Your Chance To Own A Tiny 3" Piece Of Hank Paulson

Tyler Durden's picture

As if adding insult to injury each and every day with wave after wave of POMO, even as the criminals on Wall Street continue to go about their business, collecting record bonuses, without even the remotest threat of prosecution, wasn't enough the US Mint is now openly micturating in the face of what little is left of US middle class with the issuance of the "Peregrine" Paulson (3 inches) bronze medal. That's right: starting today, everyone can own a tiny 3 inch piece of Hank: the same man who in October 2008 barged into congress with a three page proposal demanding Congress give him supreme dictatorial powers over this country, and to dispense an uncapped amount of money in rescuing his former company and anyone else he saw fit. The description of the reverse: " The image of the peregrine falcon
represents Secretary Paulson’s commitment to conservation and his
long-time interest in birds of prey." Wouldn't it be more fitting to find a creature celebrating Hank's commitment to fraud, communism, bail outs, and the Goldman way? We eagerly await William Banzai's take on the Silver Vampire Squid Paulson coin which, if we find an appropriate dealer, we would be happy to sell directly to readers (if there is any physical silver remaining of course). Failing that a coin showing Blythe Masters on the front and Gary Gensler on the back would be a perfect substitute.

Of course, we jest: after the crackdown when everyone using the internet, parchment or ink is thrown in jail, who won't want to have a pallid bust of Paulson just above their chamber door...

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mynhair's picture

Paulson's dick is that long?

Tape measures, bitchez!

HoofHearted's picture

Wow, glad I wasn't the only one to consider that he might hang out with a certain DA from New York City and his high-priced hookers. Does it cost more or less when you only have 3 inches?

New_Meat's picture

evidently, he b winna'

and it is from wapo, so we all know it has the absolute truthiin' in it.

- Ned

nmewn's picture

I'm tryin to figger out why it ain't tungsten.

Oh well, another mystery to solve...LOL.

hbjork1's picture

Tungsten would be worth something.  With Paulson approving it, it might be a mixture of lead and tin. 

He was, after all, an Eagle Scout.

"On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty

to God and my country, to obey the scout law,

to help other people at all times,

to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight."

I guess its obvious who his "God" was.

The Limerick King's picture

An ode to a moron named Hank

For helping his friends at the bank

With bonuses saved

And peasants enslaved

To honor this man is just rank!

Hephasteus's picture

Well they sure don't have any silver to mint coins with and the penny is almost enough trash metal in it that it's only a few more percent of zinc away from being brass.

Before the federal reserve started you could buy pounds copper for a few pennies. Now you can't buy a pennys worth of copper for a penny. Oh how those magical fractions go from far above value to far far below it.

GetZeeGold's picture


Pure clad bronze tungsten Bitchez.

dr_teeth's picture

It would be good if we could just print these off through the Mint website.

Twindrives's picture

Perfect object for target practice with the .270       

serotonindumptruck's picture

I can think of a more cost-effective target for $42 a pop.

Some of my neighbors, for instance.

almost_have_a_name's picture


The obverse design features a portrait of Secretary Paulson with the inscriptions "Second to last Secretary of the Treasury and Henry M. Paulson, Jr."

The reverse depicts a peregrine falcon in the center, taking a dump on America, the seal of the Department of the Theft on the left, the Great Con of the United States on the right and the Department of Theft Building in the background with the date DEC 23, 1913 inscribed above. 

The image of the peregrine falcon represents Secretary Paulson’s commitment to the Department of Theft and it's pledge 'Print from above, prey down below'.


Bendromeda Strain's picture

I don't want a Paulson for my chamber door... I want one for my chamber pot. Oh, and btw, what makes you think it is Masters in front and Gensler in rear?

knukles's picture

They spelled it wrong.  Shoulda been "bids of prey"

Raynja's picture

Conservation of bankers of prey ¿

Bananamerican's picture

it's "Bidets of prey" for the micturating class....

Steroid's picture

How fitting. A bird and a bankster of prey.

