USS KOBAYASHI MARU: Erection Day Simulation (Scam Trek)

williambanzai7's picture


STAR DATE NOVEMBER 1, 2010: Here is the latest poll result from Reuters: 

Americans unhappy with the economy are poised to hand control of the House of Representatives to Republicans in Tuesday elections that are shaping up as a rebuke of President Barack Obama, a Reuters/Ipsos poll found on Monday.

Fifty percent of likely voters said they will choose a Republican candidate when they vote while 44 percent said they will pick a Democrat, the national survey showed.

Republicans are likely to win some 231 seats in the House and take control of the chamber, the poll projected.

Ipsos pollster Cliff Young predicted Democrats would hang on to control of the Senate with either a margin of 52 seats to 48 for Republicans or 53-47.

Obama has enjoyed one-party rule in Washington since taking power nearly two years ago. The election result, if it plays out the way the pollsters say it will, would mark a stark reversal of fortunes for him.


I know what many of you are thinking....this sucks!!!

Tomorrow is election day, and you are caught between a rock and a hard place. Obama's hope and change parade, turned out to be one big hopeless mirage. Now his party will be suitably punished for their collective transgressions.

Meanwhile, the alternative is equally as ugly. Those who had a mighty hand in creating our Titanic economy during the Bush years are preparing to re-enter the political stage in a state of delusional triumph! This is their reward following two years of political obstructionism, in many instances paid for by their lobbyist masters on K Street.

What do you do, vote for the feckless "bought" Democrat, the feckless bought Republican or the Tea Party unknown unknown?

You are in a proverbial "no win" situation.

Tonight, millions of Americans will ask themselves the same questions: Should I stay home or should I lodge a protest vote against the incumbents even though it means voting for yet another political hack or nut job? In the rare rare case, you will actually be able to walk in and vote for someone who is competent, qualified and off the Wall Street payroll. Dream on...

As a reader of Zero Hedge, you know better than to believe we are a nation of two distinct political parties. For all practical purposes there is only one party, the "Party of the Payroll".

Here is the Banzai7 ten cents worth. Whatever you do, make sure it sends a strong message.

Strong message usually means voting against Mr In by voting for Mr Out. If you have to do it. Hold your nose, then do it. But please make sure you make the effort to send a communication of some kind to your newly elected representative telling him or her in no uncertain words, that he or she is on probation. It is really the only way to handle this. Keep your message brief and to the point please. Longer than a page is far too long for your average Capital Hill ADS inflicted politico.

Remember, if you are a disaffected voter, not voting is what they, the anointed ones, want you to do. Better to throw a monkey wrench into the works. Every election is obviously unique. It is up to you good citizen,  to decide what kind of monkey wrench you want to throw. But if you vote without throwing one, you are really squandering your most valuable asset.

The dilemma is yours to resolve. Which brings me to the Kobayashi Maru.

If you are a Star trek fan, you know what I am talking about. If not, this will bring you up to speed:

"The Kobayashi Maru is a test in the fictional universe of Star Trek. It is a Starfleet training exercise designed to test the character of cadets in the command track at Starfleet Academy.

The Kobayashi Maru test was first depicted in the opening scene of the film Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan and also appears in the 2009 film Star Trek.

The test's name is occasionally used among Star Trek fans or those familiar with the series to describe a no-win scenario.

Rescuing the civilian vessel Kobayashi Maru is the notional primary goal in a simulated battle with the Klingons. The ship is disabled and the approaching cadet crew must decide whether or not to attempt rescue of the Kobayashi Maru crew – potentially endangering their own ship and lives – or leave the Kobayashi Maru to certain destruction.

The difficult decision to assist the Kobayashi Maru revolves around the issue of the disabled ship's location being in the Klingon Neutral Zone, as entering the zone would be in violation of the Organian Peace Treaty.

