The Pre-Debate Malarkey: Drinking Game And Why The Election Should Not Be For "The Shiniest Of Two Turds"

Tyler Durden's picture

The battle lines are set; the VeePs have stepped in (we laughed and we grimaced); and now its time for main-event. In preparation for this evening's Town-Hall style debate, we present the critical-to-enjoyment drinking game rules and live webcast scorecard (which stands at Team Obama 1 - 1 Team Romney) but perhaps more importantly, we offer the most epic rap-battle version of the debate with an eagle-riding Abraham Lincoln delivering these infamous words to the two challengers: "By the power vested in me by the power of this bald bird, the president shall not be shiniest of two turds." Indeed, Abe, indeed.


Via @DebateDrinking

1st 'Presidential' Debate Results:


2nd 'VeeP' Debate Results:


3rd 'Presidential' Debate Rules:

Additional drinking opportunities

If you find yourself feeling more sober than you'd like, consider the following suggestions. Keep in mind, these rules do not affect the candidates' scores on the big board.

Start the night off with a gimme – Take a drink for each person or organization that your candidate thanks in his opening remarks.

If your candidate has any type of numbered or multi-step plan – Take one drink for each number.

Each time you see your candidate force an awkward grin or laugh while his opponent is insulting him or disparaging his policies – Take a drink.


Live Scoring Webcast:


and the Epic Rap Battle - that must be seen (and heard) to be believed:

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ShortTheUS's picture

In politics, there's opposing forces: 1. The Truth 2. What politicans say.

Keep that in mind tonight and whenever you hear a politican speak.

redpill's picture

Tylers, my liver has a message:  FUCK YOU

greased up deaf guy's picture

"... shiniest of two turds."

shouldn't it be shinier? oh, never mind. BUUUUURP!!! :-p

Questan1913's picture


Also listen to tonights debate using this internal template to decipher what is actually being said:  Every major pronouncement by both candidates is either a perfect inversion of the truth OR a focus group tested reinforcement of the illusions most of the electorate are bound to thanks to TV, Government "education" and their manifest predisposition to believe the totally unreal as long as it makes them feel "good".

AlaricBalth's picture

"Don't vote. You'll only encourage them."

One World Mafia's picture

Not voting when Gary Johnson is on the ballot encourages them more.

If they had election rigging all sewn up they wouldn't be pushing the National Popular Vote law. The National Popular Vote(NPV) slogan "Every Vote Equal" is? dishonest because the NPV proposal is based on legalizing vote-stealing. For example, Texas or Louisiana could be forced to cast its votes for a candidate who won more votes in other states, such as New York.

The NPV is far along. Your state reps have been lied to. Tell them.

People, if like me you can't stand to vote for O'Romney, at least send a message and vote for Gary Johnson. By not voting you will be counted as content and apathetic.

Totentänzerlied's picture

Just two Democrats pretending to have any relevant ideological differences. Not a hair's breadth of it between the parties.

FL_Conservative's picture

"the shiniest of two turds"....aka, a finless brown trout.

stinkhammer's picture

can't polish a turd

Itch's picture

But you can roll it in glitter...

Dr. Engali's picture

Mythbusters proved that you can indeed polish a turd.

Overfed's picture

Not so much a turd as a compacted, dried ball of shit. I stand by the idiom that a turd, as freshly dropped, is not able to be polished.

Ms. Erable's picture

Not true. Way back when, a fellow student in my 5th-grade class shellaqued a dog turd and gave it to the teacher as a present, calling it a paperweight. To her credit, she used it until the end of the school year.

Either of the two masterdebaters on sceen tonight will serve a less noble purpose than that of the paperweight, shellaqued or not.

Winston Churchill's picture

Not even a gold plated tungsten one ?

strannick's picture

then where do they get their sparkly s#!t eating grins?


bigdumbnugly's picture




The Gooch's picture

I gotta head start on you, motherfucker.




