Escape From New York Becoming Problematic As Holland, Brooklyn Battery Tunnels Close

Tyler Durden's picture

Remember the wetsuit purchased many years ago for that trip to Hawaii and never used once? It may be time to find where it is and clean it up, as "escaping from New York", in a worst case scenario is getting so problematic, swimming through the Hudson or East Rivers may soon be the only option. Moments ago, in a press conference, Andrew Cuomo reported that while the storm is behaving as predicted, as of 2pm today both the Holland and Brooklyn Battery tunnels will be closed. And if these are down, the Lincoln and Queens-Midtown can't be far behind, especially if the flood continues as expected.

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ACP's picture

Liquid Cloverfield, bitchez!

redpill's picture

Transport, this is Solo. Better take off, I can't get to you. I'll get her out on the Falcon.

malikai's picture

If the flooding takes hold, swimming through the river will be easy. All you got to do is go to the street.

redpill's picture

Now Bob in accounting, who made sure every fucking person in the office saw the pictures of him kayaking last summer, can show whether he's as good as he said he is!

Manthong's picture

Maybe they should borrow some pumps from New Orleans.

Boy, clean up is going to be a bitch.

francis_sawyer's picture

To all New Yorkers:

I'd keep playin'... I don't think the hard stuff's comin' down for awhile...

francis_sawyer's picture

& besides... God would never disrupt the best trading day of my life!...


ParkAveFlasher's picture

This is PAF, just did a roundtrip through the Queens-Midtown Tunnel into Manhattan, to the office, and back over the Queensboro Bridge.  Not a lick of flooding yet.  From my vantage point coming back over the bridge I did notice the East River seemed a bit swollen. Not yet overflowing as of about a half hour ago.

Gert_B_Frobe's picture

Nah, this is the final scrubbing needed after OWS fecaled the place up.

john39's picture

the goldman sux scum breeds pestilence and filth of a calibre far beyond anything a small gathering of dissafected youth could ever hope to produce.

malikai's picture

It was pretty fecaled up before OWS showed up. In fact, I recall OWS was a response to the general fecaling up of the world courtesy of our friends at the banking cartel.

Chupacabra-322's picture

Just a BETA test for implementing Martial Law on Fascist Bloomberg's disarmed population. 

A Nanny Moose's picture

Swim either river at your own peril. Both are biohazards as it is.

Gully Foyle's picture

If this were a movie it would be the perfect time for a failed state, like "Iran" for example, to do some damage.


malikai's picture

By "failed state", you mean the "United States".

Gully Foyle's picture


Could be "Syria".

I here they have Chemical weapons smuggled out of Iraq just before the invasion.

Then again "Sudan" is kind of pissed for the bombing raid.

Could be an Axis of Re-evil.

Flakmeister's picture

My vote for failed states would be Missisippi and perhaps Maine....

Honorable mention to Arkansas....

JohnG's picture

There's a lot of failed banks in Georgia....

Zap Powerz's picture


its pretty hard to get more failed than 16T in debt and adding 1T per year to that debt.

When it comes to failure, America is number one!

Incubus's picture

In about maybe a decade, we'll be doing the housekeeping/landscaping for the Singhs & the Chins.


Robslob's picture

Is that Obama pointing a gun at Bernanke or Blankfein???

Shibumi2's picture

swim bitches...


but not with your gold, bitches...

i_call_you_my_base's picture

All you have to do is sew it into your life jacket.

Vincent Vega's picture

Where is Snake Plissken when we need him?

Buckaroo Banzai's picture

"Snake Plissken?? I heard you were dead!"

GetZeeGold's picture



Hope this map of the up to date.

Mad Mohel's picture

Riding on Adrienne Barbeau's titties.

Such a fine film from the pubescent years.

fuu's picture

Hopefully Kevin will be fine.

Temporis's picture

Kevin is our only hope...

Unprepared's picture

"Save the Cheerleader, Save the World."

CrimsonAvenger's picture

Brilliant. I'd give you a million greenies for that if I could.

ziggy59's picture

You talking costner, water world star? Movie was water soaked crap

pods's picture

No, Kevin the guy left behind to press the big red buy button at the NY Fed.


1eyedman's picture

prob good move to close trading today....potential collapse of italian pro-brussels govt, led by convicted billionaire populist....with few human hands to battle the algos.   flashcrsh averted!  but where was it 10 days later?

Fantasy Planet's picture

Excludes govt. ammo delivery transports.

Cangaroo.TNT's picture

Have they drafted the insurance company bailout plan yet?

Now your house and mortgage will share the same disposition: underwater.

Stuck on Zero's picture

The Fed vaults are going to flood.  I just know it.  Germany will have to wait years for confirmation that the gold is all there.

Does Tungsten rust?


GeezerGeek's picture

Dear Congress: While our vaults were underwater, the dogfish ate all the gold. Sorry, no audit can be done now.

hidingfromhelis's picture

Dissolved is going to be the new vaporized.

XitSam's picture

They will just let the basement stay flooded. After all, the gold will always be there, you can trust the Federal Reserve.

bania's picture

I've sewn my gold into my wetsuit... dammit!

Unprepared's picture

Please stick a gps-tracker to your suit and link your real time position on this site.


A team of ZHers will be sent for an extraction mission shortly.


Note: the body will be recovered only if it's still inside the wetsuit.

ziggy59's picture

Planning on pulling an Osama?

malikai's picture

You know you're a stacker when your wetsuit's weights are gold, not lead.