The Full Obama/Romney Roast Speeches: "What Are We Doing Here?"

Tyler Durden's picture


It's the anniversary of the 1987 crash. It's a Friday 'after' another failed EU Summit. The Dow is down 200pts. You are not buying the dip. So enjoy the full Romney vs Obama roast from last night in all its honest truthiness.


Romney's Address:


Obama's Rebuttal:

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Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:17 | 2904929 redpill
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Cuz the state of our country right now is just sssooooo fuckin funny, right boys?



'When four Americans get killed, it's not optimal.'




Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:22 | 2904949 ACP
ACP's picture
'My son is not very optimal - he is very dead': Mother of diplomat killed in Benghazi attack
Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:38 | 2905016 BKbroiler
BKbroiler's picture

Whatever, the video is funny.  Get a sense of humor folks, we're stuck with one of em for a while.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:44 | 2905045 sdmjake
sdmjake's picture

Actually the videos are a hell of a lot funnier , and more informative, than the debates!

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:47 | 2905058 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Bow-tied Buffanoonery...the best Stand-up money, er, Lobbyists can buy!

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:48 | 2905063 malikai
malikai's picture

I found it sickening because I know idiots are eating that pomp bullshit right up.

Those are our owners at that dinner. Smiling, laughing, joking about how stupid we are.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:59 | 2905110 koncaswatch
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"our owners at that dinner"

Oh, were the Ashkenazi invited?

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 15:55 | 2905297 piceridu
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Making jokes as what was once the finest country in the world many poor folk that the Church helps were in attendance? The Church always helping as a partner in the ponzi's bread and circus...It just makes me fucking sick. The Catholic Church is one one the richest entities and is one of the top property owners in the world...they make AAPL look like pikers. The partnership of these elites and the Church goes back centuries because one can't live without the other.  

If hypocrisy was the drink being poured at this event, everyone would be smashed off their rockers. They drink this shit in, they joke, laugh, gorge themselves and kiss each other's asses. while the young (poor) kids  and innocent citizens 7000 miles away in illegal, immoral, unjustified wars are dying or getting their arms and legs blown off;  And the "Free" Press? Fucking shills with their tongues up the asses of campaign heads and party loyals so they can get the best seats at the banquet and get a ride on the tax paper funded Air Force One eating caviar and sucking politico's dicks. Just makes me fucking ill.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 21:09 | 2905883 ACP
ACP's picture

I'll have to admit the videos were funny......I didn't think Romney would have the great timing and speaking rhythm that he had. A couple times, he did that subtle deadpan thing, where you pause for 2 seconds to let what he said sink in, like the "Of course we're down to the final months of the President's term..." comment. That was great. He does, clean, non-alcoholic humor quite well.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:51 | 2905074 Larry Dallas
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I really hope every and any military or armed forces vetran, spouse, mother, father, brother, sister, and "bruncle" remembers this on Election Day.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:20 | 2904940 nmewn
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"President Obama and I are each very lucky to have one person who's always in our corner. Someone who we can lean on and is someone who is a comforting presence without whom we wouldn't be able to go another day. I have my beautiful wife, Ann, and he has Bill Clinton." — Romney

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 15:13 | 2904972 Temporalist
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Would have been just as apropos if he'd said Chris Matthews, Bernanke, Soros, Buffet/Munger, Corzine...  That reminds me - Free Corzine!

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 15:40 | 2905258 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Matthews was caught masturbating when Obama was speaking

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 16:00 | 2905312 Carl Spackler
Carl Spackler's picture

So THAT explains the feeling Matthews gets on his leg when he watches Obama!

I get it, now.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 19:23 | 2905739 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Unrepentant spankaholic.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 19:57 | 2905785 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

Assuming Matthews has balls and a penis which I have my doubts. I'll be the sexist and say that woman get that thrill up their leg.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 19:27 | 2905745 grunk
grunk's picture

Masturbation is a sin.

I'm going to put a confessional on speed dial.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 21:18 | 2905895 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Just go to the confessional. You might someone to spell ya for a bit.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:20 | 2904941 Squid Vicious
Squid Vicious's picture

no, thanks...

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:21 | 2904947 CPL
CPL's picture







Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:21 | 2904943 Pinktip
Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:59 | 2905111 sdmjake
Fri, 10/19/2012 - 15:00 | 2905112 sdmjake
sdmjake's picture

I liked this picture from outside the event...

 damn discount double click...sorry!

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 18:28 | 2905657 Redhotfill
Redhotfill's picture

Should have had them on leashes not chains

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 15:22 | 2905179 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

One of those two apparently doesn't get The Jeffersons was Blaxploitation.

There is only one type of collar that is appropriate for full evening dress.  The stud set is also wrong.

It's sad comment on the effectiveness of the War for Black Poverty and against Black Churches.


