230 Hedge Funds Suddenly Cried Out In Terror And Were Suddenly Silenced

Tyler Durden's picture

A week after the second most populous hedge fund hotel, Google, blew up, it is now time for good ole' Hotel Caaplefornia itself. The HF holders table below is presented without comment (as we have said all there is to say many times). Remember: orderly, cool, calm, collected single file procession through the tight exit: and nobody panic!

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IMA5U's picture

They are going to make like Ahnold in Predator and Get to the Choppa!!!

aint no fortunate son's picture

I'm sure its all priced in lol!

philipat's picture

And there are people still prepared to pay 2/20 for this brilliant strategy??

CPL's picture

230 enter...none will leave. 

HungryPorkChop's picture

Hotel California with pink champagne on ice.  They stab it with their steely knives but just can't kill the beast.

Iwanttoknow's picture

Why the beast and stabbing?What does it hint at?

ACP's picture

McCoy: "What is it Spock? Are you in pain?"

Spock: "They're dead, they're all dead..."

Fredo Corleone's picture

Well done. It is clear that Tyler and others know their "Star Trek."

Watch out for that amoeba.

Jay Gould Esq.'s picture

"Apple shareholders -- dey ver skint alive !"

ebworthen's picture

"At least now young gang members won't get their hands on these terrible instruments of death."


john39's picture

yes, but what's important is that the sheeple believe it to be true...

NotApplicable's picture

Not even that. They only need believe it plausible (which has supplanted the standard of truth).

Because, you see, what if it IS true??? OMG!!!

Salt's picture

Join the government military and get their hands on some really neat stuff. Then go overseas and kill people.

VonManstein's picture

NQ 1.6% down! violence ahead!

TruthInSunshine's picture

Someone get me Hank Paulson!

There's going to be riots, tanks in the streets, martial law, mutant communicable diseases, giant flaming asteroids & Godzilla-Mothra, bitchez!!



Temporis's picture

Buy Crapple fanboys BUY!!!


CPL's picture

It's going under, options are blowing up all over that piece of shit.

ebworthen's picture

Giant flaming Godzilla Hemorrhoids!

iBonds! stat!

Give an iSomething to the poor and downtrodden!

Buy iBonds today!

0.01% Yield!

helping_friendly_book's picture

Your killing me!

I sharted I was laughin' so hard!

EscapeKey's picture

Look at that prozac headline on Marketwatch.

"Apple earnings jump 24%".

RopeADope's picture

Or the CNBC sheeple herder headline.


"Apple revenue meets forecasts, shares rise"


Somehow I think that sheeple buying will not be enough to offset all the hedge funds selling.

slaughterer's picture

Unhalt the shares quick.  Those 230 HFs want to get out!  lol.

EscapeKey's picture

Don't worry. The already filled your pension funds order.

Winston Churchill's picture

Be careful ,that door is an empty elevator shaft.

TruthInSunshine's picture

Welcome to the Hotel Cupertino.


Last thing I remember, leveraged hedge funds & calPERS
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To where reality, not cyber-farms, were before
"Relax, " said The Bernank,
"We are programmed to deceive.
You'll think you can check-out any time you like,
But so long as I have my CTRL+P, you bitchez can never leave! "


FRIEND: so have you decided what you are going to do about the websites?
ZUCK: yea i’m going to fuck them
ZUCK: probably in the year
ZUCK: yea so if you ever need info about anyone at harvard
ZUCK: just ask
ZUCK: i have over 4000 emails, pictures, addresses, sns
FRIEND: what!? how’d you manage that one?
ZUCK: people just submitted it
ZUCK: i don’t know why
ZUCK: they “trust me”
ZUCK: dumb fucks


Buy the DIP!!!!!!!!!!!

EscapeKey's picture

The only dip I'll buy is the spicy salsa.

tawse57's picture

Apple can now only increase sales and profits by their obedient slave fanboys selling their 6 month 'old' ipads in order to be able to afford new smaller ipads.

SmoothCoolSmoke's picture

" all I know is the Dow is still above 13,000..."

Dennis Kneale, Fox Business News

Looks to be a rough night ahead for Mr. Kneale. 

Kaiser Sousa's picture

and the dow was down all day then jumped up positive n the last 30 minutes....

i was watching Fox when that asshole made that statment about a month ago...

wanted to reach thru the tv and bitch slap that stupid ass grin off his face....



Jacque Itch's picture

Not so fast there chief.  Da Boyz ramped AMZN from -$18 to -$1 AH.  crAPPL should be even easier.


Jacque Itch's picture

It took 9 minutes for them to get it positive AH.  These criminals are persistent and won't be denied, bitchez.

Martdin's picture

We'll see... If this thing is higher next week then I might aswell start believing in unicorns and magical pixies.

Dr. Engali's picture

Apple at 595 I'll bet the robots ramp it above 600 before the market opens.

slaughterer's picture

AAPL earnings --------> iFucked.  

walküre's picture

you bought the dip a few weeks back.

are you not at least a little tempted now?

ebworthen's picture

What's with all this "trading halted" crap?

If it was a market trading would never be halted barring a bomb in the building.

jerry_theking_lawler's picture

well, duh! everyone knows they have to get on the bat phone and call up the bernank to give a little warning....it takes time to warm up the presses.

VonManstein's picture


imapedestrian's picture

I love my 1/31/2014 $350 Puts.

It is my first experience on the shortside...and I like it!