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Help Us, Oh Kevin Henry, You Are Our Only Hope

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Update: It appears that following this post, Mr. Henry decided to take down his photo from his LinkedIn profile. We are unsure why because Mr. Henry has supposedly done nothing wrong, and we merely brought attention to information he had previously disclosed to the public domain.

* * *

With everyone at the Fed on early Halloween vacation, the nation's hopeful (and confident, if slightly less than expected, according to today's UofMich survey of the employees at 200 West) eyes turn to Kevin Henry: the only green-lit (i.e. active) senior trader/analyst and cross-market monitor at the world's largest and most profitable hedge fund located at Liberty 33, elsewhere known as Federal Reserve Deep Offshore Fund LLC.

For those curious, and since his BBG profile is getting slammed today, here is his LinkedIn profile.

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Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:13 | 2922016 Temporis
Temporis's picture

We're doomed...

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:13 | 2922021 flacon
flacon's picture

Motherfucker! 

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:16 | 2922030 bonderøven-farm ass
bonderøven-farm ass's picture

The kid's stuck on bilge detail....HA!  

 

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:23 | 2922061 Fleecer
Fleecer's picture

Friday to do list:... Close that LinkedIn acct I haven't looked at in 5 years.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:40 | 2922133 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Thanks Tyler..., I needed a laugh today!

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 16:30 | 2922610 phyuckyiu
phyuckyiu's picture

So all the dual passport 'citizens' are on holiday, so they put their grandson in charge for the day. Did they give him just the car, or the keys to the car too? Comforting.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 14:23 | 2922272 walküre
walküre's picture

Should I send him an invite? Will he accept? What do you think?

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 15:30 | 2922448 Taint Boil
Taint Boil's picture

 

 

Guess what I did on the last Zero Hedge LinkedIn funny post ... closed my dumb ass stupid account too.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:24 | 2922066 redpill
redpill's picture

>>> BREAKING: SEC. GEITHNER DEMANDS KEVIN HENRY BE DELIVERED TO HIM IMMEDIATELY, FRESHLY WASHED AND SHAVEN

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:26 | 2922076 Dalago
Dalago's picture

Caligula would blush!

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 14:16 | 2922244 helping_friendl...
helping_friendly_book's picture

Smiths fan?

Sat, 10/27/2012 - 00:18 | 2923420 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

boot the grime of this world in the crotch, dear

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:18 | 2922040 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

He doesn't look like he even has any hair on his ass.

Is he over 16?

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:20 | 2922048 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Why does the FED always hire very young looking boy's?

Whut up wit dat?

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:26 | 2922077 Cursive
Cursive's picture

@Stoploss

 

LOL.  When Bill Dudley tells young recruits he's going to mentor the shit out of them, maybe he's being literal.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:31 | 2922096 pods
pods's picture

Being that young and making to to senior trader/analyst that guy has got some skills?

You may run with that down whichever icky road you would like. 

pods

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:48 | 2922158 Drachma
Drachma's picture

Or perhaps being groomed as an expendable scapegoat if and when needed.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:42 | 2922140 MiltonFriedmans...
MiltonFriedmansNightmare's picture

Sandusky wannabe?

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 14:15 | 2922242 walküre
walküre's picture

Same reason the jids hired good looking young boys in Hollywood.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 14:22 | 2922269 DCFusor
DCFusor's picture

Stop, they hire the very young for a few reasons.  One is that they work hard to "improve" their rank, always nice if you're their boss.

Two, they haven't been around enough to know jack shit or have seen even a large part of one rotation of the wheel, so it's easier to delude them into thinking you're telling them to do right, instead of the actual reality.

Third, they are easy to ditch compared to someone who really knows how the world works, you know, as a scapegoat or something.

There are probably more, but the old/experienced screwing the  young/enthusiastic is not limited to this field or this time.

 

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 15:02 | 2922372 AnAnonymous
AnAnonymous's picture

Fourth: they are' americans' and eager of learning how to screw juniors once you are a senior.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 15:34 | 2922462 pods
pods's picture

This coming from a land where anything and everything is stolen from the original inventor and copied.

pods

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:24 | 2922064 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

Didn't Rutgers have a MBTFD program?

