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Zero Hedge Announces New Partnership With Google
As you will no doubt be aware, a large portion of our energies here at Zero Hedge are devoted to developing new products and services for our readers. In this tradition, we are pleased today to announce a new partnership with Google.
Zero Hedge's dedication to providing our readers with transparency and insight into all matters financial bleeds readily into the related goal of increasing the public understanding of finance. Finance, of course, is a language of its own. Rich and complex, finance can boggle even the most astute minds with its winding prose and (in the United States) strong propensity for rose colored lensing.
With these issues in mind, Zero Hedge has been quietly working on a series of translation modules for the Google family of language tools. Today, we would like to share with you some screenshots of our work on the "Budget" translation module.
The much underutilized blog of the Congressional Budget Office is the outlet for the CBO's monthly budget review discussion. Taken from daily treasury data, these offer unique insight into the realities of the fiscal picture- and are therefore totally ignored or marginalized by the current administration.
The two examples below (click to enlarge) are from the just-released November Monthly Budget Review. We think you will find them helpful and an essential tool to breaking down the language of the budget and its processes in the United States. As you can see from the shots below, we continue to work on simplifying translation of difficult concepts and we look forward to implementing the Budget translation module in full on Zero Hedge in the upcoming months.
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"Rose colored lensing."
Well said Marla.
Oh my goodness... that is some very, very funny stuff.
There are toooo many gems to highlight....i'm going to continue re-reading and see if I can force myself to pick out the best.
I am forced to admit as a 54 yr old that I am part of the Most Selfish Generation yet I have never been unfucked.
p.s. is that "hippie, woodstock, pot smoking generation" thingee a warning that my avatar may be sent the way of the paper formerly known as the US Dollar? Then again, maybe you youngsters don't know what a "stealie" is, lol!
I've been recently cured of my MSG loathing. I made some videos for YouTube, posted them on InfoWars forums, and noticed suprising results: 60%+ of viewers were within 10 years of 60 - and I received a 4.5 star rating for two out of the three - the other, my first, with the second most views (just over 8,000) is rated at 5 stars.
In fact, I found ZH because someone posted my videos on the forum here; I investigated where all the views were coming from. It would seem to me that the demographics are around the same. Your generation has made plenty more sacrifices than mine.
Thank you. Especially Miles Kendig.
yeah only good things seem to come from that miles fellow
You have stopped loathing Monosodium Glutamate? Our generation stopped loving that shit in the 70's. :)
WOW. Thanks. Although when it is all said and done I and many here suspect that your generation will become known as the "next great generation". I just hope that it is your generation that comes to learn that it is not war that makes one great, but ideas put into motion. BTW, my ratings and subscription date from the summer, albeit under a different screen name. I am sure you still appreciate the B.O.S.S. reference. Remember to eat dessert first pal, life is uncertain.
Cheers
hey dh -- what's a "stealie". i feel like i should know...
A stealie is the Grateful Dead art icon...the skull, etc..
...sometimes you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right....
The Grateful Dead
ahhh...steal your face...how prescient...
...some people never see the light,
till it shines through bullet holes.
- Bruce Cockburn
Steel marbles.
Maybe he meant "steelie", as in WWII steel penny. Got a couple kickin' around somewhere.
Ironic that steel is probably too expensive for the mint nowadays.
Steelie ?
Actually a part of a ball bearing ( one of many balls ) . If we could find em as kids from elec. motor repair shops , we would put em in a vice and smash outer race with a sledge hammer and pry the steelies out of their retaining rings. A steelie would smash any glass marble to bits on a toss game , so usually used steel against steel . The bigger the better . I had a few 1.5" ones in my collection
it refers to "stealing your face right off your head"....something you would know all to well under the influence of LSD and some grateful dead...
DH--As close enough age peers and from my post last night where I definitely stated I have not been unfucked for a long fucking time, would you like to join me in a comedic financial blog? After your brilliant Rahm discourse last night, (and our silliness in the past) I am most convinced we could bring in some extra bucks...think about it...one of these days I will be done with antibiotics and back on a daily basis. I have all the skills to do the site and while Tyler and Marla are insanely funny, it might work. Let's just call it a take off on a take off.
i would be delighted to contribute any zaniness that will advance the cause of saving the usa from imploding upon itself ( and my kids, that's what keeps me going.).
actually, i have a piece on the Obama jobs program but it wasn't published here. hell, it's not entirely funny but there might be a few chuckles.
