Friday Humor: Don't Drink And Trade

Tyler Durden's picture


Broker Sent Oil Prices to Eight Month High in a Drunken Stupor

On June the 30th 2009 oil mysteriously jumped by more than $1.50 a barrel during the night, to reach its highest price in eight months, the kind of swing that is caused by a major geopolitical event.

The amazing, true cause of this price spike has now been released by a Financial Services Authority investigation (FSA).

Although not authorised to invest company cash in trades Steve Perkins, a long standing, senior broker at PVM Oil Futures, had managed to spend $520 million on oil futures contracts throughout the night.

On the morning of the 30th an admin clerk called Mr Perkins to ask why he had bought 7 million barrels of crude during the night. Mr Perkins had no recollection of the transactions, and it turned out that he had made the trades during a “drunken blackout.”

By the time PVM had realised the transactions had not been authorised by a client, they had incurred losses of $9,763,252.

Between the hours of 1.22am and 3.41am, Mr Perkins gradually bought 69 percent of the global market, whilst driving prices up from $71.40 to $73.05, by bidding higher each time.

At 6.30am, presumably sobering up and realising what he’d done, he sent a message to his managing director claiming an unwell relative meant he would not be able to make it into work.

Following an official investigation Mr Perkins admitted to having a drink problem, had his trading license revoked for five years, and was given a fine of £72,000.

The FSA have said that they will re-approve his license after the five year period, if he has recovered from his drink problem, although they warned that “Mr Perkins poses an extreme risk to the market when drunk.”

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slaughterer's picture

Been there, done that.  

redpill's picture

Hey could be worse...


"Millionaire with cocaine habit so bad his nose collapsed is jailed after police find drugs stash in the folding roof of his Bentley"


I bet he had some parties!  Now the party's in his ass.  Sorry James.


Speaking of prison, whatever happened to Alex Hope?

DoChenRollingBearing's picture

Hey I can tell you all as a FACT that drinking and emailing is dangerous...

iDealMeat's picture

The keywords and content crowdsourced the camel toe meh chick ad for me..  awesome..


Happy Friday!

HoofHearted's picture

So has Blythe been drunk for the last couple of years? She just hits the short button instead of the long button....

economics9698's picture

The internet and drinking is dangerous.  Sending chat request to 52 year old bufferillos on fb, writing blogs about elementary school and then posting them at 3:41 AM, begging for a free wheelchair on ZH, fuck you guys know this shit.

Alea Iactaest's picture

Poor James. Never would have happened if his name was "Lindsay Lohan".

CuriousPasserby's picture

Especially to one's boss...

And DON'T get on Ebay.

palmereldritch's picture

His nose isn't collapsed.  He's just growing a new one.

Hippocratic Oaf's picture

I do that too, but on wine and ambien.


redpill's picture

If you think that's something, try wild turkey and bath salts.  Face smörgåsbord! 

Hippocratic Oaf's picture

When the wife gives me that 'look' the next morning.........holy shit!

economics9698's picture

What look?  Did you masturbate in her panties when she was sleeping?

mayhem_korner's picture



What happens when you mix wild turkey and bath salts?  And who the hell ever thought to do it.

I'm old school - Coca-Cola and Pop Rocks.

economics9698's picture

MD20-20 or moving up in the world to a Steel Reserve malt liquor.  The MD 20/20 is a buzz but the Steel Reserve has got that extra smoothness going down.

Nobody For President's picture

Red Bull and coke.

When the coke runs out, switch to Red Bull and Vodka.

I'm too old to do the former, but partied with them that has. The latter is sort of a (very) cheap speedball.

Whalley World's picture

Thursday night Lemondrop Martini's landed me with a chipped tooth and smashed face from meeting concrete with face.  When they told me to go straight home when i showed for work the next day, I thought it was due to my appearance.

I was later advised that when i opened the door to the office, it smelt like a distillery.

That's called being lemon dropped

moonstears's picture

self defamation, a dying art, one uptick for whally!

CPL's picture

Breakfast of Champions.  With a Cool refreshing thorazine drip backer.


Just like Mom used to make,

Nobody For President's picture

Continental Breakfast: Tuaca and a Danish. (A biker taught me that one - not bad, actually, though I prefer a croisant.)

