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JPM's Dimon Builds Fiscal Cliff Bunker As CFO Exits "Balance Sheet Fortress"

Tyler Durden's picture


Jamie "The Europeans have the will, but no way; The US has the way, but no will." Dimon had a very open and wide-ranging discussion with the Council on Foreign Relations today. The conversation ranged from the unfairness of the Bear Stearns' deal (poor chap - all that very limited downside from $2/BSC share, at least initially) to the immediate threat of the pending Fiscal Cliff - and his $100mm-debt-ceiling-preparedness war-room bunker, and America's longer-term fiscal profligacy (vigilantes moving against the US bond market is virtually assured - question is when and how). He also discussed the London Whale 'error' and went on to discuss the Greeks and the Eurozone's political and economic debacle in general. Some significant anti-administration rhetoric (ironic really), summed up with the veiled threat "Hey folks, if you think Washington and American Business can go to war with each other and it ends good - terrible error!" 


Below are a few points Dimon made during the event:

On Investing in America: “The president, whoever he is next year, recognizes one thing for certain, they’re going into that office with a royal straight flush. I think this attitude, somehow, ‘how woe is me, how terrible, how America is lost. It’s just not true, folks. …This is still the best economy in the world. If you can invest in one place in this planet, it would be here.”


On JP Morgan’s London Trade Error: “We made a stupid error. I mean, we’re pretty disciplined risk people. But we made an error. We had a gap in the line. And, you know, we didn’t have this gap elsewhere. We have other flaws elsewhere, but, you know, we had a gap. We screwed up. By the way, that quarter, we made $5 billion. So yeah, it was a stupid error. … I should have caught it also. I didn’t. But it isn’t going to sink our ship.”


On Fiscal Cliff: “We have formed now a fiscal cliff war room, command center, all that kind of stuff going through to make sure we understand it all. We’ll be prepared. JP Morgan will survive the fiscal cliff. I just think it’s terrible policy to allow it to get close. ...There are all these potential outcomes and I would defy anyone to know what they are.”


On Greece and the Future of the Eurozone: “From an economic standpoint, Greece is not the issue. Greece is a couple of billion of dollars in debt. …The catastrophe is the default of Greece before you have a firewall to Italy and Spain, you’ll have a very good likelihood of a run on the banks in Italy and Spain. Italy and Spain don’t have the wherewithal to stop a run on the banks.”



At the same time, the WSJ reports that Douglas Braunstein (51 year old CFO) will be stepping down...

J.P. Morgan Chase's chief financial officer is expected to step down and is likely to move into a different job at the bank, according to people close to the company.


Douglas Braunstein, 51 years old, has been finance chief at the largest U.S. bank, by assets, since 2010. Before that, the longtime deal maker ran J.P. Morgan's investment-banking operations in North and South America and was heavily involved in the bank's acquisitions of securities firm Bear Stearns Cos. and the failed banking operations of Washington Mutual Inc. WMIH +1.69%


Mr. Braunstein's status was diminished as part of an executive shake-up in July. Since then, he has reported to Matt Zames, 41, the company's co-chief operating officer, rather than Chairman and Chief Executive James Dimon.


It isn't clear where Mr. Braunstein will land at the bank, but the possibilities include J.P. Morgan's recently combined corporate and investment bank, these people said.


Mr. Braunstein declined to comment on his position as chief financial officer.


Mr. Braunstein is among J.P. Morgan executives facing outside scrutiny over the bank's handling of the trading mess in its Chief Investment Office, or CIO, a unit that manages the bank's cash. J.P. Morgan suffered a trading loss of $5.8 billion in the first half of 2012, and about a dozen regulatory or law-enforcement agencies are conducting inquiries into the trades, internal accounting and risk controls at the bank, and the adequacy of its public disclosures, according to people with knowledge of the probes and securities filings.


"Jamie is a big fan of Doug's and any potential move Doug decides to make would be unrelated to the CIO issue," said a senior person at the bank.


Mr. Braunstein and other executives dismissed initial news reports about a trader known as the "London whale," who was roiling debt markets with his large bets. On an April 13 conference call, Mr. Braunstein told analysts, "We are very comfortable with our positions as they are held today." He described the bets placed by the Chief Investment Office as part of a "very long-term" strategy to hedge the bank's risks. Mr. Dimon referred to outside concerns as a "complete tempest in a teapot."