The cadet is faced with a decision:

Attempt to rescue the Kobayashi Maru's crew and passengers, which involves violating the Neutral Zone and potentially provoking the Klingons into hostile action or an all-out war; or

Abandon the Kobayashi Maru, potentially preventing war but leaving the crew and passengers to die.

If the cadet chooses to save the Kobayashi Maru, the scenario progresses quickly. The bridge officers notify the cadet that they are in violation of the treaty. As the starship enters the Neutral Zone, the communications officer loses contact with the crippled vessel.

Klingon starships then appear on an intercept course. Attempts to contact them are met with radio silence; indeed, their only response is to open fire with devastating results. There is no way to win the resulting battle, especially since the computer is allowed to "cheat" to guarantee defeat; the simulation ends with the understanding that the cadet's ship has been lost with all hands.

The objective of the test is not for the cadet to outfight the opponent but rather to test the cadet's reaction to a no-win situation...."

[Source: Wikipedia]

The following images will aid you in your Election Day Kobayashi Maru simulation...
















[Hint: They are both Dem Senators][Hint, Hint: One is majority leader, the other is a paid for by Wall Street douche bag]











I said it before and I will say it again. Your most precious asset as an American is not gold, it is your right to vote.



PS: Captain James T. Kirk took the test three times while at Starfleet Academy. Prior to his third attempt, Kirk surreptitiously reprogrammed the simulator so that it was possible for him to rescue the freighter.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Clark_Griswold Hedge Mnger's picture

Erection Simulation or Election Stimulation...which I guess either way it amounts to the same thing.

If only we had a sound byte of Kirk saying "Ramming Speed Mr. Sulu"  to which Sulu would reply "oh yeah"

SustainablePower's picture

I don't believe in the no win scenario...

Going by the book, Hours could seem like Days.

How do we program to "rescue" the ship of state after its destruction?


tahoe69's picture

Tea Party is bought. They couldn't resist the free donuts and bus rides.

ClassicalLib17's picture

You are obviously not a member. Have you ever watched an asphalt roller in action, Mr. Bitumen?

williambanzai7's picture


The Geisha on the right calls herself Miss Kobayashi Maru of Tokyo, London and NYC, a "Borg Burlesque Queen" who plays regularly in St Marks Place and Coney Island

The guy in the middle is the T Party Candidate for the East Village's picture

you do know about Geisha.....s. i really like her and she is naked except hose. i have a great new BIG geisha mask going. do you have an email, and i would send you a picture, of just the mask mind you, not me.  i am sure i would offend sweet william. i think you would enjoy seeing it. but it is probably better in person but since everything is virtual nowadays that is  improbable. why don't we have a party at the NYC zerohedge headquarters?

goldsaver's picture

Isn't number 2 from the left Kelly from Married with Children?

colorfulbliss's picture

If voting made a difference, it would be illegal.

williambanzai7's picture

That is what they say in North Korea

colorfulbliss's picture

To be sure, I will be voting. But I don't recall a past election  that had left me as apathetic as i feel today. To vote for the liar that one believes has lied the least implies that I endorse  liars.  <shakes fist> Damn you KOBAYASHI MARU!!!!!!!!!!!!

williambanzai7's picture

Apathy is part of their play book

Nikki's picture

I am looking forward to Senate leader Schumer protecting us from Bernanke..

nmewn's picture

"But please make sure you make the effort to send a communication of some kind to your newly elected representative telling him or her in no uncertain words, that he or she is on probation."


The cool thing is...everyone is waking up from a trance. The thought that our "salvation" would come from the cities of Chicago & San Francisco?

I'll be just as critical of this next crew fiscally...mark fact more so. 

williambanzai7's picture

They may have the controls,  they have to be reminded someone is building a gallows in their garage ;-)

blindman's picture

@ "probation" ?

they are suspect of treason on entry.


nmewn's picture

I'll give anyone the benefit of the doubt...many missed my ripping of W on fiscal matters...drugs for seniors started it off for me before he ever got in.