********
Happy Holidays! The Obama Jobs Summit Gift
Even though our benevolent Fed Overseer and most of the world's economists missed the oh so difficult to see 40:1 leveraged banking and McMansion implosion of the entire USS economic Titanic, this same group is gonna get it right this time, darnit, by their hourly es mini futures reinforced proclamations that all is “green and go” from here out to eternity. In that spirit of the Holiday season (which started the day after Memorial Day as Kmart rekindled the time honored “layaway” strategy), President Obama today announced the upcoming December jobs summit, timed perfectly to add more hope to the possibility that Wal Mart, CostCo, and Dollar General will be able to beat Q4 street earnings estimates while revenues have declined precipitously.
As a mid fifties guy who along with his wife has been unemployed since April 2008, I thought I might help out this new jobs summit initiative with an “insider” perspective (easy Lloyd, not THAT kind of insider, it's your turf) as to what might appeal to, and give joyous imitation eggnog induced holiday hope to, the millions and millions of Americans without jobs or, according to the US Dept. of Labor's Bureau of Labor Statistics, the 3 guys in Jersey who got laid off at the gasoline refinery plant.
Every great government giveaway, errr, stimulus program must have a catchy acronym in order to increase the odds of its eternal Congreffional funding survival from 100% to 101% and this upcoming jobs galore summit, which will inevitably predict the creation of more jobs than the spx volumes on a rare down day, is no exception. I offer a number of acronyms below that should probably be avoided, but promise that I have come up with a killer that is sure to ensure that the botox lady and that squirrely guy from Nevada will retain their respective bank lobbyist depositories in the US Congreff.
Though the intent of the jobs summit is to enact policies akin to “People Hired Under Caring, Kind Employment Directives”, it is probably wise to avoid this catchy tag line because people might think that we are PHUCKED. Similarly, even though it is quite honorable to eradicate unemployment, one might question the administrations motive if we called it “Stopping Unemployment Misery, Making Earnings Really Soar”, even though that would be indicative of the SUMMERS approach. Keeping with a theme of great George Washington like patriots who would never tell a lie, it might be wise to avoid calling the jobs summit an attempt at “Growing Employment In The Here, Now, Eternal Recession” because some misguided folks would coin a new term to describe addictive prevarication as doing a GEITHNER.
As happy as the President's team might be as he departs to China to beg and cajole them to buy more Treasury confetti, suggesting a press release with a title of “Delirious Obama Unemployment Cessation Hiring Endeavor” might cause some non-green shoots believing smart alec to call the summit a DOUCHE. As a positive spin angle, I do like “Better Employment Reality Now And No Keynesian Endgame” which is the old BERNANKE as well as “Superman Obama Convincingly Institutes Another Loved Initiative, Stimulating Mainstreet”, though some right wing asshole will find a way to call this SOCIALISM.
Perhaps tying in the jobs summit to the soon to be rolled out “be a true American patriot and buy US Treasury bonds, notes, iou's, debentures, TIPS, and i'll pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today paper: Invest in American debt” initiative (bookrunning by Goldman Sachs, natch), we could headline the December summit with “Stimulating Hiring, Increasing Treasury Sales” but that SHITS acronym would be just toooooo damn easy for Stewart and Colbert.
Some of us in the unemployed ranks might like “ Declining Employment Proactive Response, Sincerely Stimulating Investment Of Nonemployeds” but that would be a DEPRESSION and the “D” word must be avoided as much as allowing the US Dollar to ever exceed 76.50 again. A direct appeal to employers, particularly the booming retail sector in overcrowded malls throughout the country, as the Bustmas season approaches might be “Elevate Lives Via Employer Santa” wherein unemployed, middle aged fat guys like me could be Obama ELVES. Something like “Growth Of Labor Directive, Meaningful And New” is a bit too bureaucratic sounding and the last thing we American citizens need is for the current administration to do another GOLDMAN on us.
