You Know You Are A Conspiracy Theorist If...

Tyler Durden's picture

Submitted by Mike Krieger of Liberty Blitzkrieg blog,

  • You are capable of critical thinking.
  • You distrust mainstream media.
  • You like nature.
  • You think it’s a good idea to spend the Friday after Thanksgiving with your family rather than camping outside Best Buy to get a cheap plasma television made in China.
  • You think it’s a little strange that WTC building 7 came down at free fall speed on 9/11 yet it was never hit by a plane.
  • You think that drones in America might not be for Al Qaeda.
  • You would like to be able to get on a plane without having to engage in a mandatory radiation bath and digital strip search.
  • You have read a book in the past year.
  • You think you have the right to protest.
  • You think the War on Terror is a scam.
  • You think the War on Drugs is a scam.
  • You think the anger directed at America from the Middle East could possibly be related to our foreign policy rather than hating how amazingly free we are.
  • You think the Republicans and Democrats are exactly the same on the important issues affecting our country.
  • You think believing in The Constitution does not constitute a terrorist act.
  • You have heard of the Bill of Rights and can even name what some of them are.
  • You question whether the government loves you.
  • You think the right to bear arms is not for hunting, rather so citizens can fight back should the government become a bunch of tyrannical thugs.
  • You don’t own a television, and if you do, all you watch is RT, especially the Keiser Report and Capital Account.
  • You don’t think the NDAA is the name of Kesha’s latest single.
  • You think rich, powerful and connected people should be subject to the rule of law and go to jail if they commit crimes. Even if they are bankers and work at JP Morgan or Goldman Sachs.
  • You think corporations aren’t people.
  • You think Warren Buffet is a phony and a crony capitalist.
  • You don’t care that Warren Buffet likes cherry coke, hamburgers and ice cream.  He’s still a bad guy.
  • You know that gold was made illegal by FDR in 1933 and confiscated from the American people.  You know that gold bullion remained illegal for Americans to own until 1975.
  • You think politicians that push for war should be sent to fight on the front lines.  If they are unable, their children should go.
  • You want your food to be labeled GMO so that you can make your own decisions on what you are consuming.
  • You grow your own food.
  • You buy raw milk.
  • You think food and energy should be included in inflation calculations.
  • You are aware that the Department of Homeland Security has purchased 1.2 billion rounds of ammo in the past year.
  • You question whether said ammo purchases are in anticipation of a Normandy beach style landing by Al Qaeda.
  • You think allowing a small group of unelected people (The Federal Reserve) to print unlimited amounts of money and distribute it as they please might not be a good idea.

If you answered yes to more than five of the 32 questions above, you might be a conspiracy theorist.

You also may be on the government’s terror watch list.

Be very alarmed and report it to the authorities immediately should you discover your neighbors engaged in such uncivilized thought. 

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Mongo's picture

Oh please add ... "You read Zero Hedge on a daily basis"

Ruffcut's picture

I thought Einstein said question everything. Man am I a dumbass.

I accept my programming. Porn please and hurry the fuck up.

Sudden Debt's picture

you should never have to ask for it and have the good movies in a secret folder ready at all times.

camaro68ss's picture

I just stoped reading after the first five were "yes".  NDAA camp for me i guess

tip e. canoe's picture

now that's funny.    jolly good fellow will be remembering that award on his deathbed.

never underestimate the power of a good mindfuck.

AldousHuxley's picture

NSA and CIA already got all of you on their 'watch list'

 

"social networking" makes your conversations, expressions, thoughts public and easy to monitor.

 

 

FEDbuster's picture

Missed one, the raw milk question.  Damn almost an A+

See you all you West Coasters in a Region 9 FEMA camp, just throw a ZH gang sign at me.

NidStyles's picture

 

 

 

 

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That one?

AldousHuxley's picture

missing the giant gold ring on that middle finger

Muppet of the Universe's picture

L33T CONSPIRACY THEORIST GOING INVITE GRANDMASTER PRO BRO.  get on my level.

 

& HEY, you, you fuckin noob...

it's 1.6 billion rounds including armor piercing rounds, sniper rounds, and many, many many many holopoint rounds.  LOL LET THE FUN TIMES BEGIN!  WOOT

Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

At least half of those items were nothing more than common sense. Any one with a brain could figure it out.

HoofHearted's picture

Holy shit. I never realized ZeroHedge was filled with conspiracy theorists. I'd better alert Obama right away.

TruthInSunshine's picture

I call dibs on the future name "Not Sure"!

Idiocracy

 

p.s. - Secret code phrase for Zero Hedge membership in the future will be "I lost all my [insert type of PM/firearm here] in a series of tragic boating accidents over the years."

