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230 Hedge Funds Suddenly Cried Out In Terror And Were Suddenly Silenced

Tyler Durden's picture




 

A week after the second most populous hedge fund hotel, Google, blew up, it is now time for good ole' Hotel Caaplefornia itself. The HF holders table below is presented without comment (as we have said all there is to say many times). Remember: orderly, cool, calm, collected single file procession through the tight exit: and nobody panic!

 

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Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:47 | 2919681 IMA5U
IMA5U's picture

They are going to make like Ahnold in Predator and Get to the Choppa!!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:57 | 2919756 aint no fortuna...
aint no fortunate son's picture

I'm sure its all priced in lol!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:04 | 2919793 malikai
malikai's picture

Player 2 Wins.

Brutality

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:07 | 2919798 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Oops. Sorry Lemmings!  Margin call gentlemen.

 

http://www.hark.com/clips/gvkmhgbgcf-turn-those-machines-back-on

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:20 | 2919861 Lohn Jocke
Lohn Jocke's picture

GET TO THE STRIKE PRICE!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 21:54 | 2920436 philipat
philipat's picture

And there are people still prepared to pay 2/20 for this brilliant strategy??

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:57 | 2919757 CPL
CPL's picture

230 enter...none will leave. 

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:00 | 2919775 HungryPorkChop
HungryPorkChop's picture

Hotel California with pink champagne on ice.  They stab it with their steely knives but just can't kill the beast.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 00:00 | 2920637 Iwanttoknow
Iwanttoknow's picture

Why the beast and stabbing?What does it hint at?

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 02:54 | 2920801 Orly
Orly's picture

Heroin abuse.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:01 | 2919770 ACP
ACP's picture

McCoy: "What is it Spock? Are you in pain?"

Spock: "They're dead, they're all dead..."

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 18:49 | 2920039 Fredo Corleone
Fredo Corleone's picture

Well done. It is clear that Tyler and others know their "Star Trek."

Watch out for that amoeba.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 18:08 | 2919979 Uchtdorf
Uchtdorf's picture

Oh, craap(le)

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 19:05 | 2920111 Jay Gould Esq.
Jay Gould Esq.'s picture

"Apple shareholders -- dey ver skint alive !"

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:51 | 2919705 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"At least now young gang members won't get their hands on these terrible instruments of death."

Um...right.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:14 | 2919827 john39
john39's picture

yes, but what's important is that the sheeple believe it to be true...

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:49 | 2919945 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Not even that. They only need believe it plausible (which has supplanted the standard of truth).

Because, you see, what if it IS true??? OMG!!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:30 | 2919897 Salt
Salt's picture

Join the government military and get their hands on some really neat stuff. Then go overseas and kill people.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:48 | 2919689 VonManstein
VonManstein's picture

NQ 1.6% down! violence ahead!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:50 | 2919696 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Someone get me Hank Paulson!

There's going to be riots, tanks in the streets, martial law, mutant communicable diseases, giant flaming asteroids & Godzilla-Mothra, bitchez!!

 

MORE TARPQEEEEEETALFEBTRECOVERYACTPRIMETHEPUMPSTIMULUSSSSSBITCHEZZZ!!!!!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:56 | 2919743 Temporis
Temporis's picture

Buy Crapple fanboys BUY!!!

MUST STAY ABOVE 600!!!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:11 | 2919815 CPL
CPL's picture

It's going under, options are blowing up all over that piece of shit.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:09 | 2919801 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Giant flaming Godzilla Hemorrhoids!

iBonds! stat!

Give an iSomething to the poor and downtrodden!

Buy iBonds today!

0.01% Yield!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 21:22 | 2920369 helping_friendl...
helping_friendly_book's picture

Your killing me!

I sharted I was laughin' so hard!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:48 | 2919690 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

iDeer, bitchez.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:48 | 2919693 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

Look at that prozac headline on Marketwatch.

"Apple earnings jump 24%".

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:53 | 2919718 RopeADope
RopeADope's picture

Or the CNBC sheeple herder headline.

 

"Apple revenue meets forecasts, shares rise"

 

Somehow I think that sheeple buying will not be enough to offset all the hedge funds selling.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:49 | 2919695 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Unhalt the shares quick.  Those 230 HFs want to get out!  lol.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:51 | 2919707 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

Don't worry. The already filled your pension funds order.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:53 | 2919724 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Be careful ,that door is an empty elevator shaft.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:59 | 2919738 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Welcome to the Hotel Cupertino.