J.P. Morgan in July said that Messrs. Dimon and Braunstein relied on the assurances of others at the bank when making those statements. Mr. Dimon has said he was "dead wrong." J.P. Morgan has said it could have additional losses of $800 million to $1.6 billion from the trades. J.P. Morgan might update investors on the status of the trades when it reports third-quarter results Friday morning.



Great Stuff - Bear Stearns And The Whale Trade - only a 91% target bonus for you then...


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Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:21 | 2876664 toomanyfakecons...
toomanyfakeconservatives's picture

Worse then ever, we need MASS ARRESTS and trials  for the guilty...

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:35 | 2876701 Zer0head
Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:41 | 2876713 ACP
ACP's picture

That's no match for Dimon's fortress of impenetrable paper!

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:22 | 2876798 flacon
flacon's picture

"terrible error!" 

"Ok Mister! You just said "TERROR" and so you will now be arrested and detained indefinately in an undisclosed location." ~ Keeping America Safe, One Terrorist At A Time (KASOTAAT)




Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:15 | 2876904 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

At least the Mafia gave disgraced goons an "honorable discharge".

Fuck you Dimon.


Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:33 | 2876940 Al Gorerhythm
Al Gorerhythm's picture

7 mins in and my stomach can't take any more.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:52 | 2876967 Careless Whisper
Careless Whisper's picture

I listened to the whole thing and I don't think he mentioned the word Derivitives once.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:56 | 2876973 flacon
flacon's picture

don't think he mentioned the word Derivitives once.


Poor, poor Blythe, the mastermind behind JP Morgan's derivative woes (formerly heroin). 

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 01:24 | 2877056 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

That witch will get whats coming to her one day.  The whole world is facing a fiscal avalanche once the nefarious shit she invented gets proper accounting.  Blythe manipulated her way to the top, much like the way she manipulated earnings in fake instruments like CDS's.

She might think she's pretty cool sitting in her high rise office ordering her underlings, but life is short.  She'll pay one day.

Oh..... and Dimon..... I guess I better address your narcissistic ego, since this thread is about you.  STFU, you douchebag!  Anyone can run a business with mark-to-fantasy accounting, fully backstopped by the American taxpayer.  And you're proud of that accomplishment, you loser?


Thu, 10/11/2012 - 05:55 | 2877196 Popo
Popo's picture

If history is any guide, none of these criminals will get what's coming to them.   In fact, the people will cling to hope until they are covered in their own shit and living in the gutter, or being sent to some foreign hell-hole to be filled full of lead.    

As I read the news every morning I see absolutely zero resistance and I see only the faintest glimmer of realization that there has been a coup, and that a gang of banker mafiosi now runs the country.   Going Galt is the only solution.   There is absolutely zero possibility, from anywhere I can see, that Americans as a people have it within them to resist tyranny.   They will bend over by the millions and allow themselves to be raped.

Learn to take care of yourself.  Have a bug-out plan in place.   And prepare for the slow and absolutely unstoppable rise of tyranny.   The water is already rising fast.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 06:00 | 2877199 Thomas
Thomas's picture

He sold a TON of assets and booked gobs of profits to get to that $5 billion. He is a liar and a crook, in my opinion. (A lawyer once told me to always add that last part.)

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:09 | 2876765 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

 If you can invest in one place in this planet, it would be here

Two words disprove that in spades: Jon Corzine

Until that man is arrested, tried, drawn and quartered I will have nothing to do with the casinos in the USA.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 03:19 | 2877120 Caggge
Caggge's picture

Dimon talks about getting the regulations right. They are right it's just none of the fraud committed by his bank and Goldman's have been prosecuted. When the criminals like Dimon and Sir Lloyd are in jail, the problem is solved.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 06:56 | 2877246 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

A French maid, foreign chef. A big house with a king size bed
You've had enough, you ship them out.
The dollar's up - down, you'd better buy the pound
The claim is on you the sights are on me so what do you do
That's guaranteed . Hey little girl, you break the laws
You hustle, you deal, you steal from us all
Money talks, B.S. walks


Jamie, the hard money you want ain't interested in the USA anymore.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:35 | 2876944 seataka
seataka's picture

I wish i could buy a "Hang a banker" Christmas ornament this year...a little guy in a top hat and spats.. and a rope around his neck to hang him from the tree...  And for your icon image here is Bob Dylan singing Dixie...