Surly Bear's picture

If you answered yes to five or more questions then you ***are*** on the government’s terror watch list.

dreadnaught's picture

uh....I think Romney would be MUCH more interested

aint no fortunate son's picture

I'm gonna alert Tyler - I'm sure he'd NEVER allow conspiracy theories to be spread on this site

TruthInSunshine's picture

Never give up hope, bitchez. I'm setting The Bernank & Timmay up with evidence I'm collecting and my sources in the media (who I've also set up) are going to hang them high.

When you get out on parole, promise me you'll look for a container I buried near 8 Mile Road at the end of an empty Mad Dog 20/20 bottle strewn alley.

You remember the name of the town, don't you?

Barter Town, bitchez.

 

There's a Stellar Wind blowing over Gitmo.

unrulian's picture

trust me...we won't be going anywhere near USA...good luck boys

Redhotfill's picture

I know where to go when i run out of ammo!

FEDbuster's picture

No, that one is for the guards.  We have to come up with a Z and H made with our fingers, or at least a Tyler Durden tatoo.

centerline's picture

I got made fun of pretty bad over a year ago for that suggestion!  I still like it though!  The 0H logo is actually pretty cool.  Would make a nice tat.

 

 

Nikao7's picture

That one has my vote....brilliant(In my Guinness voice)

trebuchet's picture

haha the sign to watch for when we've all be "removed from society for our safety and the safety of capitalism"

 

 

dogbreath's picture

what is that fish........... a salmon headed walleye carp??     

FEDbuster's picture

Takes "smells and tastes like fish" to a whole new level.

kaiserhoff's picture

Now that's a little sick..., and fucking hilarious.

Redhotfill's picture

Sorry no needles for me, nor ink, I already have enough toxins in me thanks, besides some trendy tard would copy it anyway.

NotApplicable's picture

My only other "No" was watching Max Keiser. He outed himself as a disinfo agent (Intentional? TBD) with his ignorant attack on Mises, as well as his subsequent ad hominem attacks on Tom Woods.

 

NidStyles's picture

The guy is a known Socialist, that's why I laughed when someone first tried telling me that I should listen to him. Trust no one that speaks of Social Justice over Individual Liberty, because they do not value your freedom.

john39's picture

Max is a mixed bag... one obvious issue... his harping on global warming...  that is a big red flag.

NidStyles's picture

Nope, he's a dyed in wool Socialist. There's nothing that comes out his mouth that isn't either BS or is in his interest. The only time he supports Silver is when he's got a lot of it and want's to sell it. I've actually dealt with the guy, and knew him personally before he became "famous". He's a POS of the truest breed.

Fiscal.Enema's picture

How bout Stacy Herbert? Any insight? Seems like an abusive relationship. She's like a commie Anti-Semite with a drug addiction.
Perfect for Max.

CompassionateFascist's picture

Keiser's Crazy Jew act, with all the yelling and arm waving, is highly amusing....and Stacy, tho a Jewess, is major eye candy.

FEDbuster's picture

He has good guests on his show, and yes, he is a mixed bag of twisted thinking. 

surf0766's picture

I have thought for some time he was a socialist. Every time I mentioned it on here the nuts come out of the woodwork.

So is AJ also a socialist?

The Gooch's picture

Um, what "network" was that again?

Pinch's picture

Max is a mixed bag... one obvious issue... his harping on global warming...  that is a big red flag.

Interesting that you have no shame in displaying your complete ignorance of science here. And I see quite a few others agree with you.

 

 

Rush Limbaugh in his own words: I'M A NAZI, OH YES I AM!

stacking12321's picture

in what way does he "harp" on global warming? i haven't watched much max keiser as i can only take him in small doses, so maybe you can tell me.

you mean he harps in the sense that he decries the pollution that causes it? because that would be a reasonable thing to do.

or he harps in the sense that he pretends it doesn't really exist and that global warming is just a vast conspiracy? just like flat earthers, or people who think that evolution is a myth, because someone told them that it says so in the bible.

 

Cathartes Aura's picture

hmmmm, I was going for a perfect score there, including my own list below, because I read,

You don’t own a television, and if you do, all you watch is RT, especially the Keiser Report and Capital Account.

and since I don't own or watch a telly-vision, I didn't need to read past the "if you do" - which are basically excuses for watching the box, and imply that somehow there is whole truth(s) in any of the listed program(ming).

ponders.

spentCartridge's picture

Max is broadcast on the lying machine (teevee).

 

That is all.

dogbreath's picture

you are on to somthing there

dbomb12's picture

Another is if you think that adding fluoride to the water supply is a detriment to your health