Unfuckingbelievable: Goldman Has Zero Trading Loss Days In Last Quarter

Tyler Durden's picture

If you ever wanted to see what monopoly looks like in chart form, here it is:

In the quarter ended March 31, Goldman made money on every single trading day. The firm did not record a loss of even $0.01 on even one day in the last quarter. That's 63 days profitable out of 63 trading days. The statistic probability of this event is itself statistically undefined. Goldman is now the market - or, in keeping with modern market reality, Goldman is the house, it controls the casino, and always wins. Congratulations America: you now have far, far better odds in Las Vegas that you have making money with your E-Trade account.

Adding to the alice in wonderland insanity of this announcement, the firm made over $100 million daily on 35 different days. Of Goldman's $9.7 billion in total Q1 revenue, 76% came from trading. Forget investment banking, forget underwriting, forget advisory: over three quarters of the firm's value is based on being the house to the biggest corrupt casino in existence. Ever.


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AccreditedEYE's picture

Just got done reading this over on Bloomberg. WTF??!! There is just NO WAY this is legit. How do rational people look at this and say "wow, they must be good." Jezus, how many signals need to go off before somebody does something about these scum bags??!! KILL THE SQUID!!

doublethink's picture


(Reuters) - Goldman Sachs Group Inc, facing fraud charges from U.S. securities regulators, on Monday warned that more litigation and investigations could be coming.

AccreditedEYE's picture

I'm hoping for something with a lot more teeth... I want them dismantled. It's the only way you really end it all. Otherwise, they write in SEC settlements into their profit forecasts and it becomes a cost of doing business.

Karston1234's picture

Congratulations America: you now have far, far better odds in Las Vegas that you have making money with your E-Trade account.psychology school
engineering degree

prkr01's picture

Thinking Lenny Dykstra must be running the trading desk


BlackBeard's picture

Phhhhtt someone obviously hasn't been watching their recommended dosage of CNBC.  Hook up that IV and get some of that koolaid from our favorite tiny titty anchor E. Burnett baby! YEAH!

mediahuset's picture

Thanks for the tips, maybe I can use this ended my tufted marketing and I've been use untold anulus media in run a interaction and they someone existing a big amend on me.


ghostpirate's picture

this is fucking unreal... the raping of America continues.

TomB's picture

That's how God's work looks like.

john_connor's picture

This is called a vertically integrated super monopoly.  It's like a manufacturing company that controls all of its supply chain, or in the case of a food company as an example, also controls the FDA.  LMAO.

Missing_Link's picture


Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Master Blaster run barter town. Looks a lot like Blankfein.

Crab Cake's picture

I do appreciate your evocative thoughts and words CD, but that is the best post you've ever had.

LoneStarHog's picture

/sarcasm on/ Now wait just a minute here.  Have none of you kept up over the years with the Yahoo! boards, where only the greatest traders since Jesse Livermore reside?  According to the posters, in the last TEN YEARS no one has lost on a trade, either long or short.  So why is this story considered so unbelievable? /sarcasm off/

unwashedmass's picture


i don't know why you guys are so surprised...they run the game, they own the government, in fact, they are now running the global financial system.

any thought that the US government has any power any longer to control them or their activities is a pipe dream. its over.

Sisyphus's picture

I don't think anybody is surprised at this. Tyler's not expressing surprise; he is just decompressing or gradually floating down from an Endorphine induced high. And in that process he is just uttering random words and phrases, which makes it seem that he is surprised, but he isn't. Let me give you an example. Are you surprised when you orgasm after a long ****? It is to be expected, right? You call her names, your utter the name of the God you believe in, you tremble and shake and make weird faces, but you aren't surprised. This is exactly similar to that. GS ****s us and orgasms every single time; how is that not statistically possible? There is no statistics, mathematics or economics involved in this. This is just Biology. It is their love for us and how they express it by fornicating with our future and enjoying every minute of it.

By the way, I have read that 9 out of 10 folks on this web site don't trade for a living. Hence, most of you are nincompoops.

Amish Hacker's picture

So Goldman made money every single trading day in the past quarter? Let's express the question in statistical terms: if I flip a coin 63 times, and it comes up heads 63 times in a row, what are the odds of it coming up heads again on the next toss? Well-schooled non-traders will say that the odds remain 50-50, regardless of previous outcomes. Traders will realize that if a coin comes up heads 63 times in a row, the next toss will be heads also, for the simple reason that the coin is dishonest and the game is rigged.

Sigma X's picture

Its as simple as you're playing Stu Ungar in a game of no limit holdem and he's staked by the Fed, and you've got your kids piggie bank.  Guess who's going to win that one..  I'm suprised it took GS this long to open up a bank "branch" so that they can borrow our money to take our money away from us.  It shows they're not as smart as some people think...lol

silvertrain's picture

 Yep,  gs uses its monoply status to self deal....