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:46 | 2876963 The Shootist
The Shootist's picture

Dylan singing Dixie? Nice catch, I enjoyed it.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 00:28 | 2877021 stocktivity
stocktivity's picture

Fuck you Jamie...and if you think you look cool in that purple shirt and tie, you don' most of your fellow bankers, you need to lose 30 - 40 lbs.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 02:06 | 2877087 indygo55
indygo55's picture

At 35:15, the creepy guy in the back. Who is he?



Thu, 10/11/2012 - 08:42 | 2877416 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

That is the henchmen who gets any out-of-line reporters disapeared.  I was looking to see his hands for black leather gloves.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 05:13 | 2877169 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

SHOWTIME AND LIONSGATE announce a new TV series starrting David Duchovny as an aging Jamie Dimon, who, after his bank goes bankrupt in 2013, moves to Miami and works as a Pizza delivery boy.  The show is called "DIMON IN THE ROUGH"

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 10:58 | 2877679 Sweet Chicken
Sweet Chicken's picture

Wow that was a long listen. I sure wish it were true and were about to occur but I can't help but be skeptical about these mass arrests.

Anybody have more information on this? Thanks in advance.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:22 | 2876666 The trend is yo...
The trend is your friend's picture

Dimon.  go to hell

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:34 | 2876700 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Fuck you Dimon (and you too Bernanke)!

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:40 | 2876711 JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture


I believe I get the first Fuck You.

Mr Dimon.  No one is fooled.  You are leaving to convert your assets and get out of paper before the sheeple.  I promise you pst collapse I will make the job of whatever position I find myself in to hunt you down and bring you to banker justice...

Oh, and thank you for helping me build the capital by keeping the price of silver down.

Now go fuck yourself...We'll be there shortly for our turn.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:42 | 2876715 JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture

I should add...don't get sodomized before I get there...please...fucker.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:18 | 2876909 bilbert
bilbert's picture

Jamie's not leaving, yet, but addressing the C.F.R. - that's heavy shit!  Hasn't Jamie been doing THEIR bidding all along??

Looks like CFO Braunstein, may have taken a bullet for Jamie in the "Whale Tale" debacle.

Blood is in the water with JPM's Silver Shorts - will Blythe be blamed when that trade goes ass over teacup??

Wasn't M.S. to be the next Bear Stearns?

Will G.S. turn on JPM??

Stay tuned, and more popcorn, Dammit!!




Thu, 10/11/2012 - 05:16 | 2877171 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Word is Blythe is waiting for silver to reach $36 to start playing the margin hike game again.  

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:46 | 2876847 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

The Devil gave you a down arrow.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:43 | 2876669 Jam Akin
Jam Akin's picture

Jamie's got a rug...

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:15 | 2876779 THX 1178
THX 1178's picture

"Jamie's having fun" becomes "Jamie's on the run."

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:24 | 2876673 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

did anyone ask him about silver?

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:25 | 2876676 CPL
CPL's picture

He's a dead man.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:25 | 2876678 ShortTheUS
ShortTheUS's picture

The London Fail Whale harpoons another victim.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:44 | 2876717 JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture

No victim here.  The Whale was the next step of prepping JPM for the is Dimon's leaving.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:29 | 2876682 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

First to the gallows, please.

What a crock of shit.

What he is saying is "If you don't keep the money from the FED flowing we will crush this economy.  WE are the government, WE have the power, WE are the rulers."

He will need some strong rope.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:28 | 2876683 Dineroguru
Dineroguru's picture

Why does anyone care what this greedy sack of shit thinks as he sits in David Rockerfeller's lair of the cabal think-tank--covered by the mouthpiece of bullshit CNBC?  Go ahead pull my leg again Jamie!  I didn't hear him talk about the constant stream of slap-on-the-rist fines that his TBTF bucket shop has paid over the past decade or so!


Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:33 | 2876699 El Hosel
El Hosel's picture

Yeah, the media glorify career criminals like Dimon.... 23 million dollar bonus for "the Don"

Wake up and smell the corruption for fuks sake.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:55 | 2876868 NewThor
NewThor's picture

you may want to check the $32 trillion in the cayman islands before you believe Dimon's bonus is ONLY $23 million.


Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:25 | 2876928 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

Twice the size of the US Economy? Impossible. You must mean billion, not trillion.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:30 | 2876688 sampo
sampo's picture

Didn't hear anybody addressing the Silver Bomb..

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:59 | 2876874 NewThor
NewThor's picture

How many times does he have to say "We didn't do it! We aren't doing it!" 

More or less than OJ Simpson?

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:32 | 2876692 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Ha ha...fuck you Jamie.  Your empire is crumbling you fucking crooked worthless piece of shit.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:32 | 2876693 sampo
sampo's picture

Hey folks, if you think Washington and American Business can go to war with each other and it ends good - terrible error!"

Last say before the perp walk?

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:35 | 2876696 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Advice to ex CFO...Stay away from the pool, and late night walking of the dog, and flying solo or so low. Also dont leave your drink unattended...

Oh last one...if youre thinking of having room service clean your room, dont!

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:33 | 2876697 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

I find it interesting how open he was about the bond market turning on the US. I think he will be shorting the shit out of treasuries when this stupid cliff shit gets pushed out into the future and the debt explodes.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:12 | 2876773 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

It will be a true survival of the fittest.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:33 | 2876698 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

String him up.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:23 | 2876921 Al Gorerhythm
Al Gorerhythm's picture

Being that this is a fascist state, is there an accomplice list, iike on a deck of cards or something?

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:35 | 2876703 recidivist
recidivist's picture

No enlightened self interest to be found here amongst the richest of the rich.  The great enrichment is all about more, culminating in the finest garments for the emperor.  Make the little guy powerless and he has nothing to lose, what Zbigniew Brzhynski called the power of powerlessness.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:37 | 2876707 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

"Gold is money. Everything else is credit." 
J.P. Morgan’s words to Congress in 1912

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:45 | 2876719 virgilcaine
virgilcaine's picture

good luck unwinding that 200 trillion in derivatives. It even turned him grey.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 13:55 | 2877213 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

True but Jamie's only 'doing his job' 

long may Jamie's business practices (cough) continue and i'm sure we all hope he never loses a minutes sleep worrying what it's like to be surrounded by pitchforks ..better save that for day Golden Boy

cut the guy some slack ....20 foot should do

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:45 | 2876722 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

A colossal douchebag spews his nonsense at a CFR confab.  Next.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:14 | 2876895 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

Jamie Dimon & A Collection of CFR Ass Holes...

Where's that brief case placed in the Rastenburg Wolf's Lair conference room when you need it...

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:45 | 2876723 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Just die bitch

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:46 | 2876724 FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

"(vigilantes moving against the US bond market is virtually assured - question is when and how)"

How is the big question.  The bonds are payable in US dollars and the Fed can create as many of those USDs as they need or want to "redeem" those bonds.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 21:53 | 2876733 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

my guess is the fed bails on buying treasuries and let's the bond market implode. the spike in borrowing costs forces the austerity that politicians could not. the market crashes and metals spike in fear. their hope is that the dollar gets preserved. i think they opt for that over hyperinflation. i think it happens anyway.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 13:21 | 2877980 FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

If the Fed bails, it's the end of the Fed and the Power Elites that own the Fed.  Those Fed purchases of treasuries are paying for America's military and police state who are the Fed's and the Power Elite's strong arm enforcers.

There is no way that America's taxpayers are able to finance "their government" through their taxes alone, especially if interest rates were to increase to the levels they must if the Fed weren't purchasing for them.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:00 | 2876743 Joshua_D
Joshua_D's picture

Fuck you Dimon. (Did anyone say that yet? Oh. It seems they did. )


Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:02 | 2876751 DavosSherman
DavosSherman's picture

Better looking used tampons

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:04 | 2876754 chump666
chump666's picture

"The US has the way, but no will."

