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In Preview Of Inevitable Unhappy QEnding, Overeager German Safecrackers Blow Up Bank

Tyler Durden's picture




 

It looks like someone took a page from the Bernanke open-ended playbook, who when tasked by Chuck Schumer to "get to work, Mr. Chairman", and realizing his job is on the line, literally bet the Fed's political ranch on the biggest liquidity tsunami ever conceived in Keynesian history with consequences which as Gary Kaminsky explained earlier, will be akin to a Kamikaze pilot, if one who has over 310 million passengers. That someone was one or more German safecrackers in the town of Nottuln-Darup, who were eagerly pursuing their New Normal patriotic duty to release some bank reserves into broad circulation by blasting through a safe on Sunday night, when they used some extra laced C-4, in the process blew up the entire bank, shattering windows across the street, and causing hundreds of thousands of euros worth of damage. Perhaps this, more than anything, is the best visual of just what Bernanke's attempt to unclog the "bank plumbing" will look like in the end, even better than Zimbabwe coordinated 1 million man flush. The silver lining: at least they added to German GDP: if today's Ifo number is any indication, Germany desperately needs it.

From Spiegel, which for once is not reporting about 4x Eurozone bailout leverage citing "sources":

Thieves in Germany would seem to have been a bit overeager in their attempt to crack open a cash machine using explosives on Sunday night. The resulting blast destroyed the entire bank branch, causing hundreds of thousands of euros in damage.

 

Thieves are, of course, well known for extreme creativity when it comes to getting their hands on money that doesn't belong to them. But if all else fails, one can always turn to explosives.

 

That, at least, seems to have been the preferred strategy of bank robbers in the tiny western German town of Nottuln-Darup. The miscreants, however, appear not to have had the training required to adequately estimate the size of the detonation necessary to crack open the cash machine they had chosen as a target. Instead, the explosion destroyed the entire bank branch with one massive blast.

 

"It is a spooky atmosphere here," a police spokesman told reporters on Monday morning. "The fire department has set up an emergency power supply. Damage to the building is likely to be worth several hundred thousands of euros." The spokesman said it was unclear whether the building sustained significant structural damage and that experts had been called in to inspect the structure.

 

Miraculously, nobody was injured in the blast, despite debris ending up some 80 meters (260 feet) away. Residents of the apartments in the upper floors of the three-story building were quickly evacuated.

 

Initially, police were unsure whether the thieves had actually been able to access the cash they were after -- it initially proved difficult to even find the cash machine amid the rubble. On Monday afternoon, however, police told SPIEGEL ONLINE that some cash had been removed, but it remained unclear how much.

Perhaps these thieves in addition to mimicking Bernanke, alto took some hints from America's own FOMC-City bank robbers from 2 weeks ago:

It was also unknown on Monday afternoon who might have been responsible for the outsized explosion. Police have, however, been able to locate the getaway car some 500 meters from the destroyed bank branch. The vehicle had been stolen earlier.

It is unclear if the getaway car was also a Volvo.

And here is what both a bungled robbery, and what the final phases of QE X+1 will look like.

 

And here is how others have historically prepared to unclog "stuck" liquidity:

 

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Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:54 | 2825534 bugs_
bugs_'s picture

don't ruin the safe its worth more than whats inside it

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:12 | 2825601 walküre
walküre's picture

cRaCk Up BOOM, bitchez !!!

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:16 | 2825613 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

I guess now they can test that economic theory about broken windows.

I am Chumbawamba.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:32 | 2825661 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

just print another Euro Bank

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:40 | 2825691 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Someone put out the word to these guys that the Eccles Building contains $1T in gold... ;)

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 17:05 | 2825774 metastar
metastar's picture

Mmmm Grey Butter.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 17:14 | 2825806 redpill
redpill's picture

Nothing exceeds like excess!

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 21:08 | 2826550 Precious
Precious's picture

... the police are searching for three guys with frizzy hair and bad hearing ...

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 22:24 | 2826723 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

 

 

"Think ya used enough dynamite there Butch?..."

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHXK2t50S-8

 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 19:35 | 2825966 ACP
ACP's picture

Looks like a job done by Kelly's Heroes...