I think I may have come up with the winning acronym that incorporates the already settled matter, per General Electric's media subsidiary, that our little bitty, teeny weeny, bump in the road, “phew, we just about almost had us there one of them recessions”, temporary and short lived economic pause is completely and undeniably, and forever and ever and ever over. Even better, this acronym embodies the bold new spirit taking hold in America that the critical issue of jobs is certainly something that should not be prone to the brutal, backstabbing, Chicago style knee cracking, and nasty partisanship that has ruled Washington for so long. I think the one we go with is:
Recession Abated: Hire Me!
LMAO....RAHM.
DH - Since I have already communicated my deep abiding respect I'll just say; "Far fucking out man".
Love Rahm
thanks miles and howard....
i have come to fully realize what my parents meant when they taught me that "truth is stranger than fiction".
you just can't make up some of this shit that we are living through....!!
"Steal your face right off your head." I think the boys were talking about the U.S. government, huh?
DH ...never mentioned this before but you have the best avatar on the board bar none.....i have the stealie tatooed on my right arm...i love the dead and everything they stand for. take it easy
+1
The GD were the ultimate in anti-authoritarians and libertarians.....
DH, I imagine that as you craft some of your prose a tune is playing in your head: "Rahm in a train ditch, caught on a limb, you know better but I know him ..."
I can only wish that "He's Gone" applies to:
Rahm
Summers
Bernanke
Geithner
I could type alot more names, you get the point...
Great line from 'he's gone' on your part!
Well, we Sub Genius' agree with that.
Dude, somebody stole my face while I was cruising the parking lot for shrooms!
Awesome. What's next, bank Balance Sheets that include off-balance sheet items?
just check into the non reoccurring room..lol
Down the memory hole - they never existed.
Goldstein!
Very funny. I thought you guys were taking it easy this afternoon!
PS: old farts want disclaimer thanks in advance
reset...
Good luck, however I'm not sure if it will have the desired results. For instance, say some bureaucrat reads me a line, and I respond bullshit. Now they might say I misunderstood. To which I would say no I understand clearly and have given you an appropriate response.
The White House translation:
CBO announces better than expected revenues in the first two months of FY2010!
The $42 billion in revenues collected beat analysts' earlier estimate of $3 billion by a surprising 1400%. These results boosted the stock market into record territory with the DOW, NASDAQ, and S&P posting new highs for the year.
Some skeptics and malcontents questioned these numbers, but the CBO Director defended these numbers, pointing out that the CBO had recently beefed up its accounting and statistical staff with 76 experts transfered from the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
This is really cool. Now, does this signify in any way that ZH has been a Google funded project all along? OK by me, by the way. At least somebody with money and power is alive, caring and thinking, and it gives me considerable comfort that the NSA nitwits recording our every sentence may actually meet with some powerful opposition at some point should they decide a little too much truthiness is going on here. Count us in on the revolution guys - we're with you.
On the other hand, stop pulling our collective leg on a Saturday night!
Though shalt not castest they dispersions upon the blameless Google for the google willeth correcteth the.
http://www.theinquirer.net/inquirer/news/1564786/google-tells-murdoch-shut
These are great. If they get an attorney to english and a End User Liscence to english translation going it would be great.
But the real killer and the impossible would be Prospectus to English and Central Bank to English.
"upfuckedness" has just become my new favorite word.
marla, fantastic!
Difficult to think of appropriate onfollowness.
I don't think half the people on this thread actually read the post. Irony is a cruel mistress.
Bingo! +1
Hi Lizzy.
Agree with ya...
Atlantic City Chamber of Commerce translation:
Thanks to an $11 billion (or 10%) rise in Social Security benefits, 4,000 casino and hospitality jobs were created or saved or kept off the books in Atlantic City.
Another 1,200 bus driver and bus mechanic jobs were created or saved as hundreds of buses continue to deliver thousands of senior citizens to Atlantic City every day.
I shit my pants. Then I threw my computer. Then I actually read the information. Then I laughed, laughed, laughed....
I'm not embracing this mutual interest...Great agenda's require risk to participants...
Agreed...
