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We Are Not Ungrateful...
We would be remiss if we did not acknowledge that the recent free ad campaign on behalf of Zero Hedge by General Electric has been much appreciated. We thought it is only fair to return the favor with some advertising of our own.
Gratuitous lampoonery compliments of reader John
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OK, that's good. Now run it against those 18,000 sub-second ad slots you secured. Epic win ensues.
Ballsy. I love it. So happy you guys are offshore now.. Funny that you have to get out of this country to get any kind of freedom. Actually, nevermind thats not funny.
I Stopped watching CNBC in early 07.
I watch Bloomberg for business news in the morning.
I seriously LOVE FOX BUSINESS nowdays for evening rants....I thought media is dead, but FOX Business guys are so against the administration and so vocal and open that it amazes me.
GOOD WORK FOX!
Sad thing is that they're merely juicing their demographic, which has a large proportion of dittoheads who STILL believe that WMD's were found in Iraq and that Saddam was involved with Al-Quida. If McCain were prez, the story would be very different, even with the same policies (and let's recall him honestly from his Keating Five days.)
Nonetheless, they are now serving a VITAL function.
GOOD JOB, FOX! How 'bout continuing the heat on GS and really digging into the FED????
I DVR several Fox Business shows.
Happy Hour has the fun bar scene element and offers a solid amount of content during each show. Ron Paul was a recent guest, and ZH has been mentioned on the show too. Once in a while you'll hear annoying platitudes and foolish comments (usually by Rebecca), but it's generally a good show.
Cavuto covers a few big topics in each show and is usually on the mark for this crowd (an exception is GS, unfortunately). Good guests, too.
This station provides the only evening news I can stand to watch. As Bob stated, they are serving a vital function.
I think CNBC is going to have a Fight Club primetime special shortly, to try to get their viewship over 2 in that slot.
that is too, too funny... and true!!!
I like it!
A very well done piece by John.....very funny. thanks for the laugh!
ROFL!!...Freakin Hilarious.. Wheres the head line "Dow eaks out 400 point gain on worse than expected news"
it took me a few sub-seconds to realize it was fake. excellent work.
Now about that Kudlow coke...
"it took me a few sub-seconds to realize it was fake."
LOL - this is actually even funnier than his post - LOL :-)
Much of that is exactly what people are thinking even though they can't stop watching.
There was a movie that became a blockbuster in France (I forget the name of that). People came in droves to watch how miserable it was with no plot and terrible acting. Such is CNBC.
very good
My next water heater will be bradford white, my next fridge whirlpool, my next, you get the idea.
Bubblevision has a website??
Like shooting fish in a barrel. Keep spanking the monkey(that be CNBS).
"MARK IT ZERO, DUDE"
Bernanke - Rarggghhhh, I am a tiger (honest)
Absolutely funnny, greeting from Slovakia :). absolutideas
Ha, ha, ha! Excellent!
so, cnbc, answer me this: are your attorneys going to take the bait?
I wonder if the folks at CNBC realize what a can of worms they have opened? Their viewership is already tumbling, and now any credibility they may have had amongst the woefully uninformed will be tested even more. This stuff will make folks embarrassed to actually watch CNBC and take it seriously, driving away the few watchers they have left.
If they're smart over at CNBC, they'll give up the ghost of pretense that they offer anything of substance, and just play themselves for the farce that they are. Admit that they are Jon Stewart's Daily Show or the Colbert Report, albeit for business. There may be more of an audience for the parody than the real thing, which of course is in itself a parody.
It's worth a try, CNBC.
They are in the OMDS (Old Media Death Spiral). I have watched old media outlet after old media outlet declare war on the blogosphere and try to discredit bloggers and every last one of them has lost. CNBC is more stupid than most. They have all these examples, but these bastards actually believe they're relevant. The only question is how long it will take before GE pulls the plug on this turd and all these shameless stock whores have to look for real jobs. Hey, maybe they could trade (he says, licking his chops).
huh? CNBC does great reporting
http://www.cnbc.com/id/31905302
best analysis they've done in years - (interesting how the red states dominate? oh and Jesse should of got #1 spot)
FUCKING PRICELESS!!!!!
Another banner day for the Goldman Prop Desk.
The most epic NDX short squeeze since 1992, capped off by a breakout over the 200-day on the DIA and SPY, which probably all but destroyed the 3rd quarter performance of more than half of Goldman's biggest hedge fund clients.
Easiest and fastest money made by the GS Prop Desk was to run all the shorts out of the market, hyping up the fabled v-shaped, 2nd half recovery.
Now Goldman is making a killing on the other side, as they no doubt ran the tape to new extremes in order to pre-position for the earnings bombs dropping after hours.
Some of the stocks that ran the hardest were those which are absolutely the least likely to perform in a record-high unemployment environment.