You disgusting f*cking ass-wipe.  The greatest country on earth has been stripped of it's will by walking sh*tbags like you conning weak-ass, pathetic leaders like that horrible Obama.

JPMorgan should have taken the beat-down form hell in 2008, a poorly run casino riding the taxpayer backstop.

Lets see how Wall Street handles SHTF from all sides.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:06 | 2876758 chump666
chump666's picture

Now for some bourbon, always straight baby...

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:06 | 2876760 AgShaman
AgShaman's picture

minimum order: 1 ton

(concertina wire)

....not that these Shylocks care about position limits and minimum orders

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:08 | 2876761 newengland
newengland's picture

Dimon is a carpetbagger...a fancy thief who has no respect for the Republic. The Council on Foreign Relations is too.

They blew up the world financial system, and now they want everyone but themselves to pay for their errors.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:13 | 2876762 Zer0head
Zer0head's picture

speaking of a fortress balance sheet and Chrstine Lagarde's twin ( )

Henry Blodget SEC poster child


and his putrid site had revenue last year of twelve million dollars???  (go figure that out)


if that is the case than ZH must have revenue in  nine figures

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:18 | 2876788 SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture

There is no honor among thieves...Jamie, Lloyd, Blythe and the DIS-Honorable Jon( MotherFucker) Corzine, Hang em all!

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:21 | 2876794 Bob
Bob's picture

Is Jamie's legacy now being written?  Who gives a fuck what he thinks . . . until he meets Bubba in the shower where he belongs?

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:22 | 2876799 luna_man
luna_man's picture



Just another CRIMINAL, the people will need to hunt in the future!


RUN, BUT, NOWHERE TO HIDE!...small world after all.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:28 | 2876807 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

"It isn't clear where Mr. Braunstein will land at the bank..."

I vote for the pavement, preferably after having exited the building via a window on the 41st floor.


Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:33 | 2876825 sitenine
sitenine's picture

FFS, what's with this irritatingly positive banker PR campaign lately?  These fucks still don't understand that the jig is up?!  Bankers!  We're on to you, you filthy thieves!  The machinations are beyond the realm of any good sense anymore.  Are we going to sit idly by and let shitheads like this guy tell us what's what?!  Corzine walks after stealing 1.6B from his customers, and Dimon never has to answer questions concerning MF Global?!  This is how it works now?!  Are you fucking shitting me?!

I'm sitenine, and I approve this message.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:37 | 2876830 Bansters-in-my-...
Bansters-in-my- feces's picture



Thu, 10/11/2012 - 11:40 | 2877743 flacorps
flacorps's picture

The CFR is not corrupt. The notion of corruption implies that some part of the whole is still good. The CFR are the Sith.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:40 | 2876835 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

"We did the FED a favor by taking on Bear Stearns"

LMAO....JPM is the FED's main agent in the markets. This guy hasnt told the truth since he was a little kid...

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:42 | 2876839 Cabreado
Cabreado's picture

Mildly interesting fodder, but no surprises.

Every ounce of energy spent analyzing the words of the Sociopath is wasted on efforts to defuse them.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:45 | 2876845 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

Pay attention you knuckleheads, he's talking his book.

On Greece and the Future of the Eurozone: "From an economic standpoint, Greece is not the issue. Greece is a couple of billion of dollars in debt. ...The catastrophe is the default of Greece before you have a firewall to Italy and Spain, you’ll have a very good likelihood of a run on the banks in Italy and Spain. Italy and Spain don’t have the wherewithal to stop a run on the banks."

What he is saying is that he's telling the CFR that the Euro will die. There will be bank runs and they won't be stopped, the USD is the place to be because there will be a huge apparent dollar strength when the Euro collapses. After that? He didn't say.

He told them what the Great Eye told him.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 22:51 | 2876857 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

The bullshit in his interview is his stupid beleif that with a few tweaks the US economy could be booming again. Maybe hanging a few bankers by the boot straps could work more wonders but his salesman's pitch was too obvious for anyone with half a brain.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:00 | 2876875 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

Psst!  Hey you guys on the JPM board of directors!  I can babble inanely to the public for MUCH less money than you are paying Dimon.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:20 | 2876913 GrinandBearit
GrinandBearit's picture

Dimon is the perfect example of a psychopathic narcissist with delusions of God-hood.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:53 | 2876969 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

I hear he has no hemorrhoids. Must be because he is a perfect arsehole!!