I'm a fiscal conservative first, with a Jeffersonian mindset...everything else is secondary. 

blindman's picture

drugs for big pharma.  the seniors mostly died.

suspect i say.

DosZap's picture


Who has screwed us, vote for the ones that haven't yet......simple.

williambanzai7's picture

Unless they want to outlaw masturbation?

zen0's picture
by OutLookingIn
on Mon, 11/01/2010 - 16:35



 Remember - you shirk your responsibility to vote - you give up the right to bitch!


As long as they put a gun to my head and steal part of my paycheck, I can justifiably bitch up a shitstorm.


williambanzai7's picture

If you don't vote, but bitch as a weapon of protest that is fine as well.

But bitchin and staying home is not fine. ;-)

prophet's picture

I plan to vote "No".

Zon's picture

im voting straight libertarian if no libertarian, than ill write in myself

williambanzai7's picture

That is a great idea, the Party of Myself!

Buck Johnson's picture

It is a no win situation thats for sure, but who to give it too.  I think maybe it's a good idea to give the house to the republicans.  If Obama didn't do the things he truly wanted because of protecting the blue dog democrats, maybe losing one of the houses can send a message to the democrats.  In fact I would like to change it from giving the House to the democrats to giving the Senate to them.  It would shake them up even more to realize they could have passed anything they wanted via the 51 vote thing (bush did it all the time).  It wasn't the republicans holding up them voting what they want, it was the dems trying to give cover to a few dem senators who needed more republicans on a bill for protection of their jobs in the senate.


williambanzai7's picture

Since we already have paralyisis, we might as well have it with Republicans looking for the new Monica Lewinsky ;-)

IQ 145's picture

 It absolutely amazes me that anyone can get interested in this bought off circle jerk called congress; but then there's NFL stats. so, there you are.

blindman's picture

congress is the people's arm of the government.  you are not

a citizen of the usa?  are you?

oldmanagain's picture

Looks like the clueless will have plenty of candidates to vote for.

Mr. T.'s picture

once again, banzai makes T's day.

kobayashi maru the new mexican standoff.

(and the f-ing maths captcha questions are too easy for T.

T has google.)

williambanzai7's picture

Pity the fools tomorrow ;-) 

tamboo's picture

beam down some open source voting machines.

williambanzai7's picture

Scotty is busy printing money for the candidates

Rodent Freikorps's picture

You rock, WB7!

Spanking Uhura? I'll be in my bunk...

Okay, now that is done, if the devil-you-know wants to eat your brains, why not take a chance the new guy?

williambanzai7's picture

The "new guy party" should be the heavy favorite. Hmm... New Guy Party...sounds like a new cougar thang ;-)'s picture


really willy it is erection disjunction day.

your so funny. it really helps. not a trekkie, but can do the

in HOCK V finger sign pretty good, my wHOLE life.

when i have more time, i am going to tell a story. about a KUNG FU fighter that bullied and threatened me and my new girlfriend golfer. i should of thrown him the V sign. he told us we were acting like WOMAN, and WE needed WISDOM.

blindman's picture

uranus klingons?  ed koch and henry kissinger? 

no, schumer, not koch.  he must go.'s picture

ed kock and his bro suck. COKE (kock) park in aspen, these brothers are holdin' up this town with BS. probably has been for decades, a good place for coke deals. what would they think, if the precious Kock Park with volleyball nets etc. were being exploited for the DEAL.

blindman's picture

" the heart is the weapon."  and it is war.


ps. funny stuff.  a vote for republicrat is wasted. 

and the cross over into independent is also wasted, with

few exceptions.  vote outside the box. 

currently it is all about a viable way to steal money from

retirees through political hand off to the "market" geniuses.

pensions and real estate.  teed up for looting. 

end the fed.




this last one is the thing!  with the one and only mr. jesse ed davis!