A Werewolf In Dollar's Clothing
The only thing better than Alan Grayson? Matt Taibbi on Alan Grayson.
Turns out the vampire squid progenitor had gotten in some hot water with the Congressman way back when:
I have personal experience with… well, let’s call it the unique personality
of Alan Grayson. In his capacity as an attorney he once basically
threatened to have me dismembered and have my body parts dumped in a
tin canister and fired into the center of a burning supernova. And
that’s actually underselling the real language he used. We were having
a disagreement about the use of information given to me by a certain
source in a story about military contracting, and in the middle of what
had been a normal contentious argument between two sane adults, dude
suddenly assumed this crazy monster-voice and just went medieval on me.
He was roaring into the telephone about how he was going to crush me,
how I was going to wish I had never messed with him, how I didn’t know
who the hell I was dealing with, and so on. One phrase I remember in
particular was, “I am going to strip the bark off of you!” It
came totally out of the blue and it was like being on the telephone
with a metamorphosing werewolf — the whole performance genuinely
freaked me out. I may even have peed a little, I can’t remember.
Yet it seems the Hunter Thompson of the bailout generation has managed to bury the hatchet:
When I heard Alan Grayson was running for Congress, I remember thinking to myself, That Alan
Grayson? The lunatic? It can’t be, I thought. I kept imagining trails
of half-eaten sheep leading to his campaign appearances. But it turned
out to be true. And when I checked, his platform turned out to be quite
sane and even kind of interesting. Then he got elected and I suddenly
started seeing his name attached to all of these calls for
transparency, various crusades for FinReg reforms, etc.
And now every time I see Alan Grayson, he’s tearing some freaked-out
bureaucrat a new asshole in the middle of some empty conference room in
the Capitol somewhere. I see the looks on the faces of these poor souls
and I know exactly what they’re going through. Which is just hilarious,
frankly. Especially since these people all tend to deserve it, like
this nebbishy little creep Alvarez quite obviously does.
And, as expected, at the end of the day the humor of the situation is not lost on Taibbi...
P.S. I should point out — I’ve gotten a couple of letters on this already — that by crazy,
I definitely mean Grayson sounds off his rocker when questioning
Alvarez. Although the Fed is certainly guilty of almost everything
Grayson accuses them of, the line of questioning is just bizarre. What
Grayson does here is sort of like asking someone to just admit to being
an axe murderer. Just admit it! Admit you murder people with axes. We all know what your denials mean! That said, this doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the suffering of Alvarez in this exchange.
...Nor is it lost on the rapidly becoming a cult figure Grayson himself, who astutely realizes that just as silver is to werewolves, so the dollar is to the Fed. It appears when interrogating Bernanke's henchmen, what better way to distract them, than to prominently sport clothing featuring nothing less than the one symbol of modern capitalism hated the most by the Federal Reserve.
Alan Grayson featuring a werewolfian grin, and a tie
And, at the end of the day, when dealing with the only force in the world more powerful than the vampire squid, the only weapons available are humor and truth. Expect much more of both in non-mainstream media outlets near you.