Zero Hedge Loves Sanity Suze's Blue Blazer
We aren't quite sure what it means when it takes close proximity to Suze Orman to make Shelia Bair look properly medicated on television. Nor are we sure it was the best idea to put the manic "internationally acclaimed personal finance expert" in a series of FDIC confidence booster spots, but it does certainly make for outstanding entertainment during FDIC week here on Zero Hedge. We highly recommend watching the following spots (or just relying on our adjacent Zero Hedge FDIC InstaSummaries™):
"Shoebox" ("Please, please, stop taking money out of banks on our troubled list on Thursdays.")
"Penny" ("We will never, ever, ever run out of money. Seriously. No, really. Why are you laughing?")
"EDIE" ("$100,000$250,000 may be what Congress intended, but structuring will get you much, much more.")
"Nobody" ("Our reputation as a large and uncaring government entity is totally unfounded. We love you (long time).")
"Escondites" ("For our distinguished Latin American depositors, laundering narcodollars that we would much prefer stay in domestic banks just now is not necessary at the present time. Also, Suze Orman'sJulie Stav's wardrobe can be purchased at fine retailers in Caracas, Mexico City and Laredo.")
"Mattress" ("For fuck's sake. We discussed this already. Stop running the banks, damnit.")
We don't know about you, but we feel more confident already.
(5 votes)
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on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 22:35
#140181
Wonder if Oprah will back this next?
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 00:18
#140267
F**king Oprah. I shouldn't speak ill of the dead. Oh wait...
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 01:15
#140304
UR,
I heard today she is retiring next year. Bet she know's the SHTF. Wonder if she has a solar doomer ranch in Paraguay next to the Bush's?
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 08:32
#140403
Anthony: Which part of Mexico are you from?
Inez: Paraguay.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 09:40
#140449
Not retiring. Going to head her own cable channel (and this is no joke...) the Oprah Women's Network; call letters: OWN.
No. I am not kidding.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 10:16
#140474
Wow. If this were fiction, I'd tell you to revise and resubmit because the name was over the top. We have all been OWNed. Thanks for the update.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 10:59
#140538
I thought everyone already knew this.
The alarming nature of these spots might be a better topic of discussion. (only alarming if you have $$ in a TBTF? Nope, a general panic wipes out healthy local banks)
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 12:02
#140613
Oprah lost Black Queen Bee status to Michelle Obam so she is going to pedal a bid harder to regain it.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 09:06
#140423
Suze+Sheila=Pfizer induced FUN!
http://capitalistpreservation.com/cms/blog/smackwater-jack-wouldnt-drink-beer-or-katie-kerouac-couric-voice-beat-degeneration
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 22:40
#140185
LOL. They are worried about freaking audit the fed bills and defending themselves on the intellectual and philosophical levels while people are destroying their empire by switching to a cash society where thier fake money market and m3 collapses into a black hole the size of Sheila Bair's asshole.
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 22:44
#140188
Agreed, that IS a nice blue blazer and those teeth... talk about bling!
p.s.
Who paid for these damn commercials?!? And why did they turn off ratings and comments, I had something very witty I wanted to share, along with my 1 * rating.
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 22:46
#140192
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 22:52
#140203
Marlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 23:00
#140208
=]
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 01:24
#140310
You take to feminine discipline very well. Marla has you under her boot and lash. This is a good thing.
Yes, I'm giving you shit.
Why? Because it's fun.
What else to do while Rome burns?
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 02:21
#140325
"What else to do while Rome burns?"
Be like Obama and fiddle.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 02:24
#140326
So it would seem.
A lil bit on our current Rome:
http://www.alternet.org/workplace/144109/15_signs_american_society_is_co...
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 08:21
#140400
Thanks for this quote, MC:
Never before has the United States had so many citizens with so little means, little to no income and heavy debt. Debt and costs of living have now shackled U.S. citizens just as they have shackled people throughout the world. The economic hit men have now hit the United States as well and millions of American citizens are now effectively sentenced to a slow death.
Economic Imperial blowback has hit the mainland.
Economic Imperial blowback! Nice term for it.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 09:55
#140460
"What else to do while Rome burns?"
Roast marshmallows and make s'mores?
=]
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 23:31
#141523
So, is that like beat me, hurt me, make me write bad checks.
[ring, ring]
Benny, I thought I told you never to call me at work...
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 22:54
#140199
You know man, they shut the comments down because they didn't wanna hear any lip from a dead gangsta rapper that's really living with Elvis out in the Texas boonies...
PS: Just because no one has lost a cent doesn't mean that the cents we still possess haven't lost value. When they can remedy that action, we'll talk about it.
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 23:06
#140216
Yes, Elvis is doing fine, but we had to get him one of those pilates ball thingies...He's been kickin' it with Biggie, and when the two of 'em get together... well let's just say Costco has no fear here in Texas...
