20 Second Summary Of What Just Happened

Tyler Durden's picture

What summarizes the clip below best:

A) Hubris

B) Greed

C) Stupidity

D) Moral Hazard

E) All of the above?

Here is the punchline:

The full shocking call and Q&A can be accessed here.

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lolmao500's picture

Jamie the gangster...

resurger's picture

For ZH readers

Rogue Traders Hall of Fame

1-       Jerome Kerviel (Gee Rom Kerveel): he had unauthorized trades in 2007-2008 resulted in 4.9 Billion Loss for France Second Largest Bank Societe Generale , Kerviel was convited in October 2010 on charges of forgery, breach of trust and unauthorized computer use for hiding bets worth nearly 50bn Euros , the court ordered him to pay back the money he lost and he was banned from the financial institution for life

2-       Nick Leeson: in 1995, nick leeson was a trader in Singapore who lost 1.8 Bn USD bringing down the venerable Britch Bank Barings Bank PLC . he was sentenced to six and half years in prison

3-       Joseph Jett :  in 1994, Kidder Peabody had to adjust it first quarter earning to reflect 210 million in false profit from the bond trader Joseph Jett , he gave up his bonus which was 8.1 Million USD, was fined 200K USD and barred from any future association. GE sold Kidder Peabody to Paine Webber the following year

4-       Yasuo Hamanaka (aka Mr. Copper) in 1998, Sumitomo Corp revealed 2.6bn USD loss which it blamed on Hamanaka , formerly the companies head chif copper trader, he was sent to 8 years in prison.

5-       John Rusnak: in 2002, Allied Irish Bank discovered that Rusnak at Allfirst Financial Instiution had 691 mn USD loss for more than 5 years he was sentenced to 7.5 years and the bank was bought by M&T Bank Corp

6-       Kweku Adoboli : in 2011, this guys cost UBS AG Switzerland 2.3bn in losses from unauthorized trading in S&P 500, DAX and Eurostoxx future indicies.

7- Bruno Iksil - Check ZH

lolmao500's picture

Bruno Iksil will be first when this is all over... only to be surpassed by Bernanke and ECB chairman when the US and Europe ponzi schemes collapse. And whoever destroys the derivatives market will win as the biggest rogue trader in history for centuries to come.

The Alarmist's picture

F) None of the Above. Nothing to see here. Move along!

fuu's picture

Anyone have the full audio?

engineertheeconomy's picture

Everything is proceeding EXACTLY as planned.

jwoop66's picture

Does this mean somebody else will now have the PM manipulation duties?

LetThemEatRand's picture

It's just what oligachs do.  Jamie still has every penny of "his" money.

jomama's picture

will the real slewie please stand up?

fourchan's picture

jd eats a shit sandwich film at 11

palmereldritch's picture

"...And I do remind you that none of this has to do with clients"

Perhaps if he had just said "No one will be Corzined" there would have been greater assurance on the call.

FEDbuster's picture

America has been "Corzined".

Oh regional Indian's picture

Cor, matey, are you saying it's over? Because Corzinization is an end-game.

Funny though, DImon sounds more like a thug than a multi-billionaire CEO. Sounds more like he is packing a sock full of lead in his pockets than a stilletoe even.

Wall street was always an extension of the Mafia anyways.

I think Jamie Dimon is the next US ambassador to China.



fuu's picture

Ah rock on. Going to make Jamie say some funny shit now.

Thank you.

nope-1004's picture

I say C) Stupidity, because Jamie Dimon is an idiot.  His business needs public bailouts and backroom deals just to survive, not even thrive.

He's an idiot, plain and simple.


PhilB's picture

I really believe JD is a fuck. I mean that fool was going arrogantly against all the upcoming regulations and fighting even the FED. Now he has no pot to piss in. He has a major blowup on a CDS book in london on proprietary positions. This is it. It shows that the ones who supposedly know how to manager risk are full of shit. They are gamblers. Separate our deposit from these leeches and send them the hell home! No parachute!

Cathartes Aura's picture

like the "heads of nationstates" these men are placeholders, they have "titles" because that's how the(ir) world is set up, with named things - invented names for packages "swapped" around - and hierarchies.

JD holds the space for JPM to push packages around and manipulate space, accumulating pixel wealth, which his "account" holds - but people, it is all in the minds - the titles, with "wealth" and the "losses" - it's all man-ufactured ideas, created then named then used - like humans, or any other "asset" - and none of it has substance.  do you not believe JD answers to someone?  they all do.

it's fun to watch, and gets your adrenaline going if you gamble in their world - but it has no more substance than watching online porn. . . it's not a real relationship to anything, just a story you live in your mind. . .

jwoop66's picture

I'm with you.   It makes me wonder about all the conspiracies which assume those at the top are all geniuses.   It seems to me, whenever they get a chance our "rulers" love to show how fucking stupid and self absorbed they are!

GeoffreyT's picture

Dude, that's just what they WANT you to think.


No, I'm kidding. Of COURSE they're stupid and self-absorbed (like all sociopaths)... but they are hand-in-sphincter with the OTHER parasitic fuckwits - the political class - and those motherfuckers have all the weaponry and ain't afeared to use it.


