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Even The Elite Are Conspiracy Wonks Now

Tyler Durden's picture


There was a time when only fringe blogs and digital dickweeds would suggest the BLS data was anything but entirely above board. That time has ended!


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Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:15 | 2859122 A L I E N
A L I E N's picture

Yup now everyone on cnbs is calling massaged numbers

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:17 | 2859132 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



 You dare question our numbers?


Relax.....the revisions come at about that time no one will care anymore.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:18 | 2859152 Lohn Jocke
Lohn Jocke's picture

Saying that numbers don't lie is like me saying that I have an eleven inch penis, you're just measuring it wrong.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:38 | 2859304 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Article 1, section 8 of the US Constitution allows the government to "fix the standard of weights and measures".  At the end of the day, the government just fixes what it wants.  In this case, they change the ruler with each measurement. The more and more I read the Constitution, the more and more I see that the document is actually the force behind the centralization of power of the plutocrats.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:43 | 2859424 tip e. canoe
tip e. canoe's picture

yup, art I, section 8 is chock full of zingers.  wrap your noggin around this gem:

"To define and punish Piracies and Felonies committed on the high Seas, and Offenses against the Law of Nations;"

the U.S. as Global Supercop (as well as Judge, Jury & Executioner) was enshrined by the "Founding Fathers".

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 11:10 | 2859651 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much."

Labor Secretary Hilda Solis sure did bristle when questioned by CNBS's softball questions...

Naah.  They would never lie to us, would they?

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 13:24 | 2860196 Quantum Nucleonics
Quantum Nucleonics's picture

Don't blame the Founding Fathers for Barry's assassination drones.  That section actually addressed a legit issue in the 18th century.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:04 | 2859454 PicassoInActions
PicassoInActions's picture

ask Steve Job or even better TIm Cook, you just holding it wrong...

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:10 | 2859481 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

That, or much like these bullshit numbers, you're trying to shove it up my ass..........

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:51 | 2859645 tradebot
tradebot's picture

The numbers are measured by the 6' 2" penis in the white house...

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:21 | 2859193 Alpo for Granny
Alpo for Granny's picture

One of the first things that my college statistics teacher told us at the was that figures don't lie, but liars figure.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:16 | 2859144 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture



Jack should know... he's offshored plenty of jobs...



Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:26 | 2859237 WALLST8MY8BALL
WALLST8MY8BALL's picture

ZH is Jack's raging bile duct!

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:30 | 2859262 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

That old fuck should know a little something about bullshit numbers. His multi-national conglomerate that makes clock radios, jet engines, mortgages and every product in-between miraculously hit the earnings estimate to the penny every quarter. Patently impossible. Fuck him!

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 11:07 | 2859726 Squid Vicious
Squid Vicious's picture

not to mention a stock that has gone exactly nowhere in about 20 years, why is this guy trotted out as some kind of guru?

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 11:45 | 2859873 True.North
True.North's picture

Because of several years without any federal income tax liability (thanks to a 900+ person tax/accounting department).

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:20 | 2859181 overmedicatedun...
overmedicatedundersexed's picture

this over reach may just backfire big out that falling sound is the economy. and the markets. as even the most gullible say WTF.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:32 | 2859274 mac768
mac768's picture

BLS = Bureau of Lies and Statistics

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:15 | 2859129 The Wizard of Oz
The Wizard of Oz's picture


Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:16 | 2859133 gjp
gjp's picture

I don't believe anything from the government, but Jack Welch is a first class ass.  Fuck his crony partisan bullshit.

Nice to see the elite turning on each other though.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:28 | 2859558 I am more equal...
I am more equal than others's picture

when elite eats elite the end is near...pray that its not in the winter.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:16 | 2859136 Clinteastwood
Clinteastwood's picture

Jack must be reading ZH.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:16 | 2859138 vamoose1
vamoose1's picture

you  should  know  jack  you street  thug     give  that  stolen  ge  money  back

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:16 | 2859141 swissaustrian
swissaustrian's picture

Jack Welch's four kids support Ron Paul, maybe they woke him up

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:26 | 2859549 Vince Clortho
Vince Clortho's picture

It's all calculated.  PR work.  Balance the image of the family.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 11:53 | 2859885 socalbeach
socalbeach's picture

Welch is a big-time Republican loyalist, so he's probably speaking out since he doesn't believe the numbers and he's ticked they're helping Obama.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:16 | 2859142 bigwavedave
bigwavedave's picture

How much has GE paid in taxes the last 20 years?

