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The Pre-Debate Malarkey: Drinking Game And Why The Election Should Not Be For "The Shiniest Of Two Turds"

Tyler Durden's picture


The battle lines are set; the VeePs have stepped in (we laughed and we grimaced); and now its time for main-event. In preparation for this evening's Town-Hall style debate, we present the critical-to-enjoyment drinking game rules and live webcast scorecard (which stands at Team Obama 1 - 1 Team Romney) but perhaps more importantly, we offer the most epic rap-battle version of the debate with an eagle-riding Abraham Lincoln delivering these infamous words to the two challengers: "By the power vested in me by the power of this bald bird, the president shall not be shiniest of two turds." Indeed, Abe, indeed.


Via @DebateDrinking

1st 'Presidential' Debate Results:


2nd 'VeeP' Debate Results:


3rd 'Presidential' Debate Rules:

Additional drinking opportunities

If you find yourself feeling more sober than you'd like, consider the following suggestions. Keep in mind, these rules do not affect the candidates' scores on the big board.

Start the night off with a gimme – Take a drink for each person or organization that your candidate thanks in his opening remarks.

If your candidate has any type of numbered or multi-step plan – Take one drink for each number.

Each time you see your candidate force an awkward grin or laugh while his opponent is insulting him or disparaging his policies – Take a drink.


Live Scoring Webcast:


and the Epic Rap Battle - that must be seen (and heard) to be believed:


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Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:15 | Link to Comment ShortTheUS
ShortTheUS's picture

In politics, there's opposing forces: 1. The Truth 2. What politicans say.

Keep that in mind tonight and whenever you hear a politican speak.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:29 | Link to Comment fuu
fuu's picture


Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:09 | Link to Comment redpill
redpill's picture

Tylers, my liver has a message:  FUCK YOU

Wed, 10/17/2012 - 01:24 | Link to Comment greased up deaf guy
greased up deaf guy's picture

"... shiniest of two turds."

shouldn't it be shinier? oh, never mind. BUUUUURP!!! :-p

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:31 | Link to Comment Questan1913
Questan1913's picture


Also listen to tonights debate using this internal template to decipher what is actually being said:  Every major pronouncement by both candidates is either a perfect inversion of the truth OR a focus group tested reinforcement of the illusions most of the electorate are bound to thanks to TV, Government "education" and their manifest predisposition to believe the totally unreal as long as it makes them feel "good".

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:39 | Link to Comment AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

"Don't vote. You'll only encourage them."

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:46 | Link to Comment One World Mafia
One World Mafia's picture

Not voting when Gary Johnson is on the ballot encourages them more.

If they had election rigging all sewn up they wouldn't be pushing the National Popular Vote law. The National Popular Vote(NPV) slogan "Every Vote Equal" is? dishonest because the NPV proposal is based on legalizing vote-stealing. For example, Texas or Louisiana could be forced to cast its votes for a candidate who won more votes in other states, such as New York.

The NPV is far along. Your state reps have been lied to. Tell them.

People, if like me you can't stand to vote for O'Romney, at least send a message and vote for Gary Johnson. By not voting you will be counted as content and apathetic.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:46 | Link to Comment Totentänzerlied
Totentänzerlied's picture

Just two Democrats pretending to have any relevant ideological differences. Not a hair's breadth of it between the parties.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:56 | Link to Comment Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

Wow that was EPIC!

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:10 | Link to Comment FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

"the shiniest of two turds"....aka, a finless brown trout.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:15 | Link to Comment stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture

can't polish a turd

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:35 | Link to Comment Itch
Itch's picture

But you can roll it in glitter...

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:39 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Mythbusters proved that you can indeed polish a turd.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 23:38 | Link to Comment Overfed
Overfed's picture

Not so much a turd as a compacted, dried ball of shit. I stand by the idiom that a turd, as freshly dropped, is not able to be polished.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:41 | Link to Comment Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

Not true. Way back when, a fellow student in my 5th-grade class shellaqued a dog turd and gave it to the teacher as a present, calling it a paperweight. To her credit, she used it until the end of the school year.