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:23 | 2876923 Sutton
Sutton's picture

Wall Street 101-when the CFO leaves, Look out.

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:40 | 2876930 FutureShock
FutureShock's picture

He is saying the wet blanket in the current administration, we have bad EPA regulations killing job growth and we are not taking advantage of shale oil and nat gas due to those regulations. Taxes, uncertainty on top of that is causing low growth. The people need to vote to make the changes was inferred. Said banks did not need Paulson's tarp and would have made it. I agree. If he is lying and bullshitting then he is great at it.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 08:15 | 2877347 Vooter
Vooter's picture

LOL...good. I hope that they actually ARE bad EPA regulations, and that they continue to kill job growth. Just for fun! Just so the residents of Jesusland and their children have to eat rocks for breakfast. Fuck 'em--get your Jesus down here to save your worthless asses, you nut-scratching, TV-addled monkeys...

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:37 | 2876949 mr. mirbach
mr. mirbach's picture

"J.P. Morgan might update investors on the status of the trades when it reports third-quarter results Friday morning."

WTF?! "...might update investors?"

Okay, so if the report is bad, they won't update investors until they have vaporized rehypothicated all of the clients' assets, right?

Black Friday? Black Swan? Bailed out or swept under the rug until after the election? 

Wed, 10/10/2012 - 23:44 | 2876958 SheHunter
SheHunter's picture

FU Dimon. Trite and said before but I need to lower my blood pressure. So FU slick happy-face Dimon. I owned a good handful of BSC when it crumbled. Glad you did so well with that trade you buffoon.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 00:38 | 2877027 “Rebellion to t...
“Rebellion to tyranny is obedience to God.”-ThomasJefferson's picture

Jamie D. is running out of time.  He and his like minded bankster kleptocrats will be dead and buried soon enough.  I just want to know where he's buried so I can charge people who want to shit on his fucking grave.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 00:42 | 2877034 All Out Of Bubblegum
All Out Of Bubblegum's picture


"By the way, that quarter, we made $5 billion."


This is like a crackdealer bragging about how good business is while living in a welfare condo.



Thu, 10/11/2012 - 01:06 | 2877048 Duke of Con Dao
Duke of Con Dao's picture

Obama on Jamie Dimon?

same as: 

YouTube - Obama on Romney in 7 Seconds

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 04:39 | 2877146 crouton
crouton's picture

Worthless cunt :-)

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 01:38 | 2877070 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Banksters and banks should leave the US. They have done too much damage and are now an easy take down for others that wish to supplant them. Apparently they are aware of what they are about to face. Good riddance ahead of time Mr. Dimon.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 01:40 | 2877071 denny69
denny69's picture

Another mega-welfare queen whining about how we're not giving him our money fast enough. I have some friends waiting to meet him.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 01:48 | 2877074 IrritableBowels
IrritableBowels's picture


Thu, 10/11/2012 - 01:49 | 2877077 northman
northman's picture

I always wondered after that quarter how JPM made more money than Apple if you exclude the London Whale loss. I mean really... a skimmer of a company the records 8 or 9 billion in profit? Where does that money come from??

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 01:56 | 2877082 JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture

Calling Jamie Dimon's demise by some odd event +50

Calling Jamie Dimon's demise by some predictable event -50%

Either way he knows he's he just wants one more tan...

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 02:31 | 2877097 Dre4dwolf
Dre4dwolf's picture

Why doesn't Obama use all that fancy power he got under the NDAA to cleanup this town?

I mean, o wait yea I forgot.... he works for the scum.


Well heres to hoping they hang themselves after they win the world and have nothing left to do.


Thu, 10/11/2012 - 04:40 | 2877147 crouton
crouton's picture

Worthless cunt :-)

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 04:38 | 2877145 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

Jamie Dimon

Smug Little Smelly Cunt

..but I repeat myself

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 12:28 | 2877157 falak pema
falak pema's picture

Apart from all the hand wringing and bad mouthing of lack of politcal focus on both sides of the pond, (for once he is not hiding the facts about the Euro disarray, the selfish infighting and the general decay of the banks), he summarises the US conundrum in DC very aptly :

Some significant anti-administration rhetoric (ironic really), summed up with the veiled threat"Hey folks, if you think Washington and American Business can go to war with each other and it ends good - terrible error!" ...