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:54 | 2859397 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

More insane is - GE debt is about $500bn.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 11:36 | 2859838 DosZap
DosZap's picture

How much has GE paid in taxes the last 20 years?

Easy, ZERO...........................


Even a better question, HOW many jobs have they offshored?.

I cannot find one thing made in America,  by GE.

We bring good things to life..............................................of anyone but Amelicans!!!!

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 12:39 | 2860043 Freewheelin Franklin
Freewheelin Franklin's picture

and what was GE Capital's bailout package?

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:16 | 2859143 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Can we hurry up and get this election thingy overwith so we can move on to the next phase of the new world order?

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:35 | 2859587 Vince Clortho
Vince Clortho's picture

The "Election effect" is getting a bit tiresome as the excuse for the behavior of the S&P, the fudged reports, the Fed Quotes, etc.

Post election, I am sure there will be some other "effect" cited as the reason for the lies, distortion and manipulations.

I can hardly wait.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:57 | 2859685 RiverRoad
RiverRoad's picture

"Post election" for the hills baby as all the repressed bad news finally oozes out.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:17 | 2859146 Robslob
Robslob's picture


Algos bearish on jobs numbers!

Algos bullish on jobs numbers!

Algos stop hunt on jobs numbers

3rd time is always a charm....

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:18 | 2859151 Cursive
Cursive's picture

Holy pot calling the kettle black!

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:18 | 2859157 superbroker1
superbroker1's picture

Dont forget oil the other day. Does this mean the fed will stop buying MBS now too? hmmmm.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:20 | 2859158 Rainman
Rainman's picture

There hasn't been an honest pol come out of the Land of Lincoln since Lincoln...and even he was suspicious.

Look for 5% to paint the tape on election eve.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:35 | 2859204 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

Lincoln was a fascist, big government, state's rights crusher type that pulled a patriot act and smashed a lot of civil rights during the war. He really was a tool of the big bankers. I used to have a good opinion of the guy but you have to stand back and take a look at his body of work. the victors write the history books. sometimes you wonder how much different the world would be if Lee would have pressed on to DC after  Bull Run Part I.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:52 | 2859390 moroots
moroots's picture

Tool of the big bankers?  Lincoln told the Rothschilds to fuck off when they offered to finance the civil war around 20%, instead he issued soveirgn, debt-free money.  He may be a lot of the things that you said but he wasn't a banker puppet.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:12 | 2859484 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

Not a tool of the bankers.  But certainly a tool of the industrialists. 

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:54 | 2859673 tradebot
tradebot's picture

Does history not show that the bankers had him killed over the greenback?

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 11:38 | 2859849 cgbspender
cgbspender's picture

instead he issued soveirgn, debt-free money.


Which of course was devalued and left many in ruins...

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 12:34 | 2860023 barroter
barroter's picture

Seccession was a disasterous decision wasn't it?  State's Rights? That sure worked. The Confederate Congress couldn't agree on what color curtains to hang up while the war was being lost.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 13:17 | 2860172 Darth Mul
Darth Mul's picture

It was almost as disasterous as supersizing the central government and deciding that the Constitution's delegation of "limited and enumerated" powers meant "unlimited powers unless a court says otherwise."


Now then - let's all go down to the soda shop while this country turns into Mexico, shall we?

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:19 | 2859162 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

when do you think the last time Jack tapped his old lady was?

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:32 | 2859277 vamoose1
vamoose1's picture

coming  back  from  the  bank  with  that  stolen   pension  fund  money  after  cashing  in  his  ramped   ge   options

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:19 | 2859165 tocointhephrase
tocointhephrase's picture

You can fool some of the people some time, but you can't fool all the people all the time!


Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:19 | 2859167 Vashta Nerada
Vashta Nerada's picture

We will have to wait and see if they have the nerve to stand by those numbers.  U6 unchanged at 14.7%.  Math is hard.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:04 | 2859448 MilleniumJane
MilleniumJane's picture


It's very interesting how the different MSM outlets are handling this.  From what I've seen, Bloomberg has been trying to Rah-Rah-Rah, Sis-Boom-Bah these numbers but their interviewees have been conservative in their enthusiasm, one wonk saying that "the numbers are good but manufacturing is lower, so that's troubling." 

Local radio station here that I like to listen to actually discussed what we have known for a long time here at ZH-the massaging of numbers to a gelatinous mass and how the BLS doesn't count the people who fell into the abyss.  They are still running pre-recorded spin commentary from the so-called experts, but at least this time around the hosts are questioning aloud what most of us are thinking.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:11 | 2859485 Liquid Courage
Liquid Courage's picture

But ... but ... Manufacturing is higher ... they're "manufacturing" hope. Hallelujah!! Can I get a witness???!!!

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 13:20 | 2860180 Darth Mul
Darth Mul's picture

And they're building hope... or at least Hope Camps.


In the Hope Camps, you will have the right to say absolutely anything you like, so long as you aren't critical of the government, of Israel, or your shiny new RIFD chip.



Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:20 | 2859168 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

I am Jack's festering gallstone...

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:20 | 2859172 Mr. Hudson
Mr. Hudson's picture

I can't wait for the time when the elite finally acknowledge that the electronic voting machines are rigged.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:37 | 2859596 Vince Clortho
Vince Clortho's picture

Good luck.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:51 | 2859650 RiverRoad
RiverRoad's picture

Yeah, watch 'em raise the dead on election day.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 12:24 | 2860001 seek
seek's picture

Seeing that low-level operators that testify to this wake up dead, I think you'll have a long wait. Even though many understand the candidate choices are rigged, elections themselves are still somewhat sacred in the US.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:19 | 2859173 jcaz
jcaz's picture

First honest thing Jack has said in years.....

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:21 | 2859176 aint no fortuna...
aint no fortunate son's picture

Welch... nuthin but a whiney senile old man even if he's right for once

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:19 | 2859177 Meesohaawnee
Meesohaawnee's picture

now will everyone once and for all. .. when nov comes out. yawn and turn your tv off. its a non event. it will be rigged and its been all year. Your not gonna get a market on this and you should know this. in a perfect world every human trader will have a "trade out" until this circus is over. dont give them one fuckin penny until this rigged maniupulation stops! If trade you must trade the politics not fundamentals. Wall street is paying back obamma for not puting one handcuff on any of them. This has been obvious all year.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:20 | 2859182 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Mr Squelch trying to get some sympathy from the crowd here folks?

I can smell coward from 100 yards.  Sorry squelch, you go along with bullshit an inuendo for years and now suddenly you call a spade a spade?

You low down coward, you lot are the worst, I fucking hate cowards.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:20 | 2859187 Cole Younger
Cole Younger's picture

Governments have to lie. If the truth was known, the politicians would be hung.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:22 | 2859191 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

The world can no longer afford the global elite.


Reality is their illusion

Their fiction is the reality


Fri, 10/05/2012 - 14:35 | 2860318 NuYawkFrankie
NuYawkFrankie's picture


The world can no longer afford the GLOBAL MAFIA.



There's nothing "elite" about them - except maybe in their own fevered imaginations.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:23 | 2859215 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

why can't these old fuckers(like him and Buffet,etc.) just die?

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:36 | 2859292 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Otto here brings up a point a friend of mine made at meal we were having a couple of months ago.

We were on about illness and how (at least with the folk we were dining with) knew someone with cancer, or a friend with cancer or even a family member with the nasty disease.  He said to me "funny how the royalty and the politicians have such a low rate of cancer mate isnt it?".

Now call me a nut job but the lad has a point.  Think about it.  Cancer is on the increase, but none of our betters, and to that extent I mean very high up people kick off at a young age.  Not in comparison to the populace.

