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Friday Humor: Don't Drink And Trade
Via OilPrice.com,
Broker Sent Oil Prices to Eight Month High in a Drunken Stupor
On June the 30th 2009 oil mysteriously jumped by more than $1.50 a barrel during the night, to reach its highest price in eight months, the kind of swing that is caused by a major geopolitical event.
The amazing, true cause of this price spike has now been released by a Financial Services Authority investigation (FSA).
Although not authorised to invest company cash in trades Steve Perkins, a long standing, senior broker at PVM Oil Futures, had managed to spend $520 million on oil futures contracts throughout the night.
On the morning of the 30th an admin clerk called Mr Perkins to ask why he had bought 7 million barrels of crude during the night. Mr Perkins had no recollection of the transactions, and it turned out that he had made the trades during a “drunken blackout.”
By the time PVM had realised the transactions had not been authorised by a client, they had incurred losses of $9,763,252.
Between the hours of 1.22am and 3.41am, Mr Perkins gradually bought 69 percent of the global market, whilst driving prices up from $71.40 to $73.05, by bidding higher each time.
At 6.30am, presumably sobering up and realising what he’d done, he sent a message to his managing director claiming an unwell relative meant he would not be able to make it into work.
Following an official investigation Mr Perkins admitted to having a drink problem, had his trading license revoked for five years, and was given a fine of £72,000.
The FSA have said that they will re-approve his license after the five year period, if he has recovered from his drink problem, although they warned that “Mr Perkins poses an extreme risk to the market when drunk.”
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Been there, done that.
Hey could be worse...
"Millionaire with cocaine habit so bad his nose collapsed is jailed after police find drugs stash in the folding roof of his Bentley"
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2208318/Millionaire-cocaine-habit-jailed-police-drugs-stash-folding-roof-Bentley.html
I bet he had some parties! Now the party's in his ass. Sorry James.
Speaking of prison, whatever happened to Alex Hope?
Hey I can tell you all as a FACT that drinking and emailing is dangerous...
The keywords and content crowdsourced the camel toe meh chick ad for me.. awesome..
Happy Friday!
Awesome!
+ 1
So has Blythe been drunk for the last couple of years? She just hits the short button instead of the long button....
The internet and drinking is dangerous. Sending chat request to 52 year old bufferillos on fb, writing blogs about elementary school and then posting them at 3:41 AM, begging for a free wheelchair on ZH, fuck you guys know this shit.
Poor James. Never would have happened if his name was "Lindsay Lohan".
Especially to one's boss...
And DON'T get on Ebay.
His nose isn't collapsed. He's just growing a new one.
I do that too, but on wine and ambien.
If you think that's something, try wild turkey and bath salts. Face smörgåsbord!
When the wife gives me that 'look' the next morning.........holy shit!
What look? Did you masturbate in her panties when she was sleeping?
What happens when you mix wild turkey and bath salts? And who the hell ever thought to do it.
I'm old school - Coca-Cola and Pop Rocks.
MD20-20 or moving up in the world to a Steel Reserve malt liquor. The MD 20/20 is a buzz but the Steel Reserve has got that extra smoothness going down.
Red Bull and coke.
When the coke runs out, switch to Red Bull and Vodka.
I'm too old to do the former, but partied with them that has. The latter is sort of a (very) cheap speedball.
Thursday night Lemondrop Martini's landed me with a chipped tooth and smashed face from meeting concrete with face. When they told me to go straight home when i showed for work the next day, I thought it was due to my appearance.
I was later advised that when i opened the door to the office, it smelt like a distillery.
That's called being lemon dropped
self defamation, a dying art, one uptick for whally!
Breakfast of Champions. With a Cool refreshing thorazine drip backer.
Just like Mom used to make,
Continental Breakfast: Tuaca and a Danish. (A biker taught me that one - not bad, actually, though I prefer a croisant.)
Whatever the reason... He made me money. We'll have round for everyone!
Thorazine and Tang! (TM)
Vodka and Jolt Cola (the Volt). Each drink devalues the market $49K.
Ben's there, doing that. - Fixed it
NOW you tell me
should of taken meth!
must watch Paul Craig Roberts :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGCscOJDVKg&feature=player_embedded#!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmW-ScmGRMA
just don't quit
Bernake will hire him to buy treasurys now.
