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The Pre-Debate Malarkey: Drinking Game And Why The Election Should Not Be For "The Shiniest Of Two Turds"

Tyler Durden's picture


The battle lines are set; the VeePs have stepped in (we laughed and we grimaced); and now its time for main-event. In preparation for this evening's Town-Hall style debate, we present the critical-to-enjoyment drinking game rules and live webcast scorecard (which stands at Team Obama 1 - 1 Team Romney) but perhaps more importantly, we offer the most epic rap-battle version of the debate with an eagle-riding Abraham Lincoln delivering these infamous words to the two challengers: "By the power vested in me by the power of this bald bird, the president shall not be shiniest of two turds." Indeed, Abe, indeed.


Via @DebateDrinking

1st 'Presidential' Debate Results:


2nd 'VeeP' Debate Results:


3rd 'Presidential' Debate Rules:

Additional drinking opportunities

If you find yourself feeling more sober than you'd like, consider the following suggestions. Keep in mind, these rules do not affect the candidates' scores on the big board.

Start the night off with a gimme – Take a drink for each person or organization that your candidate thanks in his opening remarks.

If your candidate has any type of numbered or multi-step plan – Take one drink for each number.

Each time you see your candidate force an awkward grin or laugh while his opponent is insulting him or disparaging his policies – Take a drink.


Live Scoring Webcast:


and the Epic Rap Battle - that must be seen (and heard) to be believed:


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Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:15 | 2896508 ShortTheUS
ShortTheUS's picture

In politics, there's opposing forces: 1. The Truth 2. What politicans say.

Keep that in mind tonight and whenever you hear a politican speak.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:29 | 2896544 fuu
fuu's picture


Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:09 | 2896913 redpill
redpill's picture

Tylers, my liver has a message:  FUCK YOU

Wed, 10/17/2012 - 01:24 | 2897406 greased up deaf guy
greased up deaf guy's picture

"... shiniest of two turds."

shouldn't it be shinier? oh, never mind. BUUUUURP!!! :-p

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:31 | 2896547 Questan1913
Questan1913's picture


Also listen to tonights debate using this internal template to decipher what is actually being said:  Every major pronouncement by both candidates is either a perfect inversion of the truth OR a focus group tested reinforcement of the illusions most of the electorate are bound to thanks to TV, Government "education" and their manifest predisposition to believe the totally unreal as long as it makes them feel "good".

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:39 | 2896581 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

"Don't vote. You'll only encourage them."

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:46 | 2897068 One World Mafia
One World Mafia's picture

Not voting when Gary Johnson is on the ballot encourages them more.

If they had election rigging all sewn up they wouldn't be pushing the National Popular Vote law. The National Popular Vote(NPV) slogan "Every Vote Equal" is? dishonest because the NPV proposal is based on legalizing vote-stealing. For example, Texas or Louisiana could be forced to cast its votes for a candidate who won more votes in other states, such as New York.

The NPV is far along. Your state reps have been lied to. Tell them.

People, if like me you can't stand to vote for O'Romney, at least send a message and vote for Gary Johnson. By not voting you will be counted as content and apathetic.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:46 | 2896806 Totentänzerlied
Totentänzerlied's picture

Just two Democrats pretending to have any relevant ideological differences. Not a hair's breadth of it between the parties.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:56 | 2896631 Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

Wow that was EPIC!

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:10 | 2896917 FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

"the shiniest of two turds"....aka, a finless brown trout.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:15 | 2896509 stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture

can't polish a turd

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:35 | 2896560 Itch
Itch's picture

But you can roll it in glitter...

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:39 | 2896575 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Mythbusters proved that you can indeed polish a turd.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 23:38 | 2897258 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Not so much a turd as a compacted, dried ball of shit. I stand by the idiom that a turd, as freshly dropped, is not able to be polished.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:41 | 2896588 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

Not true. Way back when, a fellow student in my 5th-grade class shellaqued a dog turd and gave it to the teacher as a present, calling it a paperweight. To her credit, she used it until the end of the school year.

Either of the two masterdebaters on sceen tonight will serve a less noble purpose than that of the paperweight, shellaqued or not.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:03 | 2896646 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Not even a gold plated tungsten one ?

Wed, 10/17/2012 - 00:26 | 2897342 strannick
strannick's picture

then where do they get their sparkly s#!t eating grins?


Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:16 | 2896512 bigdumbnugly
bigdumbnugly's picture




Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:18 | 2896517 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

I gotta head start on you, motherfucker.



Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:18 | 2896514 SILVERGEDDON

Run this debate Mad Max style - Thunder Dome, that is. " Two men in, one man out. "  I'd pay money to watch that shit. This debate ? Not so much.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 23:40 | 2897260 Overfed
Overfed's picture

I could go for that. I'd bet Ron Paul could whip either one of 'em, maybe even both at the same time.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:23 | 2896519 Insideher Trading
Insideher Trading's picture

1. Take a shot every time a candidate laughs.

- Call in sick to work.

To help you recover from the worst hangover known to man as a result:

-Take 1 Xanax

-Eat one banana

-Keep light at a minimum

-Call that "masseuse" from you've been eying on your work breaks.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:20 | 2896521 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

2012 Master Debation: Romney vs. Obama...Everclear vs. Bacardi 151...light vs. dark...either way we're all going to end up hungover for the next 4 years+...


Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:20 | 2896525 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Where is errr, ummm & ahhh?

I'll never get drunk at this rate.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:23 | 2896528 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Well put down the Tang™  and grab a chair.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:39 | 2896576 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I got an empty chair in the front yard, be right back ;-) 

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:43 | 2896597 Pejorative Requiem
Pejorative Requiem's picture

I have no coice but to put down the Tang. She's agreed to drink for Obama.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:22 | 2896527 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Not enough liquor at home to play this game!

