Apple Has Satanic Close To Quarter

Tyler Durden's picture

Ending the day at the lows, AAPL's stock price traded with a truly demonic $666.66  after-hours. The reason for the last few days' weakness? Who knows when a bubble bursts but between its analog to MSFT's meteoric rise, the stocks' weight in the NASDAQ, 'disappointing' first-week sales, Cook's Maps FUBAR, supply-chain disruptions, or the market having to suddenly price in the arrival of the new Obama-phone, volumes have been picking up.


The Bat-Phone...


The Apple iPhone... and its high-volume selling pressure and $666.66 after-hours close...

AAPL +65% YTD, +14% in Q3, +0.23% in September


The Cleveland Obama-Phone...

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kaiserhoff's picture

The subtle and mystical tones of the Kabbalah can help unlock the wisdom of the ages.  Those who are clairvoyant in the medium, especially women, can fine tune their inner knowledge and spiritual selves, to decipher secrets from the sages encoded in the distant past.  For example, stripped of spacing, punctuation, and read right to left, Hebe style, the phrase veryinsaneobama translates seamlessly into "I phuka ze prophet's horse",  or maybe that should be "We are so fucked by this Jack Ass."

Leroy, you sure about this shit?  Looks hairy as gopher balls to me!  Good help these days... we git back atcha.   LEROY!

magpie's picture

Who needs kabbalah, it's all hidden in plain sight by now

flacon's picture

AAPL was a WILD ride today in the options pit. Yikes! 

economics9698's picture

Fuck you guys I want my fucking free wheelchair.

palmereldritch's picture

Free cell phone?  Is that the new owePhone?

Or is it the sell phone?  I'm confused...

Who's the provider? 

Is it a 4 year contract and then it's pay-as-you go?

Will it have the new Facetime drone EBT-cancelling app Debt From Above?

Or how about that emergency video conferencing feature FEMAtime? That would be cool. I hope they have good wifi there.

AldousHuxley's picture

have you seen apple's supplier samsung's new phone?


apple is done.


Chinese slave laborers in FOXCONN are rebelling. instead of a visionary, they have supply chain manager as CEO.


never invented shit except some sleek marketing.


Steve Wozniak talks about Pirates of Silicon Valley

Jobs was given $5000 for his work. He told Woz the pay was $600, and gave Woz $300. True story, and Woz never knew till much later. Imagine what else Jobs screwed him out of. Well Woz is still alive, Steve fucking died after arrogantly not accepting other's recommendations. Karma bitches.




ToNYC's picture

You forgot to mention I suppose, that when the Jobs Steve found out that the Woz Steve finally got the chilly news of the pay spread, Jobs made sure that Woz got an early and free wake-up call so he could be first on line on iLaunch Day.

Mark Carney's picture

LOL, its either end of day and I need to leave office or you went full retard there...



TWSceptic's picture

I take the original over the cheap overrated clone any day. It's good to know the new iphone contains no Samsung parts.


De mortuis nil nisi bonum.

New World Chaos's picture

The more you learn, the more you will spot.  A sizeable fraction of "public consumption" reality is stage-managed by occultists.

There are always multiple reasons why they do stunts like this but I suspect the main reason in this case may be the rich occultists' equivalent of gang graffiti.  They did it with the S&P in '09.  They did it with gold multiple times in its early runup, probably to spook any Christians who watch CNBC.  They did it with the sale price of the first apple PC ($666.66, according to snblitz below).   

RiverRoad's picture

Gotta watch them fingers on the Ouija board.

sgt_doom's picture

It's funny and perhaps coincidental as well that I just happened upon a confidential tape of a Willard Mitt Romney brainstorming session, where he keeps mumbling to himself over and over,

What would Satan do? ? ?

bank guy in Brussels's picture

Satan would say:

Beelzebub, bitchez!

Dr. Engali's picture

Maybe he should ask Obama.

lolmao500's picture

Apple will be the greatest crash ever. It's gonna be hilarious to see all those hipsters go into meltdown!