Edit: One upped you Tyler:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Csv1wXOr5tY

(for those who haven't seen it...skip to last 10 secs...)

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:55 | 2825536 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

A small-town Sparkasse: that is pretty desperate. 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:37 | 2825682 saturn
saturn's picture

It's a start.. ... :)

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 17:18 | 2825820 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

It's misdirected, target a TBTF, not an S&L

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:56 | 2825540 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Lots of broken windows.  Krugman is so proud.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:40 | 2825690 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

It's a recovery when other people's windows are broken, it's a robbery when it's yours.

Tue, 09/25/2012 - 06:33 | 2827187 tonyw
tonyw's picture

I'm an economist

you're a banker

they're thieves

 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:44 | 2825711 Hobbleknee
Hobbleknee's picture

Even better if aliens broke them.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:47 | 2825724 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

A tragedy.

A dead bank and no dead banksters.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:56 | 2825544 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

a man's got to know his limitations, and his C4

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:59 | 2825545 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Dumbkopfs!  Nothing in der damn bank worth stealing.  Hit the liquor store and the Jagermeister, or better yet the goldschlager!

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:03 | 2825560 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

If I drink enough Goldschlager, I may in time shit gold.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:07 | 2825579 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

tungsten

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:22 | 2825634 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

*brain essplodes*

Men, our alcohol has been breached. All sectors, switch to Patron Silver.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:35 | 2825674 Dangertime
Dangertime's picture

You must be Tywin Lannister.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 18:10 | 2825978 jumbo maverick
jumbo maverick's picture

You were sitting home watching your tv
While I was participating in some anarchy

First spot we hit it was my liquor store
I finally got all that alcohol I can't afford

With red lights flashing
Time to retire and we turned that liquor store into a structure fire

Sublime

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:57 | 2825546 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

Just the boom in Boom Bust Blog. Get some sleep.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:59 | 2825547 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Upon opening the safe the would be thieves found them to be empty..it was then they realized that all the "money" was just digits on the hard drive they blew up. Disappointed they yanked out the circuit boards to reclaim any silver they could.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:58 | 2825548 Financial_Guard...
Financial_Guardian_Angel's picture

Heck, that explosion would have blown the doors off the safe deeply tucked under the Marriner Eccles Building!

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 15:58 | 2825549 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Looks like a residential apartment above.  Feel sorry for them. 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 19:18 | 2826219 Slightly Insane
Slightly Insane's picture

I vunder vhy dis vires runs upenze stares .... und dis is vehr dey placend dis vires upond de batdrey.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:00 | 2825552 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Fuckin Katzenjammer Kids...

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:22 | 2825633 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Guess I'm not the only one here who is older than dirt;)

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:01 | 2825557 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Looks likes Bulls need to wait for "Turnaround Tuesday" for Potter/BIS to really get things firing. 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:01 | 2825558 WhiteHose
WhiteHose's picture

Is that excess liquidity flowing out on the sidewalk???? FUCK YOU Bernanke!

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:06 | 2825563 FubarNation
FubarNation's picture

I used to think robbbing banks was bad until I learned how much they rape the public.  Not my local mom and pop bank or credit union but the TBTFs.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:04 | 2825565 PontifexMaximus
PontifexMaximus's picture

Funny, must be in the northern part of Germany, Schleswig Holstein or so, usually those people are clumsy and not so aggressive, but...Don't know whether they lost a match in the Bundesliga...business as usual, move on.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:05 | 2825572 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

Oops

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:06 | 2825573 RobD
RobD's picture

Do you think you used enough dynamite there Butch

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHXK2t50S-8

 

 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:52 | 2825735 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Beat me to it...one of my all time favorites.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:06 | 2825575 youngman
youngman's picture

Hey..it cheaper than using a wheelbarrow...

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:07 | 2825576 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Fuck You Bernanke

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:07 | 2825580 salvatorem
salvatorem's picture

The guy who blew up the bank was the same guy who played the German tank commander in The Dirty Dozen.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:10 | 2825591 RobD
RobD's picture

Umm I think you got your movies mixed up, could you be referring to Kelly's Heroes?