Exhibit A is TrueBlue, "the leading provider of blue-collar staffing connecting approximately 500,000 people to work through the following brands: Labor Ready, Spartan Staffing, CLP Resources, PlaneTechs, and TLC. Headquartered in Tacoma, Wash., TrueBlue serves approximately 250,000 small to mid-sized businesses in wholesale, services, transportation, manufacturing, retail, and construction industries."
Can you think of a firm least likely to perform today?
Well, the stock was ramped up by 40% on all-time record volume:
http://bigcharts.marketwatch.com/quickchart/qui...
Other financial stocks, riddled with toxic assets, unmarketable derivatives, and other assorted garbage were also ramped.
Like Hartford, up 17% on no news I could find.
http://bigcharts.marketwatch.com/quickchart/qui...
And then there are the consumer discretionary stocks, like companies which install or maintain swimming pools. Wonder how many unemployeds are out there installing new pools in their backyards? Results were absolutely horrific:
Pool Corp. said Thursday its fourth-quarter loss widened to $11.6 million, or 24 cents a share. In the same period a year ago, Pool Corp. lost $5 million, or 10 cents a share. Sales fell 6% to $300.8 million. The swimming-pool company blamed falling home prices and slowing constuction for the loss.
That didn't matter today. The stock ramped 27% today. Again, just like SBUX a couple of days ago, on all-time, world record volume:
http://bigcharts.marketwatch.com/quickchart/qui...
Meanwhile, tomorrow we have to look and see where the Keno Tables will be tilting, as its pretty much a guarantee that there will be some rotation.
Perhaps some money will flee back into the U.S. Dollar and the AAA-rated "gilt-edged" U.S. Treasury securities.
Or maybe everyone will unload tech stocks and flee into some other sector, like consumer staples, biotech, health care, or whatever.
Money never leaves the casino. It simply rotates around to greener pastures.
Anyone see that red dress Becky Quick wore today? Man, she looked like a harlot out of Copenhagen. Warren Buffett must have been sitting at his desk with his jaw agape when he saw her on the monitor this morning.
And how about Michelle Caruso-Cabrera and Charlie Gasparino attacking the "no-name" bloggers today? Wonder what Dennis Kneale will be saying tonight. No doubt, he will have to add his two cents in.
Fantastic
Anonymous, I love you.
I higher rez pic would be nice.
Click on the pic.
It should open up in a new window.
Click on it again.
Central Neo Bullshit Channel
Another banner day for the Goldman Prop Desk.
The most epic NDX short squeeze since 1992, capped off by a breakout over the 200-day on the DIA and SPY, which probably all but destroyed the 3rd quarter performance of more than half of Goldman's biggest hedge fund clients.
Easiest and fastest money made by the GS Prop Desk was to run all the shorts out of the market, hyping up the fabled v-shaped, 2nd half recovery.
Now Goldman is making a killing on the other side, as they no doubt ran the tape to new extremes in order to pre-position for the earnings bombs dropping after hours.
Some of the stocks that ran the hardest were those which are absolutely the least likely to perform in a record-high unemployment environment.
Exhibit A is TrueBlue, "the leading provider of blue-collar staffing connecting approximately 500,000 people to work through the following brands: Labor Ready, Spartan Staffing, CLP Resources, PlaneTechs, and TLC. Headquartered in Tacoma, Wash., TrueBlue serves approximately 250,000 small to mid-sized businesses in wholesale, services, transportation, manufacturing, retail, and construction industries."
Can you think of a firm least likely to perform today?
Well, the stock was ramped up by 40% on all-time record volume:
http://bigcharts.marketwatch.com/quickchart/qui...
Other financial stocks, riddled with toxic assets, unmarketable derivatives, and other assorted garbage were also ramped.
Like Hartford, up 17% on no news I could find.
http://bigcharts.marketwatch.com/quickchart/qui...
And then there are the consumer discretionary stocks, like companies which install or maintain swimming pools. Wonder how many unemployeds are out there installing new pools in their backyards? Results were absolutely horrific:
Pool Corp. said Thursday its fourth-quarter loss widened to $11.6 million, or 24 cents a share. In the same period a year ago, Pool Corp. lost $5 million, or 10 cents a share. Sales fell 6% to $300.8 million. The swimming-pool company blamed falling home prices and slowing constuction for the loss.
That didn't matter today. The stock ramped 27% today. Again, just like SBUX a couple of days ago, on all-time, world record volume:
http://bigcharts.marketwatch.com/quickchart/qui...
Meanwhile, tomorrow we have to look and see where the Keno Tables will be tilting, as its pretty much a guarantee that there will be some rotation.
Perhaps some money will flee back into the U.S. Dollar and the AAA-rated "gilt-edged" U.S. Treasury securities.
Or maybe everyone will unload tech stocks and flee into some other sector, like consumer staples, biotech, health care, or whatever.