Take a look at phil the greek, he is nearing 100 years old and still managed a three day fuck about at the tax payers expense for his jubilee.  Think about it, I know folks in their 60's who couldnt do half what old blue blood phil can.  Strange aint it?  And this old pearler wants to come back as an untreatable disease to wipe half the planet out as his gift to mankind.  What a smashing old cunt he is eh?

Yes otto, why dont the fuckers just die?  I wonder why they dont.  Any ZHers know owt?

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:59 | 2859425 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Lead poisoning mate. A rather nasty and cyclic little scourge. That and ghastly shaving nicks.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:09 | 2859476 yrbmegr
yrbmegr's picture

They can afford access to the "best health care system in the world".

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:44 | 2859613 Nikao7
Nikao7's picture

It's probably got more to do with prevention measures in the ranks of the upper crust.  e.g. stay away from the peasents food supply and take certain preventive pills....who knows

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:25 | 2859219 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

Perhaps truth is the last refuge of scoundrels?

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:26 | 2859231 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture


Evil is dysfunctional... they war with themselves.

Different families/tribes within battling for control... the top tier families of the world.


Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:27 | 2859235 LoneStarHog
LoneStarHog's picture

So now even WHORES are yelling across the street at other prostitutes calling them WHORES!

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:34 | 2859289 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Zackly...when you point your finger, you have 3 pointing back.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:00 | 2859436 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture


Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:26 | 2859236 silvershadow
silvershadow's picture

Search for a job on Craigslist

How many "help reelect Obama" listings do you see?

Guess what - part time job! right before the election! no wonder the numbers are skewed.


Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:45 | 2859354 DOT
DOT's picture

spot on !  one "worker" three jobs:

1) Mondays,

2) Wednesdays,

3) and every other Saturday.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:29 | 2859253 ssp2s
ssp2s's picture

Now that employment has improved, is Ben going to stop printing as promised? 

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:28 | 2859255 pmm009
pmm009's picture

Long soup testers...

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:57 | 2859412 Scalaris
Scalaris's picture

Long gold-leafed tinfoil hats.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:01 | 2859437 tip e. canoe
tip e. canoe's picture

and gold-fringed american flags.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:34 | 2859281 mendolover
mendolover's picture

Exactly.  Anyone who is suprised by the new number needs to wake up.  I've been telling everyone this was going to happen.  I also believe it will continue to drop leading up to 11/2 (that's the date Michelle goes by).

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:40 | 2859322 Catullus
Catullus's picture

We're all digital dickweeds now!

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:43 | 2859337 indio007
indio007's picture

Jack Welsh is a pompous sycophant.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 12:30 | 2860013 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

Jack Welsh is a pompous sycophant.


I know one thing, the only "beat" that Jack Welch had on today's unemployment number is how many jobs the guy outsourced during his time at GE (where, BTW, he was CEO in 2001 when GE had to pay the SEC $50mil for cooking profit earning numbers). 

What an asshat. 


Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:46 | 2859342 hedgehog9999
hedgehog9999's picture

Keep flipping those burgers faster bitchezzz!!!  Need some productivity here,to help the economy and buy more milk.

Oh, and there is no inflation either!!

This is just another example of Central Planning , how coincidental, jus a couple of weeks before the elections and jobs surge. The old soviet politburo could learn something here, or maybe it was the other way around.

As always, bullshit baffles brains!!!


Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:47 | 2859366 Mannwich
Mannwich's picture

This is rich coming from the master numbers fudger himself!  Screw you, Jack Welch!  He's a bigger part of the problem than just about anyone.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:48 | 2859368 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

Jack needs to stfu...why is ZH carrying water for one of the elitist FED sucking trash that brings nothing but misery for profit to the planet?

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:50 | 2859375 All Rise
All Rise's picture

He's a Romney supporter, so his tweets are just as biased as the data.  I would ignore both of them, Jack will probably revise his tweet later anwyay.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:53 | 2859393 soopy
soopy's picture

Alan Krueger just defended the BLS and called such comments 'really irresponsible' on Bloomberg.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:57 | 2859410 mewenz
mewenz's picture

Jack Welch upset about u.s. jobs and cooking the books.  Next is Hugh Hefner gonna tweet against too much promiscuity on tv?