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 23:57
#140258
True dat - Keep him away from teh Jif and Chiquitas!
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 00:19
#140269
Say, weren't those fried?
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 22:52
#140201
Damn...Suzie Orman is getting a bailout too? This is getting out of hand. At least give me a free toaster.
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 23:35
#140240
What's left to toast?
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 22:54
#140206
Marlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, you rock.
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 23:00
#140209
Oh... your savings... ya about that..
Oh it's insured.. You just can't have it right now.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 00:36
#140284
So, if you go in and hold up a bank to get your own money out, is that like, a crime or what? I mean, we're in uncharted territory here kids. Pucker factor is getting up there in the diamond making range.
"And Dagmar, no doubt the ugliest son-of-a-bitch I ever saw my life, was his name."
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 11:34
#140579
Yes sir, uncharted for sure. I am wondering what would happen if I went and tried to take out $9,500 today? I know the branch VP pretty well. Hmmmmm.
Pretty soon you won't even be able to get a job doing radio promo!
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 23:35
#141527
Watch the economy now, it's going down.
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 23:28
#140222
Confidence, it's all just a game to Ben & Timmay. Confidence and creditability are just about all Ben & Timmay know to try and create. Especially since they appear have no concept of how these elements occur naturally.
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 23:41
#140239
Yup miles, it's all about confidence, just ask stuart..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fny40Ut_RZA
I would pay $$$$ to hear timmays daily affirmations....
[edit] funny enough this was the only stuart smalley I could find on youtube, seem the good congressman would rather folks forget...can't imagine why...
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 00:42
#140286
His getting elected was written about in Revelations - I am sure of it. Some kinda end times sign or sumpthin'.
Say, his picture is in the dictionary under 'putz'. Imagine that.
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 23:23
#140229
People in Argentina technically never "lost" their money either. Sure their dollars were converted to pesos at about a 60% loss and they couldn't withdraw their money - but hey, it was safe in the bank.
"They" obviously are getting scared to produce these commercials. God forbid the average American starts to question the availability of their own cash. "They" need us more than we need them.
The show is just getting started folks.
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 23:24
#140231
I would have loved to have been in the marketing meeting for this one.
FDIC Marketing Analyst: "We estimate that women between the ages of 30-60 have about 200 million dollars in shoeboxes throughout the United States. If we can get that in the banks we can buy another 2 weeks"
Sheila: "Great analysis, call Suze Orman"
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 23:28
#140234
SUZE: We have Ben on the line calling from Washingto D.C., Hi Ben!
BEN: Hi Suze, love the show.
SUZE: Tell me boyfriend, what do you want to buy?
BEN: Oh about 1.5 trillion dollars worth of bad loans from my banker friends.
SUZE: You're Approved Benny Boy, you go boyfriend!
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 23:30
#140235
HAHAHA!
get on witcha bad self...
on Mon, 11/23/2009 - 23:41
#140247
Damn. We just lost another economy to Ditech.com.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 00:23
#140273
"We love you (long time)."
You been here over three hour. You leave now and not come back.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 04:52
#140343
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 00:32
#140279
Strangely (or perhaps not) I want to make, like, German hardcore porn with Suzie.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 23:40
#141532
Du haβt mich.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 00:34
#140281
Now we wait for the parody with the Suze Orman look-a-like. SNL???
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 00:49
#140291
If that video doesn't make shoebox sales rocket to the moon, nothing will.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 11:24
#140564
Good one.
Home safes have been sold out since fall 2008.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 01:00
#140297
I would never trust anybody who would let suze orman go on TV in that blazer...
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 01:09
#140301
Green. Green is the color that calms you best, not blue. These fuckers can't do anything right.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 01:20
#140306
Why does this make me think of the line from 2012: "When they tell you not to panic, that's when you run!"?
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 01:21
#140307
Marla, if you hosted a tv show, it would be like I having weekly monte python back and that would be so very excellent--thank's for the laughs!
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 01:32
#140313
Hi Agrotera,
This is so much edgier than Monte Python, otherwise, I agree. The ultimate reality TV show where comedy and horror weave together 24/7. Suze is a clown, the scary kind. What if that was your mother?
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 06:33
#140362
Hi McCreant!
I'm so old that I watched the MP crew when they were a new show...back then, they were edgie, but no doubt that was a LONG time ago, and it's hard to compare with "modern" standards.
Do you think Suzie O. ever had a mom? ( i am cruel this morning...)
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 10:08
#140466
actually after watching her for the 1st time ever, i came away convinced that suze stepford is in fact, an android. everything about her -- her hair, her cheekbones, her painted smile, her outfit -- is just too plastic to be an organic lifeform.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 11:29
#140574
Either that or she's from L.A., sometimes it's hard to tell the diff..
