JPM's Dimon Builds Fiscal Cliff Bunker As CFO Exits "Balance Sheet Fortress"

Tyler Durden's picture

Jamie "The Europeans have the will, but no way; The US has the way, but no will." Dimon had a very open and wide-ranging discussion with the Council on Foreign Relations today. The conversation ranged from the unfairness of the Bear Stearns' deal (poor chap - all that very limited downside from $2/BSC share, at least initially) to the immediate threat of the pending Fiscal Cliff - and his $100mm-debt-ceiling-preparedness war-room bunker, and America's longer-term fiscal profligacy (vigilantes moving against the US bond market is virtually assured - question is when and how). He also discussed the London Whale 'error' and went on to discuss the Greeks and the Eurozone's political and economic debacle in general. Some significant anti-administration rhetoric (ironic really), summed up with the veiled threat "Hey folks, if you think Washington and American Business can go to war with each other and it ends good - terrible error!" 


Below are a few points Dimon made during the event:

On Investing in America: “The president, whoever he is next year, recognizes one thing for certain, they’re going into that office with a royal straight flush. I think this attitude, somehow, ‘how woe is me, how terrible, how America is lost. It’s just not true, folks. …This is still the best economy in the world. If you can invest in one place in this planet, it would be here.”


On JP Morgan’s London Trade Error: “We made a stupid error. I mean, we’re pretty disciplined risk people. But we made an error. We had a gap in the line. And, you know, we didn’t have this gap elsewhere. We have other flaws elsewhere, but, you know, we had a gap. We screwed up. By the way, that quarter, we made $5 billion. So yeah, it was a stupid error. … I should have caught it also. I didn’t. But it isn’t going to sink our ship.”


On Fiscal Cliff: “We have formed now a fiscal cliff war room, command center, all that kind of stuff going through to make sure we understand it all. We’ll be prepared. JP Morgan will survive the fiscal cliff. I just think it’s terrible policy to allow it to get close. ...There are all these potential outcomes and I would defy anyone to know what they are.”


On Greece and the Future of the Eurozone: “From an economic standpoint, Greece is not the issue. Greece is a couple of billion of dollars in debt. …The catastrophe is the default of Greece before you have a firewall to Italy and Spain, you’ll have a very good likelihood of a run on the banks in Italy and Spain. Italy and Spain don’t have the wherewithal to stop a run on the banks.”



At the same time, the WSJ reports that Douglas Braunstein (51 year old CFO) will be stepping down...

J.P. Morgan Chase's chief financial officer is expected to step down and is likely to move into a different job at the bank, according to people close to the company.


Douglas Braunstein, 51 years old, has been finance chief at the largest U.S. bank, by assets, since 2010. Before that, the longtime deal maker ran J.P. Morgan's investment-banking operations in North and South America and was heavily involved in the bank's acquisitions of securities firm Bear Stearns Cos. and the failed banking operations of Washington Mutual Inc. WMIH +1.69%


Mr. Braunstein's status was diminished as part of an executive shake-up in July. Since then, he has reported to Matt Zames, 41, the company's co-chief operating officer, rather than Chairman and Chief Executive James Dimon.


It isn't clear where Mr. Braunstein will land at the bank, but the possibilities include J.P. Morgan's recently combined corporate and investment bank, these people said.


Mr. Braunstein declined to comment on his position as chief financial officer.


Mr. Braunstein is among J.P. Morgan executives facing outside scrutiny over the bank's handling of the trading mess in its Chief Investment Office, or CIO, a unit that manages the bank's cash. J.P. Morgan suffered a trading loss of $5.8 billion in the first half of 2012, and about a dozen regulatory or law-enforcement agencies are conducting inquiries into the trades, internal accounting and risk controls at the bank, and the adequacy of its public disclosures, according to people with knowledge of the probes and securities filings.


"Jamie is a big fan of Doug's and any potential move Doug decides to make would be unrelated to the CIO issue," said a senior person at the bank.


Mr. Braunstein and other executives dismissed initial news reports about a trader known as the "London whale," who was roiling debt markets with his large bets. On an April 13 conference call, Mr. Braunstein told analysts, "We are very comfortable with our positions as they are held today." He described the bets placed by the Chief Investment Office as part of a "very long-term" strategy to hedge the bank's risks. Mr. Dimon referred to outside concerns as a "complete tempest in a teapot."


