, the CNBS crowd will explain to us what Masters of the Universe the gaggle of 20-something GS employees are....

quite incredible,

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Sat, 03/26/2011 - 03:51 | Link to Comment shawnlee
shawnlee's picture

If we had an electorate who cared, this would mean something. It would be a red light. But, no, the CNBS crowd will explain to us what Masters of the Universe the gaggle of 20-something GS employees are....

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Wed, 04/20/2011 - 05:44 | Link to Comment shawnlee
shawnlee's picture

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Mon, 04/25/2011 - 07:15 | Link to Comment george22
george22's picture

They (banks and Congress) put a gun to FASB's head and got themselves bonuses from 2008 - 2016 while standing on insolvent rubble. We're not even forcing them to recap their own insolvent banks under a shadow old FASB regime, so that they may once again pay themselves bonuses when they're solvent under the old FASBPower Steering Conversion Kit

Mon, 04/25/2011 - 07:15 | Link to Comment george22
george22's picture

They (banks and Congress) put a gun to FASB's head and got themselves bonuses from 2008 - 2016 while standing on insolvent rubble. We're not even forcing them to recap their own insolvent banks under a shadow old FASB regime, so that they may once again pay themselves bonuses when they're solvent under the old FASB
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Mon, 05/23/2011 - 00:02 | Link to Comment kummar
kummar's picture

Adding to the alice in wonderland insanity of this announcement, the firm made over $100 million daily on 35 different days. Of Goldman's $9.7 billion in total Q1 revenue, 76% came from trading. Forget investment banking, forget underwriting, forget advisory: over three quarters of the firm's value is based on being the house to the biggest corrupt casino in existence. Ever. testking 000-115
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Mon, 05/23/2011 - 00:03 | Link to Comment kummar
kummar's picture

Adding to the alice in wonderland insanity of this announcement, the firm made over $100 million daily on 35 different days. Of Goldman's $9.7 billion in total Q1 revenue, 76% came from trading. Forget investment banking, forget underwriting, forget advisory: over three quarters of the firm's value is based on being the house to the biggest corrupt casino in existence. Ever. testking 70-293
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Tue, 05/31/2011 - 00:22 | Link to Comment kummar
kummar's picture

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kummar's picture

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Tue, 06/14/2011 - 04:43 | Link to Comment kummar
kummar's picture

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Sun, 06/26/2011 - 11:02 | Link to Comment sun
sun's picture

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Mon, 06/27/2011 - 02:53 | Link to Comment mediahuset
mediahuset's picture

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Tue, 07/12/2011 - 05:22 | Link to Comment john310
john310's picture

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