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:32 | 2825664 salvatorem
salvatorem's picture

Yup, Kelly's Heroes.  Love those WWII movies.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:19 | 2825622 Conax
Conax's picture

I think you mean Kelly's Heroes.. good movie. Don Rickles let it all hang out.

"Maybe the guy's a republican.." 

"Sergeant, if you want an equal share of this money, all you have to do is crank that turret around and blow a hole in that door..."

14,000 gold bars were worth 16,000,000.  If they were hundred ouncers, that's only $11.XX an ounce, the math never really worked out.  Always bugs me when I see it.

 

edit: whoops, sorry, didn't see your comment, Rob.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:26 | 2825643 knukles
knukles's picture

Donald Sutherland

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:08 | 2825581 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Dead Presidents.

 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:08 | 2825582 walküre
walküre's picture

The German translations of Draghi's tool in action were probably misunderstood.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:10 | 2825590 rustymason
rustymason's picture

In this Bizarro world we live in, maybe all this QE will actually "work."

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:10 | 2825593 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

Boom times a-coming to a place near you!

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:11 | 2825594 jim249
jim249's picture

Probably done by some poor Greeks! There is no money in the Greek banks so they had to go to Germany.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:12 | 2825600 Arnold Ziffel
Arnold Ziffel's picture

These guys are next in line for Der Eisernes Kreuz.

 

Last words heard from these brave Keynesians:

 

"Oooopps!!!"

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:22 | 2825635 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

More likely: "This should be enough."

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:14 | 2825606 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 The Bernak when he made his "Qe-infinity" decision!

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:14 | 2825607 monopoly
monopoly's picture

that was great. LOLOL. 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:15 | 2825612 XitSam
XitSam's picture

Governments are, of course, well known for extreme creativity when it comes to getting their hands on money that doesn't belong to them. 


Fixed that for ya.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:16 | 2825615 automato
automato's picture

Same thing happened to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid!

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:19 | 2825624 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

Corzine-4 blows up more than you think.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:53 | 2825740 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Vaporizes anything and everything(especially the stuff they keep in banks)...!

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:19 | 2825626 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

In the late 60s, in Syracuse, NY, there was a similar robbery--only more successful.

Robbers bought a war surplus light howitzer, 105mm I think--something like this:  http://farm1.static.flickr.com/38/97969265_65b32ae28d.jpg .  They rented a storefront across the street from a bank where the vault door was in line of site through the windows on the street.  One night they fired an armor piercing round through the window and blew the vault.  As far as I know they were never caught. 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:20 | 2825628 semperfi
semperfi's picture

At least they didn't fly a passenger airplane into it then blow it with thermite for good measure.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:27 | 2825646 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Yeah, if you scale down the relative size of WTC 1 or 2 vs a 757 to this little bank building . . .  seem like a medium sized radio controlled model airplane would have caused the buidling to collapse in its own footprint.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:34 | 2825672 FubarNation
FubarNation's picture

No fire though :U

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 17:52 | 2825936 Overfed
Overfed's picture

According to NIST, setting a couple of trash cans on fire should easily collapse a building of that size.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 18:58 | 2826151 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

I agree, flying a plane into the WTC was a gross misclculation and only succeeded in vaporizing all that gold. (sarc)

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:20 | 2825629 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

Q: Why do you blow up banks?

A: That's where the money was.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:30 | 2825654 knukles
knukles's picture

LOL

In the movie V for Vendetta I could see the answer:

Because that's where the bankers are.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:20 | 2825630 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

"The miscreants, however, appear not to have had the training required to adequately estimate the size of the detonation necessary to crack open the cash machine"

Aren't they talking about Bernanke and QE3 here?

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:33 | 2825669 Liquid Courage
Liquid Courage's picture

Of course they are!

 

It's the Keynesian "We're Gonna Need a Bigger Hammer Theory" in all its rampant glory, pounding a stake through the heart of capitalism.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:29 | 2825653 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

Gotta watch out for those 'UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES' - Eh, Ben???