Fri, 10/19/2012 - 15:29 | 2905231 Urban Redneck
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And it is pretty damn pathetic that the mega-millionaire with the privileged up-brining is using an adjustable clip on, instead of a properly sized tie, it's not like can't afford a couple hundred bucks or wasn't taught how to tie them.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 20:10 | 2905806 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

Urban Redneck

"There is only one type of collar that is appropriate for full evening dress.  The stud set is also wrong. It's sad comment on the effectiveness of the War for Black Poverty and against Black Churches.

It's sad comment on the effectiveness of the War for Black Poverty and against Black Churches." And it is pretty damn pathetic that the mega-millionaire with the privileged up-brining is using an adjustable clip on, instead of a properly sized tie, it's not like can't afford a couple hundred bucks or wasn't taught how to tie them."



First off, it is not the collar they were that concerns them (either party). It is the collar you and I wear.

The sad commentary is not the war on specific groups such as black poverty or black churches. In an unbiased, unracist society, black would have nothing to do with it. In other words, it would be a war on poverty and churches. The truly sad part is that there would be a war or perceived war at all. 


It is much like the war on drugs - a complete failure. I am against drug use. But I am also against government wasting our tax payer money on fruitless intervention. At some point one has to realize that you can't save everyone and that some people will choose to fall through the cracks in society. I know, I am heartless. But those that don't see that are only kidding themselves and won't change their minds until the country faces real bankruptcy and it directly effects them personally. Quite frankly, why would one be discussing to irrelevant such as their tie when the the real issue is the tie that is put on us?


Sat, 10/20/2012 - 07:06 | 2906154 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

The tie is a metaphor for taking the easy way out.  
The longer an untenable position is maintained and the inevitable is postponed, the more radical the intervention must be, or the more severe the reversion will be. I don't expect honesty out of politicians, but when the closest thing to even basic innovation that his policy scribes have demonstrated is capping deductions, there is no sane argument for a pivot to a successful policy solution- if only the election is resolved in favor of allowing the same team to develop actual policies.
A long time ago I went to work for someone, who opened doors and provided me the opportunity to learn and grow my experiences. Years later I went to work with an international group that provided me the a greatly expanded scale and scope of opportunity. Now people go work for me, and I try to provide them the opportunity to teach themselves and grow their experiences.
When I look back at the country I left- I see only pockets of opportunity remaining under the suffocating burden of the State and Central Bank. The eventual result is a forgone conclusion. Politicians continue to seek the easy path, instead of a solution. It is no different than a charred corpse with pockets of skin, it may still have a pulse, but that doesn't change the fact that it is already dead, and merely waiting to be put out of its misery.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 19:38 | 2905759 Whiner
Whiner's picture

Michele was at The Louis Farakahn Dinner for orphaned jihadists.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:22 | 2904945 Victorio
Victorio's picture

You used the words honest truthiness and Obamney in the same sentence.  wow.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:22 | 2904948 Cone of Uncertainty
Cone of Uncertainty's picture

Fucking maniac cocksuckers laughing about 16T of fiat that will never be paid back and which is going to bring forth absolute misery upon every man, women, and child in this country.

Obama you filthy fucking bitch.

Romney you smegma licking rat bastard.



Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:31 | 2904984 redpill
redpill's picture

So you're saying you're upset you can't vote for both of them?

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 19:00 | 2905698 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

[rim shot]

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:22 | 2904951 CunnyFunt
CunnyFunt's picture

Kiss the rings first ... "Mayor Bloomberg, Senator Schumer"

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:26 | 2904955 LouisDega
LouisDega's picture

Where the fuck is Henny Youngman and Don Rickels when you need them?

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:52 | 2905080 Motorhead
Motorhead's picture

Those roasts were fucking kick-ass!

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:28 | 2904969 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

To repeat-       Scope and Range.



Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:32 | 2904989 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

Could be the move down that has been long over due.  No more QE infinity, no more BS government stats or higher earnings/lower revenue reports from the SP500.


Primary wave 3 down.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:34 | 2904996 l1b3rty
l1b3rty's picture

The Presidential Campaign Needs A-List Actors, not B.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:40 | 2905027 PUD
PUD's picture

Romney said "we are all under the same god"....I ask..which one is that? Zeus? Fortuna? The Monkey god?  Anyone who would support a man who publicly believes in the garden of eden in missouri, golden plates, flying angels, inherited planets when you die and magic underwear too insane, delusional or psychotic to be allowed to vote..Romney is a very dangerous man. Bad enough we have Obammy the tool but to have a delusional cleric as top shit head is a recipe for certain doom

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:49 | 2905071 Gert_B_Frobe
Gert_B_Frobe's picture

Careful. Your blasphomous ranting may spark another Ambassador's death.