This is the lesson that Tom Paine - for all his genius -was unable to foresee: that replacing Kings with a political class would simply open the field to a larger group of potential scheming corrupt parasitic fucking arseholes... all that would change long-term would be that the people preying on the tax take would not get their jobs primarily through heredity.

But let's face it... even heredity has not gone by the by: how else does Bill Kristol get taken seriously? More to the point, how did "Bush II: The Inbred" get to be leader of anything? Every one of his business ventures failed - except those that relied on State backing (like the Rangers' stadium: eminent domain + tax writeoffs + partial .gov funding... the only way Brokeback Georgie could get a 'W').

This is the 'take-away' from the American Revolution: if you replace one political system with another political system, eventually the most malevolent, despicable, corrupt and parasitic people in society will run it. Scalia, Yoo, Bybee, Cheney, Bush, Wolfowitz, Perle, Blair, Cameron, Brooooon, Mandelson, Sarkozy, Howard, Gillard, Barroso, Chertoff, Netanyahoo, Sharon, Livni, Lieberman (both Avgidor and Joe), Mugabe - they are all cut from the same cloth. And all of them will have you killed if you dissent in such a way as to be a genuine threat to their system.

jwoop66's picture

I'll just assume you overlooked Obama, Emmanuel, Soros, Cloward, Piven, Hollande,Mao, Guevera, Clooney, Stephanopolus(?) and the lovely Mika(I just saw a commercial for mornin Shmo).   

All the more justification for the Free market and the Ideals of the original US OF A!   Spread the power out so much it is diluted!   

Free Markets=Free people

Tea Party!= Our only hope right now! 

Raymond Reason's picture

And so it goes.  God was reluctant to give the Hebrews Saul, but the people begged for a King.  The only form of leadership / government that will ever work is a Theocracy, with a benevolent and flawless King, and ultimately that Kingdom will come. 

DeadFred's picture

The elite have been inbreeding for too long.

Marginal Call's picture

Fucking purse dogs with car keys, the lot of them.

jwoop66's picture

Dude?!   Is that British?  or UK'ness... whatever the proper term is?  Nice.  whatever it means!

Don Smith's picture

At least JPM has that extra $1.6B of MF Global customers' money, er, extra capital from Q4 to cushion this blow.

Excursionist's picture

I have no direct visibility into Iksil's exact responsibilities and discretionary authority, but based on what's been floated in the public domain, he strikes me as primarily an execution guy.

xtop23's picture

lol @ Kweku Adoboli his text messages were the height of comedy.

"need a miracle."

The Big Ching-aso's picture



Morgan's getting organed.

Silver Bug's picture

They should all be locked up and the key thrown away. Jamie is on the top of the list.



tom a taxpayer's picture

What summarizes the clip best:

Screaming cry for criminal investigations, civil lawsuits, and stockholders lawsuits.


ajax's picture


Wasn't JP Morgan Chase Madoff's Bank?  Hasn't Madoff declared that Chase just kept stumm? 

malek's picture

Yeah, but where is the opposite list?

Oh, here is why http://www.zerohedge.com/news/bit-humor-amid-financial-insanity

ROGUE TRADER, n. Unprofitable proprietary trader.

Buck Johnson's picture

It sounds like Jamie Dimond is a little desperate and scared.  I think things over at JP morgan are starting to come apart.

beaker's picture

He is suddenly looking veru old.

Cosimo de Medici's picture

Come on resurger, those are isolated incidents.  One bad game does not a season make.  Hardly a trend.  Chump change.  Drop in the bucket.  Spit in the ocean.  Can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.  Lose a battle here and there, but win the war.  Know what I'm saying?  If you hamstring these guys, they can't facilitate customer business, then where would we be?  You want to send our financial industry offshore and wreck our economy?  These are our best and brightest, who willingly take on the most extreme pressures, at great personal risk, for the good of us all.  Look how quickly they bounced back after 2008.  Pulled themselves up by their bootstraps, they did.  Capitalism's Holy Warriors.   Plus, they have systems, highly technical and virtually foolproof systems, to prevent just this sort of thing from happening again.  And again.  And don't joke that their foolproof system is just another name for lobbying, because that is just disrespectful.  Please, please cut the boys some slack.  And just imagine if they had been right!  You would stand between a man and his dream?

Yours truly,


Brian Hunter

Amaranth Advisors

"You think YOU'VE got gas!"

Pain Train's picture

Epic! Pretty much every applicable cliche ever used, all in one post. 

palmereldritch's picture

[As voiced by Edward G. Robinson for full effect]

resurger's picture

What can i say Cosimo! You are 100% right


Fail2Deliver's picture

Why is it only a "rogue trader" when there are millions in loses...never hear of the "rogue trader" who makes millions

FEDbuster's picture

Bring in Jon Corzine to clean up the mess, if he isn't the new Treasury Secretary after the election.

Levadiakos's picture

The Chase branch employees will now wear orange jumpsuits instead of their blue and white uniforms

DeadFred's picture

How long until "JP Morgan event" takes over from the "Lehman event" we hear about now days? It has such a nice ring to it doesn't it?