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:32 | 2825663 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

Robbers, how come to? Blowing up banks is the sole privilege of the elites.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:37 | 2825679 Pancho Villa
Pancho Villa's picture

The news report says they were only trying to open the cash machine. I wonder how much they would have used if they had been trying to open the vault.

Also I wonder what the black market value of C4 is. They might have been better off just selling it.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 20:38 | 2826475 seek
seek's picture

It's suprisingly cheap, or at least it was back in the mid-90s when the ATF was trying to sell it at gun shows.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:43 | 2825704 markar
markar's picture

Wall St. already blew up the big German banks with MBS & CDS. This is much more fun to watch.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:45 | 2825713 DonGenaro
DonGenaro's picture

zeros to heroes ?

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:46 | 2825720 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

Soon it won't be worth stealing, so this is a problem that takes care of itself.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:51 | 2825732 Swarmee
Swarmee's picture

"Pull it."

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 18:13 | 2825989 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

I heard that it came down at freefall speeds, especially the bits on the top.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 16:59 | 2825759 Heyoka Bianco
Heyoka Bianco's picture

What odds these "miscreants" (what a great word!) spent more to get the C-4 than they got out of this, um, "heist"? It would double awesome if the getaway car was out of gas.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 17:14 | 2825800 laomei
laomei's picture

Anytime there's an explosive used, it's "C4", just like any rifle becoms an "AK47".  There are lots and lots of relatively high-power explosives that can be plastic and dirt cheap to make.  The media is just lazy and the public is too stupid to justify getting facts right.  Probably PETN, PETN is cheap as all hell.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 17:04 | 2825772 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

Letter to Editor.......

Last Saturday, September 22, I went to Annual Membership meeting in attended by  Congressman X. Mr. X was kind enough to address me in a small group. I told him I have three questions: 1) the amount of interest U.S. government is projected to pay on our 2012 debt, 2) what is the effective interest rate on the 2012 federal debt, 3) what is the current average maturity on all the outstanding federal debt? Answers, he did not know the figure for any, except interest rates were low and we had a spending problem. I believe Mr. X is more knowledgeable on this topic than the average congressman, however their projected lack of knowledge and concern takes my breath away.

Congressman X was amicable and asked me to walk with him as he departed the park. He encouraged me to get more involved in the political process. I told him I do talk to people but most people’s eyes glaze over as numbers seem to bore people, so I told him I would try to simplify my analysis and try something.

Well, this is my effort to get more involved and explain the biggest threat to the American Dream, because a financially distressed country fails on its promises—just ask the Greek people.  First, U.S. interest payment in 2012 fiscal year (Oct. – Sept) will be about $370 million or about $80 million less than 2011. (Note: I will bet you did not know this $80million accounts for over 50% of the federal deficit reduction from 2011 to 2012.)  You might ask: “How can interest payments fall when debt increased more than $1 trillion?” The decrease is due to reduction in interest rate as the effective interest rate for 2012 is about 2.3% which is down from 3.07% in 2011. (Note: Simple interest rate calculation for example 2012 interest rate equals 2012 interest payment divided by estimated debt on 9/30/12.) Interest rates fell because of the financial chaos in Europe and the world, but also due to our federal treasury department reducing the average maturity of our debt outstanding. (Note: average debt maturity drops if you sell more 52 week bills versus 30 year bonds and most people believe treasury should expand average debt maturity in a low interest environment; however this would increase the federal deficit.) The average maturity of federal debt has fallen to about 5 years. This means in the next year roughly 20% of the debt or about $3.2 trillion must be refunded. To fund our federal government in 2013, the citizens of the U.S. must borrow or print about $4 trillion to fund our programs and rollover our debt.

To try to explain the depth of our interest payment risk, the fiscal cliff the U.S. faces in January 2013 represents a $1.2 trillion reduction in the deficit over next 10 years holding everything else constant.  Remember the fighting between the parties to reduce the deficit $120 billion on average each year over a ten year period, well, If effective interest rates rise back to 2000 level of 6.38%, interest payments would be $1.1 trillion or an increase of $727 billion over 2012 as an annual recurring expense. (Note: Every 1% interest rate increase causes interest payments to rise $161 billion.)  If the Federal Reserve creates an inflationary environment and we return to the interest rate environment of 1980, the financial foundation of the U.S. will crumble. (Note: Yes, I am overstating the near term risk, but not the threat, because the Federal Reserve will smother interest rates for a short period, but market forces will correct this low inflation and interest rate period.)