They will have to get in line.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/energy/oilandgas/7864814...
my favourite line is "Mr perkins poses an extreme risk to the market when drunk"
Mighty hilarious!
I know of people who are capable of doing the same thing while perfectly sober.
So does Ben..., and when he is sober.
At least he isn't as dangerous as Joseph Hazelwood when he's drunk. With this guy it's only oil futures.
I prefer to go driving when I'm that drunk...D'OOOHHH!!!
Sounds like he was hittin' the "buy" button like a woodpecker on a dead limb...
Party foul!
People trading, wait what? Do algo-bots drink?
Only at 4:01pm when Maria says we're off our lows.
SEC is hiring. Sounds like a good candidate
I thought porn was their thing... Are you suggesting they embrace a little diversity?
oil mysteriously jumped by more than $1.50 a barrel during the night
...course, $1.50/bbl is just a bar the choom-wagon riders will try to top.
Possibly nobody reading this since all eyes are glued to the skyrocketing price of gasoline today, up now 60 cents since last Friday. Oil flat at $92, gasoline up for the week average of 12 cents a day without any rational. This is big oil casting 25 million votes for Mittens. I think the only explanation is that they are indeed drunk over at NYMEX, and if not now they will be as soon as the floor closes. By the time that 60 cent increase makes it to the pumps in a week or two it will be 80 cents or more. We should surpass the highest high prices by a good 50 cents if it rises no more on wholesale. When gasoline, a vital economic necessity goes up more than 21% in a week for no reason it is time to take that golden goose away from private industry.
When gasoline prices move out of step with wholesale crude (Brent, not WTI), it's an issue with the refineries, not the producers.
For those that claim government cannot hire good people to run the industry right then I would counter how could government do WORSE? Only the stupid agree to be ripped off day after day year in and year out and it is OK because it is private industry. The refiners ARE the producers. They have decided not to build a single new refinery in 30 years, they have allowed old refineries to fall apart so that the downtime goes up every year, they have allowed pipelines to become dangerous, and they refuse to maintain adequate storage facilities, though Cushing has just added capacity it is not enough and just barely keeps up with loss of capacity to aging infrastructure.
Maybe nationalization is not what is needed as much as a legally binding summit that will look at all aspects of the industry, from exploration to national security surrounding petroleum. An honest look at the viability of various alternatives to oil, and we should be making oil partly fund the alternatives before it is too late, the world will be out of oil in 40 years given proven reserves and current use rates. I am sure more will be found, but there will also be more people to use it. We can't wake up one morning in 30-40 years and realize it is too late. We need to look at the placement and routes of pipes, the capacity of storage, the delivery infrastructure and once and for all a windfall profits tax that makes sure the industry is profitable but not so profitable that the oil bigs can use petro wealth to influence elections.
Producers=refiners and visa versa. They are so entangled it is silly to draw a distiction, neither can exist without the other. And they feed off of each others "errors" of management to profit even more.
Cause goverment is so much more awesome at running businesses. Oh wait, didn't the post office just default on a $6 billion pension payment today. Oil production and oil refining are two different industries. The rise in gasoline is all about the refining business. Especially our Dear Leader Obama's holy war on all things carbon. Thousands of pages of new regulations have scared capital away from refinieries. Presto! Less supply, meet demand.
As I said, in the case of it just could not do worse.
I have the same type problem when I post here.
When off the meds, I am capable of writing anything...
My major screw-up was selling my stash of physical PM's...
I read this comment while waiting for desert at a dinner. I had to leave the room for 20 min. Best troll account Evert and best trollpost ever. So absolutely hilarious!!!!!
Thanks for the positive feedback.
Doing what I can to help my alter-ego's image...
Winning...!!!!!!!!!
So the recent run in PMs will soon be blamed on drunken metals brokers?
Can't you just see them high-fiving one another and shouting, "Gold, bitchez?"
Why yes, yes I can.
We've moved on from the "fat finger" trade to the "bad drinker" trade.
I wonder what would have happened if they had to take delivery.
Love how analysts tried to explain the spike by "tenstion in the middle east" when in fact it was caused by booze...
Well, let's deliver a drum whiskey at the PPT then. It's all messed up anyway.
Smells like bullshit to me........
I believe it, with the festive mood around Wall street right now, it's a a sure thing someone puts a high ball on the keyboard.
