What Gets An SAC Portfolio Manager $1.3 MM? Lots Of Insider Trading, Banging Hookers And Running Around Naked While High On Shrooms

Tyler Durden's picture

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
ILikeBoats's picture

Perhaps the "golden handcuffs" were something more than a metaphor ...

Blano's picture

I'd take that gig.

malikai's picture

I've just applied. If you get in my way, you're dead.

AUD's picture

Shit, I'm in the wrong game.

lizzy36's picture

Fucking rookie error, ingesting more, when the first batch hasn't been digested.

Stevie, scrapping the bottom of the barrel with this dude.

bonddude's picture

Spent half the night picking holographic fruit off the wall. Yep i've seen rookies before.

Village Idiot's picture

Rookie moves can also be the best of times. I remeber running around with my best buddies in a 1974 LTD convertible. We pulled up on the bluffs next to Hoag Hospital and howled like wolves under the methane gas blowoff tower. The flames blowing out of the tower, moon full in the sky...very animalistic.Ran in to some girls. They dug the whole wolf thing. Good times.

RF's picture

V.I., you are dating yourself, talking about the bluffs at Hoag. You old enough to remember the Rendezvous?

Best regards,


ToNYC's picture


Stevie knows to take the sacraments in the church of the woods and water..woulda' saved a good night...hookers? paying for sex is a dog's game. The guy's just not experienced, that's all folks.

metalsman22's picture

Ah, just like the good ole days ;)

JLee2027's picture

"Boxers and Hookers"

Now that's a classic.

Cheesy Bastard's picture

If you think she can wrestle, you should see her box.

Problem Is's picture

"Boxers and Hookers"

Stevie Cohen says now that's classy...

rockraider3's picture

That reminds me of Model and Bottles... the video that the limp dick investment banker put out.


King Durian's picture

He should just at this point retire and go to Thailand where he can blend in with the other monger farangs. That way he can run around with 2 hookers in Pattaya on his arm on LSD and his career won't be fazed. Hell, it might even help for a PR tool.

Spitzer's picture

I am on the way to Pattaya actually.

Its a really nice place. 30 golf courses, big shopping malls,


sneering nihilist's picture

big shopping malls = nice place.


now THAT is sarcasm! well done!

gwar5's picture

The Pattaya miracle mile....

They have a lot more than 30 rounds of golf in Pattaya, Spitz. You know the drill. Make sure there's no junk in the front first so your putter doesn't go all wobbly during the backswing. Have fun.


Almost forgot -- my avatar is a picture of the elephants one hour above Chang Mai, Thailand.

williambanzai7's picture

Just make sure you get your Sois straight. And I do mean straight.

Goldtoothchimp09's picture

NEVER hire a trader that can't handle his drugs!  geesh

yabyum's picture

Sounds like my entire 20's minus the big buxs.

Ben Fleeced's picture

The homeless are not allowed in the Lincoln Tunnel. Sign says no pedestrians. Ooops. Ended up being banged by a Tennessee art dealer in the Holiday Inn on West 54th. THAT"S my 20's. This shit is nothin'. Clean black leather with a McDonalds straw. Bitchessssss!

Manthong's picture

I need someone to "sort out" my expenses, too.

buzzsaw99's picture

a slight twist to hookers and cocaine.

King Durian's picture

Enjoy! Have some durian for me while you're there!

nmewn's picture

Psylosiben bithez!

Ben Fleeced's picture

everything tastes better on a ritz.

ugly_avatar_Muir's picture

Freeman, who said his contract at SAC Capital guaranteed him a minimum compensation of $1.3 million.

And now you know the mystery behind the hedge fund facade: insider trading, lots of drugs, occasionally running around a major metropolis in your boxers, and hookers. The rest is the daily commute.

___ Is this a fucking great Country, or what!!? _
holdbuysell's picture

Forget about confidence in the markets, we have a much larger sociological problem to worry about.

Truly sad individual.

holdbuysell's picture

Like I said...a sociological problem...I didn't even have to cue you, and you responded in spades.

Much thanks.

Oh regional Indian's picture

Interesting what response a clear-truthy statemement will bring eh holdbuy? 

You puritan you! ;-)


swamp's picture

What's also sad is that so many think degrading themselves is cool. 

What ever happened to dignity?

Caviar Emptor's picture

It's a proven formula, don't mess with it! It's what made this country great. 

gwar5's picture

Bang Dai Ho: I Immune too. Took shots. I swear under oath Noah Freeman is great big Weiner.



I am a Man I am Forty's picture

this guy was partying his ass off and is acting like he is one of the innocent victims of Zack Galifianakis

Conceptwizard's picture

"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
Abraham Lincoln

holdbuysell's picture

And thus my comments above...sociologically, we're degenerating from within.

Ben Fleeced's picture

Yes. Everything we are experiencing has NEVER happened before. END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT. Save my chidren, oh my sick children save them so my family name can survive.

Epic fail!!!!!!

holdbuysell's picture

Yes, history (nearly) repeats itself. What's your point?

swamp's picture

Rome is burning (so is dignity) and he gets back slapped by all the common (male) sluts.

Itsalie's picture

"And now you know the mystery behind the hedge fund facade: insider trading, lots of drugs, occasionally running around a major metropolis in your boxers, and hookers. The rest is the daily commute."


That is the main reason (apart from tax evasion) why the hedgies are all volunteers in their Asian outposts HK and Singapore now, edge of the empire, Bang cock, Manila and Jakarta all beckon, within 2 hours from a really good time, even the FBI folks cannot resist the cheap and good massage joints (no pun), anonymity assured. Someone once chanced across a group of farlangs comprising hedgies hosted by squiddies fixers, and looked over by some secret agents who themselves could not resist frolicking naked in some foam parties with an entire harem of naked local girls in one of these seedy cities in the far east. So in case you need to know who hedgies or computers makes decisions during asian trading hours...





Chuck Walla's picture

Tell ya' what, having hung around Bangkok, those girls smell funny.