#1 In Tentacle Selection: 300,000 People Applied To Goldman Sachs In The Past Two Years; 4% Were Hired

Tyler Durden's picture

It may not be quite the entire 1% but it is close. In his presentation to Bank of America on Tuesday, when discussing "talent (or tentacle) retention, Lloyd Blankfein disclosed this whopper: "Almost 300,000 individuals applied for full-time positions at Goldman Sachs for 2010 and 2011. We hired fewer than 4% of that population, and, though most had multiple offers, nine out of ten people offered a job with us accepted." In other words, it is more difficult to get into Goldman than Harvard. As a reminder, the US labor force has 140 million people at last count (or, coming from the BLS, rough propaganda guess). In other words, more than 0.2% of the entire US employed workforce (because let's face it, Goldman won't hire anyone without prior experience) applied to work at Goldman Sachs. And by the retention rating, it seems that the number one dream for every job seeker in the US is to get the fat letter from Goldman HR. Speaking of training, we also get this pearl from Lloyd: "This year, we expect to provide 800,000 hours of training to our people, an average of 25 hours per person." Just what is it that these people are taught so intensely?

Some other tidbits on Goldman's recruiting policies:

  • To state the obvious, this is a human business, done person to person. A client relationship is only as strong as the Goldman Sachs professionals managing that relationship
  • As a result, the single most important thing we can do to enhance the value of our business is to continue to hire the best and brightest people from around the world. And, once they get into Goldman Sachs, we want to do everything we can to ensure they have productive and stimulating careers.
  • Almost 300,000 individuals applied for full-time positions at Goldman Sachs for 2010 and 2011.
    We hired fewer than 4% of that population, and, though most had multiple offers, nine out of ten people offered a job with us accepted.
    Since 2001, we have hired more than 40,000 professionals to work at the firm.
  • The average tenure of a Managing Director and Vice President is about 12 years and 7 1?2 years, respectively.
    The average tenure for a partner is 15 1?2 years.
  • Our commitment to attract talented professionals doesn’t end with recruiting; we commit significant resources to their continued development.
  • This year, we expect to provide 800,000 hours of training to our people, an average of 25 hours per person.
    My confidence in our future is rooted in large part in our continued ability to recruit, train, and retain outstanding people

Some other amusing factoids:

  • It is important for Goldman Sachs to understand the numerous challenges confronting our clients and adapt our business to better serve them in the new regulatory environment.

Dear Goldman client: meet Thomas Stolper.

It gets even funnier: here is Lloyd lamenting the blow up of the firm headed by his predecessor: MF Global:

  • In our conversations with clients, they have expressed several concerns on the impact to their businesses of new margin requirements, potentially lower market liquidity and wider spreads, as well as the consequences of making inventory more expensive to hold, and therefore, less available.

Does Goldman have a thing for polygamy?

  • For example in Salt Lake City, we now have more than 1,000 professionals working across many divisions.

On Lloyd's use of the corporate jet:

  • Our people place a huge premium on spending time with clients around the world.
  • In the last year, I spent more than half of my time outside of the office meeting with clients.
  • Through these discussions, I gain a better understanding of emerging trends, the challenges that our clients face, the critical objectives they are focused on, and the role we can play to help them.

On Goldman's ongoing stealth MBO:

  • Since the beginning of 2010, we have repurchased more than $9 billion of common stock or roughly 15% of our capital base relative to 2009 year-end levels.
  • We have also bought back close to 70% of the share count that was issued during the height of the crisis.

Last but not least, the core Goldman "trading" mantra:

  • Each day, our clients seek advice and financing; they need someone to take the other side of a transaction in order to help them hedge risk

And there you have it: Goldman, in its own words, admits it is always on the other side of the trade from their clients. It's called "making markets" or so Lloyd will tell Carl Levin under oath...

Full Blankfein remarks and full Goldman BAC presentation.

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101 years and counting's picture

lying.  scamming. raping 10 yr old boys...i mean fed chairmen.

derek_vineyard's picture

i thought it didn't take any training to be a dick

dwdollar's picture

"...the best and brightest..."

LOL... more like the greediest and most corruptible...

oh_bama's picture

SOME IT PEOPLE AT GOLDMAN ARE SECOND CLASS AT BEST

 

Dicite justitiam's picture

I observed a "SECOND CLASS AT BEST" candidate make the jump.  You are right.  Not impressed at all.  GS half-life is shorter than described by previous experiments.

Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

The world is a vampire...... Yeah, what they are not telling you is who they are hiring. It is not your smart kid who worked his way through college. It is those Ivy League rich kids with connections. In-breeding at its best.

AldousHuxley's picture

Clintons son in law is a joo working at goldman sachs

Chelsea despite collapsing wall st. worked for a hedge fund.

 

Insiders know, financials will be bailed out. It is the only game in town for an empire....control the trade by controlling the currency which goods are traded.

Bananamerican's picture

tonight the city is full of whores 
and all the toilets are overflowing
there's shopping malls coming out of the walls
as we walk out among the manure

that's why 
I pay no mind 
I pay no mind
I pay no mind

-Beck

Mactheknife's picture

So...according to Lord Blankfein, when every other bank on the planet has been laying off people in droves, GS has hired almost 12,000. Really? Must be getting ready for that inter-galactic expansion.

Sam Clemons's picture

Doesn't it seem that financial services, and the desire to be in them, is one of the biggest bubbles going?  All kids I meet are going to be expert traders making millions for GS one day...  The revitalization of the real economy will shut the doors on the paper economy hopefully once and for all.

 

This crap only is economically "useful" because we have fiat currency.

I doubt the stock market will exist in 10 years.

Arthor Bearing's picture

++++++

Perhaps liquidty isn't all it's cracked up to be. If you have some friction in allocating capital it makes it less likely for a herd of idiots to jump onto a bandwagon as it careens over a cliff. Really, if you have a willing buyer and a willing seller, you have liquidity. Financial services is a skimming-off-the-top-while-creating-no-value scheme, just like politics/lawfirms and just like life and health insurance, by and large. All three sectors would be considerably smaller in a healthy sustainable economy.

Bananamerican's picture

300,000+.... that's a lotta douchebag wannabes....

spiral_eyes's picture

i would never work for this parasitic vampire squid, or any similar such institutions. 

why? 

rational self-interest.

working for them would entail supporting the prolongment of the current state of zombie economics, bailout economics, vampire economics. 

i believe the best way to meaningful and sustainable wealth is systemic collapse, taking these parasites and all the debt with the system, and allowing us to go back to the constitution.

yeah, i could put away gold and canned food and water and build myself a bunker (i'm doing that anyway without working for bloodsuckers), but no thanks — i'd much rather live in a sustainable economic system with liberty, personal freedoms and widespread wealth creation and NO BAILOUTS.

there's far more wealth in working the phones for ron paul...

Careless Whisper's picture

Blankfine is a complete liar. I don't believe a word he says. The whole story is probably total bullshit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOpFbjHcxF0

 

philipat's picture

It's great work if you can get it, providing you are prepared to check all your ethics and principles at the door and foregt any thoughts about being useful to society in exchange for your pieces of silver. Except of course for external marketing purposes, sorry I meant Corporate Social Responsibility.

The very fact that there are so many lining up is a very sad reflection of what is wrong with the US today.

jeff montanye's picture

goldman seems to imply these are global figures.  judging from the news the u.s. is not alone in its "problems" with finance/economics.  

now say its drone program, there it approaches the unique (although one would think brave little israel has several hundred up its sleeves with a few shooting out its wrists).

JPM Hater001's picture

Highly Altruistic...very dumb.

Sorry dude but just a heads up.  IF you want to survive the coming collapse you take whatever the best paying job you can get is...even shining GS nobs.

You learn all you can and when the world collapses you sell the story for conch shells.

Bright eyed kids.  Gotta beat'em down once in a while...

The Big Ching-aso's picture

 

 

HR Memorandum..................

 "An acceptable Goldman Sachs resume' must be submitted only in black ink."

Caggge's picture

The best and the brightest wouldn't need to cheat the American people to earn their bonus's. The greedy and the dishonest would lie, cheat and steal to earn their bonus's. Who are you hiring Lloyd? The American people know! Lloyd and his motley crew should be put out of our misery. We don't need what services they provide.

spiral_eyes's picture

JPM hater: surviving the coming collapse is not about money.

It's about community (local farms, etc) family, stored food, water supplies, solar panels and self-defense. You can survive the coming collapse on a small budget, and there will be many with vast budgets (metropolitan elites) who won't survive.

topcallingtroll's picture

Depends on your definition of collapse.

If it is just a north korean level of collapse with massive famine yes indeed the wealthy will make it.

He who has the gold rules. Doesnt matter how you got it.

philipat's picture

JPM Hater. FYI, I retired at age 48 having built, then sold, my own business in the healthcare field. I like to believe that I made a lot of money the old fashioned way, by hard work, through helping people and contributing something useful to society. Unlike derivatives.