Good for target shooting!

sabra1's picture

is that 3" before or after viagra?'s picture

If your erection should last longer than four hours there's no need to worry, Dr. Bernanke claims he can stop your inflation in just fifteen minutes.

serotonindumptruck's picture

Of course, the remedy involves going in to cardiac arrest and the expiration of the patient, but hey, your unwanted erection will be gone!

Meme Iamfurst's picture

Oh honey, it makes no difference if it is 3" or 3'...that is somekind of butt ugly man inside and out and there ain't no room dark enough to make him look any better.  Ouuu, that is a scary picture on that manhole cover, ain't it now?  Make my cat run out the door.

RafterManFMJ's picture

Who else loves the continuous BIg Lebowski references?

SMG's picture

Sin is exalted.  Goodness is condemned.  What a world.

takinthehighway's picture

I would say that it's a shame, but shame is a quality the world is sadly lacking...

Boba Fiat's picture

It's almost laughably evil.  Like a Hitler Snuggie.

johnQpublic's picture

AND...its made of bronze so its basically worthless

AND...its 42 bucks!





who,my god, who is gonna buy this insane piece of amerikana bullshit?

i almost want one to shoot at....

Real Estate Geek's picture

I think its highest and best use would be as a urinal target.

willlaughforfood's picture

why? because 42 is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. those mint guys have a sense of humor...

NrYC's picture

But the joke is on us. They're laughing at us.

GetZeeGold's picture


Purchase will be required by every GS employee.

Hephasteus's picture

Ya but if you got a dumb kid you buy it for them and tell them it's a skeletor medal.

Withdrawn Sanction's picture

It's almost laughably evil. Like a Hitler Snuggie.

Brilliant.  (WS chortles quietly to himself.)  Thanks for that

mynhair's picture

Next up:

Quality 24 kt gold plated visage of ODummer, in guaranteed $10 Liberian coinage,

sponsored by the Kenyan mint, featuring his best Lenin pose:  chin up, little book

clutched to chest.....

dexter_morgan's picture

I kinda regret not getting one of those chia pets of our esteemed prez.....wonder if they're still avaiable

cha cha cha chia


johnQpublic's picture

ba ba ba bama bankster pet...

jimijon's picture

Now that I minted my first coin.. I would be happy to mint a ZeroHedge Silver Round!! If there is interest please contact me.

let's make our own real money... bitchez!

Duuude's picture


That's it...


We are officially living in Chuck Jones World.


mynhair's picture

I prefer Charlie Sheen's world, though you all look like cartoon bears....'s picture

One side of the coin flies around making noise and shits on you....the other side is a bird....

mynhair's picture

'Bird, you win, turd, you lose'?

Mentaliusanything's picture

I have now seen the future - 1984 was a happy childrens tale compared to what is coming.The Crime is apathy, apathy that this clone of Joseph Goebbels was allowed to tell the lie. The lie we will all suffer.

But I want the complete set -George dubawa -Cheney - Rumsfeld and that bastard Greenspan who was so aptly named. I want the total CORRUPT SET.

Chumbwa and Cog Dis are going to go ballistic on seeing this.

Real Estate Geek's picture

But I want the complete set -George dubawa -Cheney - Rumsfeld and that bastard Greenspan who was so aptly named. I want the total CORRUPT SET.

Ask, and ye shall receive.

Flakmeister's picture

My fuck...wasn't that priceless, I laughed until I cried...then I just cried.

falak pema's picture


what else can you say for this You tube masterpiece. As in Mary Poppins ...

All hail, Nero on the Potomac! While Rome burns...

Zero Debt's picture

When I look at the coin I see an empty Comex warehouse and the eagle represents an anonymous CFTC investigator looking the other way. And Paulson, well, if he doesn't represesent collusion then what. So we have the unholy trinity integrated symbolically in am illustrative coin: the rigging of markets, bribing of regulators and collusion of business with politicians. I'm sure in the next version they will improve the resolution of the engraved images to show a background with the middle class getting slaughtered in the stock market, a street crowd with pitchforks and worthless paper gold certificates and Ben's helicopters dropping banknotes over the crowd to control the situation.

mannfm11's picture

They need to make one for a dime out of aluminum foil for target practice