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:36 | 2922112 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Duke and Duke have told him to sell, sell, sell or was that buy, buy, buy.  Can't really remember now because there was some good porno on when he took the call.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 18:10 | 2922800 Mentaliusanything
Mentaliusanything's picture

Ferris Bueler's bro.. No

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:12 | 2922017 Dollar Bill Hiccup
Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

Whoops, a downtick in the EURUSD. Those unruly chart patterns may cost you your bonus, son.

Stay on message.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:13 | 2922023 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

The whole fate of trillions of dollars in market capital lays in the hands of a young guy named Kevin with an MBA from Rutgers.  Perfect.  

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:20 | 2922049 Diablo
Diablo's picture

better a guy from rutgers than some ivy league prick whos daddy got him a job.

 

 

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:28 | 2922082 Cursive
Cursive's picture

@slaughterer

Scarlet Knights!  The double entendre gives new meaning to Stoploss's comments above.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:47 | 2922153 MiltonFriedmans...
MiltonFriedmansNightmare's picture

Flash crash anyone?

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 14:00 | 2922202 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

at least he didn't go to the University of New Jersey....

 

never mind

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 14:16 | 2922248 walküre
walküre's picture

Waddell & Reed are working

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 15:27 | 2922440 larz
larz's picture

.......what could possibly go wrong slaughter????......

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:14 | 2922025 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

Working like John Henry today.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 14:12 | 2922027 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Psst Psst, Hey Kev': Buy NFLX and AMZN.  Forget about AAPL.  

 


Now that Microsoft (NASDAQ: MSFT ) has delivered its biggest product launch since Windows 95, the company is rumored to be exploring a merger with Netflix (NASDAQ: NFLX ). This is not the first time that the two firms were expected to get together. ...

Netflix is not yet at the point where it needs to find a buyer. But if an interested party were to step forward and make an impressive offer right now, it is hard to imagine that the company would turn it down.

Read more: http://community.nasdaq.com/News/2012-10/rumor-microsoft-still-interested-in-acquiring-netflix.aspx?storyid=184967#ixzz2AQiuar71

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:15 | 2922028 blu
blu's picture

Um ... bullish?

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:29 | 2922039 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

looks like a douche

Somebody had to put this up here....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DgbUBoxa48

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:19 | 2922042 Drachma
Drachma's picture

This guy can't be more than 25 years old.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 14:25 | 2922277 edb5s
edb5s's picture

Rutgers Business School 2006 – 2008

Rutgers University/Edward J. Bloustein School 2005 – 2008

Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey-New Brunswick 2001 – 2005

 

-from linkedin

Sat, 10/27/2012 - 20:50 | 2924651 andyupnorth
andyupnorth's picture

So he's 30 years old with 2 years of "work" experience... and already a senior!

 

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:20 | 2922046 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Damn hurricanes sent everbody running.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:25 | 2922071 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

Everyone important is currently headed to Denver.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 14:02 | 2922207 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

What's in Denver?

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 15:47 | 2922489 Cathartes Aura
Cathartes Aura's picture

everyone important.

. . .

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:21 | 2922051 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

I just saw Kevin's BBG light go RED.  NOOOOO!!!!!!

(Must be calling his gf to brag that his name is on ZH.)

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:22 | 2922058 Temporis
Temporis's picture

I just spit up coffee on my keyboard laughing...

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:29 | 2922054 Ham-bone
Ham-bone's picture

Kevin - just for fun, see what happens if you push the "sell" button...fyi, it's the one with all the dust and cobwebs on it that nobody ever uses.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:31 | 2922092 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

There is no such a thing as a "sell" button at the Fed.

 

And you don't need a degree to monkeyhammer the red tickers.

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 15:36 | 2922466 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

How 'bout a lever labeled "Tighten." Or did Greenspan steal that fucker?

Fri, 10/26/2012 - 13:22 | 2922056 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

Short straw Kevin

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!