230 Hedge Funds Suddenly Cried Out In Terror And Were Suddenly Silenced

Tyler Durden's picture




 

A week after the second most populous hedge fund hotel, Google, blew up, it is now time for good ole' Hotel Caaplefornia itself. The HF holders table below is presented without comment (as we have said all there is to say many times). Remember: orderly, cool, calm, collected single file procession through the tight exit: and nobody panic!

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Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:47 | 2919681 IMA5U
IMA5U's picture

They are going to make like Ahnold in Predator and Get to the Choppa!!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:57 | 2919756 aint no fortuna...
aint no fortunate son's picture

I'm sure its all priced in lol!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:04 | 2919793 malikai
malikai's picture

Player 2 Wins.

Brutality

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:07 | 2919798 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Oops. Sorry Lemmings!  Margin call gentlemen.

 

http://www.hark.com/clips/gvkmhgbgcf-turn-those-machines-back-on

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:20 | 2919861 Lohn Jocke
Lohn Jocke's picture

GET TO THE STRIKE PRICE!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 21:54 | 2920436 philipat
philipat's picture

And there are people still prepared to pay 2/20 for this brilliant strategy??

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:57 | 2919757 CPL
CPL's picture

230 enter...none will leave. 

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:00 | 2919775 HungryPorkChop
HungryPorkChop's picture

Hotel California with pink champagne on ice.  They stab it with their steely knives but just can't kill the beast.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 00:00 | 2920637 Iwanttoknow
Iwanttoknow's picture

Why the beast and stabbing?What does it hint at?

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 02:54 | 2920801 Orly
Orly's picture

Heroin abuse.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:01 | 2919770 ACP
ACP's picture

McCoy: "What is it Spock? Are you in pain?"

Spock: "They're dead, they're all dead..."

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 18:49 | 2920039 Fredo Corleone
Fredo Corleone's picture

Well done. It is clear that Tyler and others know their "Star Trek."

Watch out for that amoeba.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 18:08 | 2919979 Uchtdorf
Uchtdorf's picture

Oh, craap(le)

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 19:05 | 2920111 Jay Gould Esq.
Jay Gould Esq.'s picture

"Apple shareholders -- dey ver skint alive !"

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:51 | 2919705 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"At least now young gang members won't get their hands on these terrible instruments of death."

Um...right.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:14 | 2919827 john39
john39's picture

yes, but what's important is that the sheeple believe it to be true...

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:49 | 2919945 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Not even that. They only need believe it plausible (which has supplanted the standard of truth).

Because, you see, what if it IS true??? OMG!!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:30 | 2919897 Salt
Salt's picture

Join the government military and get their hands on some really neat stuff. Then go overseas and kill people.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:48 | 2919689 VonManstein
VonManstein's picture

NQ 1.6% down! violence ahead!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:50 | 2919696 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Someone get me Hank Paulson!

There's going to be riots, tanks in the streets, martial law, mutant communicable diseases, giant flaming asteroids & Godzilla-Mothra, bitchez!!

 

MORE TARPQEEEEEETALFEBTRECOVERYACTPRIMETHEPUMPSTIMULUSSSSSBITCHEZZZ!!!!!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:56 | 2919743 Temporis
Temporis's picture

Buy Crapple fanboys BUY!!!

MUST STAY ABOVE 600!!!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:11 | 2919815 CPL
CPL's picture

It's going under, options are blowing up all over that piece of shit.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:09 | 2919801 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Giant flaming Godzilla Hemorrhoids!

iBonds! stat!

Give an iSomething to the poor and downtrodden!

Buy iBonds today!

0.01% Yield!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 21:22 | 2920369 helping_friendl...
helping_friendly_book's picture

Your killing me!

I sharted I was laughin' so hard!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:48 | 2919690 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

iDeer, bitchez.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:48 | 2919693 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

Look at that prozac headline on Marketwatch.

"Apple earnings jump 24%".