J.P. Morgan in July said that Messrs. Dimon and Braunstein relied on the assurances of others at the bank when making those statements. Mr. Dimon has said he was "dead wrong." J.P. Morgan has said it could have additional losses of $800 million to $1.6 billion from the trades. J.P. Morgan might update investors on the status of the trades when it reports third-quarter results Friday morning.



Great Stuff - Bear Stearns And The Whale Trade - only a 91% target bonus for you then...

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toomanyfakeconservatives's picture

Worse then ever, we need MASS ARRESTS and trials  for the guilty...

ACP's picture

That's no match for Dimon's fortress of impenetrable paper!

flacon's picture

"terrible error!" 

"Ok Mister! You just said "TERROR" and so you will now be arrested and detained indefinately in an undisclosed location." ~ Keeping America Safe, One Terrorist At A Time (KASOTAAT)




Richard Chesler's picture

At least the Mafia gave disgraced goons an "honorable discharge".

Fuck you Dimon.


Al Gorerhythm's picture

7 mins in and my stomach can't take any more.

Careless Whisper's picture

I listened to the whole thing and I don't think he mentioned the word Derivitives once.

flacon's picture

don't think he mentioned the word Derivitives once.


Poor, poor Blythe, the mastermind behind JP Morgan's derivative woes (formerly heroin). 

nope-1004's picture

That witch will get whats coming to her one day.  The whole world is facing a fiscal avalanche once the nefarious shit she invented gets proper accounting.  Blythe manipulated her way to the top, much like the way she manipulated earnings in fake instruments like CDS's.

She might think she's pretty cool sitting in her high rise office ordering her underlings, but life is short.  She'll pay one day.

Oh..... and Dimon..... I guess I better address your narcissistic ego, since this thread is about you.  STFU, you douchebag!  Anyone can run a business with mark-to-fantasy accounting, fully backstopped by the American taxpayer.  And you're proud of that accomplishment, you loser?


Popo's picture

If history is any guide, none of these criminals will get what's coming to them.   In fact, the people will cling to hope until they are covered in their own shit and living in the gutter, or being sent to some foreign hell-hole to be filled full of lead.    

As I read the news every morning I see absolutely zero resistance and I see only the faintest glimmer of realization that there has been a coup, and that a gang of banker mafiosi now runs the country.   Going Galt is the only solution.   There is absolutely zero possibility, from anywhere I can see, that Americans as a people have it within them to resist tyranny.   They will bend over by the millions and allow themselves to be raped.

Learn to take care of yourself.  Have a bug-out plan in place.   And prepare for the slow and absolutely unstoppable rise of tyranny.   The water is already rising fast.

Thomas's picture

He sold a TON of assets and booked gobs of profits to get to that $5 billion. He is a liar and a crook, in my opinion. (A lawyer once told me to always add that last part.)

SilverRhino's picture

 If you can invest in one place in this planet, it would be here

Two words disprove that in spades: Jon Corzine

Until that man is arrested, tried, drawn and quartered I will have nothing to do with the casinos in the USA.

Caggge's picture

Dimon talks about getting the regulations right. They are right it's just none of the fraud committed by his bank and Goldman's have been prosecuted. When the criminals like Dimon and Sir Lloyd are in jail, the problem is solved.

Urban Redneck's picture

A French maid, foreign chef. A big house with a king size bed
You've had enough, you ship them out.
The dollar's up - down, you'd better buy the pound
The claim is on you the sights are on me so what do you do
That's guaranteed . Hey little girl, you break the laws
You hustle, you deal, you steal from us all
Money talks, B.S. walks


Jamie, the hard money you want ain't interested in the USA anymore.

seataka's picture

I wish i could buy a "Hang a banker" Christmas ornament this year...a little guy in a top hat and spats.. and a rope around his neck to hang him from the tree...  And for your icon image here is Bob Dylan singing Dixie...

The Shootist's picture

Dylan singing Dixie? Nice catch, I enjoyed it.

stocktivity's picture

Fuck you Jamie...and if you think you look cool in that purple shirt and tie, you don' most of your fellow bankers, you need to lose 30 - 40 lbs.

indygo55's picture

At 35:15, the creepy guy in the back. Who is he?