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:23 | 2896529 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Why all the turd hate?

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:52 | 2897115 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

I guess it is better than douche. Can't stand douche...

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:24 | 2896533 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

The Cunning Linquist vs. The Master Debater. PART DEAUX!

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:31 | 2896537 Duke of Con Dao
Duke of Con Dao's picture

not close to Hitler v Darth Vader...


their Mitt was boring and Obama, must say he had his voice down...

but Abe stole the Show!!!!


Drinking Game was cute... wish you a good debate...

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:26 | 2896539 pavman
pavman's picture

Lol .... Let me be clear

Boy do I hate that phrase.  Its so slimeball-esq.  Allow me to translate...

Normally when I talk I'm obfuscating the truth, but in this one instance I want to make sure you understand that I'm not full of crap or maybe I am still full of crap but I want you start paying attention to my BS...

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:36 | 2896565 Questan1913
Questan1913's picture

In focus group testing the controls always perk up and go deeper into the alpha state when hearing that preface.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:45 | 2897091 pavman
pavman's picture

When I first heard it I cringed.  Then people at work started using it like that catch phrase really?  To this day I still cringe when either of those pop up in conversation.  Reminds me of the No-Brainer 2000s.  You should buy this 900 Sq. ft. condo for $800,000...its a No-Brainer!  Real Estate *always* goes up!

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:27 | 2896541 blindman
blindman's picture

Electile Dysfunction
Posted on October 15, 2012 by jischinger
Tuesday, October 16, 2012Full Show
Secret Debate Contract Reveals Obama and Romney Campaigns Exclude Third Parties, Control Questions
" 21 page contract dictates ..."
" ..And it gives the Commission on Presidential Debates a de facto monopoly over our most important election forums. Instead of allowing other organizations, like the League of Women Voters, to host exciting debates that might include some possible third-party voices, the commission is in total control of this process and allows the Republican and Democratic nominees to negotiate these very kinds of detailed contracts that eliminate spontaneity from some of the formats and exclude all viable third-party voices." ...GEORGE FARAH

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:30 | 2896545 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

I just found out on CNN that BO doesn't have a big ego. MO said so. Her brother confirmed it with a basketball anecdote.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:34 | 2896556 Questan1913
Questan1913's picture

That definitely cinches it.  Revealed TRUTH.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:34 | 2896559 tony bonn
tony bonn's picture

"The Shiniest Of Two Turds"

yes - a vote for obamney is a vote wasted.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:38 | 2896569 cjbosk
cjbosk's picture

Where's the third turd Tyler(s)? You know, the Dr. Turd?

That would make the drinking game even better if you were truly non scrappy little nerds you.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 20:50 | 2896615 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Don't forget Turd Ferguson from SNL's Jeopardy.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:07 | 2896660 howenlink
howenlink's picture

I plan to STOP drinking when either one of them promises to END THE FED.  Starting now.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:17 | 2896691 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

That poor kid has no idea what the fuck OB just said.  Certaintly didn't answer the question.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:39 | 2896775 booboo
booboo's picture

Betty Ford Clinic here we come.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:40 | 2896778 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Wind jobs? Freudian slip?

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:41 | 2896786 howenlink
howenlink's picture

Binders full of women???

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:42 | 2896789 papaswamp
papaswamp's picture

The Shiniest Of Two Turds.... TSOTT ...looks like a new twitter hashtag to me.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:44 | 2896797 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Interest from a bank? REALLY?

Polish those turds!

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:48 | 2896815 paint it red ca...
paint it red call it hell's picture

I don't know about shiny but turds without a doubt.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:50 | 2896824 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

Alright, I posted earlier that I had one case of beer, three packs of smokes, some weed, a pizza and the potential freeloading kids halloween candy that the spend at home wife bought.  I was ready to not watch the debate and get shitfaced instead.(and I have not watched the 'debate')  I also claimed that I would log into HuffPuke and post.

Progress report:  I lied, I had more than one case of beer on hand.  Weed-check but just a little so far. pizza-no, candy-not yet.  A visit to HuffPuke?---YES!  I managed a few good questions to some of their top posters.(pundits or whatever)  The screen is flipping too fast there to comment now.  Too many Idiocracy comments to sort out any good comments now.

I would guess that this will occur here as well to a degree.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 21:53 | 2896838 Jack Kreuz
Jack Kreuz's picture

And the Rap News that must be seen as well:

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:08 | 2896902 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

I see that the 'town hall' debate is still on and I am staying away from it.  A creative thought occurred to me though:  How about a MSM TV show that features precinct caucus debates well before any election?  Even better, there should be a segment of the show that explains why primary states do not have a true caucus system and what the difference is.

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:13 | 2896931 Lloyd_Xmas
Lloyd_Xmas's picture

I'm drinking so much candy looks like Jenna Jameson

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 22:25 | 2896980 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

if it would make them stop i would fuck candy

Tue, 10/16/2012 - 23:51 | 2897275 nah
nah's picture

i havent watched an epic rap battle in like 2 years


thanks zero hedge

Wed, 10/17/2012 - 08:03 | 2897551 GNWT
GNWT's picture

seriously does anyone think the us gets anything  but Hitler-lite (Obama) or Hitler-in-training

(Romney), can't we just stupulate that the US generalissimo is going to kill dark

people all over the world to prevent, as long as possible, the end of the USD as 

a reserve currency...called going Greek...


Don't get MF-ed....stay liquid my friends...



Wed, 10/17/2012 - 08:56 | 2897635 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Those who actually played this drinking game are dead by now.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!