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Friday Humor: The Most Downloaded App At The New York Fed Today

Tyler Durden's picture


Because someone has to generate revenue for Apple...


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Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:05 | 2904629 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

I'd figured it would be this, considering this is where the US Dollar is going:

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:08 | 2904647 CPL
CPL's picture

For a penny I can hyperventalate into a paper bag.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 15:21 | 2905197 Lohn Jocke
Lohn Jocke's picture

Too bad that the paper bag is worth more than the penny.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 20:09 | 2905800 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

A nice scotch is worth more than a penny too.

Both the scotch and the paper bag work.   The iBag and iScotch.....not so much.    You don't get what you used to for a penny.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 21:24 | 2905904 dark pools of soros
dark pools of soros's picture

Ivan has risen from $45 to $75 in the last 5 years in PA

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:08 | 2904650 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Still waiting for my accordion app.

How old are you Kaiser?

Old enough to remember when you could read every post and comment on ZH, and still pretend to have a day job.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:10 | 2904658 Desert Irish
Desert Irish's picture

What's a job?

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:38 | 2904784 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Good question. We've just started our latest round of "Job Classification Survey" with the stated goal of "ensuring all employees are fairly compensated."

Meanwhile, it's really going to be about weeding out the expensive employees. Especially ones nearing retirement date.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:49 | 2904831 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

A job is like homework in France, soon to be non-existent.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 16:56 | 2905451 Silver Bully
Silver Bully's picture

'What's a job?'

By 2016, a job is where 300+ million enter, 1 man leave.

Welcome to Bartertown, stranger.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:07 | 2904634 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Beathe deep my pretty sheep.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:27 | 2904729 Drachma
Drachma's picture

For your flesh will be that more fresh

When it's time to dine

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:05 | 2904893 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

The app comes with a complementary chloroform soaked napkin.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:08 | 2904646 Duke of Con Dao
Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:46 | 2904810 BlueCollaredOne
BlueCollaredOne's picture

You're quite possible the weirdest internet troll I've ever seen.

You make inane, poorly edited, video clips that you just randomly link after an equally inane comment. 

Surely you get something out of it, otherwise you wouldn't be wasting your time continuing to do it.  Im having a hard time seeing what that is though.  The fact that you've been here for almost 3 years is strange too.  I can't figure you out Duke. 

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:52 | 2904837 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

A trip to planet Bizarro will reveal all.

(que - play eerie slightly scary music)

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 15:20 | 2905188 silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

cocaine is a helluva drug

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:08 | 2904648 Belarusian Bull
Belarusian Bull's picture

People pay money for it?

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:05 | 2904896 knukles
knukles's picture

I tried to get ladies to pay me to pull on my dinky when I got anxious and that didn't work, either.


Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:10 | 2904656 The big unzip
The big unzip's picture

When there is an app that allows you to shoot yourself when Big Ben is talking,  then I'll get it.  That's an app.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:46 | 2904812 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

When there is an all that allows you to shoot Big Ben...

Fixed it...

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:10 | 2904660 fuu
fuu's picture

I am beginning to believe those devices are eating the brains of the people.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:14 | 2904678 Big Corked Boots
Big Corked Boots's picture

Yup - the social-skills section of grey matter appears to be the tastiest, especially for the young.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:19 | 2904705 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

What tipped you off, the two second attention spans, or the dudes typing and driving with their toes?

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:30 | 2904742 fuu
fuu's picture

The icons look like candy.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:41 | 2904794 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

I thought the most popular app is "Lie With a Straight Face"

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:00 | 2904873 pods
pods's picture

They discontinued that app, as the supply of bankers was impacting their salaries.


Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:19 | 2904703 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

I think its more like hte Moody Blues "Late Lament" ;-).

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:13 | 2904669 Desert Irish
Desert Irish's picture

Fed aint panicking.... all days like this does is make the sheeple clamour for more Fed Twain said "Don't pick fights with people that buy ink by the barrels" hear that market.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:13 | 2904671 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

ZOOSK, bitchez!

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:14 | 2904673 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Hey Bernanke... I have a 'breathe' APP made specially for you...

It's called a DUTCH OVEN


Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:54 | 2904848 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

When you're in a snowball fight, make sure you're throwin' them, not passing them.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:35 | 2904680 El Viejo
El Viejo's picture

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm an



Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:08 | 2904902 knukles
knukles's picture


I thought it was a ruse!?!?!?!?!



(seriously depressed, soft whimpering sounds...)

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:31 | 2904978 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Unemployed misery loves company.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:58 | 2905102 El Viejo
El Viejo's picture

Fine print humor.  (Alfred Hitchcock-esk)

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:15 | 2904681 Darkness
Darkness's picture

This is awesome. 