Temporalist's picture

Good ol' Stewie was also coked out on pixie powder...much like Wall St.

Brett in Manhattan's picture

I think the analogy is that Goldman can see the flop before the cards are turned over.

And, may I suggest a less dated reference, perhaps Phil Ivey. lol.

Goods's picture

Now that's what I call doing god's work.

Handle with care's picture

Market has been very volatile.  Up and down a few percent a day.  Frequently even within a day.


And on no occasion, not a single one, were GS caught on the wrong side of a volatile move.


This to me is very clear evidence that they are controlling the market

Cookie's picture

Hints of Madoff.....

The Rock's picture

exactly, they should all be butt-fucked in prison like him too.  that would be the only justice.  they can read their "quantitative ponzinomics for dummies" book to bubba as he's working them from the back.

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Anybody ever consider that Madoff may have been the front for something bigger than Madoff? My question isn't so much what was Madoff doing but who's doing it now that Madoff is gone? Madoff's Ponzi was a front for something else and Madoff took the sword for whatever reason.

It's all there folks, laid out in front of us like a 3000 piece puzzle. Only in this case there's no picture on the front of the box to guide us and in fact the picture slowly morphs each day. But none the less it's all there. Who's up for some group puzzle solving?

Rick64's picture

I got a couple pieces for you. Madoff+AIPAC=Mosaad in America.

The Rock's picture

GS - excuse me, i believe the term is "unbefuckinglievable".

Cognitive Dissonance's picture


Grammar Nazi. There's one in every wood pile. :>)

SilverIsKing's picture

Whew!  Glad you cleared that up!

Cursive's picture

If we had an electorate who cared, this would mean something.  It would be a red light.  But, no, the CNBS crowd will explain to us what Masters of the Universe the gaggle of 20-something GS employees are....

Argonaught's picture

The electorate does care.  You wouldn't see so much misplaced vitriol between the "two" parties if people didn't care.  The majority of them are just uneducated and/or raised by ex-hippie baby-boomers to believe that Peter (the future) can always be robbed to pay Paul (themselves). 

declineNfall's picture

the Greek electorate care and have said no thanks,

the bovine electorate of the US doesnt even have the intelligence to look up from the cud, let alone the courage.

Argonaught's picture

Nonsense.  The Greek electorate is not different.  They have had their punchbowl taken away.  So now they riot!  It will be no different in Germany, the UK, or the US when the alcohol disappears.

Where was the Greek electorate when the government was raping the future for the present?  Answer: living the easy life on bribes from the gov't.  Or maybe throwing rocks at the banana-eating Germans sitting in the trees.  :)

declineNfall's picture

americans have had their punchbowl taken away and yet we see no reaction.

the banking reform bill is a travesty of justice, no reaction. while the greek parliament discussed their new bill, the greeks demonstrated their anger.

greece was run by a military junta until 1974, maybe the fear of oppression is fresher in the peoples minds?

and what s wrong with bananas? perhaps not enough sugar?

UGrev's picture

and the obviousness will go un-noticed by MSM and "the cops". Nothing to see here, move along. 

GS is short Gold's picture

the difference is that casinos actually do have losing days when a whale gets lucky. GS never loses.

tlil5774's picture

If this creates enough negative press maybe they'll throw in a few negative days on purpose next quarter in order to appear more human :)


RemiG2010's picture

So, when does Goldman Sachs change name to Goldman-Madoff LCC?! Or are they just masters of universe in screwing everyone in the markets with their HTF Hal 9000?!



silvertrain's picture

Perfect is no problem, all 30 dow stocks are up..

theprofromdover's picture

I always thought it was un-be-fucking-lievable.

unwashedmass's picture


you know, there is one thing we could do.....we could all start calling GS, the main switchboard, and just asking which way the market is going to go on an given day....

if we could get thousands and thousands of calls going in, that would tie things up....along with showing them that some of the peasants ain't too happy about having their cash stolen for lloyd's bonus.



The Rock's picture

great idea! 

Media Contact:
Lucas Van Praag
Tel: 212-902-5400

Investor Relations Contact:
Dane E. Holmes
Tel: 212-902-0300


btw, did you know that COO Gary Cohn is speaking tomorrow?









Duuude's picture

And ask them



Astute Investor's picture

I didn't know that HarryWanker worked at GS......

EscapeKey's picture

It's easy, when you play in a rigged market.

Popo's picture

It's like, they're not even TRYING to make it look legit.

Not only are they obviously guilty, but they're obviously confident that nothing can touch them.

jbt6561's picture

The more important question is what happened on the 7 days that they earned $25-$50M...I hope someone was fired for that underperformance.  I have a sell rating on the stock until we can see a full quarter of only $100M plus days of net trading revenue.