Money never leaves the casino. It simply rotates around to greener pastures.
Anyone see that red dress Becky Quick wore today? Man, she looked like a harlot out of Copenhagen. Warren Buffett must have been sitting at his desk with his jaw agape when he saw her on the monitor this morning.
And how about Michelle Caruso-Cabrera and Charlie Gasparino attacking the "no-name" bloggers today? Wonder what Dennis Kneale will be saying tonight. No doubt, he will have to add his two cents in.
Robot:
EMAIL ME! So I can set up charts for you.
Marla
http://seekingalpha.com/article/106445-general-electric-genuine-risk-of-...
No article about GE/CNBC/NBC is complete without an extensive comment about Immelt groveling to the Guvamunt for a credit default swap bailout.
Please make Robot Trader one of the contributors.
x2
x3 - one of the funniest effin dudes out there.
I like it when Becky bites her lip.
thank you as always for your EXCELLENT daily summary, robo. The Pool Corp. example is simply astounding.
This is like dot.com but worse! At least then they pretented to have earnings and blue sky potential
now you make losses and hurrah, fantastic news
All of this pumping on thin volume to suck some outsider / Fund / MOMO money in place so it can be bum-rushed into Treasuries next week to save the $235B auctions?
This is all unbelievably good news. Incredible opportunities!
After the demise of my old short favorites, including DSL, WM, FNM, FRE, LEH, ABK, BSC, BAC and SPG, I thought such opportunities would never return. Yet the spring is again coiled.
This four month ramp has shown me that you can go home again.
Similar action in SKX HNI JRN and other heavily shorted low-quality names. Try screening message boards for "what just happened" or similar to find more odd behaviour.
Apocalypse Now- CNBC has turned into the Onion.
What a disgraceful comparison for Onion!
Thank you
Being I threw my TV out in the street and hung a reef garlic on that bastard 8 years ago I'm liking this in a big way. It only keeps reinforce the fact that it was the correct thing to do.
there's my desktop background....
I think this war just went nuclear.
ahhhh, after being forced to turn bull with all the green (bull)shits around, then selling waaaaay too early as I had no idea Dennis Kneale was right and the recession IS actually over...This was exactly the laugh I was waiting for. Thanks!!!
Never tell me the odds
http://market-ticker.denninger.net/archives/1254-Moronic-Media-Is-Redund...
This is nice. This needs to be elevated to the front page of ZH.
Another awesome post. Well said.
I'm fucking pissed, you missed the advertisement for free blow jobs from Maria on her private Citibank Jet
And Charlie's too....
Did you see the ad by Cramer. A weekend with his teen daughter offshore in Costa Rica if you follow all his buy signals for a 6 month period. But you have to use his preferred online broker TDAmeritrade/ThinkOrSwim for all trades. I can't wait for him to offer the same deal for his mom.
Maria does have some DSLs doesn't she?
I went to CNBC to read the horse face article and I couldn't find it>>WTF??? Any links?
Excellent!! I fell off my chair!!! :o)
Can I sue GE for that?
Speaking of peeling back the cnbs onion layers:
"Live Poll Allows Pundits to Pander ..."
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/new_live_poll_allows_pundits_to
That is almost as funny as the 2 hour Bubblegasm spectacular going on now on that stupid network! FYI, the over/under on Maria hair flips is 13.5 during the show. I've counted 3 in the first 17 minutes of non-commercial air time.
Oops, it's all one big commercial, how the hell do we segregate that?
this is awesome. lets get them. expose the sham
are they really having a celebratory dow 9000 show on cnbc - the truth is stranger than fiction - i no longer have the ability to decipher between reality and farce.
oh well
When was that Bernanke taken from and what was he saying?
Was it 'This is the sub-prime problem and how we can contain it?'
My how he has aged!
Nah, it was from his pep-talk with Rahm and Turbo Tim, after Timmy finished his second presser and crashed the Dow another 500 points.
TIMMY: They didn't like me... I made a fool of myself...BEN: Baby, don't talk that way, baby...
RAHM: You are so money, and you don't even know it...
BEN: That's what I keep trying to tell him. (to Tim) You're so money, you don't even know...
TIMMY: Please, don't mess with me right now...
BEN: We're not messing with you...
RAHM: ... we're not...
BEN: You're like this big bear with claws and fangs...
RAHM: ... and big fuckin' teeth...
BEN: ... and teeth... And they're like this little blogger, cowering in the corner...
RAHM: ...shivering...
BEN: ... And you're just looking at your claws like "How do I kill this blogger?"...
RAHM: ...You're just poking at it...
BEN: ... Yeah. You're just gently batting it around... and the blogger's all scared...
RAHM: ... and you got big claws and fangs...
BEN: ... and fangs... and you're like "I don't know what to do. How do I kill this blogger?"...