But thanks for the advice.

Buck Johnson's picture

Your right, but also these people want in on what they see as a trough of money from the one place that the govt. won't allow to go belly up.  I think Goldman Sachs is kept the way it is because it knows to damn much about how the govt. operates in the economy and what it and the govt. has done (hell they may have helped make the plans for the govt.).

RafterManFMJ's picture

 

 

I'm going to intern with the local mafia for a few years, work my way up from boosting cigarette trucks, through shakedowns then into the numbers rackets; from there, its straight to GS.

Yes_Questions's picture

 

 

Glad to not be part of the 96% here, let alone the other four.

AldousHuxley's picture

doesn't matter whether you got a job at goldman or at starbucks.

If you need a job, you are not elite.

 

 

Chump's picture

Bingo, someone get this man his prize.

topcallingtroll's picture

Glad to see our resident socialist deceptively named A.H. understands.

A six figure income ain't squat

Chump's picture

Hey even a blind squirrel finds a nut, and you know you wanna cheer the little guy on...

High Plains Drifter's picture

corzine needs to get a job on death row , sitting on his ass and waiting as his appeals process makes it through the courts before his sorry ass is fried............or (OMG)  gassed.......

scatterbrains's picture

oh great idea.. lets stick him in the rec. cage with Ambrose Harris and see who's brains  get squished first.

Mercury's picture

doesn't matter whether you got a job at goldman or at starbucks.

If you need a job, you are not elite.


Not all people who have jobs need jobs.

Within the set of people who don't need jobs, the subset who have jobs anyway are likely more "elite" (by any number of objective measures) than the rest of their peers.

azzhatter's picture

They are taught buttfucking 101

smlbizman's picture

the 4% are obviously calamari traped in a humans body...

AldousHuxley's picture

Most wall st. execs are Joos who got raped by Nazis so they don't care about raping the new kids. "I survived the holocaust, so you shouldn't complain about 100 hour/weeks and missing family time"

 

wall st. execs rape the new hires so that new hires won't feel bad raping your grandma's pension fund. "I work 100 hour weeks so you deserve to work until 100 because I lost my bet with your pension funds"

 

That's the cycle of twisted sick society we live in.

 

Look at the wall street workers screaming at Occupy Wall Street. Their logic is "I got raped, so you deserve to get raped too by the system. How dare you not pay your 'dues' ".

 

 

 

 

 

scatterbrains's picture

I'm starting to doubt that the true unemployment rate is really as bad as 17% considering none of these cock suckers have been gunned down yet. 

flattrader's picture

I believe the true unemployment rate is higher.  Americans have been taught in the land of opportunity that if they lose their job or are raped by a mortgage company it is their own fault somehow.  We are conditioned to internalize failure.

That's why Corzine, Mozillo etc... will walk the streets with impunity just like Ken Lay did and perhaps die of natural causes while awaiting trial or sentencing.

All that needs to happen is for one poor bastard whose life has been destroyed to plug one of these bastards on the street and the tone of the conversation changes...for the better.

flattrader's picture

I believe the true unemployment rate is higher.  Americans have been taught in the land of opportunity that if they lose their job or are raped by a mortgage company it is their own fault somehow.  We are conditioned to internalize failure.

That's why Corzine, Mozillo etc... will walk the streets with impunity just like Ken Lay did and perhaps die of natural causes while awaiting trial or sentencing.

All that needs to happen is for one poor jerk whose life has been destroyed to plug one of these bastards on the street and the tone of the conversation changes...for the better.

They've been led to believe they are immune from government prosecution...well, there's another form of justice out there.

SilverIsKing's picture

It's not "dues", it's "doos" retard.

Mercury's picture

Ah...no it's not.

Neither one of you should be playing with sissors.

SilverIsKing's picture

I guess you couldn't tell I was speaking in my sarcastic voice.

Eireann go Brach's picture

If you can bend over, and allow a giant tentacle to be shoved up your arse that will come out your mouth uttering the words "We are masters of the universe and we will rape and pillage all before us including grandmas", you will be granted a 2nd interview!

DormRoom's picture

In other news, a recent study showed 4% of the population have no soul.  All of them bankers. /s

 

"Each day, our clients seek advice and financing; they need someone to take the other side of a transaction in order to help them hedge risk"

In Goldman speak.. "we help you find dumb money, preferably German".