Gene8696's picture

Whatever the reason... He made me money. We'll have round for everyone!

Irwin Fletcher's picture

Vodka and Jolt Cola (the Volt). Each drink devalues the market $49K.

FoxMulder's picture

Ben's there, doing that. - Fixed it

vast-dom's picture

should of taken meth!


must watch Paul Craig Roberts :!

Jonas Parker's picture

Bernake will hire him to buy treasurys now.

Neethgie's picture

my favourite line is "Mr perkins poses an extreme risk to the market when drunk"

Unprepared's picture

I know of people who are capable of doing the same thing while perfectly sober.

kaiserhoff's picture

So does Ben..., and when he is sober.

Dr. Engali's picture

At least he isn't as dangerous as Joseph Hazelwood when he's drunk.  With this guy it's only oil futures.

vote_libertarian_party's picture

I prefer to go driving when I'm that drunk...D'OOOHHH!!!

mayhem_korner's picture



Sounds like he was hittin' the "buy" button like a woodpecker on a dead limb...

LawsofPhysics's picture

People trading, wait what?  Do algo-bots drink?

Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Only at 4:01pm when Maria says we're off our lows.

azzhatter's picture

SEC is hiring. Sounds like a good candidate

FlyingPurpleSheepleEater's picture

I thought porn was their thing...  Are you suggesting they embrace a little diversity?

mayhem_korner's picture

oil mysteriously jumped by more than $1.50 a barrel during the night


...course, $1.50/bbl is just a bar the choom-wagon riders will try to top.

boiltherich's picture

Possibly nobody reading this since all eyes are glued to the skyrocketing price of gasoline today, up now 60 cents since last Friday.  Oil flat at $92, gasoline up for the week average of 12 cents a day without any rational.  This is big oil casting 25 million votes for Mittens.  I think the only explanation is that they are indeed drunk over at NYMEX, and if not now they will be as soon as the floor closes.  By the time that 60 cent increase makes it to the pumps in a week or two it will be 80 cents or more.  We should surpass the highest high prices by a good 50 cents if it rises no more on wholesale.  When gasoline, a vital economic necessity goes up more than 21% in a week for no reason it is time to take that golden goose away from private industry. 

mayhem_korner's picture



When gasoline prices move out of step with wholesale crude (Brent, not WTI), it's an issue with the refineries, not the producers. 

boiltherich's picture

For those that claim government cannot hire good people to run the industry right then I would counter how could government do WORSE?  Only the stupid agree to be ripped off day after day year in and year out and it is OK because it is private industry.  The refiners ARE the producers.  They have decided not to build a single new refinery in 30 years, they have allowed old refineries to fall apart so that the downtime goes up every year, they have allowed pipelines to become dangerous, and they refuse to maintain adequate storage facilities, though Cushing has just added capacity it is not enough and just barely keeps up with loss of capacity to aging infrastructure. 

Maybe nationalization is not what is needed as much as a legally binding summit that will look at all aspects of the industry, from exploration to national security surrounding petroleum.  An honest look at the viability of various alternatives to oil, and we should be making oil partly fund the alternatives before it is too late, the world will be out of oil in 40 years given proven reserves and current use rates.  I am sure more will be found, but there will also be more people to use it.  We can't wake up one morning in 30-40 years and realize it is too late.  We need to look at the placement and routes of pipes, the capacity of storage, the delivery infrastructure and once and for all a windfall profits tax that makes sure the industry is profitable but not so profitable that the oil bigs can use petro wealth to influence elections. 

Producers=refiners and visa versa.  They are so entangled it is silly to draw a distiction, neither can exist without the other.  And they feed off of each others "errors" of management to profit even more. 

Quantum Nucleonics's picture

Cause goverment is so much more awesome at running businesses.  Oh wait, didn't the post office just default on a $6 billion pension payment today.  Oil production and oil refining are two different industries.  The rise in gasoline is all about the refining business.  Especially our Dear Leader Obama's holy war on all things carbon.  Thousands of pages of new regulations have scared capital away from refinieries.  Presto!  Less supply, meet demand.

boiltherich's picture

As I said, in the case of it just could not do worse.

MillionDollarBogus_'s picture

I have the same type problem when I post here.

When off the meds, I am capable of writing anything...

My major screw-up was selling my stash of physical PM's...