Either of the two masterdebaters on sceen tonight will serve a less noble purpose than that of the paperweight, shellaqued or not.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:03 | Link to Comment Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Not even a gold plated tungsten one ?

Wed, 10/17/2012 - 00:26 | Link to Comment strannick
strannick's picture

then where do they get their sparkly s#!t eating grins?


Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:16 | Link to Comment bigdumbnugly
bigdumbnugly's picture




Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:18 | Link to Comment The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

I gotta head start on you, motherfucker.



Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:18 | Link to Comment SILVERGEDDON

Run this debate Mad Max style - Thunder Dome, that is. " Two men in, one man out. "  I'd pay money to watch that shit. This debate ? Not so much.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 23:40 | Link to Comment Overfed
Overfed's picture

I could go for that. I'd bet Ron Paul could whip either one of 'em, maybe even both at the same time.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:23 | Link to Comment Insideher Trading
Insideher Trading's picture

1. Take a shot every time a candidate laughs.

- Call in sick to work.

To help you recover from the worst hangover known to man as a result:

-Take 1 Xanax

-Eat one banana

-Keep light at a minimum

-Call that "masseuse" from you've been eying on your work breaks.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:20 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

2012 Master Debation: Romney vs. Obama...Everclear vs. Bacardi 151...light vs. dark...either way we're all going to end up hungover for the next 4 years+...


Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:20 | Link to Comment nmewn
nmewn's picture

Where is errr, ummm & ahhh?

I'll never get drunk at this rate.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:23 | Link to Comment The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Well put down the Tang™  and grab a chair.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:39 | Link to Comment nmewn
nmewn's picture

I got an empty chair in the front yard, be right back ;-) 

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:43 | Link to Comment Pejorative Requiem
Pejorative Requiem's picture

I have no coice but to put down the Tang. She's agreed to drink for Obama.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:22 | Link to Comment ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Not enough liquor at home to play this game!

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:23 | Link to Comment Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Why all the turd hate?

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:52 | Link to Comment Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

I guess it is better than douche. Can't stand douche...

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:24 | Link to Comment disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

The Cunning Linquist vs. The Master Debater. PART DEAUX!

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:31 | Link to Comment Duke of Con Dao
Duke of Con Dao's picture

not close to Hitler v Darth Vader...


their Mitt was boring and Obama, must say he had his voice down...

but Abe stole the Show!!!!


Drinking Game was cute... wish you a good debate...

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:26 | Link to Comment pavman
pavman's picture

Lol .... Let me be clear

Boy do I hate that phrase.  Its so slimeball-esq.  Allow me to translate...

Normally when I talk I'm obfuscating the truth, but in this one instance I want to make sure you understand that I'm not full of crap or maybe I am still full of crap but I want you start paying attention to my BS...

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:36 | Link to Comment Questan1913
Questan1913's picture

In focus group testing the controls always perk up and go deeper into the alpha state when hearing that preface.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:45 | Link to Comment pavman
pavman's picture

When I first heard it I cringed.  Then people at work started using it like that catch phrase really?  To this day I still cringe when either of those pop up in conversation.  Reminds me of the No-Brainer 2000s.  You should buy this 900 Sq. ft. condo for $800,000...its a No-Brainer!  Real Estate *always* goes up!