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:53 | 2919718 RopeADope
RopeADope's picture

Or the CNBC sheeple herder headline.

 

"Apple revenue meets forecasts, shares rise"

 

Somehow I think that sheeple buying will not be enough to offset all the hedge funds selling.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:49 | 2919695 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Unhalt the shares quick.  Those 230 HFs want to get out!  lol.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:51 | 2919707 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

Don't worry. The already filled your pension funds order.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:53 | 2919724 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Be careful ,that door is an empty elevator shaft.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:59 | 2919738 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Welcome to the Hotel Cupertino.

 

Last thing I remember, leveraged hedge funds & calPERS
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To where reality, not cyber-farms, were before
"Relax, " said The Bernank,
"We are programmed to deceive.
You'll think you can check-out any time you like,
But so long as I have my CTRL+P, you bitchez can never leave! "

 

FRIEND: so have you decided what you are going to do about the websites?
ZUCK: yea i’m going to fuck them
ZUCK: probably in the year
ZUCK: yea so if you ever need info about anyone at harvard
ZUCK: just ask
ZUCK: i have over 4000 emails, pictures, addresses, sns
FRIEND: what!? how’d you manage that one?
ZUCK: people just submitted it
ZUCK: i don’t know why
ZUCK: they “trust me”
ZUCK: dumb fucks

 

Buy the DIP!!!!!!!!!!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:02 | 2919785 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

The only dip I'll buy is the spicy salsa.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 18:14 | 2919997 11b40
11b40's picture

Where is Reggie?

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:50 | 2919697 tawse57
tawse57's picture

Apple can now only increase sales and profits by their obedient slave fanboys selling their 6 month 'old' ipads in order to be able to afford new smaller ipads.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:50 | 2919698 SmoothCoolSmoke
SmoothCoolSmoke's picture

" all I know is the Dow is still above 13,000..."

Dennis Kneale, Fox Business News

Looks to be a rough night ahead for Mr. Kneale. 

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:53 | 2919723 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

and the dow was down all day then jumped up positive n the last 30 minutes....

i was watching Fox when that asshole made that statment about a month ago...

wanted to reach thru the tv and bitch slap that stupid ass grin off his face....

 

BUY MORE STOCKS MUPPETS!!!!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:50 | 2919699 Martdin
Martdin's picture

Fucked

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:53 | 2919720 Jacque Itch
Jacque Itch's picture

Not so fast there chief.  Da Boyz ramped AMZN from -$18 to -$1 AH.  crAPPL should be even easier.

 

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:01 | 2919778 Jacque Itch
Jacque Itch's picture

It took 9 minutes for them to get it positive AH.  These criminals are persistent and won't be denied, bitchez.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:11 | 2919816 Martdin
Martdin's picture

We'll see... If this thing is higher next week then I might aswell start believing in unicorns and magical pixies.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:51 | 2919706 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Apple at 595 I'll bet the robots ramp it above 600 before the market opens.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:52 | 2919711 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

AAPL earnings --------> iFucked.  

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:54 | 2919732 Frozen IcQb
Frozen IcQb's picture

iPlunge

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:03 | 2919792 HungryPorkChop
HungryPorkChop's picture

Must be the latest app?

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:08 | 2919807 walküre
walküre's picture

you bought the dip a few weeks back.

are you not at least a little tempted now?

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:52 | 2919714 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

What's with all this "trading halted" crap?

If it was a market trading would never be halted barring a bomb in the building.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 22:37 | 2920521 jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

well, duh! everyone knows they have to get on the bat phone and call up the bernank to give a little warning....it takes time to warm up the presses.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:52 | 2919717 VonManstein
VonManstein's picture

LOL AAPLE IS DETERMINED TBTF AND SO ALGOS BTFD LOL

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 16:53 | 2919725 imapedestrian
imapedestrian's picture

I love my 1/31/2014 $350 Puts.

It is my first experience on the shortside...and I like it!

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