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Escape From New York Becoming Problematic As Holland, Brooklyn Battery Tunnels Close

Tyler Durden's picture


Remember the wetsuit purchased many years ago for that trip to Hawaii and never used once? It may be time to find where it is and clean it up, as "escaping from New York", in a worst case scenario is getting so problematic, swimming through the Hudson or East Rivers may soon be the only option. Moments ago, in a press conference, Andrew Cuomo reported that while the storm is behaving as predicted, as of 2pm today both the Holland and Brooklyn Battery tunnels will be closed. And if these are down, the Lincoln and Queens-Midtown can't be far behind, especially if the flood continues as expected.


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Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:45 | 2927762 ACP
ACP's picture

Liquid Cloverfield, bitchez!

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:48 | 2927775 redpill
redpill's picture

Transport, this is Solo. Better take off, I can't get to you. I'll get her out on the Falcon.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:51 | 2927785 malikai
malikai's picture

If the flooding takes hold, swimming through the river will be easy. All you got to do is go to the street.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:54 | 2927798 redpill
redpill's picture

Now Bob in accounting, who made sure every fucking person in the office saw the pictures of him kayaking last summer, can show whether he's as good as he said he is!

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:04 | 2927851 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Maybe they should borrow some pumps from New Orleans.

Boy, clean up is going to be a bitch.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:44 | 2927889 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

To all New Yorkers:

I'd keep playin'... I don't think the hard stuff's comin' down for awhile...

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:47 | 2927979 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

& besides... God would never disrupt the best trading day of my life!...


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 12:12 | 2928061 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

This is PAF, just did a roundtrip through the Queens-Midtown Tunnel into Manhattan, to the office, and back over the Queensboro Bridge.  Not a lick of flooding yet.  From my vantage point coming back over the bridge I did notice the East River seemed a bit swollen. Not yet overflowing as of about a half hour ago.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:23 | 2927909 Gert_B_Frobe
Gert_B_Frobe's picture

Nah, this is the final scrubbing needed after OWS fecaled the place up.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:25 | 2927915 john39
john39's picture

the goldman sux scum breeds pestilence and filth of a calibre far beyond anything a small gathering of dissafected youth could ever hope to produce.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:26 | 2927918 malikai
malikai's picture

It was pretty fecaled up before OWS showed up. In fact, I recall OWS was a response to the general fecaling up of the world courtesy of our friends at the banking cartel.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:44 | 2927973 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

Just a BETA test for implementing Martial Law on Fascist Bloomberg's disarmed population. 

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 14:30 | 2928507 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Swim either river at your own peril. Both are biohazards as it is.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:51 | 2927784 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

If this were a movie it would be the perfect time for a failed state, like "Iran" for example, to do some damage.


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:52 | 2927790 malikai
malikai's picture

By "failed state", you mean the "United States".

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:02 | 2927842 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture


Could be "Syria".

I here they have Chemical weapons smuggled out of Iraq just before the invasion.

Then again "Sudan" is kind of pissed for the bombing raid.

Could be an Axis of Re-evil.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:25 | 2927914 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

My vote for failed states would be Missisippi and perhaps Maine....

Honorable mention to Arkansas....

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:33 | 2927937 JohnG
JohnG's picture

There's a lot of failed banks in Georgia....

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 14:38 | 2928540 Zap Powerz
Zap Powerz's picture


its pretty hard to get more failed than 16T in debt and adding 1T per year to that debt.

When it comes to failure, America is number one!

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 22:13 | 2930021 Incubus
Incubus's picture

In about maybe a decade, we'll be doing the housekeeping/landscaping for the Singhs & the Chins.


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 15:22 | 2928662 patb
Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:45 | 2927766 Robslob
Robslob's picture

Is that Obama pointing a gun at Bernanke or Blankfein???

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:46 | 2927767 Shibumi2
Shibumi2's picture

swim bitches...


but not with your gold, bitches...

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:21 | 2927904 i_call_you_my_base
i_call_you_my_base's picture

All you have to do is sew it into your life jacket.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:46 | 2927770 Vincent Vega
Vincent Vega's picture

Where is Snake Plissken when we need him?