Ehh, nevermind. No one will give two squats about any non-optimal deaths. Carry on.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 19:13 | 2905506 notbot
notbot's picture

PUD...How does the gist of what you said not apply to ANYONE who believes in ANY religion?   Full disclosure, I'm a Mormon (but support Ron Paul, not Romney), and the way you single out Mormonism shows either ignorance of other religions or bigotry of Mormons.  Fine if you don't believe in religion, I don't care, but what you said seems like you implied it was only Mormons:

  • Many religious theologies refer to angels. At least three of the largest religions in the world believe that angels have visited people at some point (Islam, Christianity, Judaism). That's hardly unique to Mormons.. 
  • The underwear aren't magic, they are a reminder that underneath everything else, you are a Christian who has made covenants to try to live a good life.  We don't always succeed, but should try.  It's the first thing you put on, physically and symbolically.  Remembering this "keeps you safe" similar to when your mom used to say "remember who you are" as you walked out the door when you were a teenager.  There isn't anything magic about it. And we certainly aren't the only religion that wears clothing that has religious significance (Jews). 
  • Gold plates - nothing to do with the metal, other than it's mallable to engrave and more durable than papyrus for ancient people to write on.  No blogs back then.
  • Garden of Eden in Missouri - so not important to anything.  Such a minor point in the footnote of Mormon theology.  All Chrisitians and Jews believe in the GofE to some extent.  So one leader in the 1800's said he had inspiration as to it's location.  Either it existed or not...who cares where.  Mormons don''s so minor.  Our theology is about the core of what the Bible teaches.
  • Inherit the earth.  Hard to explain to someone outside our faith, I admit.  But either there is a God or there isn't.  Either there is life after death, or there isn't.  If there is a God, and he has revealed things to prophets (which again, many of the major religions believe), then somethings might be new and sound the world going to have massive wars that nearly bring about the end of civilization, like prophesied in Revelations?  Sounds crazy, unless you have followed the thought experiment through on where fiat currencies are leading us.  Could it be that God revealed other things that really will be? By the way, this comes in part from the Bible (sermon on the mount): "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."  

I guess it boils down to whether or not you believe in God, and whether or not you believe God can know of things to come and communicates that to people.  I'm not going to try to persuade you it's correct, but I don't think singling out Mormons is anything but bigotry.


Fri, 10/19/2012 - 23:22 | 2906011 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

Ether 7, Verse 5, Book of Mormon:


And when he had gathered together an army he came up unto the land of MORON.....


Think about it for a minute, let it sink in.........

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 15:22 | 2905199 Squid Vicious
Squid Vicious's picture

you forgot the magic hat and magic stones wich were used to decipher the Golden a career huckster/charlatan, but Romney's a very, very smart guy, they say...

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:40 | 2905028 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

The parting gift that evening was an altar boy for each guest.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:45 | 2905051 Squid Vicious
Squid Vicious's picture

circuit breakers off ... perfect time for a flash crash... and this time we're not bouncing back

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:47 | 2905061 NewWorldOrange
NewWorldOrange's picture

"You are not buying the dip."

Speak for yourselves. Been BTFD all year. Up over 40% YTD on that account.

Can't never could. Adapt. Or whine like a brokedick.

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:57 | 2905091 SeanJKerrigan
SeanJKerrigan's picture

As a loyal Catholic, I have to say, this disgust me.


They claim to be a moral institution, a gadfly on the national consciousness that views power with suspicion and demands justice for the oppressed, but they fall into the same traps as other “liberal” institutions. They are completely incapable of thinking independently. Hosting this war criminal (and aspiring war criminal) is further proof.

Their moderate tone of reasoned appeal betrays their bias favoring a corrupt elite. Instead of condemning them with a vitriol that comes naturally to those who understand evil, these wannabe power players fake concern. No one who understands the extent of this corruption can comment without regularly using terms like traitor, puppet, liar and oligarch.

Their failure to challenge the status quo is nothing new to us Catholics, who’ve been forced to observe thousands of homilies (sermons) on the nature of the Holy Spirit or letting God into our lives, but never, ever challenges the individual to do something in constructive defiance to power.

The passivity of the Church stands in stark contrast to Jesus himself, who was a true antagonist. In the Bible, Jesus says, ”Do you suppose that I am here to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division.” His plan is to force people to address the injustices which are so prevalent in society. The Bible continues:

“He said again to the crowds, ‘When you see a cloud looming up in the west you say at once that rain is coming, and so it does. And when the wind is from the south you say it’s going to be hot, and it is.

Hypocrites! You know how to interpret the face of the earth and the sky. How is it you do not know how to interpret these times?”

Indeed, the writing is on the wall, and yet the Church does nothing. Their silence is an embarrassment for those of us who still care about the Church as a vehicle for justice. Perhaps they fear that a greater condemnation would jeopardize their tax exempt status. If so, then they are even more damned than I thought.


Fri, 10/19/2012 - 14:58 | 2905105 PUD
PUD's picture

"jesus" never "said" anything. nor did he ever write anything. all that is attributed to him was written by unknown delusional men decades and centuries after the supposed "jesus"...that is fact jack

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 15:00 | 2905116 SeanJKerrigan
SeanJKerrigan's picture

Perhaps you'd prefer Martain Luther King Jr then, who said the same thing?

Whether you believe in the person or rather a conglomerate of ideas, facing evil head on instead of praising a "false peace" is a fundamental element of most major religions. Something the establishement actively avoids at all cost. Their goal is to supress rather than to address problems.

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