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Saturday Humor: This Week's Top Headlines

Tyler Durden's picture




 

In lieu of a missing Friday humor piece, here is the Saturday edition, which is merely a non-fiction based compilation of this week's Top 10 Bloomberg headlines as they crossed the tape. The conclusion here is that The Onion has now permanently missed its IPO window, as reality is now in no need of embellishment.

h/t John Lohman

 

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Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:17 | 2863178 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

As long as she's somebody's grand-daughter, bunga bunga on, Dudes.

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:32 | 2863225 lineskis
lineskis's picture

Thank you Tyler, for not forgetting the humor post of the week!

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 16:11 | 2863315 Pegasus Muse
Pegasus Muse's picture

John Williams: The Real Facts Behind Today’s Fictitious Drop in Unemployment

 

In this segment, Jim starts it off speaking with John Williams of Shadow Government Statistics on the unemployment numbers released Friday. John explains why the numbers are highly questionable.

http://www.financialsense.com/financial-sense-newshour/big-picture/2012/10/06/03/john-williams/the-real-facts-behind-todays-fictitious-drop-in-unemployment

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 16:16 | 2863325 Badabing
Badabing's picture


from an earlier thred:

So let’s say I got a part time job and can’t make ends meet.

So I go out and find another part time job to fill the void.

Does that now count as two people employed?

The statistics are as fake as my avatar!

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 17:00 | 2863411 Pegasus Muse
Pegasus Muse's picture

Speaking of an absolute fake:

Obama Spin Reveals Elite Roots

http://www.thedailybell.com/28128/Anthony-Wile-Obama-Spin-Reveals-Elite-...

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 17:31 | 2863468 CompassionateFascist
CompassionateFascist's picture

The unemployment number is as always. Just take the official figure and multiply by 3.

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:19 | 2863184 Long-John-Silver
Long-John-Silver's picture

You can't make this shit up.

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:23 | 2863198 ShortTheUS
ShortTheUS's picture

Actually, #1 was made up.

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:32 | 2863222 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

The unemployment rate is 7.8%,

    and I'm Mary, Queen of Scots.

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:38 | 2863231 Badabing
Badabing's picture

"The unemployment rate is 7.8%,"

 

 

Fake statistics are only one way to keep the sheeple from knowing reality. You think the numbers are fake well your right, they are. If TPTB could make a gallon smaller we wouldn't see the gas price go up. The one thing that concerns me the most is fake gold. The fucking banks will go to no end to rip off the wealth of this once great nation. The fact that the gold bars in Fort Knox are 22k gold, or 91.67% gold pisses the shit out of me because it now weighs the same as tungston even a displacment test that checks volume will look good. 

Do you think thats air your breathing?

Do you think the gold in Fort Knox is 22k by chance?

The fucking bankers have the US gold!

 

FUCKING BANKS   

 

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:43 | 2863251 Row Well Number 41
Row Well Number 41's picture

If I remember correctly the bars were melted from the original gold coins confiscated in 1933 which were 22Kt for durability reasons.

#41

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:52 | 2863260 Badabing
Badabing's picture

if you melt. why not remove the slag and have 24k?

the LGD bars are 24k the swiss bars are 24k China's bars are 24k......................

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:49 | 2863268 akak
akak's picture

Actually, US gold coins were 90% gold and not 22k, which was the standard for British gold coins.

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:54 | 2863277 Badabing
Badabing's picture

Hey akak haven a good Sat;

http://www.scvhistory.com/scvhistory/signal/coins/soltaylor041908.html

you are correct my frend.

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 16:00 | 2863291 akak
akak's picture

I should have added, just to avoid confusion, that current US gold (bullion) coins ARE minted in 22 karat gold, not the old pre-1934 90% gold alloy.

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 16:10 | 2863310 Badabing
Badabing's picture

how fast they forget!

when the tungston story first broke 2009

http://www.scvhistory.com/scvhistory/signal/coins/soltaylor041908.html

 

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:42 | 2863249 CrockettAlmanac.com
CrockettAlmanac.com's picture

 

 

 

Announcer's Voice     ...and that concludes the week's episode of 'How to Recognize Different Parts of the Body', adapted for radio by Ann Haydon-Jones and her husband, Pip. And now we present the first episode of a new radio drama series, 'The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots.' Part One: The Beginning.

Man's Voice     You are Mary, Queen of Scots?

Woman's voice     I am! (Screams follow)

Radio Announcer     Episode two of 'The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots', can be heard on Radio 4 almost immediately.

Man's Voice     I think she's dead.

Woman's voice     No I'm not! (Screams resume)

Announcer's Voice     That was episode two of 'The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots', adapted for radio by Bernard Hollowood and Brian London. And now, Radio Four will explode.

First Pepperpot     We'll have to watch the telly then.

Second Pepperpot     Yes.

First Pepperpot     What's that on the television then?

Second Pepperpot     Looks like a penguin.

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:49 | 2863266 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

 BLS simply redefined an unemployed sheeple as only 3/5 of anunemployed person

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 17:07 | 2863429 tsx500
tsx500's picture

i can't WAIT to see what they've got in store for us Fri Nov 2  !!!       7.6  ??    LMFAO .    long popcorn !

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 18:46 | 2863592 Clever Name
Clever Name's picture

Off with your head!

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 19:50 | 2863668 BeaverFever
BeaverFever's picture

Huh??? 

Are you trying to have me believe that:

"Tom Cruise, a beard-wearing nudist, over a nice meal at a French restaurant bites dog, smothers cat's pee over Mubarak's Granddaughter's Hot Breasts???"

I call bullshit on this... Perhaps Silvio Berlusconi would do this to Rubi, but certainly not Tom to Mub's G-Daughter

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:20 | 2863190 mrdenis
mrdenis's picture

N.J. Senate passes stiffer terms for child sex offenders ....http://articles.philly.com/2012-10-05/news/34280691_1_bill-senate-presid...

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:26 | 2863202 SolidSnake961
SolidSnake961's picture

lmao good ol bernank...

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 22:18 | 2863867 oddball
oddball's picture

"Let them eat cake."

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:30 | 2863213 Row Well Number 41
Row Well Number 41's picture

"Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad."  Not sure which dead Roman said it, but it seems apt.

#41

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:36 | 2863234 knukles
knukles's picture

That angers me no end....

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:55 | 2863278 Row Well Number 41
Row Well Number 41's picture

Roman emperors were gods so the context was different.  A more modern version might be "Those whom TPTB would destroy, they first make mad.", and they seem damn effective at it.

It would be foolish to blame what is coming on gods.  In the end we own our fates as individuals and as a society.

#41

Sun, 10/07/2012 - 00:38 | 2864032 Hulk
Hulk's picture

LOL !

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 18:39 | 2863578 Ungaro
Ungaro's picture

"Quem Deus perdere vult, dementat prius" is an ancient proverb erroneously attributed to Euripides, a Greek playwright.

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 19:46 | 2863655 knukles
knukles's picture

"Those whom the Gods wish to destroy make him drive a Prius?"

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:35 | 2863233 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

Suddenly, a domestic housecat with a hedge fund seems like an idea that was ahead of its time. Go me!

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 15:41 | 2863243 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

It's always hard to argue with a good pussy.

OK, I'll go back to my wine, now.

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 19:17 | 2863630 Monedas
Monedas's picture

Kind of a one sided conversation, too ?

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 18:21 | 2863552 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

I would love it if the sculpted chunks of human feces story and the Bernanke eating at a French restaurant story were the same story.

Sat, 10/06/2012 - 19:03 | 2863613 Monedas
Monedas's picture

Bureau of Labor Stochastics

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