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:15 | 2904683 nmewn
nmewn's picture


At least its not porn ;-)

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:16 | 2904691 Village Smithy
Village Smithy's picture

OT but I'm lovin the fact that Tyler didn't even bother to waste even the slightest bit of bandwidth on the Existing Home Sales number this AM.  I'm sure it was on purpose, he has drawn his line in the sand.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:17 | 2904692 SDRII
SDRII's picture

Doctors remove dildo from Chinese man's intestines



Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:09 | 2904908 BandGap
BandGap's picture

That's 9" for those of you playing at home.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:17 | 2904695 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

Predict green by 4 pm as the algos rush back to VWAP.  Not hard to foresee.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:29 | 2904707 El Viejo
El Viejo's picture

Buy the manufactured Dip. As in buy the FAUX Rally II.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:19 | 2904702 905ozs
905ozs's picture

@ZH There are many twat comments here, but most are comical & knowledgable.
:) thankyou all

Meanwhile; fiat death, proper warIII breaking out, a "NWO" seemingly assured with centralized everything, a sheeple blissfully waiting to be culled.

And so we sit.

.......but we continue to discuss & live the unreality that presumes "this" will still exist in the future.

Blame the Americans for not seeing the obvious & letting Ron Paul get slapped down, ditto the rest of the World.

Blame the Us...the "knowing" for Our sanctimoniousness in action. 

Blame, most of all, that Few Elite... that have set this up and have been profiting for centuries from killing us & centralizing whatever they can.

....of course, around 1890 they understood a World BIS fiat was the key. Ww3 should clinch it...

Bahh bahh, & so we sit.

But keep the humour going right?

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:35 | 2904767 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Hungover ?

Grab a little laughter while you can.

Our future is beyond grim, actively fighting the PTB or not .

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:56 | 2904856 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

What a doofus that turd is. So I guess we're all supposed to sit around morosely and squirt tears into our faux beer. Grow a pair knucklehead.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:21 | 2904710 Whalley World
Whalley World's picture

To calm down the nerves, I use BeatOff!

Works every time.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:26 | 2904726 youngman
youngman's picture

Do they hava an APP that plays TAPS

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:32 | 2904745 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Isn't there a drug for that? We are nation of made up of retards Who create our own anxieties.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:32 | 2904753 venturen
venturen's picture

I thought the the FED's App was IPRINT!

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:32 | 2904755 AldoHux_IV
AldoHux_IV's picture

Yes. Everything about that screenshot. Yes.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:34 | 2904762 zebra
zebra's picture

you are wrong. it is the iPrint that the Fed download the most.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:35 | 2904772 TideFighter
TideFighter's picture

Why is everybody heading for the showers?  

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:57 | 2904862 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

They heard Jerry Sandusky is dropping by with a few of his little friends.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:17 | 2904934 walküre
walküre's picture


Fri, 10/19/2012 - 17:45 | 2905557 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Oh, you people are really sick. I meant he would drop by with all his little friends, the dwarfs.

You folks should really stop visiting sites like NAMBLA, the Boy Scouts, and My Little Peter Pumpkin Eater.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:37 | 2904775 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

Oh GOODY. Bob Piss-ani is on CNBS with Art Cashin. I can't wait to hear his wortless ass talk about earnings beats! Piss-ani you moron! He will ignore that question like the plague, and jump on the bear bandwagon!

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:37 | 2904783 max2205
max2205's picture

Ben's just waking up after his massage....get ready to buy exiring out of the money calls boyzzzz

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:39 | 2904786 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

What about an app that prints money?

In other news...

The fake ass unemployment numbers last week? Made up by Obama donor! And yes, it was California's numbers.

Calif. official whose agency under-reported unemployment stats was Obama campaign donor

North Korea threatens 'merciless strike' against the south

The Korean People's Army (KPA) vowed to initiate the strike if a group of North Korean defectors now living in the South went ahead with plans to scatter propaganda leaflets next Monday from balloons floated over the border.

Russia to Target Turkey with anti-Aircraft Missiles

Iraq Intends to Deploy Troops in Kurdistan to Stop Turkey’s Military Operations

Turkey retaliates after shells fired from Syria - state TV

8 Dead, 78 Hurt as Powerful Car Bomb Hits near Ashrafiyeh's Sassine Square

A powerful car bomb on Friday rocked a street adjacent to Sassine Square in Ashrafiyeh, leaving eight people dead and 78 people wounded, in the first such attack in the Lebanese capital since 2008, state-run National News Agency reported.