Run this debate Mad Max style - Thunder Dome, that is. " Two men in, one man out. "  I'd pay money to watch that shit. This debate ? Not so much.

Overfed's picture

I could go for that. I'd bet Ron Paul could whip either one of 'em, maybe even both at the same time.

Insideher Trading's picture

1. Take a shot every time a candidate laughs.

- Call in sick to work.

To help you recover from the worst hangover known to man as a result:

-Take 1 Xanax

-Eat one banana

-Keep light at a minimum

-Call that "masseuse" from you've been eying on your work breaks.

krispkritter's picture

2012 Master Debation: Romney vs. Obama...Everclear vs. Bacardi 151...light vs. dark...either way we're all going to end up hungover for the next 4 years+...


nmewn's picture

Where is errr, ummm & ahhh?

I'll never get drunk at this rate.

The Gooch's picture

Well put down the Tang™  and grab a chair.

nmewn's picture

I got an empty chair in the front yard, be right back ;-) 

Pejorative Requiem's picture

I have no coice but to put down the Tang. She's agreed to drink for Obama.

ziggy59's picture

Not enough liquor at home to play this game!

Spastica Rex's picture

Why all the turd hate?

Skateboarder's picture

I guess it is better than douche. Can't stand douche...

disabledvet's picture

The Cunning Linquist vs. The Master Debater. PART DEAUX!

Duke of Con Dao's picture

not close to Hitler v Darth Vader...


their Mitt was boring and Obama, must say he had his voice down...

but Abe stole the Show!!!!


Drinking Game was cute... wish you a good debate...

pavman's picture

Lol .... Let me be clear

Boy do I hate that phrase.  Its so slimeball-esq.  Allow me to translate...

Normally when I talk I'm obfuscating the truth, but in this one instance I want to make sure you understand that I'm not full of crap or maybe I am still full of crap but I want you start paying attention to my BS...

Questan1913's picture

In focus group testing the controls always perk up and go deeper into the alpha state when hearing that preface.

pavman's picture

When I first heard it I cringed.  Then people at work started using it like that catch phrase really?  To this day I still cringe when either of those pop up in conversation.  Reminds me of the No-Brainer 2000s.  You should buy this 900 Sq. ft. condo for $800,000...its a No-Brainer!  Real Estate *always* goes up!

blindman's picture

Electile Dysfunction
Posted on October 15, 2012 by jischinger
Tuesday, October 16, 2012Full Show
Secret Debate Contract Reveals Obama and Romney Campaigns Exclude Third Parties, Control Questions
" 21 page contract dictates ..."
" ..And it gives the Commission on Presidential Debates a de facto monopoly over our most important election forums. Instead of allowing other organizations, like the League of Women Voters, to host exciting debates that might include some possible third-party voices, the commission is in total control of this process and allows the Republican and Democratic nominees to negotiate these very kinds of detailed contracts that eliminate spontaneity from some of the formats and exclude all viable third-party voices." ...GEORGE FARAH

Spastica Rex's picture

I just found out on CNN that BO doesn't have a big ego. MO said so. Her brother confirmed it with a basketball anecdote.

Questan1913's picture

That definitely cinches it.  Revealed TRUTH.

tony bonn's picture

"The Shiniest Of Two Turds"

yes - a vote for obamney is a vote wasted.

cjbosk's picture

Where's the third turd Tyler(s)? You know, the Dr. Turd?

That would make the drinking game even better if you were truly non scrappy little nerds you.

howenlink's picture

I plan to STOP drinking when either one of them promises to END THE FED.  Starting now.

Ness.'s picture

That poor kid has no idea what the fuck OB just said.  Certaintly didn't answer the question.

booboo's picture

Betty Ford Clinic here we come.

WillyGroper's picture

Wind jobs? Freudian slip?

howenlink's picture

Binders full of women???

papaswamp's picture

The Shiniest Of Two Turds.... TSOTT ...looks like a new twitter hashtag to me.

WillyGroper's picture

Interest from a bank? REALLY?

Polish those turds!