In Preview Of Inevitable Unhappy QEnding, Overeager German Safecrackers Blow Up Bank

Tyler Durden's picture


It looks like someone took a page from the Bernanke open-ended playbook, who when tasked by Chuck Schumer to "get to work, Mr. Chairman", and realizing his job is on the line, literally bet the Fed's political ranch on the biggest liquidity tsunami ever conceived in Keynesian history with consequences which as Gary Kaminsky explained earlier, will be akin to a Kamikaze pilot, if one who has over 310 million passengers. That someone was one or more German safecrackers in the town of Nottuln-Darup, who were eagerly pursuing their New Normal patriotic duty to release some bank reserves into broad circulation by blasting through a safe on Sunday night, when they used some extra laced C-4, in the process blew up the entire bank, shattering windows across the street, and causing hundreds of thousands of euros worth of damage. Perhaps this, more than anything, is the best visual of just what Bernanke's attempt to unclog the "bank plumbing" will look like in the end, even better than Zimbabwe coordinated 1 million man flush. The silver lining: at least they added to German GDP: if today's Ifo number is any indication, Germany desperately needs it.

From Spiegel, which for once is not reporting about 4x Eurozone bailout leverage citing "sources":

Thieves in Germany would seem to have been a bit overeager in their attempt to crack open a cash machine using explosives on Sunday night. The resulting blast destroyed the entire bank branch, causing hundreds of thousands of euros in damage.


Thieves are, of course, well known for extreme creativity when it comes to getting their hands on money that doesn't belong to them. But if all else fails, one can always turn to explosives.


That, at least, seems to have been the preferred strategy of bank robbers in the tiny western German town of Nottuln-Darup. The miscreants, however, appear not to have had the training required to adequately estimate the size of the detonation necessary to crack open the cash machine they had chosen as a target. Instead, the explosion destroyed the entire bank branch with one massive blast.


"It is a spooky atmosphere here," a police spokesman told reporters on Monday morning. "The fire department has set up an emergency power supply. Damage to the building is likely to be worth several hundred thousands of euros." The spokesman said it was unclear whether the building sustained significant structural damage and that experts had been called in to inspect the structure.


Miraculously, nobody was injured in the blast, despite debris ending up some 80 meters (260 feet) away. Residents of the apartments in the upper floors of the three-story building were quickly evacuated.


Initially, police were unsure whether the thieves had actually been able to access the cash they were after -- it initially proved difficult to even find the cash machine amid the rubble. On Monday afternoon, however, police told SPIEGEL ONLINE that some cash had been removed, but it remained unclear how much.

Perhaps these thieves in addition to mimicking Bernanke, alto took some hints from America's own FOMC-City bank robbers from 2 weeks ago:

It was also unknown on Monday afternoon who might have been responsible for the outsized explosion. Police have, however, been able to locate the getaway car some 500 meters from the destroyed bank branch. The vehicle had been stolen earlier.

It is unclear if the getaway car was also a Volvo.

And here is what both a bungled robbery, and what the final phases of QE X+1 will look like.


And here is how others have historically prepared to unclog "stuck" liquidity:

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Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:54 | 2825534 bugs_
bugs_'s picture

don't ruin the safe its worth more than whats inside it

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:12 | 2825601 walküre
walküre's picture

cRaCk Up BOOM, bitchez !!!

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:16 | 2825613 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

I guess now they can test that economic theory about broken windows.

I am Chumbawamba.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:32 | 2825661 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

just print another Euro Bank

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:40 | 2825691 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Someone put out the word to these guys that the Eccles Building contains $1T in gold... ;)

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 17:05 | 2825774 metastar
metastar's picture

Mmmm Grey Butter.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 17:14 | 2825806 redpill
redpill's picture

Nothing exceeds like excess!

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 21:08 | 2826550 Precious
Precious's picture

... the police are searching for three guys with frizzy hair and bad hearing ...

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 22:24 | 2826723 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture



"Think ya used enough dynamite there Butch?..."


Mon, 09/24/2012 - 19:35 | 2825966 ACP
ACP's picture

Looks like a job done by Kelly's Heroes...

Edit: One upped you Tyler:

(for those who haven't seen it...skip to last 10 secs...)

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:55 | 2825536 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

A small-town Sparkasse: that is pretty desperate. 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:37 | 2825682 saturn
saturn's picture

It's a start.. ... :)

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 17:18 | 2825820 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

It's misdirected, target a TBTF, not an S&L

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:56 | 2825540 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Lots of broken windows.  Krugman is so proud.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:40 | 2825690 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

It's a recovery when other people's windows are broken, it's a robbery when it's yours.