While working on this article, I have had a change of mind about the cost and benefits of the fiscal cliff. If Congress fails to implement the already passed law to reduce the deficit, the debt will surpass $17 trillion in 2013. Cutting the deficit and balancing our federal budget will always be painful, when do we ever start? Therefore, I am writing my congressman, senators and President to voice my opinion based on these facts. My letter will remind them in August  2011, Congress passed the Budget Control Act of 2011 that provided for the "Supercommittee" to produce bipartisan legislation by late November. If the Supercommittee failed to do so, another part of the Budget Control Act directs across-the-board cuts in defense and domestic spending, beginning January 2, 2013, and increases federal tax rates.  Finally, my letter will let Congress know my concerns for the dangers of deficit spending have not changed since August 2011 and I would hope Congress’ desire to tackle this immense danger to the American Dream has also remained firm. I hope you engage the system too whether you agree with me or not.

(Note: I write this article to provide the spiritual truth for my grandmother’s understanding and for my yet to be born grandkids.)

 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 19:13 | 2826191 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 19:12 | 2826195 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

Dear Trustwho,

You are absolutely right about your calculations but also about the attitude of politicians. The fact is that the problem cannot any longer be resolved mathematically or politically because it's just not possible. The solution unfortunately will be chaotic and fairly quick. And believe me, when the dust settles, the pain will hit all at once.

The worst of your calculations is not the inevitability of higher interest rates, but the mountain of unfunded liabilities which in the end cannot and will not be honoured. That means a great many epectations of the people will be reduced to rubble.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 19:46 | 2826314 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

The extent the politicians hides the numbers is just plain evil. For example, politicians refer to public interest payments versus gross. In 2011, public interest payment was about $250 billion versus gross being $454 billion.

Also, we should force congress to implement zero-based budgeting and only refer to growth or cut relative to prior years' actual spends.

Congress does not know the numbers and they do not wabt the citizens to know. When I was asking the Congressman questions, he quickly went to a place of "Who the Hell are you?". He was forced to be amicable and controlled at the park, but you could see him seething. 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 17:10 | 2825783 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Sign says "Sparkasse"...maybe someone just lit a fart.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 18:12 | 2825987 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

"... when they used some extra laced C-4, in the process blew up the entire bank, shattering windows across the street, and causing hundreds of thousands of euros worth of damage."

Dang, I hate it when that happens.

- Ned

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 18:40 | 2826061 Remington IV
Remington IV's picture

stupid krauts , always fucking it up before octoberfest

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 18:57 | 2826144 SubjectivObject
SubjectivObject's picture

Into the future, we'll be seeing a lot of that image on ZH.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 18:57 | 2826147 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Relative of Bernanke. He make a happy.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 19:16 | 2826210 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

How do we know it wasn't an inside job trying to cover up a theft by blowing the place up?

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 19:23 | 2826235 jonjon831983
jonjon831983's picture

wow what kinda explosives and how'd they get em

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 20:01 | 2826362 Red Raspberry
Red Raspberry's picture

Reminds me of Butch Cassidy and the Sundace Kid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHXK2t50S-8

 

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 22:09 | 2826692 Diogenes
Diogenes's picture

 

"Miraculously, nobody was injured in the blast, despite debris ending up some 80 meters (260 feet) away. Residents of the apartments in the upper floors of the three-story building were quickly evacuated."

I'll bet they did.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 22:29 | 2826744 698
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Mon, 09/24/2012 - 22:47 | 2826782 Bansters-in-my-...
Bansters-in-my- feces's picture

Spark Ass...?

How fitting.

Tue, 09/25/2012 - 06:02 | 2827171 Oliver Jones
Oliver Jones's picture

Now that is what you call a hole in the wall...

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