That says it all; the infighting of awesome potential magnitude now hidden under the carpet, ready to jump out at any time like a Jack-in-the box, if the FED loses its QEn chimes pumping the fiat pump and corporate profits artificially. Thieves do have a habit of falling out in depression times...

The writing is very much on the wall and Jamie Dimon is not hiding it anymore.

Here is what I said on this yesterday :  2873905

This divergence between the Oligarchy power block that holds all the fiat profits, and statist bureaucrats; aka EU bosses; is now out in the open in first world; as we see DC now openly bowing to it in the Obama administration. They have a situation beyond control, so their compass is totally clueless....

Jamie Dimon now confirms this in the name of the Oligarchs. Max Keiser's summary of Jamie holding "financial weapons of mass destruction" over the heads of DC politicians, if they stop feeding the beast thru QE, is very clearly apparent. 

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 07:33 | 2877296 Currency is Debt
Currency is Debt's picture

All I have to say is that the banks that own the central bank, the government and business - which probably account for 95% of the wealth and liquidity combined - these motherfuckers are royally fucking us. All day everyday.

They have infinitely more than 'we the people' - but they cannot resist the urge to steal our measly shit.  

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 07:43 | 2877306 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

So why did Dimon take his business to war with America if it won't end well?

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 08:24 | 2877374 Munkey
Munkey's picture

Mr Dimon interview synopsis: I look out for number one. All this other shit is just theatre.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 08:26 | 2877377 yrbmegr
yrbmegr's picture

"Hey folks, if you think Washington and American Business can go to war with each other and it ends good - terrible error!" 

No matter what happens, if it ends with Dimon brought to justice, it ends well.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 10:49 | 2877666 pirea
pirea's picture

he is such an idiot, he can not make the difference between business and financial speculation

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 08:39 | 2877409 petolo
petolo's picture

Any bounty hunters out there? Any bailouts for bounty hunters? 

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 09:57 | 2877609 tradewithdave
tradewithdave's picture

As long as Jamie maintains the man crush on paper versions of dead presidents it's not war, it's love... American Style.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 11:40 | 2877744 tip e. canoe
tip e. canoe's picture

"which would you rather own, the debt of the sovereign or the debt of the sovereign’s bank."

interesting question dave.   i think i'll take the black walnut tree.

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 11:15 | 2877698 flacorps
flacorps's picture

"Hey folks, if you think Washington and American Business can go to war with each other and it ends good - terrible error!"

And so now he's stepping down.

If there's one thing the shadow masters cannot abide, it's poor grammar!

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 11:29 | 2877724 AlphaHunter001
AlphaHunter001's picture


Dimon is either

a) financial genius and outstanding executive or

b) working at JPM and is part of a conspiracy to make money unfairly


In either case, this means one thing - that the stock is a buy!


I wish they were part of some consipiracy as that would mean even more money. Don't forget, JPM is the most profitable bank in the world, and you don't want to be a part of such a profitable company? I'm a realist interested in making money, not BSing about theories


BTW: I bought JPM and call spreads after the whale around $34 and was hoping for lower to really load up.


Thu, 10/11/2012 - 13:40 | 2878085 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

"I'm a realist interested in making money"

Says the guy dumping fiat into JPM, in the hope of attaining more fiat for his "segregated" brokerage account.  Realist?  You're playing the rainbow-shitting unicorn game.  

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 12:38 | 2877829 neutrinoman
neutrinoman's picture

Jamie says, "the US is the best place to invest on this planet."

Does this imply that JPM has exposure on some other planet? And what do such extraterrestrial exposures imply about the ability of regulators to see through Jamie transparently?

Thu, 10/11/2012 - 19:01 | 2879093 snowlywhite
snowlywhite's picture

Christ... was playing and left this guy talking on the background. He's sure worth every penny they pay him... such a talent for bullshit...

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