Tue, 09/25/2012 - 06:33 | 2827187 tonyw
tonyw's picture

I'm an economist

you're a banker

they're thieves


Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:44 | 2825711 Hobbleknee
Hobbleknee's picture

Even better if aliens broke them.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:47 | 2825724 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

A tragedy.

A dead bank and no dead banksters.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:56 | 2825544 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

a man's got to know his limitations, and his C4

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:59 | 2825545 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Dumbkopfs!  Nothing in der damn bank worth stealing.  Hit the liquor store and the Jagermeister, or better yet the goldschlager!

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:03 | 2825560 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

If I drink enough Goldschlager, I may in time shit gold.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:07 | 2825579 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture


Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:22 | 2825634 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

*brain essplodes*

Men, our alcohol has been breached. All sectors, switch to Patron Silver.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:35 | 2825674 Dangertime
Dangertime's picture

You must be Tywin Lannister.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 18:10 | 2825978 jumbo maverick
jumbo maverick's picture

You were sitting home watching your tv
While I was participating in some anarchy

First spot we hit it was my liquor store
I finally got all that alcohol I can't afford

With red lights flashing
Time to retire and we turned that liquor store into a structure fire


Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:57 | 2825546 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

Just the boom in Boom Bust Blog. Get some sleep.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:59 | 2825547 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Upon opening the safe the would be thieves found them to be was then they realized that all the "money" was just digits on the hard drive they blew up. Disappointed they yanked out the circuit boards to reclaim any silver they could.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:58 | 2825548 Financial_Guard...
Financial_Guardian_Angel's picture

Heck, that explosion would have blown the doors off the safe deeply tucked under the Marriner Eccles Building!

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:58 | 2825549 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Looks like a residential apartment above.  Feel sorry for them. 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 19:18 | 2826219 Slightly Insane
Slightly Insane's picture

I vunder vhy dis vires runs upenze stares .... und dis is vehr dey placend dis vires upond de batdrey.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:00 | 2825552 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Fuckin Katzenjammer Kids...

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:22 | 2825633 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Guess I'm not the only one here who is older than dirt;)

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:01 | 2825557 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Looks likes Bulls need to wait for "Turnaround Tuesday" for Potter/BIS to really get things firing. 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:01 | 2825558 WhiteHose
WhiteHose's picture

Is that excess liquidity flowing out on the sidewalk???? FUCK YOU Bernanke!

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:06 | 2825563 FubarNation
FubarNation's picture

I used to think robbbing banks was bad until I learned how much they rape the public.  Not my local mom and pop bank or credit union but the TBTFs.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:04 | 2825565 PontifexMaximus
PontifexMaximus's picture

Funny, must be in the northern part of Germany, Schleswig Holstein or so, usually those people are clumsy and not so aggressive, but...Don't know whether they lost a match in the as usual, move on.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:05 | 2825572 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture


Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:06 | 2825573 RobD
RobD's picture

Do you think you used enough dynamite there Butch



Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:52 | 2825735 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Beat me to of my all time favorites.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:06 | 2825575 youngman
youngman's picture cheaper than using a wheelbarrow...

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:07 | 2825576 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Fuck You Bernanke

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:07 | 2825580 salvatorem
salvatorem's picture

The guy who blew up the bank was the same guy who played the German tank commander in The Dirty Dozen.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:10 | 2825591 RobD
RobD's picture

Umm I think you got your movies mixed up, could you be referring to Kelly's Heroes?

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:32 | 2825664 salvatorem
salvatorem's picture

Yup, Kelly's Heroes.  Love those WWII movies.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:19 | 2825622 Conax
Conax's picture

I think you mean Kelly's Heroes.. good movie. Don Rickles let it all hang out.

"Maybe the guy's a republican.." 

"Sergeant, if you want an equal share of this money, all you have to do is crank that turret around and blow a hole in that door..."

14,000 gold bars were worth 16,000,000.  If they were hundred ouncers, that's only $11.XX an ounce, the math never really worked out.  Always bugs me when I see it.


edit: whoops, sorry, didn't see your comment, Rob.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:26 | 2825643 knukles
knukles's picture

Donald Sutherland

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:08 | 2825581 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Dead Presidents.


Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:08 | 2825582 walküre
walküre's picture

The German translations of Draghi's tool in action were probably misunderstood.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:10 | 2825590 rustymason
rustymason's picture

In this Bizarro world we live in, maybe all this QE will actually "work."

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:10 | 2825593 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

Boom times a-coming to a place near you!

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