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Help Us, Oh Kevin Henry, You Are Our Only Hope
Update: It appears that following this post, Mr. Henry decided to take down his photo from his LinkedIn profile. We are unsure why because Mr. Henry has supposedly done nothing wrong, and we merely brought attention to information he had previously disclosed to the public domain.
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With everyone at the Fed on early Halloween vacation, the nation's hopeful (and confident, if slightly less than expected, according to today's UofMich survey of the employees at 200 West) eyes turn to Kevin Henry: the only green-lit (i.e. active) senior trader/analyst and cross-market monitor at the world's largest and most profitable hedge fund located at Liberty 33, elsewhere known as Federal Reserve Deep Offshore Fund LLC.
For those curious, and since his BBG profile is getting slammed today, here is his LinkedIn profile.
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We're doomed...
Motherfucker!
The kid's stuck on bilge detail....HA!
Friday to do list:... Close that LinkedIn acct I haven't looked at in 5 years.
Thanks Tyler..., I needed a laugh today!
So all the dual passport 'citizens' are on holiday, so they put their grandson in charge for the day. Did they give him just the car, or the keys to the car too? Comforting.
Should I send him an invite? Will he accept? What do you think?
Guess what I did on the last Zero Hedge LinkedIn funny post ... closed my dumb ass stupid account too.
>>> BREAKING: SEC. GEITHNER DEMANDS KEVIN HENRY BE DELIVERED TO HIM IMMEDIATELY, FRESHLY WASHED AND SHAVEN
Caligula would blush!
Smiths fan?
boot the grime of this world in the crotch, dear
He doesn't look like he even has any hair on his ass.
Is he over 16?
Why does the FED always hire very young looking boy's?
Whut up wit dat?
@Stoploss
LOL. When Bill Dudley tells young recruits he's going to mentor the shit out of them, maybe he's being literal.
Being that young and making to to senior trader/analyst that guy has got some skills?
You may run with that down whichever icky road you would like.
pods
Or perhaps being groomed as an expendable scapegoat if and when needed.
Sandusky wannabe?
Same reason the jids hired good looking young boys in Hollywood.
Stop, they hire the very young for a few reasons. One is that they work hard to "improve" their rank, always nice if you're their boss.
Two, they haven't been around enough to know jack shit or have seen even a large part of one rotation of the wheel, so it's easier to delude them into thinking you're telling them to do right, instead of the actual reality.
Third, they are easy to ditch compared to someone who really knows how the world works, you know, as a scapegoat or something.
There are probably more, but the old/experienced screwing the young/enthusiastic is not limited to this field or this time.
Fourth: they are' americans' and eager of learning how to screw juniors once you are a senior.
This coming from a land where anything and everything is stolen from the original inventor and copied.
pods
Didn't Rutgers have a MBTFD program?
Duke and Duke have told him to sell, sell, sell or was that buy, buy, buy. Can't really remember now because there was some good porno on when he took the call.
Ferris Bueler's bro.. No
Whoops, a downtick in the EURUSD. Those unruly chart patterns may cost you your bonus, son.
Stay on message.
The whole fate of trillions of dollars in market capital lays in the hands of a young guy named Kevin with an MBA from Rutgers. Perfect.
better a guy from rutgers than some ivy league prick whos daddy got him a job.
@slaughterer
Scarlet Knights! The double entendre gives new meaning to Stoploss's comments above.
Flash crash anyone?
at least he didn't go to the University of New Jersey....
never mind
Waddell & Reed are working
.......what could possibly go wrong slaughter????......
Working like John Henry today.
Psst Psst, Hey Kev': Buy NFLX and AMZN. Forget about AAPL.
Now that Microsoft (NASDAQ: MSFT ) has delivered its biggest product launch since Windows 95, the company is rumored to be exploring a merger with Netflix (NASDAQ: NFLX ). This is not the first time that the two firms were expected to get together. ...
Netflix is not yet at the point where it needs to find a buyer. But if an interested party were to step forward and make an impressive offer right now, it is hard to imagine that the company would turn it down.
Read more: http://community.nasdaq.com/News/2012-10/rumor-microsoft-still-interested-in-acquiring-netflix.aspx?storyid=184967#ixzz2AQiuar71
Um ... bullish?
looks like a douche
Somebody had to put this up here....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DgbUBoxa48
This guy can't be more than 25 years old.