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:57 | 2859415 SuccorMoney
SuccorMoney's picture

Does Jack Welch operate a payroll processing company now?  

ADP does, they have no incentive to fudge, and they have access to real payroll numbers, and more than enough of them for a good sample.
The ratio of the ADP number to NFP is about the same as it has been, in fact reported NFP is actually a little lower relative to ADP than it was last month.  

 So Jack Welch, one of the great business leaders of America is reduced to making unfounded conspiracy claims?  It's really unbecoming of his status.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:41 | 2859604 Vince Clortho
Vince Clortho's picture


Fri, 10/05/2012 - 09:58 | 2859422 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture


Look for the 'loaves and fishes' boost in the polls after the 'jobs recovery' headlines.

Here's one you won't see:

"Debate bitchslapped Obama applies makeup to face."


Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:09 | 2859474 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

To quote an email - "Obama got spanked like a four year old in Walmart".

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:00 | 2859434 MrBoompi
MrBoompi's picture

When Repubicans fudge the numbers, it's always for a good cause, unlike these "Chicago guys".  What an asshole.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:11 | 2859482 De minimus
De minimus's picture

That's pretty funny considering that there are a legion of Marxists "journalists" ready to pounce on anyone who even remotely approaches the truth or any facts, especially in public and especially republicans.....

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:02 | 2859445 larz
larz's picture

hacksaw reynolds knows a little about negative jobs numbers - douche just like sandy weill

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 22:08 | 2859450 Plumplechook
Plumplechook's picture

Fuck this poisoned dwarf.  It's bad enough having to put up with Joe Kernan felating Welch once a month on Squawk Box - now I have to read his tweets on Zerohedge.   Mind you,  Welch is a past master at at massaging numbers so maybe he is onto something.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:05 | 2859456 yrbmegr
yrbmegr's picture

I thought Jack Welch was a digital dickweed.  Shows what I know.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:09 | 2859472 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

Last dose of positive news before collapse as noted a few days ago.


It's going to be hell for many in the months and years to come.  What an atrocious mess.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:11 | 2859479 optimator
optimator's picture

Jack only made one mistake.  Jeffy Immelt.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:12 | 2859488 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Fuck it. I'm buying stocks and holding long term. I mean, get real guys. They control EVERYTHING.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 13:58 | 2860319 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

... on a long enough time line the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. Beware.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 15:05 | 2860624 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Perhaps the Earth will outlast the market, but the market will outlast us. Who has the longer timeline?

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:12 | 2859489 quidproquo
quidproquo's picture

Must be that new experimental BLS algo in like a charm everytime...

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:45 | 2859621 SeattleBruce
SeattleBruce's picture

U3, U4, & U5 are ALL DOWN .3% from Aug 2012 to Sept 2012 but U6 remains the same @ 14.7%???  Right.....................

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 10:49 | 2859631 Count de Money
Count de Money's picture

Old saying: You can't bullshit a bullshit artist.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 14:38 | 2859715 Jam Akin
Jam Akin's picture

Jacky was just speedin' away...thought he was James Dean for a day...


Hit the road Jack and don't ya come back no mo'..


Fri, 10/05/2012 - 11:04 | 2859718 moondog
moondog's picture

A little late to see the light now Jack. Government has been fudging numbers for years. Both the blue team and red team.


Fri, 10/05/2012 - 13:40 | 2860251 Money 4 Nothing
Money 4 Nothing's picture

 Kesenian Unemployment mathmatics

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 13:54 | 2860293 NuYawkFrankie
NuYawkFrankie's picture

NAFTA "Get the Jobs Outta Here!" Jack is right for once....


Then again - even a blind man can find a squirrel with a truffle in its snout, once in a while.

Fri, 10/05/2012 - 23:13 | 2862087 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

It's like I said.  There will never be hyper-inflation in the United States as long as the government determines the CPI numbers.


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