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:27 | Link to Comment blindman
blindman's picture

Electile Dysfunction
Posted on October 15, 2012 by jischinger
Tuesday, October 16, 2012Full Show
Secret Debate Contract Reveals Obama and Romney Campaigns Exclude Third Parties, Control Questions
" 21 page contract dictates ..."
" ..And it gives the Commission on Presidential Debates a de facto monopoly over our most important election forums. Instead of allowing other organizations, like the League of Women Voters, to host exciting debates that might include some possible third-party voices, the commission is in total control of this process and allows the Republican and Democratic nominees to negotiate these very kinds of detailed contracts that eliminate spontaneity from some of the formats and exclude all viable third-party voices." ...GEORGE FARAH

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:30 | Link to Comment Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

I just found out on CNN that BO doesn't have a big ego. MO said so. Her brother confirmed it with a basketball anecdote.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:34 | Link to Comment Questan1913
Questan1913's picture

That definitely cinches it.  Revealed TRUTH.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:34 | Link to Comment tony bonn
tony bonn's picture

"The Shiniest Of Two Turds"

yes - a vote for obamney is a vote wasted.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:38 | Link to Comment cjbosk
cjbosk's picture

Where's the third turd Tyler(s)? You know, the Dr. Turd?

That would make the drinking game even better if you were truly non scrappy little nerds you.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:50 | Link to Comment AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Don't forget Turd Ferguson from SNL's Jeopardy.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:07 | Link to Comment howenlink
howenlink's picture

I plan to STOP drinking when either one of them promises to END THE FED.  Starting now.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:17 | Link to Comment Ness.
Ness.'s picture

That poor kid has no idea what the fuck OB just said.  Certaintly didn't answer the question.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:39 | Link to Comment booboo
booboo's picture

Betty Ford Clinic here we come.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:40 | Link to Comment WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Wind jobs? Freudian slip?

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:41 | Link to Comment howenlink
howenlink's picture

Binders full of women???

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:42 | Link to Comment papaswamp
papaswamp's picture

The Shiniest Of Two Turds.... TSOTT ...looks like a new twitter hashtag to me.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:44 | Link to Comment WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Interest from a bank? REALLY?

Polish those turds!

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:48 | Link to Comment paint it red ca...
paint it red call it hell's picture

I don't know about shiny but turds without a doubt.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:50 | Link to Comment Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

Alright, I posted earlier that I had one case of beer, three packs of smokes, some weed, a pizza and the potential freeloading kids halloween candy that the spend at home wife bought.  I was ready to not watch the debate and get shitfaced instead.(and I have not watched the 'debate')  I also claimed that I would log into HuffPuke and post.

Progress report:  I lied, I had more than one case of beer on hand.  Weed-check but just a little so far. pizza-no, candy-not yet.  A visit to HuffPuke?---YES!  I managed a few good questions to some of their top posters.(pundits or whatever)  The screen is flipping too fast there to comment now.  Too many Idiocracy comments to sort out any good comments now.

I would guess that this will occur here as well to a degree.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:53 | Link to Comment Jack Kreuz
Jack Kreuz's picture

And the Rap News that must be seen as well:

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:08 | Link to Comment Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

I see that the 'town hall' debate is still on and I am staying away from it.  A creative thought occurred to me though:  How about a MSM TV show that features precinct caucus debates well before any election?  Even better, there should be a segment of the show that explains why primary states do not have a true caucus system and what the difference is.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:13 | Link to Comment Lloyd_Xmas
Lloyd_Xmas's picture

I'm drinking so much candy looks like Jenna Jameson

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:25 | Link to Comment azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

if it would make them stop i would fuck candy

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 23:51 | Link to Comment nah
nah's picture

i havent watched an epic rap battle in like 2 years


thanks zero hedge

Wed, 10/17/2012 - 08:03 | Link to Comment GNWT
GNWT's picture

seriously does anyone think the us gets anything  but Hitler-lite (Obama) or Hitler-in-training

(Romney), can't we just stupulate that the US generalissimo is going to kill dark

people all over the world to prevent, as long as possible, the end of the USD as 

a reserve currency...called going Greek...


Don't get MF-ed....stay liquid my friends...



Wed, 10/17/2012 - 08:56 | Link to Comment Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Those who actually played this drinking game are dead by now.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!