Rutgers Business School 2006 – 2008
Rutgers University/Edward J. Bloustein School 2005 – 2008
Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey-New Brunswick 2001 – 2005
-from linkedin
So he's 30 years old with 2 years of "work" experience... and already a senior!
Damn hurricanes sent everbody running.
Everyone important is currently headed to Denver.
What's in Denver?
everyone important.
. . .
I just saw Kevin's BBG light go RED. NOOOOO!!!!!!
(Must be calling his gf to brag that his name is on ZH.)
I just spit up coffee on my keyboard laughing...
Kevin - just for fun, see what happens if you push the "sell" button...fyi, it's the one with all the dust and cobwebs on it that nobody ever uses.
There is no such a thing as a "sell" button at the Fed.
And you don't need a degree to monkeyhammer the red tickers.
How 'bout a lever labeled "Tighten." Or did Greenspan steal that fucker?
Short straw Kevin
These Fed guys really like to network.
His name was Kale Smimmo.
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=kale+smimmo
He's on Linkedin, Facebook, and Google+.
https://plus.google.com/106125918079844829245#106125918079844829245/posts
Tagline I am a lion...hear me roar.
Employment
Federal Reserve Bank of New York Rotational Analyst, 2010 - present
KPMG Senior Tax Associate, 2008 - 2010
JPMorgan Chase & Co. Summer Analyst, 2007 - 2007
Education
State University of New York at Geneseo Economics, 2004 - 2008
http://www.flickr.com/photos/geneseo_alumni/7107619479/
I don't think he understands where we are in the timeline.
Come Monday, he will be Kale Swimmo.
Go Sandy GO!
Cute picture of him: https://www.facebook.com/media/albums/?id=16501746#!/photo.php?fbid=516291720256&set=a.516291680336.2055166.16501746&type=3&theater
Ummmm . . . what in hell is a "Summer Analyst"??? Sounds like an internship to me-- kinda like a sanitation engineer is really a garbageman.
Larry Summer's anal cyst???
oh wait, sorry, misread that. . .
WTF?
Where did he get Kevin henry?
Do all the NYFRB douche bags have aliases?
What is Timmy's real name?
Even more:
http://athlinks.com/claimworksheet.aspx?term=Kale%20Smimmo&yob=1987
Kevin just removed his picture from LinkedIn.
Wow that was fast
That was too late. The net never forgets.
So true! The web never forgets!
http://www.google.com/imgres?q=kevin+henry+new+york+federal+reserve+bank&hl=en&safe=active&sa=X&biw=1280&bih=909&tbm=isch&prmd=imvnso&tbnid=ft2VIDwm3msIsM:&imgrefurl=http://www.linkedin.com/pub/kevin-henry/1/a90/a08&docid=B4dsHyqWTeYN6M&imgurl=http://m3.licdn.com/mpr/pub/image-RKKen2rpVMHCv-WgMEyF1sZWBu92l7CbRXKxinZt3_LvjzCbRXHj22Z3uo92zWf_Hg/kevin-henry.jpg&w=80&h=80&ei=kd2KUOvzCqix0QGr04CoDQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=188&vpy=217&dur=698&hovh=74&hovw=74&tx=83&ty=44&sig=109490082448982808790&page=1&tbnh=74&tbnw=74&start=0&ndsp=29&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:70
Wow, just happened to do a google search of your image link, and under the section 'Visually Similar Images' I see good old Timmy G. LOL.
LOL
FY[Kevin]
If the Fed is as controlling as ZH makes it out to be, then do you really think that after a 2 month decline, the Fed would leave the market in the hands of this guy on the last Friday trading session in the month of October without a backup plan?
Just shorted some TZA! The bet is on ZH.
TZA sell order filled at 16.29 for the record. Will sell EOD.
This is neither Yahoo Finance, nor Twitter. Nobody cares about imaginary bets with imaginary money, unless of course it's a peak into the Fed's 13F.
"BABABABOOYAH!"
-Jim Fuckwad Cramer
The FRBNY answers to no man!
Or the SEC for that matter.
13F? That's funny!
I wonder how many emails Kevin got today.
Closed position at 16.06.
