Will March's Madness lead to April Fools?
Today was a quiet day in the market (even quieter than Bernie
Madoff's trading floor on a triple witching Friday or a Money McBags
column without the dick jokes) as investors bask in the fictitious and
marginally above consensus guessed jobs numbers from Friday (and if you
missed it, Money McBags dove in to the jobs report
this weekend with all of the skill, finesse, and aplomb of Kirstie
Alley diving in to a vat of Cherry Garcia ice cream) and get ready for
tonight's highly anticipated college championship (and Money McBags is taking the Big East entrant and giving the points).
With Money McBags still getting over his hangover from cheering at this weekend's slut walk (though it was nowhere near as fun as watching this slut walk) and with news more non-existent than this second girl's vagina
(and note to TLC, really? No, hold on a second and read that again,
really? Money McBags honestly doesn't know if that whole thing is an
April Fool's joke or way too much information but either way he'll be
sure to tune in, though with the sound off, his eyes closed, and a barf
bag close by) or people who give a shit about Katie Couric leaving CBS news
(note to CBS, you have a news program?), today's column is going to be
an old school When Genius Prevailed of 800 words and done because
sometimes you have to play the cards which you are dealt.
In US macro news, Republicans released their first attempt at a budget
which included cutting $4T by taking away many Medicare and Medicaid
benefits in their attempt to become even less popular. Pundits are
calling it "Operation Don't Elect Us" because even if the budget deficit
is spiraling more out of control than Lindsay Lohan's
career or Raj Rajaratnam's phone bill, cutting entitlements before the
elections is one of the worst electoral strategies since Alf Landon's
refusal to campaign and Alton B. Parker's refusal to be someone else.
And as long as the macro news was driven by political gobbledygook, it
is worth noting that President Obama announced his formal re-election campaign
bid today and he promises to run on the strength of his accomplishments
such as not being Bush, that super cool vegetable garden, and did Money
McBags already say not being Bush?
In news you should care about if you've come to the award winning When Genius Prevailed (other than learning about Eva Green's NSWF
nude scene in the new show Camelot, where viewers apparently "came a
lot," and yes, that wins bad pun of the week so far), oil rose to 30
month highs as the Middle East remains in more turmoil than Southwest Airlines' planes (where fuselages have developed bigger cracks than the one in Kim Kardashian's ass) as Libyan rebels are being recognized as the legitimate government
by France, Qatar, Italy, and a bunch of other countries who will run
when it is time to support them. Rising oil prices obviously don't bode
well for the Fed led recovery (even though energy prices don't figure
in to the Fed's calculation of inflation which is as non-sensical as Snooki getting paid $2k more than Toni Morrison to speak at Rutgers since we all know she should have been paid at least $10k more because let's see Toni Morrison perform a San Diego Sandal while shotgunning a beer) which means the odds of QE3 rise by the day. The only other US market news was that the SEC is probing backdoor mergers which is bad news for both Chinese companies and Bree Olson.
Internationally, Japan apparently released radioactive waste in to the ocean (and Money McBags has seen this before and does not like where it is going),
so it's good to see they have things under control. The nuclear
meltdown and the fact that the Japanese economy has been stagnant since David Vitters was in diapers caused business confidence to sag more than Chelsea Handler's boobs as Japan continues to face more known unknowns than Magic Johnson's wife.
In the market, McDonald's said they will hire 50k workers
which means there might eventually be one clean McDonald's bathroom,
while semiconductor stocks fell after Nomura Securities said the sector
is facing weakening demand, peak gross margins, and higher capital
spending which is known as the pu pu platter of bad news.
Money McBags has plenty more today at the award winning When Genius Prevailed and for those of you who got bent out of shape over some of the saltier language in Money McBags' weekend Labor Force Participation Rate Report analysis, you have heard of parody, right? See, Money McBags thought it was funny to take the slogan "It's the economy, stupid," and go all Aristocrats on it. For those of you who thought the language wasn't salty enough, well, there are plenty of archives to quench your thirst.