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:47 | 2927773 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

"Snake Plissken?? I heard you were dead!"

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:58 | 2927821 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



Hope this map of the up to date.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 14:32 | 2928520 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

"President of what?"

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:50 | 2927780 Robslob
Mon, 10/29/2012 - 14:36 | 2928537 Mad Mohel
Mad Mohel's picture

Riding on Adrienne Barbeau's titties.

Such a fine film from the pubescent years.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:48 | 2927774 fuu
fuu's picture

Hopefully Kevin will be fine.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:50 | 2927782 Temporis
Temporis's picture

Kevin is our only hope...

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:58 | 2927820 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

"Save the Cheerleader, Save the World."

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:06 | 2927855 CrimsonAvenger
CrimsonAvenger's picture

Brilliant. I'd give you a million greenies for that if I could.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:15 | 2927885 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

You talking costner, water world star? Movie was water soaked crap

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:35 | 2927939 pods
pods's picture

No, Kevin the guy left behind to press the big red buy button at the NY Fed.


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 13:37 | 2928337 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

I love Kevin.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:49 | 2927776 1eyedman
1eyedman's picture

prob good move to close trading today....potential collapse of italian pro-brussels govt, led by convicted billionaire populist....with few human hands to battle the algos.   flashcrsh averted!  but where was it 10 days later?

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:50 | 2927783 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Long straws!

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:52 | 2927791 Fantasy Planet
Fantasy Planet's picture

Excludes govt. ammo delivery transports.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:53 | 2927795 Cangaroo.TNT
Cangaroo.TNT's picture

Have they drafted the insurance company bailout plan yet?

Now your house and mortgage will share the same disposition: underwater.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:54 | 2927801 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

The Fed vaults are going to flood.  I just know it.  Germany will have to wait years for confirmation that the gold is all there.

Does Tungsten rust?


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:07 | 2927862 swiss chick
swiss chick's picture

or float!

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:35 | 2927940 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Dear Congress: While our vaults were underwater, the dogfish ate all the gold. Sorry, no audit can be done now.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 13:49 | 2928364 hidingfromhelis
hidingfromhelis's picture

Dissolved is going to be the new vaporized.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:39 | 2927955 XitSam
XitSam's picture

They will just let the basement stay flooded. After all, the gold will always be there, you can trust the Federal Reserve.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:55 | 2927803 bania
bania's picture

I've sewn my gold into my wetsuit... dammit!

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:03 | 2927846 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

Please stick a gps-tracker to your suit and link your real time position on this site.


A team of ZHers will be sent for an extraction mission shortly.


Note: the body will be recovered only if it's still inside the wetsuit.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:12 | 2927874 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Planning on pulling an Osama?

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:11 | 2927869 malikai
malikai's picture

You know you're a stacker when your wetsuit's weights are gold, not lead.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 14:36 | 2928536 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Silver's anti-microbial properties would be better suited to this particular task.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:58 | 2927822 Zer0head
Zer0head's picture

"especially if the flood 'continues' as expected"


shouldn't that read "happens"

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:02 | 2927839 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Maybe New Yorkers can build rafts out of all the garbage piled on the curb. Or day old bagels.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 12:23 | 2928098 Uncle Sugar
Uncle Sugar's picture

Bloomberg banned all the 32oz cups so bailing is going to take a lot longer this time.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:02 | 2927840 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

i hope the sewers don't back up

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:35 | 2927941 JohnG
JohnG's picture

Holy Shit from Goldman kills.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:36 | 2927946 pods
pods's picture

Shit will get real when the 50' alligator comes out!


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:03 | 2927843 monopoly
monopoly's picture

We almost feel guilty here in Nevada, sunny, no wind, close to 70 degrees later. Almost, but not quite.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:26 | 2927919 Gert_B_Frobe
Gert_B_Frobe's picture

You still have Harry Reid, though.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:37 | 2927949 JohnG
JohnG's picture

In Atlanta there are 40-45 mph wind gusts.  Makes for interesting landings at Hartsfield.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:04 | 2927849 HellFish
HellFish's picture

Well at least the flood will wash away the urine smell in Manhattan.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:09 | 2927867 malikai
malikai's picture

It will. However, the smell will be replaced with the smell of sewage, oil, and other petrochemicals as is normal. You'll probably want the urine smell back.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:49 | 2927990 Itch
Itch's picture

<<<  Urine

<<< sewage

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 12:11 | 2928057 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

What to do, what to do...