They are like cup holders.
Most people would be better off if they had a breathalyzer on their computer, because sooner or later you will do something stupid, just hope it's not criminal like law enforcement types researching dates and inlaws using their work systems.
If you drive under the influence you might wreck your car and possibly cause injuries to one or more individuals. If you trade under the influence you might wreck the economy and cause injuries to millions of individuals.
Four million people crushing each other to break down the doors on Black Friday probably can't drum up $520 million in revenues for Wal-Mart, but this guy gets it done over a bottle of corn liquor? Now that's leverage, amigos.
Leverage by Beverage.
Liquidity by Liquidity.
No shit! The whole world runs on oil and this guy is able to buy up 69% of the global market in one party? Leverage squared, my female canine friends.
Perhaps this is why everything is down today, but Facebook is up a dollar and a half?
so i guess , its not as always a supply a demand that pushes the prices up.... how cute.
Every time he demanded more the price went up and so he bought even more since the price was rising. He was just to drunk to realize that he was the demand.
I guess trader limits are only in force during office hours.
Had his license revoked for five years, and still got a job like that. That's due diligence. fuck a duck
That must be a nice time machine you have.
Trader limits are for pussies.
Must have had a "I'm sure Iran gets bombed tommorow" moment.
69% of the market...
drinking ususually ends up in some form of 69 or another.
My brokerage has a twelve drink minimum!!
if a drunk can buy 69% of the market...i think that tells you that the 'market' is a joke....paper oil.
What do you mean, a joke? Obviously circuit breakers cut in at 70% to save the day.
Just kidding. The market really is a joke.
Friday humor/ High Speed chases in Phoenix~ Faux Pau News.
The guy got Corzined!
In other news; This is probably the right time to short all those "INFLATED" REITS, as you may end up with a flattened nose!
You guys will love this "melodramatic" iteration of English Law! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2209551/Going-fast--Ferrari-prou...
Does Mervyn King fit in the boot?
Brokerages are gonna have to start installing a Breathalyzer.
Are you kiddin? Someone has to open the shop.
Hows this diff from all the coked up bankers out there now. oh wait was that coke or anthrax they sniffed over in germany? too soon?
btw im loving hte glaring head and shoulders on the daily im looking at. Looking for a nice dump into the close.
How deep do ya think the retrace will be? Did ya draw a Fibi yet?
As I said...it was Steve.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNHc1IG1ZPA
(paid for by the jewish council for education and research)
HEY! The spx is slowly melting down.
“Mr Perkins poses an extreme risk to the market when drunk.”
Pure gold
Note to self: If ever I walk into a bar at 3am and see a glassy eyed guy on his laptop buying 69%+ of any commodity, break out a $50 bill, 'cause his next round's on me. That really says " I like to party"!!
Ill take a 6 ft tall 42 DDD Blonde and a 5. 9 44 DDD Brunette in a sandwich; hold the booze and drugs;
its enough for my position limits....
He should get a job at JPM.
Sans the "Fat Finger" anology. Now it's the "Wild Turkey" bottle drop!
€/¥ inverted H/S on the M-5 chart. Might be a good gap up on Sunday open, before she kerplunks!
I don't trade the ponzi €, so it's "in- consequential" , for me.
What the story failed to mention was who got him drunk and how much did they profit.
Wall Street does one thing right..... Recreational drugs?
Never drink from public urinals .... sometimes drunks shit in them !
You're speaking from bitter experience here i assume?
those panty waists should have stayed long
So true larz, so true. I thought that too!
Has anyone considered the possibility that Bernanke is a closet wino and his relentless QE is nothing other than the result of a prolonged drunken blackout?
I trade my Gold against GAllium, anyone interested?
lol
That's nothing, look what Bernanke does when he's sober.
wonder how much FB he bought today
Anyone know why he stopped at 69?
See it's better to trust the algo robots ;-)
It's okay. He was just adding liquidity to the markets.
You really can't make this shit up!
I've always struggled to make sense of the world.
I hoped it would get better with age - boy, was I WRONG!
when I get drunk I buy gold from apmex. I must drink a higher quality piss.
Terrible article. It fails to mention WHAT he was drinking. Beer, bourbon, wine, fine brandy, good scotch - WHAT? Sheesh - reporters now days.
I do not envy him his headache on the morrow.