Here comes the strom... and its not a herricane. Queue the USD collapse in 3, 2, 1.....
"senior trader/analyst?"
that means he places orders on behalf of his masters. he is a lap poodle of wall st.
i would be ashamed to post that profile.
sounds better than Ben's trading bitch.
it sounds better than "Chairman Bernanke's gimp"
Kevin Henry, "Is if F5 or F11?"
Halloween vacation!? WTF is this, elementary school? Money never sleeps motherfucker! Halloween? What is Bernanke going as, a high-speed printer?
No, he's going as Bernanke.
come on leave him alone, he is just doing his job (DHS brownie points for me)...............
Yep, you'll have the nicest cell in the whole internment camp.
U'll get the privelege of rounding us up when it's "shower" time
I think he heard you - market ramping
Yep, he was probably napping. He's awake now and hit the buy everything button.
He is getting back at the ZHers. He is thinking, I know all of these posters are short on everything.
Cue gold crash in 3..2..1..
You cannot trust some fucker that has two first names.
CLARK KENT, ever hear of him?
You can trust RON JEREMY.
The markets are down? Oh my goodness...it must mean armageddon??
The funniest part is a market down day is now viewed as so unusual, and a search must be made to find the reason. 'Oh, the PPT (which supposedly doesnt exist) is on 'vacation'...yes that must be it.
Thanks a fucking lot! Within 15 minutes of your posting this article the little bastard got busy and ran the SPX up over 6 points already! Son of a bitch!!!
repeat post - apologies...
he's busy ramping up AMZN.
Ah, now that's better, the SPX is looking just spiffy.
But a little finesse, Kevin, a little finesse never hurts.
Send him to Samolia.
Isn't old enough to be interested in porn yet
To see who really has your back, look at the Deputy Assistant Secretary of the Treasury for Terrorist Financing and Financial Crimes http://www.linkedin.com/pub/luke-bronin/a/a16/359
The only thing that matters about his future and efficacy with the FED is:
What degree Freemason is he?
And how long 'til he gets to 19: Grand Pontiff?
I truly believe that this twit just ramped the markets in response to this post. I believe it.
I do too. ZH moves markets now.
ZH has been moving markets for longer. Why do you think participation of real investment $ is virtually not existent?
Maybe we just pulled back the curtain big time. That ramp was scary coincidence.
Usually the market ramps between 3 and 4 but today since everyone else is out of the office, the ramp is from 2 to 3, with enough air to keep it just green by 4.
"Kevin, my boy. Meet Mr. Rico."
Go for it Kevin. My pension fund is in your hands. Just put a paperweight on the CNTRL P key, put on that pirate costume in your briefcase, and head off to the party with the rest of them.
and say hi to your dad, MDB, for us.
fuckin' furries!!
no, you can't simonize a comestain out of synthetic fur.
Mope: n
A person generally associated with failure of such magnitude that to stand near them might induce similar results in the subject.
Professional Bullshitter.
Where's Quasi Mohammed today?
Soooo hungry.
Man versus machine, magnificent!
The Ballad of Kevin Henry's Hammer!
Kevins just another fartlicking Jamie Dimon bootlickering pussy.
That boys eyes get any closer; he'll be a cyclops.
Gonna close red on spx and green on spy. Always happens just to rub salt into the wound that is my spxu position.
Fuck me, if he's a senior trader, the minions must be pulled straight from kindergarten!
cmon kev im long going into the close here on friday roll me a seven buddy
thanks my boy Krystal in the mail
Merciless (insert snicker here)...... What's the only rule of Fight Club?
I have decided after many measures of sake kevin henry is an invention, a device employed by ZH, to play us sorry souls who watch our savings evaporate.
ZH is, just, too well equip. Too organized.
These are Wall Street's best manipulators stealing your soul.
Only the enemy can be as knowledgeable as the most adept loser!
YES!
ZH must be WS! Yes?
Why are we so worthy of their depth of knowledge?
I say:
Why give us the enemies plan?
You must, by default, be the enemy!
I challenge TD!
You are not what you project yourself to be.
I don't know your end,but, ZH is a front of deception!
Geezz he's still wet behind the ears.
But I got an idea.....if we get a 2 year old, we can beat minimum wage laws...