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 11:40
#140585
She needed the gig to get the 5% surchage together.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 11:47
#140591
Could be both of you are right. LA supports a lot of life that is unnatural. She could be a product of successful irrigation into otherwise parched, desolate, undriven, terrain.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 13:12
#140709
Let's not jump the gun. The 5% botox tax may be out in the final version of the legislation.
Or in the event they actually do something morally correct, it will be raised to 40%.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 23:57
#141546
"parched, desolate, undriven, terrain." Now that's just mean.
on Wed, 11/25/2009 - 00:53
#141593
I know you want to fuck some shit up, don't cha! ZH had to call us folks out about making direct credible threats a lil' while ago. Folkz iz tryin' to behave, but it's just getting outrageous keeping a straight face and playing nice, given all that is going on.
Suze is a tool for agreeing to do these spots. A traitor really. Not even a real whore, a plastic blow up doll. I bet she tells herself she is serving her country...
...up on a platter to bankers.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 23:41
#141533
metal
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 01:28
#140311
HA!! Another set of great videos from The Onion!!!
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 08:59
#140416
On the subject of real things that you shouldn't find anywhere except the Onion:
http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/69003-mccaskill-still-reading-healthcare-bill
"McCaskill still working toward goal of reading the healthcare bill"
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 13:15
#140715
Boy she really is breaking ranks. Actually reading a bill.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 02:48
#140329
Any one have a pic of Suzie's domestic partner? I've wonder if she is hot!
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 09:43
#140450
I thought it was Sheila...
on Wed, 11/25/2009 - 01:00
#141599
I thought you would be more sensitive than this post. Lesbians have enough troubles already. Why contribute to negative stereotypes about lesbians by suggesting Suze and Sheila are shaking up? Just cause they are both ugly does not mean they are lesbians, okay? Beautiful lesbians everywhere are oppressed by your remarks here on this forum.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 04:17
#140342
Just a psychology point here.
People often tend to blink when they are lying, or saying somehting they dont fully believe.
Check out Suze on the "nobody" video
Either sonmeone off camera is having fun with a mirror, or that lady has her doubts!
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 07:11
#140374
When do financial institutions claim that they are safe?
It must be bad there.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 07:11
#140375
I heard Suze Orman tell someone not to buy gold. When prompted for a reason she hemmed and hawed and blurted manically don't buy gold!
I cannot stand either of these women.
I want to see an FDIC commercial with Denise Milani.
She could sell me the Brooklyn Bridge and I'd probably buy it.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 07:16
#140379
play the video backwards...it says. "when you got em by the balls...their hearts and minds will follow"
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 07:17
#140380
Whoops. Smacks of desparation, making all those cosy-wozy advertisements.
DavidC
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 07:27
#140385
Shoebox, put your fiatsco's in gold or commodities
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 08:10
#140394
Tyler - the EDIE site is down. You wouldn't have anything to do with that would you? ;)
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 08:13
#140396
Is it just me you guys, or does Suzi Orman seem as bought and paid for by the banking industry as Timmay Geithner???
She seems to think banks are actually fail-safe under all circumstances, and I think sister just needs to do a show about how PHUCKKED we really could be. Her sunshine and roses advice just isnt reality anymore!!
Everyone should have a hard asset hedge.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 09:33
#140441
Hard to hold back the ad hominen attacks....so all I will say is consider the source. TV/CNBC, Sue and Shiela have no cred. To whom are these people talking? Commercials for the FDIC, oh my. Get's sillier and sillier.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 13:17
#140719
Silly or Surreal???
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 10:16
#140475
Am I the only one that watched the Penny spot and thought it would send a more powerful message if Suze gave Sheila a full-mouth kiss and slap on the ass.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 10:59
#140540
Interesting that Ormand is a derivative of Os-mund where mund means protector or guardian while Os or Oz is, well, God.
There, I have proven that Suze Ormand is a flying monkey for Oz. The name Suzie is actually a contraction, having dropped the 'n' in an act of discretion and to avoid being mistaken for a narcoleptic dwarf.
You're a bad sleepy monkey, girl.
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 23:43
#141534
logic. p.r.e.t.z.e.l. logic
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 11:37
#140583
I was wondering why last BFF was so quiet. It would seem that the FDIC wanted to get these ads in gear before they proceed.
Last I checked, all of the "banks" have a Dec 31st close now.
That, and a "bad" Christmas could lead to the hand of the FDIC being forced on closures and the bank insurance pre-payments being wildly insufficient.
What a mess.
It might make for a good poll. Will Obama be remembered by history as "The President who saved Christmas?". I still think that this Christmas can be "saved" in a way that would recapitalise the entire banking system.
Just sayin...
Namke von Federlein
on Tue, 11/24/2009 - 12:55
#140687
It is simply quite notable that these commercials had to be produced to begin with.