• Steve H. Hanke
    05/04/2016 - 08:00
    Authored by Steve H. Hanke of The Johns Hopkins University. Follow him on Twitter @Steve_Hanke. A few weeks ago, the Monetary Authority of Singapore (MAS) sprang a surprise. It announced that a...

You Can't Make This Up: Europe Plans Fresh Round Of "Secret" Stress Tests To "Restore Confidence"

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Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:07 | 765324 Rahm
Rahm's picture

Everything's fine, nothing to see here.  Please disperse the area.  Trust us  ;)

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:27 | 765413 MarketTruth
MarketTruth's picture

So will the phrase "All banks are fine and have adequate reserves" rank up there with "The check is in the mail" and "I won't cum in your mouth"?

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:35 | 765454 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Only if you are a banker. Bankers cum in each other's mouths all the time and never use checks for anything ever.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:50 | 765523 MarketTruth
MarketTruth's picture

You are right! i now see why he is called:

Ben Shalom Bukkake

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:30 | 765434 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Ya, every kid that gets told to take a "retest" in school gets nothing but respect and confidence from the teacher and classmates.

 

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 17:50 | 765809 kentfinance
kentfinance's picture

that's a bit like drawing down on your revolver as a sign of financial strength

already "bickering" over format of tests - nothing like addressing the heart of the matter - that will really restore confidence

 

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 21:24 | 766515 knukles
knukles's picture

So who told you this?

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:08 | 765325 Ragnarok
Ragnarok's picture

ROTFLMAO!

 

WB7 Baghdad Bob Stat!

Wed, 12/01/2010 - 02:33 | 767178 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Ya know, the second time you hear a joke, you laugh just to be polite, but when someone INSISTS on telling it a third time, all they get is stony silence.  I gotta agree with you though, these idjuts are completely absurd, if not downright mental patients!

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:07 | 765326 Horatio Beanblower
Horatio Beanblower's picture

They must think that people are fools.  Wait a minute...

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:18 | 765365 jus_lite_reading
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If they need to make this a secret, you know, that they know, this is gonna be bad.

 

More reason to buy gold and silver NOW!

Wed, 12/01/2010 - 02:34 | 767181 StychoKiller
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Oooh, "Double-Secret" stress tests!  Somehow that just does NOT make them any more believable!

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:08 | 765327 SpeakerFTD
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Ty:  This isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:09 | 765328 Duuude
Duuude's picture

 

Wail now...they be following The BenBernanke Template...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:08 | 765329 NOTW777
NOTW777's picture

this should solve everything; also bernanke is now interested in creating jobs, just like obama

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:09 | 765335 NOTW777
NOTW777's picture

ben says he plans to talk to real people

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:09 | 765332 redpill
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I just got off the phone with my psychic, she is really talented, it suddenly came to her that all banks will pass this stress test.  She is also my 2 y/o daughter.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:29 | 765423 MarketTruth
MarketTruth's picture

That sounds waaaaaaay too technical. Longterm investors prefer using their Magic 8 Ball.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:42 | 765489 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

An for those without those advanced tools: a fortune cookie.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:09 | 765337 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Where is HarryWanger to tell us this is another bullish sign?

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:11 | 765341 TWORIVER
TWORIVER's picture

Remeber that Harry is out selling his wares today.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:13 | 765348 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Selling his wares alright.

HarryWanger stars in "Deep Throat 2 - Ponzi Style".

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:49 | 765524 Rick64
Rick64's picture

Harry is always on a plane going somewhere when the market drops. This explains it, I didn't know he was in show business.

Wed, 12/01/2010 - 02:35 | 767183 StychoKiller
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Would that plane be an Airbus 380?  Careful, controlled descent into terrain has been known to cause nose-bleeds! :>D

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:18 | 765364 spekulatn
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all you need to know about the HW.

http://bit.ly/gJIGk0

Wed, 12/01/2010 - 02:38 | 767188 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Ya know, I'm all for positive thinking, really!  Ignoring mathematical certainties though, is not positive thinking, it's just delusional.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:14 | 765353 Arius
Arius's picture

i guess buying gold - some people learn the hard way...well that's being optimistic...

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 18:39 | 766048 DaveyJones
Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:14 | 765352 BaronG
BaronG's picture

hahahaha. What a crock.

From Bloomberg:

 

Deutsche Bank AG Chief Executive Officer Josef Ackermannsaid that investors’ mistrust of Spain is unjustified and that problems in the banking industry are “manageable,” as Europe’s debt crisis intensified.