Google has access to WAY too much information. And while I appreciate the sentiment, I'm skeptical....
Sqworl, I have discovered that the more basic the agenda, especially in our age group, the greater the risk. After all the nature of our codependency upon the system grows over time no matter how we attempt to attenuate the impact of our relationship with the so called 1,000 pound persons so that as folks grow older they will believe they are further encumbered and will fight to save the system and thus permit the 1,000 pound persons to grow to 2,000 pounds.
http://www.georgewashington2.blogspot.com/2009/10/too-big-to-fail-and-10...
Miles, the burden of our past sins get heavier by the day...x
That is all friggin great and stuff, but now can you clone me so I will have the time to read all your glory? Heck, I have a tough enough time keeping up as it is. Believe me, I am not complaining in any manner, it is just so impressive what you all can and have accomplished. The knowledge you are sharing has made me 1000x better, and I know your ever expanding reader base (and the country in certain specific circumstances) are all better off. Thanks for all you do.
Lulz wat?
This IS one of your weekend jokes, right? I know Google has a lot of computing power but I don't see it doing this sort of thing by automated process.
In the concern that this might be serious, I'd be concerned about partnering with Google, given their track record of being coopted in China and elsewhere when powerful powers-that-be don't like their actions. Not to mention their apparent left-wing worldview and support of One Big A__ Mistake [for] America.
Google is a bunch of money grubbing children who would turn over their own grandmothers to the Chinese stasi if it meant an increase in profits (or some more toys to play with). Google had a choice to make years ago: take a stand against totalitarianism or give in to Chinese censorship and data mining. They chose unwisely.
As for the complaints about the Baby Boomers, they are scum but they are still better than Gen X, which is better than Gen O (just look at steadily plummeting SAT scores since the 1950's). No generation sank more money into the Social Security Ponzi Scheme than the boomers and they deserve to at least get (the fraction that's left of) their money back. As for "selfish", the hippies at Woodstock were; 58000+ dead boomers in Vietnam say otherwise. To assert that later generations were somehow "put upon" is laughable (and I'm from those later generations).
better than Gen X?? Gen X'ers are brilliant in everything except politics... its against their nature and will keep them forever as a mercenary mentality
+1000
One note, the Boomers already got their money back. It just came back to them in the form of every other government program currently running that went over budget. Oh yeah, there's IOU's in a cabinet somewhere with their name on it, but they can't borrow from themselves and expect future generations to pay them back. They got all the benefits of that money already.
wow, i need a filter like that for everything! lol
It is amazing!
Googleplex has become completely autonotron. Who would have thought that clusters of promiscuous cores powered by hydroelectric plants worldwide could acquire linguistic intelligence sufficient to make such translations?
Once integrated with the LHC, the enigma will be smashed releasing Higgs Bovine.
Higgs Bovine!!!!
The googleplex as a number is Too Big To Fail... must be Timmay G's favorite number...
I'm developing a mind-crush on Marla.
'upfuckedness'
-MobArlesby
I CAN HAZ TARP FUNDS?
Tyler locks arms with the MSM...
The End is truly near.
Well this is what happens when you nurture life in a flower pot. Soon, the plant becomes root bound and one must replant it into a larger pot or it will die. Eventually it becomes a part of the yard. One day we will look back at Zero Hedge and say, I remember when you were just a cutting.
Keep on truckin' dudes, it will only get better.
Oh, and by the way, you old fools born before 1964, we have pubic hair older than half of these idiots commenting on this site. Just ignore them, the PG-13 movies start in 10 days.
Marla,
Can we call it the ZH Financial Lulzasauras?
Partnering with the real vampire squid...well done!
Marla, your prose, wit and intelect has rescued the entire female race from the illiterate, insane, and humiliating babble of Pelosi, Banning, and Shapiro. May we kneel before your feet and worship you as the savior goddess of the fem that you are. Marla for queen of the universe, earth, ect...Thank God a sane woman's voice in the midst of freaks. Long live Marla.
There was never an assurance that a Marla does not have a penis.
It must be the voice lessons that make that ambiguous.
Marlinka: surely you jest??