Dr. No's picture

That is the henchmen who gets any out-of-line reporters disapeared.  I was looking to see his hands for black leather gloves.

slaughterer's picture

SHOWTIME AND LIONSGATE announce a new TV series starrting David Duchovny as an aging Jamie Dimon, who, after his bank goes bankrupt in 2013, moves to Miami and works as a Pizza delivery boy.  The show is called "DIMON IN THE ROUGH"

Sweet Chicken's picture

Wow that was a long listen. I sure wish it were true and were about to occur but I can't help but be skeptical about these mass arrests.

Anybody have more information on this? Thanks in advance.

LetThemEatRand's picture

Fuck you Dimon (and you too Bernanke)!

JPM Hater001's picture


I believe I get the first Fuck You.

Mr Dimon.  No one is fooled.  You are leaving to convert your assets and get out of paper before the sheeple.  I promise you pst collapse I will make the job of whatever position I find myself in to hunt you down and bring you to banker justice...

Oh, and thank you for helping me build the capital by keeping the price of silver down.

Now go fuck yourself...We'll be there shortly for our turn.

JPM Hater001's picture

I should add...don't get sodomized before I get there...please...fucker.

bilbert's picture

Jamie's not leaving, yet, but addressing the C.F.R. - that's heavy shit!  Hasn't Jamie been doing THEIR bidding all along??

Looks like CFO Braunstein, may have taken a bullet for Jamie in the "Whale Tale" debacle.

Blood is in the water with JPM's Silver Shorts - will Blythe be blamed when that trade goes ass over teacup??

Wasn't M.S. to be the next Bear Stearns?

Will G.S. turn on JPM??

Stay tuned, and more popcorn, Dammit!!




slaughterer's picture

Word is Blythe is waiting for silver to reach $36 to start playing the margin hike game again.  

Jam Akin's picture

Jamie's got a rug...

THX 1178's picture

"Jamie's having fun" becomes "Jamie's on the run."

fonzannoon's picture

did anyone ask him about silver?

CPL's picture

He's a dead man.

ShortTheUS's picture

The London Fail Whale harpoons another victim.

JPM Hater001's picture

No victim here.  The Whale was the next step of prepping JPM for the is Dimon's leaving.

ebworthen's picture

First to the gallows, please.

What a crock of shit.

What he is saying is "If you don't keep the money from the FED flowing we will crush this economy.  WE are the government, WE have the power, WE are the rulers."

He will need some strong rope.

Dineroguru's picture

Why does anyone care what this greedy sack of shit thinks as he sits in David Rockerfeller's lair of the cabal think-tank--covered by the mouthpiece of bullshit CNBC?  Go ahead pull my leg again Jamie!  I didn't hear him talk about the constant stream of slap-on-the-rist fines that his TBTF bucket shop has paid over the past decade or so!


El Hosel's picture

Yeah, the media glorify career criminals like Dimon.... 23 million dollar bonus for "the Don"

Wake up and smell the corruption for fuks sake.

NewThor's picture

you may want to check the $32 trillion in the cayman islands before you believe Dimon's bonus is ONLY $23 million.


sampo's picture

Didn't hear anybody addressing the Silver Bomb..

NewThor's picture

How many times does he have to say "We didn't do it! We aren't doing it!" 

More or less than OJ Simpson?

LongSoupLine's picture

Ha ha...fuck you Jamie.  Your empire is crumbling you fucking crooked worthless piece of shit.

sampo's picture

Hey folks, if you think Washington and American Business can go to war with each other and it ends good - terrible error!"

Last say before the perp walk?

ziggy59's picture

Advice to ex CFO...Stay away from the pool, and late night walking of the dog, and flying solo or so low. Also dont leave your drink unattended...

Oh last one...if youre thinking of having room service clean your room, dont!

fonzannoon's picture

I find it interesting how open he was about the bond market turning on the US. I think he will be shorting the shit out of treasuries when this stupid cliff shit gets pushed out into the future and the debt explodes.

Everybodys All American's picture

It will be a true survival of the fittest.

Al Gorerhythm's picture

Being that this is a fascist state, is there an accomplice list, iike on a deck of cards or something?

recidivist's picture

No enlightened self interest to be found here amongst the richest of the rich.  The great enrichment is all about more, culminating in the finest garments for the emperor.  Make the little guy powerless and he has nothing to lose, what Zbigniew Brzhynski called the power of powerlessness.