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 12:15 | 2928070 malikai
malikai's picture

Hey look, it's the 2012 presidential ballot.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 13:52 | 2928376 hidingfromhelis
hidingfromhelis's picture

...and with either choice you get hanging dingleberries.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 14:40 | 2928548 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Well played!

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:13 | 2927876 djsmps
djsmps's picture

My first trip to Manhattan was in 1982, during a garbage strike. The one thing I've always remembered was the overwhelming stench of rotting garbage, urine and exhaust fumes. I also had an encounter with a pickpocket and had my new Nikon camera stolen. Plus, I had just quit smoking. It was a perfect New York experience.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:43 | 2927971 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



How many days did the watch work, the one you bought on Canal Street?

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 13:26 | 2928310 pods
pods's picture

Nothing tells time quite like a "Goochie" watch!


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:07 | 2927863 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

trapped in NY...

talkin bout hell on earth....

just wait till the real calamity is unleashed...

broke ass country with broke ass citizens holding worthless green peices of paper...


c ya'll on the other side.....

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:11 | 2927870 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Good movie! Wonder if kurt russell is in sequel

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:14 | 2927882 Big Corked Boots
Big Corked Boots's picture

Funny how New Jersey always becomes the shelter for New York City.

There should be an exit toll instead of an entrance toll for the Lincoln and Holland.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:15 | 2927884 realtick
realtick's picture

New York Harbor entrance wave height now sporting a 16 handle

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:18 | 2927893 Zer0head
Zer0head's picture

damn but I hate talking links

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:16 | 2927888 Trimmed Hedge
Trimmed Hedge's picture

Why would you bother cleaning the wetsuit first..??

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:32 | 2927934 HellFish
HellFish's picture

Here's a link to bouy data at the NY Harbor entrance.




Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:34 | 2927938 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Awh who wants to drive in the tunnels when they have water in them anyways.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:36 | 2927944 Abiotic Oil
Abiotic Oil's picture

Probably one of thew biggest impacts is going to be rise in the price of weed in NYC as all the local grow rooms are going to have their flower cycles hosed by the power outages and all the girls are gonna turn hermaphrodite and start growing balls.   

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 12:14 | 2928067 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Dunno, I could see shit weed being really cheap early on...then through the roof.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:42 | 2927967 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

The more hipsters drown, the better.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 12:19 | 2928087 Darkness
Darkness's picture

Those of you that are rooting for deaths resulting from this disaster disgust me. 

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 12:27 | 2928108 Uncle Sugar
Uncle Sugar's picture

Wah. You should be on the HuffPo blog.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 15:04 | 2928610 TSA gropee
TSA gropee's picture

This comment coming from someone with an avatar called Darkness. Anyways, where exactly are the posts that are "rooting for death" that you so vehemently speak of? I see them not. What I do see are some humorous posts to which there is really nothing wrong with. No one on the east coast has gotten hurt or died that I have heard of yet and I seriously doubt anyone on ZH would poke fun at it if they did. I say loosen up and make sure your own family preparedness is in order.


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 12:37 | 2928146 DCon
DCon's picture

who's the funny guy who decided to pack so many people onto a tiny island flirting with sea level?



Mon, 10/29/2012 - 12:43 | 2928171 ch25061
ch25061's picture

they can make a decent raft out of pallets of hundreds and float all the gold out of danger of going under water, so to speak.  in that way they can also claim that the dollar reserves support gold, not the other way around.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 14:28 | 2928473 NuYawkFrankie
NuYawkFrankie's picture

...gurgle.... gurgle.... glug.... glug....

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 14:20 | 2928482 philosophers bone
philosophers bone's picture

Snake Pliskin.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!