Sqworl, it must be that dark like tinted glass effect that makes some revert to the standard two dimensional engagement.
The Crying Game did come out well before Fight Club...
Gives one something to ponder, Anony #154245
ZH should have a loto for the anonymous poster who comes up with the same post number as Bernie Madoff's Federal prison number...
The lucky poster wins a pair of Mets tickets, one of Andy's fly reels and one of Ruth's wigs...
#154245... you could be a lucky winner!
Marla with a penis?
"What a gull-a-bull, what a nin-cow-poop!"
It was all so believable until I got to reading the screenshots... Jeebus can you spin a yarn!
Ladies and germs stand up and take a bow.
Spending Projections
Daniel Hoople
Camille Woodland
Revenue Projections
Barbara Edwards
Joshua Shakin
Maybe the Committee to Establish the National Institute of finance @ http//ce-nif.org would be interested in a tool like this.
Juicy wants to drink with mo fos on here.
Super funny ... more, please!
While I LOVE ZH and your transparency, your Google partners are lying "dooshbags" who are nothing more than very rich ratfinkss for an ever more privacy challenged government vampire squid. Congratulations!!!???
Awww...
http://www.viceland.com/int/dd.php?id=2164
Ahhh. ZH with their spin on providing a definition of the day and with an excellent effort. I must say this is most welcome indeed to this reader who loves to play at this with a select group of associates. With the play on everyones bestest non associate, Google being the icing.
another submission for the Google/ZH translator
from the Director of the CBO (Douglas W. Elmendorf ) formerly of the Federal Reserve and member of the Summers, Rubin Geithner family:
(PDF warning)
http://www.brookings.edu/~/media/Files/rc/opinions/2007/11_fed_elmendorf...
Translation:
I was one of the high priests in the inner sanctum at the Federal Reserve Board from 2001 to 2007. I supplied the economic forecasting and analysis that supported the Federal Reserve Board. The subsequent blowups into the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression has many culprits but the Federal Reserve and my economic forecasting and analysis are not culprits.
We at the Fed did great things (at least for Goldman Sachs, Wall Street, and the richest bankers). That is why you can have confidence in the economic forecasting and analysis that I will produce as new CBO Director.
Now if everyone in every sphere of life could also begin to channel Harry Truman...don't know much about his-to-ree, but what a wonderful world it would be.
Anonymous would like to buy Marla a drink.
Well done, Madam.
Perfect. Simply fucking perfect.
Hello all,
Keeping with the spirit of Marla's post, please take a look at this link: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/General_Motors I advise against taking a drink or having a mouthful of food before you start reading!
Thanks for your great post Marla
Cheers
Marla, congrats on coding the world's most sardonic language-transformation algorithm!
- Heretic.
thank you for an excellent post. loved it as it expresses exactly as i think.
The Social Security comment goes hand in hand with what I mentioned the other day in another thread, which is if Uncle Ben allows inflation to roar (or be accurately reported), then he has to pay out COLA to all of the ever growing number of boomer SS recipients and every other mule rider on the Federal Government payroll...
That's the real trick isn't it. "accurately reported". I have no doubt that those numbers will be more cooked then they are now. Just look at history. Every nation that has had hyperinflation has cooked the books and understated inflation, why should America be any different?
Bingo! on their desperate need to keep COLA from blowing up.
And love the "mule rider" reference.
Let's sing a little Rawhide.
Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'
Keep movin', movin', movin',
Though they're disapprovin',
Keep them doggies movin' Rawhide!
Don't try to understand 'em,
Just rope and throw and grab 'em,
Soon we'll be living high and wide.
Boy my heart's calculatin'
My true love will be waitin', be waiting at the end of my ride.
Move 'em on, head 'em up,
Head 'em up, move 'em out,
Move 'em on, head 'em out Rawhide!
Set 'em out, ride 'em in
Ride 'em in, let 'em out,
Cut 'em out, ride 'em in Rawhide.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47W1pNC1QHw
awesome dh, very nice
Fuckin hilarious and awesome at the same time. No doubt the translation reflects the truth much better.
Will the alliance include rights to fly on the Google MiG?
Will the alliance include rights to fly on the Google MiG?