 

Last thing I remember, leveraged hedge funds & calPERS
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To where reality, not cyber-farms, were before
"Relax, " said The Bernank,
"We are programmed to deceive.
You'll think you can check-out any time you like,
But so long as I have my CTRL+P, you bitchez can never leave! "

 

FRIEND: so have you decided what you are going to do about the websites?
ZUCK: yea i’m going to fuck them
ZUCK: probably in the year
ZUCK: yea so if you ever need info about anyone at harvard
ZUCK: just ask
ZUCK: i have over 4000 emails, pictures, addresses, sns
FRIEND: what!? how’d you manage that one?
ZUCK: people just submitted it
ZUCK: i don’t know why
ZUCK: they “trust me”
ZUCK: dumb fucks

 

Buy the DIP!!!!!!!!!!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:02 | 2919785 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

The only dip I'll buy is the spicy salsa.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 18:14 | 2919997 11b40
11b40's picture

Where is Reggie?

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:50 | 2919697 tawse57
tawse57's picture

Apple can now only increase sales and profits by their obedient slave fanboys selling their 6 month 'old' ipads in order to be able to afford new smaller ipads.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:50 | 2919698 SmoothCoolSmoke
SmoothCoolSmoke's picture

" all I know is the Dow is still above 13,000..."

Dennis Kneale, Fox Business News

Looks to be a rough night ahead for Mr. Kneale. 

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:53 | 2919723 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

and the dow was down all day then jumped up positive n the last 30 minutes....

i was watching Fox when that asshole made that statment about a month ago...

wanted to reach thru the tv and bitch slap that stupid ass grin off his face....

 

BUY MORE STOCKS MUPPETS!!!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:50 | 2919699 Martdin
Martdin's picture

Fucked

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:53 | 2919720 Jacque Itch
Jacque Itch's picture

Not so fast there chief.  Da Boyz ramped AMZN from -$18 to -$1 AH.  crAPPL should be even easier.

 

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:01 | 2919778 Jacque Itch
Jacque Itch's picture

It took 9 minutes for them to get it positive AH.  These criminals are persistent and won't be denied, bitchez.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:11 | 2919816 Martdin
Martdin's picture

We'll see... If this thing is higher next week then I might aswell start believing in unicorns and magical pixies.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:51 | 2919706 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Apple at 595 I'll bet the robots ramp it above 600 before the market opens.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:52 | 2919711 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

AAPL earnings --------> iFucked.  

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:54 | 2919732 Frozen IcQb
Frozen IcQb's picture

iPlunge

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:03 | 2919792 HungryPorkChop
HungryPorkChop's picture

Must be the latest app?

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:08 | 2919807 walküre
walküre's picture

you bought the dip a few weeks back.

are you not at least a little tempted now?

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:52 | 2919714 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

What's with all this "trading halted" crap?

If it was a market trading would never be halted barring a bomb in the building.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 22:37 | 2920521 jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

well, duh! everyone knows they have to get on the bat phone and call up the bernank to give a little warning....it takes time to warm up the presses.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:52 | 2919717 VonManstein
VonManstein's picture

LOL AAPLE IS DETERMINED TBTF AND SO ALGOS BTFD LOL

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:53 | 2919725 imapedestrian
imapedestrian's picture

I love my 1/31/2014 $350 Puts.

It is my first experience on the shortside...and I like it!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:59 | 2919764 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

Not so fast, grasshopper...$607 and rising!!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:03 | 2919791 Frozen IcQb
Frozen IcQb's picture

I would prefer shorting the OTM calls following the algo ramp job.

Moreover, the IV would also be juicier thus better premium.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:53 | 2919726 asteroids
asteroids's picture

Alll things come to an end. Including APPL stupidly high stock price. Now, if the banks or pension funds scream to the FED to save them, well that's another story.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:54 | 2919728 Scalaris
Scalaris's picture

By all means; it's not as if the amount of phones/slightly bigger phones sold globally is finite, or something.

Just fucking merge it with Lockheed already and start making iDrones; we know all know it's coming.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:55 | 2919740 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Covered at $595.20.  Want to stay away from the SHORT whacker algo.  

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:55 | 2919741 RmcAZ
RmcAZ's picture

AAPL "off the lows"... algos defending $600 Maginot Line.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:56 | 2919745 VonManstein
VonManstein's picture

TOTAL RISK ON BUY EVERYTHING

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:57 | 2919746 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

iApologists on CNBC talking about the "cost" of developing the mini-iPad and iPhone 5.

Dudes, this is the most cash flush company on the planet - that is not an excuse for an earnings miss.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:56 | 2919747 Darkness
Darkness's picture

Awesome post.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:56 | 2919748 sbenard
sbenard's picture

Now that's one BAD Apple!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:57 | 2919750 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

The AH ramp job is already underway...$603 and rising...Will open GREEN tomorrow...LOL!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:57 | 2919755 Pantafulius
Pantafulius's picture

And.....almost green.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:58 | 2919758 Anglo Hondo
Anglo Hondo's picture

Damn, AAPL has been Core-zined.  Wait till the pips squeek, just before vaporization.

 

 

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:58 | 2919762 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Crossed 200 DMA to the downside, it can't be!

