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Will Obama be Seoul Man Defending Fed at G20?
Marginal macro news, the upcoming G20 meetings, rising commodity
margins, and enough uncertainty to make even Heisenberg jealous had the
market once again bobbing up and down like Shyla Stylez
trying to make her rent. We remain at a confusing time with economic
data saying the market should go down (that economic data being a U6
unemployment rate higher Charlie Sheen's blood alcohol level on a
Wednesday night, massive government debt that might even turn the
immortal John Maynard Keynes into to an Austrian, and the world's global reserve currency fast on the way to becoming more worthless than a Chubby Cox rookie card) and yet algorithms, blind hope, and the Bernanke Put potentially lasting to in-fucking-inity keep supporting the market and edging it higher.
The bad news is that the day of reckoning may be coming, the good
news is that nothing has collapsed yet, and the better news is that you
can now use Facebook
to tell the world that your boss is an assclown and not suffer any
consequences (of course since Money McBags has no boss and still can't get his own Facebook page, that doesn't do much for him).
That said, there was a plethora of macro data out today as President Obama finally touched down at the spot of the G20 meetings
and told the other 19 Gs to calm the fuck down about currency wars. In
a letter to other leaders, the President said that US growth is the
most important contribution the country can make for a global economic
recovery (other than auctioning off a threesome with Raven Alexis and Audrina Patridge),
that the strength of the US economy will determine the value of the
dollar (horse meet cart, now get the fuck behind it), and that LeBron James is a bitch.
New claims for unemployment dropped
to their lowest level in four months (until they are revised upwards
next week) and registered 435k, down 24k from last week's upwardly
revised 459k or 22k from last week's announced 457k as the "Hold the
shock and hope for no awe" strategy once again rears its ugly head.
Analyst guesses were for 450k so Money McBags would like to applaud
them for at least getting the direction correct seeing as how not only
are they relying on outdated assumptions of normality, but they are also
guessing at completely made up data.
In other news, the trade deficit narrowed in the US as the weak dollar helped exports grow a whopping .3% to their highest level since 2008 when the Kim Kardashian sex tape first got international distribution rights. Also, mortgage loan applications rose 5.8% but still remain at historically low levels as "buying a new home" ranks up there with "getting involved in a land war in Asia," and "investing money with Bernie Madoff" on Americans' to do list.
In stark contrast to the US, China's trade surplus rose
once again thanks to the Chinese government continuing to manipulate
down the value of the Yuan and a surprising increase in the demand for
pee pee flavored Coke (no joke). While China's trade surplus jumped
from $16.9B to $27.1B the Chinese government decided to tighten bank rules
in order to cool off their housing market which is expanding at a pace
slightly quicker than whatever the pace is that causes bubbles (perhaps
really fucking quick or quicklicious). With real estate in China
threatening to mimic tulips in the Netherlands in 1637 or two lips of Brooklyn Decker
wherever she goes, the government is now requiring banks to raise their
reserves by half a percentage point which is the fourth such increase
this year (with the fifth of course to come next month).
In the market Boeing crashed ~3% as their new 787 Dreamliner had to make an emergency landing as perhaps it was dreaming of Heather Vandeven
which caused the lining of its circuits to short. As a result of the
jet now being 3 years behind schedule and still working about as well as
Carnie Wilson's
lap band surgery, Boeing was taken off Goldman's conviction buy list
and told to go to their room and not come out until they understand how
they made the Goldman analyst feel.
Elsewhere, everyone seems to be raising their hands and shouting "I want BJs" as BJs Wholesalers shot up on news that the board is looking to sell the company.
The company is rumored to be licking their lips over a ~$2.75B offer
which would make it the most costly BJ since Monica Lewinksy frequented
the oval office. Morgan Stanley was hired to give heads up advice and
lead the deal team and they hope to have the sale humming along in no
time.
Also, GM posted a $2B profit
as they prep for their upcoming IPO and hope investors forget that
they are a shittily run company while AIZ tumbled ~11% even after
assuring investors that allegations of their policies for something called forced placed coverage being nefarious are way out of proportion, like Mayim Bialik's nose or Paul Krugman's reputation. Finally Polo Ralph Lauren galloped up ~8%
after beating analyst guesses and raising guidance for the year. The
company cited strong growth in footwear and apparel as well as "looking like a douche bag" being back in style.
As always, Money McBags has more at the award winning When Genius Prevailed.
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hilarious as usual