Help Us, Oh Kevin Henry, You Are Our Only Hope

Tyler Durden's picture

Update: It appears that following this post, Mr. Henry decided to take down his photo from his LinkedIn profile. We are unsure why because Mr. Henry has supposedly done nothing wrong, and we merely brought attention to information he had previously disclosed to the public domain.

* * *

With everyone at the Fed on early Halloween vacation, the nation's hopeful (and confident, if slightly less than expected, according to today's UofMich survey of the employees at 200 West) eyes turn to Kevin Henry: the only green-lit (i.e. active) senior trader/analyst and cross-market monitor at the world's largest and most profitable hedge fund located at Liberty 33, elsewhere known as Federal Reserve Deep Offshore Fund LLC.

For those curious, and since his BBG profile is getting slammed today, here is his LinkedIn profile.

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Temporis's picture

We're doomed...

bonderøven-farm ass's picture

The kid's stuck on bilge detail....HA!  

 

Fleecer's picture

Friday to do list:... Close that LinkedIn acct I haven't looked at in 5 years.

gmrpeabody's picture

Thanks Tyler..., I needed a laugh today!

phyuckyiu's picture

So all the dual passport 'citizens' are on holiday, so they put their grandson in charge for the day. Did they give him just the car, or the keys to the car too? Comforting.

walküre's picture

Should I send him an invite? Will he accept? What do you think?

Taint Boil's picture

 

 

Guess what I did on the last Zero Hedge LinkedIn funny post ... closed my dumb ass stupid account too.

redpill's picture

>>> BREAKING: SEC. GEITHNER DEMANDS KEVIN HENRY BE DELIVERED TO HIM IMMEDIATELY, FRESHLY WASHED AND SHAVEN

Stoploss's picture

He doesn't look like he even has any hair on his ass.

Is he over 16?

Stoploss's picture

Why does the FED always hire very young looking boy's?

Whut up wit dat?

Cursive's picture

@Stoploss

 

LOL.  When Bill Dudley tells young recruits he's going to mentor the shit out of them, maybe he's being literal.

pods's picture

Being that young and making to to senior trader/analyst that guy has got some skills?

You may run with that down whichever icky road you would like. 

pods

Drachma's picture

Or perhaps being groomed as an expendable scapegoat if and when needed.

walküre's picture

Same reason the jids hired good looking young boys in Hollywood.

DCFusor's picture

Stop, they hire the very young for a few reasons.  One is that they work hard to "improve" their rank, always nice if you're their boss.

Two, they haven't been around enough to know jack shit or have seen even a large part of one rotation of the wheel, so it's easier to delude them into thinking you're telling them to do right, instead of the actual reality.

Third, they are easy to ditch compared to someone who really knows how the world works, you know, as a scapegoat or something.

There are probably more, but the old/experienced screwing the  young/enthusiastic is not limited to this field or this time.

 

AnAnonymous's picture

Fourth: they are' americans' and eager of learning how to screw juniors once you are a senior.

pods's picture

This coming from a land where anything and everything is stolen from the original inventor and copied.

pods

HelluvaEngineer's picture

Didn't Rutgers have a MBTFD program?

insanelysane's picture

Duke and Duke have told him to sell, sell, sell or was that buy, buy, buy.  Can't really remember now because there was some good porno on when he took the call.

Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

Whoops, a downtick in the EURUSD. Those unruly chart patterns may cost you your bonus, son.

Stay on message.

slaughterer's picture

The whole fate of trillions of dollars in market capital lays in the hands of a young guy named Kevin with an MBA from Rutgers.  Perfect.  

Diablo's picture

better a guy from rutgers than some ivy league prick whos daddy got him a job.

 

 

Cursive's picture

@slaughterer

Scarlet Knights!  The double entendre gives new meaning to Stoploss's comments above.

insanelysane's picture

at least he didn't go to the University of New Jersey....

 

never mind

walküre's picture

Waddell & Reed are working

larz's picture

.......what could possibly go wrong slaughter????......

GolfHatesMe's picture

Working like John Henry today.

slaughterer's picture

Psst Psst, Hey Kev': Buy NFLX and AMZN.  Forget about AAPL.  

 


Now that Microsoft (NASDAQ: MSFT ) has delivered its biggest product launch since Windows 95, the company is rumored to be exploring a merger with Netflix (NASDAQ: NFLX ). This is not the first time that the two firms were expected to get together. ...

Netflix is not yet at the point where it needs to find a buyer. But if an interested party were to step forward and make an impressive offer right now, it is hard to imagine that the company would turn it down.

Read more: http://community.nasdaq.com/News/2012-10/rumor-microsoft-still-interested-in-acquiring-netflix.aspx?storyid=184967#ixzz2AQiuar71

blu's picture

Um ... bullish?

fonzannoon's picture

looks like a douche

Somebody had to put this up here....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DgbUBoxa48

Drachma's picture

This guy can't be more than 25 years old.

edb5s's picture

Rutgers Business School 2006 – 2008

Rutgers University/Edward J. Bloustein School 2005 – 2008

Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey-New Brunswick 2001 – 2005

 

-from linkedin

andyupnorth's picture

So he's 30 years old with 2 years of "work" experience... and already a senior!

 

Dr. Engali's picture

Damn hurricanes sent everbody running.

slaughterer's picture

I just saw Kevin's BBG light go RED.  NOOOOO!!!!!!

(Must be calling his gf to brag that his name is on ZH.)

Temporis's picture

I just spit up coffee on my keyboard laughing...

Ham-bone's picture

Kevin - just for fun, see what happens if you push the "sell" button...fyi, it's the one with all the dust and cobwebs on it that nobody ever uses.

Unprepared's picture

There is no such a thing as a "sell" button at the Fed.

 

And you don't need a degree to monkeyhammer the red tickers.

NotApplicable's picture

How 'bout a lever labeled "Tighten." Or did Greenspan steal that fucker?

GolfHatesMe's picture

Short straw Kevin