The Titanic is unsinkable!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:59 | 2919763 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Is it GREEN yet?  Lol.  Potter working overtime tonight.  

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:03 | 2919773 Ineverslice
Ineverslice's picture

 

iRigged

green!

amzn, green            cancel choppa.

 

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:20 | 2919858 Frozen IcQb
Frozen IcQb's picture

iScream

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:00 | 2919768 VonManstein
VonManstein's picture

GOING GREEN LOL MARKETS GOING UPP TOMO LOL

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:00 | 2919771 Conman
Conman's picture

ALL green nothing to seee here - move it along.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:00 | 2919774 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

"Better than the whisper numbers.."

LOL...You cannot make this stuff up...

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:03 | 2919776 GilgalMarkets
GilgalMarkets's picture

is going to burst the iBubble...???? analist are expecting impossible... remember.. real economy never will grow to infinity and beyond permanently..........

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:01 | 2919781 sbenard
sbenard's picture

And the futures are showing that news, data, analysis, etc. are all irrelevant in an era of Fed monetary mayhem!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:03 | 2919790 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

You can't kill this bull with numbers or Arnold clips.  It is all about the money.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:05 | 2919795 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

BUY ALL DIPS, BITCHES!! THE BERNANK PUT IS AS GOOD AS GOLD!!!!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:23 | 2919855 cowdiddly
cowdiddly's picture

The Methedone Market. Until the IV stops trickling 

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:06 | 2919800 SDRII
Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:08 | 2919806 SDRII
SDRII's picture

Bit like Tisch coming on CNBC to say corporates and financials have fixed their balance sheets and consumers likewise. But it is the government that hasn't. The very essence of self delusion

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:09 | 2919809 Racer
Racer's picture

AAPL will be a nice fresh shade of green tomorrow

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:12 | 2919817 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

Help us Steve o Wancaniphone,  your our only hope.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:13 | 2919821 pragmatic hobo
pragmatic hobo's picture

microsoft is third? that's another bloodbath just waiting to happen, at least until balmer is fired.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:20 | 2919859 Orly
Orly's picture

MSFT is the only one on the list that makes any sense.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:21 | 2919831 yogibear
yogibear's picture

When the derivative chains break they will be loud.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:15 | 2919832 Watts_D_Matter
Watts_D_Matter's picture

All I can say is...Apple will prove Newton's Law tomorrow....

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:30 | 2919841 Watts_D_Matter
Watts_D_Matter's picture

 

Steve Jobs is rolling over in his grave right now....

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:17 | 2919844 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

I'd bet Reggie Middleton is Tweeting about this on his Samsung Galaxy III.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:29 | 2919895 Nnthnt1
Nnthnt1's picture

As Einhorn pointed out:

 

AAPL has a higher weighting in the S&P500, so hedge funds are actually underweight AAPL.

The Zerohedge title just looks more sensational.


Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:36 | 2919903 Widowmaker
Widowmaker's picture

Consolidation.

Dead consumer walking.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:43 | 2919928 silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

if you cant lie, deny.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 18:02 | 2919962 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.  Something tells me AAPL will only get one shot.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 19:53 | 2920187 drivenZ
drivenZ's picture

well assuming the same 173 fund managers from Q1 11 still hold Apple I bet they're still quite satisfied with a 70% return in that time period. what has gold done since?

 

crickets.

 

the 5 and 10 year comparisons are exponentially more lopsided. 

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 21:40 | 2920409 Watts_D_Matter
Watts_D_Matter's picture

Are we talking about the re-re-re hypothicated shares the fund managers own?  btw...money mangers are idiots holding that 3% position didnt do much for them overall as their fund underperformed their benchmark and missed out on the fiat bonus....that goes for about the 85% plus of the overpaid schmucks...I mean portfolio managers

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 11:38 | 2921691 drivenZ
drivenZ's picture

what does rehypothecation have to do with this? or are you just repeating ZH buzz words?

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 20:51 | 2920318 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

I hope they lose every fucking dime.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 21:02 | 2920339 chump666
chump666's picture

Predator!!!

Gotta wtach that Friday night + Predators.  Great movies.

market is being flushed out. 

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 22:36 | 2920519 SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture

230 simutaneous get me outs...as in Get Me Out of this stock now! Hehehehehe....

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 07:19 | 2920940 writingsonthewall
writingsonthewall's picture

What makes me laugh is the liquidity number at the end of the table.

 

2 days to liquidate based on CURRENT average volume - what this comforting figure forgets is that if there is a reason to sell - the liquidity will instantly dry up - The volumne would be less than 1 tenth of current volumne - meaning instead of 2 days - it would be 20 days to liquidate.

 

This is why people in business gt it so wrong - they produce a 'number' - then they stake their wealth on this number - regardless of it's relevance.

 

As with everything - the first person to leave is often the ONLY person to leave...

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