Thursday Tragicomedy: The Zombie A-Cop-alypse Is Coming

Tyler Durden's picture


While everyone (and certainly all those hedge funds who have by now given up on Q4) is watching the sliding market, silently crying inside and mesmerized by Simon Potter's reluctance to bail out "confidence" and all those underwater pension plans, here is a quick glance at what is going on in the real world, courtesy of the New York FBI office.

And to think New York's "finest" had problems when they were merely shooting innocent bystanders...

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Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:01 | 2918730 Arthor Bearing
Arthor Bearing's picture

Why only one officer if it's a conspiracy?

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:07 | 2918761 pods
pods's picture

There were more but he ate the evidence?

Bitchez, it's what's for dinner, bitchez!


Thu, 10/25/2012 - 13:05 | 2918936 knukles
knukles's picture

Now that is seriously funny....

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:08 | 2918769 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

Maybe you read that wrong. 

I think they're saying the FBI *IS* the "conspiracy to kidnap, cook, and eat women."  They arrested that cop as a small part of their nefarious plan.

Someone should do something, now that the FBI has announced its wicked intention.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:11 | 2918786 Arthor Bearing
Arthor Bearing's picture

Of course! 

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:22 | 2918825 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

LOL - green arrow for you!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:23 | 2918830 General Decline
General Decline's picture

Had he been a congressman, senator or any other member of the elite, he would have not been prosecuted due to a religious exemption.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 13:22 | 2918959 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Psychological profiling has consistently revealed major similarities between psychological "makeup" of armed police officers & violent criminals.


Personality traits of armed police and criminals are remarkably similar based on use of the Zuckerman-Kuhlman Personality Questionnaire (ZKPQ), a 30 Item Work Values Inventory, and a multiple-choice sentence completion task.


Separated at Birth?. The Personalities of Armed Police and Criminals
Thu, 10/25/2012 - 13:27 | 2919006 kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

Not to paint with too broad of a brush, but kids who I knew growing up who decided on careers in law enforcement were not exactly the most law abiding among my peers. Quite the opposite, in fact. Just about anyone with whom I have ever shared this observation has a similar one. Add to that the conditioning they receive, both through their training, but then on the job... But again, a broad stroke, and perhaps a bit unfair.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 14:52 | 2919281 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

I'm not in any way claiming that law enforcement officers are inclined to commit crime nor become corrupt at a higher rate than what's prevalent amongst the general population.

I am claiming that there's a credible case to be made that law enforcement officers and criminals share an astounding number of personality traits based on credible psychological studies that have consistently yielded the same net results and conclusions.

Instead of thinking of these results in terms of "police officers are criminals," I find it more accurate to submit something similar to "police officers and criminals both have a similarly & remarkably high inclination to believe that the ends justify the means," or something similar.

This is where we get into the realm of the trampling on of concepts such as "due process" and such.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 15:13 | 2919354 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Confucius say... kid who run fast bound to become police or thief.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 22:32 | 2920296 geekgrrl
geekgrrl's picture

Oh, the irony. Did you see what this man is suggesting?

"The results offer evidence to support the recruitment of certain offenders for active duties within the armed wing of the police service."

He also notes "To use a footballing metaphor, it would be like transferring to a team which, arguably, still enjoys rather more home support. In paying off their debt to society, many ex-offenders will respond positively to the demands of the job and should relate well to their new colleagues."

Ah yes, paying off their debt. Sure, give them a gun and a badge, and have the police unions protect them when then shoot unarmed folks. (although I bet they're already street smart enough to plant a weapon in such a case.) As long as they'll bash the heads of protestors, they'll fit right in with all the neanderthals in blue.

Also, my experience is very similar to kridkrid's. I knew a few guys in high school who wanted to be cops. They were for the most part losers and quasi-criminals, and more than anything wanted to have power over those who in all respects were their superiors.

We are only getting warmed up when it comes to police abuses. Police will be the new warlords when social order breaks down. They will make the gangs look like rank amateurs, and they will outgun anyone who resists.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 13:20 | 2918973 natty light
natty light's picture

So maybe old t-shirt slogan was right: Female Body Inspectors

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 17:20 | 2919857 Jam Akin
Jam Akin's picture

Female Body Ingestors - There, fixed it for ya!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:23 | 2918823's picture


Why only one officer if it's a conspiracy?


There's an APB out on a paralytic septuagenarian in a wheel chair and his horse faced female companion:

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 13:18 | 2918968 pods
pods's picture

I don't know, that guy looks like a real ladykiller.


Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:02 | 2918731 WALLST8MY8BALL
WALLST8MY8BALL's picture

Of course! NY Cops are always looking for a free meal!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:12 | 2918794 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

yep, they're not called pigs for nothing

pass the doughnuts

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:19 | 2918813 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Hey, maybe the Dudley iPad diet wasn't working for him. A man's gotta eat afterall.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:56 | 2918841 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

these trigger-happy Cops weren't suffering from a diet, they clearly had too much energy for the job at hand

it takes incredible skill (cough) to target 1 man and shoot 11 other people incredible failure to success rate everyone would agree!

maybe positive employment discrimination (ie. anyone but a capable white guy) has gone too far in the NYPD, and they sent out the epileptic fit, one-eye-only, shakey finger sufferers crack shooting police unit for this job?

the entire NYPD needs serious target practice and hand-eye co-ordination tests before they slaughter the whole population of NY at their next any-moving-target-is-fair-game shoot out

I'm lookin forward to the rumoured re-make of the Deerhunter by the NYPD, it's called

1 Deer and we shot a racoon, 2 beaver, 3 of our hunting dogs and 5 rookies by mistake

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:02 | 2918739 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

What a shitshow the NYPD has become.


Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:37 | 2918801 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

the State is absolute fucking crap at everything it does

sooner we flush this sick joke the better

Stop Paying Tax ...that's the fast flush, Just Do It

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:42 | 2918866 kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

What % of people would need to be a party to ths in order for it to work?

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 13:01 | 2918911 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

1% ...the people that own small businesses

in fact less than that, half of them not paying tax in revolt will cause any Govts cashflow to seize up and soon after debt to implode ..Game Over

small business is the single most important part of the economy from any angle, most people employed, most turnover, most taxes paid... it leads the economy, not the fat cats

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:02 | 2918740 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

Perhaps the FBI misinterpreted him when he said he was going to "surprise her by picking her up at her place, going to mine while I cook a nice meal, and eat her out afterward".

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:04 | 2918749 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

Yeah, they always see the worst in people. Pigs!

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:07 | 2918763 true brain
true brain's picture

No, no, it's a medical condition. this guy has a brain tumor for sure. someone should do a brain scan on this guy. No joke.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:03 | 2918744 toady
toady's picture


Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:06 | 2918757 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Save a tree, eat a beaver.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:12 | 2918789 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

Now, here's a slogan I could go for.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:58 | 2918920 yabyum
yabyum's picture

mmmmmmmmmmmm! Tastes like chicken.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 13:02 | 2918932 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Hmm, not really.  If you taste any sausage, stop eating.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 13:46 | 2919069 Overfed
Overfed's picture


Thu, 10/25/2012 - 13:23 | 2918989 BeaverFever
BeaverFever's picture

I resemble that remark...

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:37 | 2918860 AgShaman
AgShaman's picture

The's in the meat

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:03 | 2918746 pods
pods's picture

Long Pig, the other, other white meat.


Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:28 | 2918842 forexskin
forexskin's picture

somebody had to say it pods...

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:05 | 2918747 HedgeHammer
HedgeHammer's picture

The Feds are cooking the books while the Cops are cooking the people.

Man it don't get any better then this. Can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:04 | 2918750 machineh
machineh's picture

 I prefer tuna raw.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 18:48 | 2918779 fuu
fuu's picture

Mmm CS-134.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:06 | 2918754 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

man i refuse to go into that fucked up city any more.......wish it would get washed away by the upcoming NEster

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:09 | 2918773 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

Dude, I overheard my neighbors talking about how much they miss you.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:22 | 2918818 The Shootist
The Shootist's picture

Ha - Ha! You've implied you live there.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:43 | 2918872 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

That's not really a concern given that I've plainly stated I live in NYC on many occasions here.  I have great faith in the relative permanence of the digital record. 

I don't pretend to understand the "anti-city" vibe around these parts, but I don't take it seriously. 

Pol Pot's dead. 

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 12:53 | 2918902 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

I bet you're a recent transplant.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 13:36 | 2919040 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

I find your fantasies about me fascinating.  Why would you have *any* opinion about how long I've lived in NYC?

I can state with certainty that you're wrong, though, just like in every other comment you've inflicted on us.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 13:43 | 2919063 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

By recent I mean within the last 10-15 yrs.  Why? Because every liberal from every failed liberal city in the country is finding their way to NYC. 

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 13:55 | 2919105 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

Heh.  OK, whatever.  I'll play along.

That skullet of yours went out of style when Michael Bolton covered "When a Man Loves a Woman," your glasses are riding crooked, and your shirt doesn't fit properly. 

Clean up your act.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 14:00 | 2919124 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Haha.  You know I've got you pegged.  I know libs better than they know themselves.  BTW, If you saw me you'd get a boner, you little weasel.

Thu, 10/25/2012 - 14:05 | 2919137 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

I grew up surrounded by farmland.  Cool story, bro.

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