RAHM: ... you're like a big bear.
TIMMY: You're not just, like, fucking with me?
BEN: No, baby!
RAHM: ... honestly...
BEN: ... you're money...
RAHM: ... you're so fuckin mmmoney.
BEN: Now go over there and get those guarantees.
RAHM: You're money.
Hurry up everybody! CNBC has a special on teevee called "DOW 14000 - 5000 = 9000. The Summer Rally"!
I hope you are not giving them ideas for story lines, I'd do more fluck on you for more quality content. Just add 'on ZI' after every sentence.
Do you realize nothing is "real" anymore?
It is all simulacrum. There is no distinction between "reality" and "parody." The market is a parody of itself. Parodies of the news are more "real" than the news because they contain more truth. The truth is, there is no truth.
There is no market. Free market, manipulated market, over regulated market, all illusions. Simulacrum. THERE IS NO MARKET.
We are being sucked into madness cause they suck.
Denniger's tried a "Starve the Beast" campaign. TD said some posts back "Stop Trading."
We are insane. Trying to correct the market. Asking for justice. Hoping for something real out of Barofsky. Exposing the lies.
Everyone knows it's a lie. We already know that. Still we plot and plan and strategize and want to try to "get over" on them as they are "getting over" on us. We are them. Or they are us writ large.
You know what we need to do. We just don't have the courage. As much as this site and a few others are awesome, we don't have the real courage to do what is really needed.
STOP.
Scheming, trading, buying, selling, depositing, shopping.
STOP.
Then we would have them on their knees.
Yes.
Love to hate. Addicts until the wheels fall off and we all get real jobs. (oh crap there arn't any)
http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/f/fa/The_Game.jpg
The Game: We Just Lost
When "celebrities" are faced with a less than "adoring" public, it usually turns out to be quite interesting.... I would think that CNBS would throw in the towel and go back to ignoring ZI, but those mental midgets have enormous egos. THIS IS GOING TO GET GOOD!!!
Lol--Ok....this is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. I guess what's making me laugh hard enough to make me cry is that it's really not much of a stretch. To the person who made this.....thank you!!
funny
"CNBC Opinion: Why economy unnecessary for rebound" - perfection
This is such a well-behaved and dignified website. Why? No doubt a hundred readers saw the Bernanke pic in the parody above and thought, but did not write: Cramer and Kneale, time to go long male enhancement products.
lols
Tyler, you should team with the folks at the Onion, and do a piece together on CNBC :)
Good. Very Good.
Awesome, you need to add digg to this site so we can digg it up.
The toolbar is the best,
Home / Lies / Fabrications / Cheerleading...etc...
LMFAO!!
So funny........looking forward to Gasbag's response tomorrow.
Thanks......
With apologies to Al Goldstein from about 40 years ago, there is certainly another punchline for Bernanke's two measurements picture. Al's picture was of John Ehrlichman holding his left hand up, forefinger and thumb mere inches apart.
Does anyone know what Mr. Ehrlichman measured that day?
CW
Awesome!
Every purchaser of CNBC advertising deserves a copy of this thread.
Sorry I am late to the party. But.... Do you all recall the first "Ball Street Journal?" Like that I just am wetting myself laughing. Truly this is the only thing that ticks them off. Vivid Humor!! Like Rush speeding up Dearest Leader's tapes on the air along with the other earaserheads. The opposite of war is not peace it is poetry. This will kill them, more- more- more. Oh and this type of humor is what maddened the commmies in eastern europe in the 60-70's MORE!!
What did Sarah Jessica Parker ever do to you?
Use good oxygen....
But SJP does look like a horse
I used to watch CNBC until a comedian opened my eyes and then I discovered the alternative financial media on the web. Haven't switched on CNBC since. My source is FINVIZ. Is there another source that summerizes good financial bloggs?
ROFL this is my new wallpaper
I want a t-shirt with that on it. Priceless.
Yeah, me too. LOL.
genius
Awesome, I love it... CNBC is the biggest BS station, i can't believe I used to watch that show.
Crying... Seriously, that was belly laugh good!
Someone please stop this. It is simply not fair.
Roundhouse haymakers vs. rope-a-dope, shield the children.
CNN was smug too. Oops. Like hey, anybody seen my lunch.
lehman bros. got me. Kudos.
Good stuff, surprised to see it's still here.
Looks like this got plugged on CNBC
http://www.cnbc.com/id/32124959
I sent CNBC some hate mail. Those f*$%@!# can eat @#$% and @#$% and @#$%^ ...
classic!!!!
i get it. but i don't get it. "I'm a cnbc viewer". i also watch fox. But nahhh. i'm on cnbc's side on this one.
i get it. but i don't get it. "I'm a cnbc viewer". i also watch fox. But nahhh. i'm on cnbc's side on this one.