MillionDollarBogus_'s picture

If/when Apple crashes, will that signal the start of the economic reset..??

Uncivil unrest...???

Blood flowing in the streets...???

I don't really understand the fervor for or against Apple products, but what does a troll's troll know, anyway...???


Whiner's picture

Dammit, MDB. Stay in the closet! You just lost your mystique! Gonna junk you forever! [not really]. So cut it out.

ebworthen's picture

CALPERS will cry many tears as they probably bought a boatload of shares at $699 right after the court decision to fine Samsung for infringing on a rectangular screen with icons.

AldousHuxley's picture

CALPERS doesn't give  a shit.


It is CA tax payers who will pay taxes to make up to offset investment losses.

Sabibaby's picture

Eve must have taken a bite!

slaughterer's picture

AAPL: just a trading vehicle at this point,.  No longer a good investment.  

That woman in the video talking about the Obamaphone is pretty good.  

Blasé Faire's picture

I love it when the American voting public supports their views with well-thought-out arguments.

Also, isn't the whole platform of providing benefits voter manipulation???  Vote for me and I'll give you free (insert anything).

Rainman's picture

Dammit. there's an enormous underworld of gubmint free stuff. I need to spend more time in Compton to find out how the bruthas work this shit out. I'm doin something very wrong.

WillyGroper's picture

In all fairness, OBamney did not start that program for the free phones. It started w/ landlines & the corporate taxpayer teat advanced from there. I used to have to t/w people like the freeloader in the video. I CRINGED. They had EVERY vertical feature offered for $1. More than I was willing to pay for having a job. Back then just a landline was $8 per mo w/ no features. 

All one has to do is follow the $$$$$. It's no different than GE. Cellphones have higher margins, pass the laws to allow cellphones funded from the universal service fund & voila-----Corporate & elected officials are shittin in tall cotton & wipin with satin napkins made from taxpayer $$$. 

On a side note, a rep from AR wants this subsidy removed. See how far he gets. Kabuki.

F'em all! Both sides & lazy ass freeloaders too!

NachoLiebor's picture

Is there an app for playing MP3's backwards?

Oh regional Indian's picture

T'wood (!!!) sell like hotcakes...great it.


spastic_colon's picture

Exact same numbers as the S&P 500 at the bottom.....interesting

Dr. Engali's picture

666.66 and Obama .... Fitting.

fonzannoon's picture

I had like 10 people send me the link to this 2016 movie this week. They all wrote something like "watch this for the sake of your childrens future"

I wrote back to a few of them "Thank you for the link. I am sure the movie will only reinforce my vote for Ron Paul". They all had the 6 minute abs response, "No No No step into my office cause your fuckin fired"

Zap Powerz's picture

I have no desire to see that movie because I can tell from the trailer it will have no tits, pussy zero body count and no explosions in it.

I go to movies to escape the stupidity around me.  I dont need to spend 10 bucks to be reminded of what I see every fucking day.

becky quick and her beautiful mouth's picture

i don't know who the fuck you are, but you need to post more.

Blazed's picture

Even dah cookie monster gots da Obamafoan, or so it sounds.


TWSceptic's picture

Apple was a sell at $700 I told several people who believe it's going to $1000. It's possible but why take the risk in this economy? Apple is due for a correction anyway. The % gain there is just not that great compared to other stocks and the downside risk is high as well.

Dr. Acula's picture

sin(666 degrees) = cos(6*6*6 degrees) = co(6^6^6 degrees)


mayhem_korner's picture



Atomic structure of carbon-12 atom = 6 neutrons, 6 protons, 6 electrons; everything made of carbon (flesh) has the mark of the beast.

(Theory #471a of the meaning of Revelation 13:16)

PhilofOz's picture

Following the sequence of the English alphabet....

F = 6
O = 15 = 1+5 = 6
X = 24 = 2+4 = 6

FOX = 666

I'm still trying to figure who or what the anti-Christ might be....

FOX News


Abe FOXman

Any other suggestions welcome.