The fundamental economic data “in no way justifies the apparent mistrust that exists in the case of Spain, though not only there,” Ackermann said in a statement in response to a request for comment by Bloomberg News. “Spain can deal with its problems by itself.”

 

 

 

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:32 | 765447 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

Wait, when did europe start trusting eachother in the first place?  Is this quote taken from a comedian?

Wed, 12/01/2010 - 02:40 | 767190 StychoKiller
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Why bother tuning into "Comedy Central" when you can come to zero hedge for all the political humour you can stand?

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:38 | 765475 redpill
redpill's picture

Let me guess, they are fully funded through next June?  Where have I heard that before...

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:15 | 765354 nonclaim
nonclaim's picture

News from the future: EU is analizing the Irish response

http://www.sitting-ducks.com/ducks/sitduck.jpg

 

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:17 | 765362 jus_lite_reading
jus_lite_reading's picture

ROTFLMAO!!! NO YOU CAN'T MAKE THAT SHIT UP!  They must think global investors are stupid!

 

Hey, this won't be a secret for long! Thank you WIKILEAKS!

 

Aren't "secrets" part of the reason we got in this mess?!?!

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:19 | 765366 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

Wonderful news....

More Transparency Bitchez!

Hi Ho Silver...awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:19 | 765372 ZackAttack
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Where the economies are strong and all the banks above average: Loch Wobegonnengen.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:20 | 765376 ZeroPower
ZeroPower's picture

the agency that will oversee the tests says it might opt not to publicly disclose the results at all

 

Whoa... bold font indeed. Ridiculous.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:20 | 765378 Silverhog
Silverhog's picture

Another round of stress tests! WTF So this is the answer? Is there anyone else really thinking this will fix the circus? Sorry, everybody threw their tickets on the ground and heading for the door.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:21 | 765380 centerline
centerline's picture

They better hurry up or it's going to be a postmordem.  Oops, forgot... not allowed... must... pretend... patient... is... alive.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:29 | 765424 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Zombies are plenty dangerous too. Brrraaaainnnnzz ...

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:21 | 765382 sangell
sangell's picture

They just had a 'stress test' it was called Ireland. The Euro banking system failed!

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:24 | 765398 centerline
centerline's picture

I'd say it worked wonderfully... from the central banker point of view of course.  Now with a belly full of Guiness, it's off to grab some pasta!  Party on... Rothschild style!

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:24 | 765397 willien1derland
willien1derland's picture

Sweet - I wonder if these are the same people who came up with the U.S. Credit Reporting scheme - we need three (3) disparate organizations with three TOTALLY different approaches to calculating creditworthiness - this will create a bureaucracy that would make ANY government proud!

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:24 | 765400 Double down
Double down's picture

This is as close to full retard one can get, knowing full well, like approaching the speed of light, one can never truly reach it.  

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:25 | 765404 Cone of Uncertainty
Cone of Uncertainty's picture

Certainly this post is entirely in jest.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:40 | 765483 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

I dont think its in jest, they seem serious. And dont call me 'Certainly'.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:26 | 765405 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

Bureaucracy.   Looks. like the finally caught up with with every aspect of goverment work.  A test for EVERYTHING.  and when one test doesnt work, give it another test.  A Bureaucrat knows of no other solution, other than another test, checklist, or procedure. 

Here is an idea.  Let them rot on the vine and then bail them out when it is obvious they are going to die.  I mean they are going to get bailed out anyway.  Why waste your time with a test when the end is the same.  Bureaucracy.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:27 | 765406 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

It's like this:

Two people have named each other as beneficiaries in their will. One will of course get the whole enchilada, whoever lives the longest. Each are really hoping the other guy dies first and are actively poisoning each others' food.  Yet both have been diagnosed with terminal cancer, either could die any day now. They continue to poison each other because ... they both want to get the whole enchilada before they die.

The two "people" are really the US and the Eurozone, with China being the dark horse nephew who actually stands to make out either way and need only wait until both are dead and is enjoying the show for the time being. The "inheritance" in question is nothing less than world domination. 

 

Did I miss anything?

 

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:37 | 765468 Rogerwilco
Rogerwilco's picture

Good analogy, but the nephew is a meth head.

Tue, 11/30/2010 - 16:49 | 765526 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Oh that really makes it interesting; the nephew might start poisoning the rich uncles himself to hurry things along if his junky-monkey starts to scream.

Say, is it still considered patricide if you murder an elder relative? I want to be sure I have the terminology straight.

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