How the Democratic Base Could Lose This Election for Obama

"President Obama is prepared to veto legislation to block year-end tax hikes and spending cuts, collectively known as the 'fiscal cliff,' unless Republicans bow to his demand to raise tax rates for the wealthy, administration officials said." So reported the Washington Post on Thursday.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:38 | 2904788 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture





4 Lines





Fri, 10/19/2012 - 17:40 | 2905544 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

Just as it's not the same "white powder" that caused problems for the US Postal Service some years ago . . . . . . .

My colleagues would recomment ciprofloxacin 750mg bd in such an instance (and you'd better hope the contents weren't "engineered" for pan-resistance a la the well-reported Russian Plague "experiment"!)

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:43 | 2904801 Gief Gold Plox
Gief Gold Plox's picture

Additionally I'm eagerly awaiting the walking app for my phone. I've been finding it increasingly difficult to remember the sequence of putting one fucking leg in front of the other.


Sat, 10/20/2012 - 07:40 | 2906159 homme
homme's picture

Same here- but only when I chew gum.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:57 | 2904817 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

Late Lament

(Graeme Edge)

Breathe deep the gathering gloom,

Watch lights fade from every room.

Bedsitter people look back and lament,

Another day's useless energy spent.

Impassioned lovers wrestle as one,

Lonely man cries for love and has none.

New mother picks up and suckles her son,

Senior citizens wish they were young.

Cold hearted orb that rules the night,

Removes the colours from our sight.

Red is grey and yellow white,

But we decide which is right.

And which is an illusion.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:49 | 2904833 walküre
walküre's picture

Wha' happen????

cue .. deer in headlights

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:51 | 2904838 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

Isn't this about the time ...


1. Hilsenrath has some tweet about the Fed.

2. Someone comes on CNBC complains about short ETF's.

3. CNBC ... We are going to close well off the lows.



Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:57 | 2904858 JenkinsLane
JenkinsLane's picture

Fucking great!

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:02 | 2904883 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

If you think our central planners are going to let this selloff get out of control you underestimate our fearless controllers.  

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:09 | 2904909 AnAnonymous
AnAnonymous's picture

Could be. 'American' economics is all about consumption and such apps could be. Consuming just for the sake of consuming.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:15 | 2904928 905ozs
905ozs's picture

Nations the US government has (officially) bombed since WW2. Korea and China 1950-53 (Korean War) Guatemala 1954 Indonesia 1958 Cuba 1959-1961 Guatemala 1960 Congo 1964 Laos 1964-73 Vietnam 1961-73 Cambodia 1969-70 Guatemala 1967-69 Grenada 1983 Lebanon 1983, 1984 (both Lebanese and Syrian targets) Libya 1986 El Salvador 1980s Nicaragua 1980s Iran 1987 Panama 1989 Iraq 1991 (Persian Gulf War) Kuwait 1991 Somalia 1993 Bosnia 1994, 1995 Sudan 1998 Afghanistan 1998 Yugoslavia 1999 Yemen 2002 Iraq 1991-2003 (US/UK on regular basis) Iraq 2003-present Afghanistan 2001-present Pakistan 2007-present Somalia 2007-8, 2011 Yemen 2009, 2011 Libya 2011....etc, 350 million souls killed in the 20thC via war, most civilians.

And so we sit waiting to be culled.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:49 | 2905064 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Maybe God will send an asteroid the size of Texas to slam into the Earth on Dec. 12, 2012 and then we'll really have a reason to lament.

Definitely a big culling operation, but whom do we blame?

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 17:37 | 2905538 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

An impact by a massive object the size of Texas (travelling at, say Mach 12 on impact) would be a planetary cauterising event. Life (including microbial life) would be eliminated and we'd be back to a Venus-like environment for quite some time.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 17:44 | 2905553 ersatzteil
ersatzteil's picture

Preferably a gold asteroid to pay off the derivatives market! Unless some other lifeforms beat us to it and it turns out to be gold-plated tungsten...

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 15:25 | 2905212 silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

ah hahahahahaha ha. NOT! ITs like local news today on ZH. 'And Martha has been knitting her own tampons for over 47 years now."

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 19:04 | 2905706 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

NEWSFLASH - I never saw anyone ever panic at the Fed....   The upper level execs are too damn arrogant to EVER think they might be wrong - hell, they don't even know or understand what the hell is going on around them.  You see the underlings keep the bubble going - I spent years backing onto one number a CVP read wrong, could justify that number no matter what was going on or what changed.  At higher levels the mathmatical gymnastics are amazing.  It's all about supporting foregone conclusions (pulled from God knows where).

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 19:15 | 2905723 resurger
resurger's picture


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