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It Just Isn't His Day...

Tyler Durden's picture


Everyone is safely home, tucked in and patiently waiting for the perfect storm to rage and ravage the Big Apple. Everyone - including the algos in just over 1 hour. Everyone.... except for Friday's "ramp the market in the last hour or else" workhorse - NYFed analyst/trader Kevin Henry...


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Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:03 | 2927232 ZippyBananaPants
ZippyBananaPants's picture

Why is David Ortiz (big papi) on that list?  

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:04 | 2927239 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Can't you read?... He's been traded to the White Sox [along with Youklis]... He's the "player to be named later"...

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:39 | 2927339 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



The White Sox could have pulled it off......had it not been for Bush.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:21 | 2927905 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

Bush="what the fuck is WRONG with you??"


please do not defend him.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:17 | 2927280 Death and Gravity
Death and Gravity's picture

Is Kevin on bilge pump duty today?

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:55 | 2927391 CPL
CPL's picture

He's young and knows how to swim.  At least that's what his records say.


We should collect some money together and send him a hooker and beer.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:59 | 2927412 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

I thought Kevin would be there. Posted this yesterday.

To bad my predictive powers aren't as good when it comes to ES or EUR/USD. :-)

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:04 | 2927236 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

We're all counting on you Kevin Henry... You're our only hope...

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:07 | 2927247 ihedgemyhedges
ihedgemyhedges's picture

This Kevin guy is smarter than you think.  He turned down an offer to be safely tucked in at Barney Frank's place....

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:12 | 2927269 Bawneee Fwank
Bawneee Fwank's picture

He is my wittle bitch

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:08 | 2927252 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



Well....he was going to jump the shark today...but it was called on account of rain.


Maybe tomorrow......check back then.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:35 | 2927330 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

When his keepers realize they've left him at his desk unattended:

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 13:24 | 2928305 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Poor Kevin!  Once you've made it onto Tyler's sh!t list, there's no turning back!

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:04 | 2927240 Taint Boil
Taint Boil's picture



Just some young whippersnapper trying to do a good job I'm sure,

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:05 | 2927241 libertus
libertus's picture

Kevin...the pressure is on. Your THE guy who needs to keep the "free" market functioning. Just remember the following:

1. Buy all the shit from GS, JPM, BAC and all the other banks at really high prices. 

2. Sell gold for a low price to the same. 

3. Keep the porn to a reasonable level. 

4. Remember that we are watching.....

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:11 | 2927260 Haager
Haager's picture

Sell naked shorts of gold? Just thinking...

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:40 | 2927742 Acet
Acet's picture

Nah, didn't you hear the part about keeping the porn to a reasonable level today? No naked anything ...

Besides, any gold the FED sells is always covered by those IOUs stored in Fort Knox or whatever not too rehypotecated bars of other nation's gold in their vaults.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:36 | 2927331 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

What is a reasonable level for porn? 

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 09:11 | 2927452 pods
pods's picture

If you start to notice chafing, you have exceeded the reasonable level.


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 13:28 | 2928317 StychoKiller
Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:37 | 2927335 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

Kevin, remember this is a great buying opportunity for FAZ.  That shit's going to the moon in short order.  Your bosses will think you're a genius.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:40 | 2927343 Sauk Leader
Sauk Leader's picture

He was seen walking in this morning with some Chivas, a can of coke, and a Bob Seger CD. Wonder what he's up to.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 13:31 | 2928329 StychoKiller
Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:06 | 2927856 Grinder74
Grinder74's picture


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:08 | 2927251 Vincent Vega
Vincent Vega's picture

Probably just came in to surf some porn while the power last.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:10 | 2927257 BearOfNH
BearOfNH's picture

I see the DC office is exclusively manned by women. The FED is an equal-opportunity extractor.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:19 | 2927285 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

yeh, the monthly adjustments are a bitch

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:11 | 2927262 css1971
css1971's picture

Well someone has to stay in to make sure everything goes up!

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:12 | 2927268 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

hope Kevin was a competetive swimmer at Rutgers...

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:19 | 2927284 Thomas
Thomas's picture

I assumed he played lacrosse.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:55 | 2927394 Dadburnitpa
Dadburnitpa's picture

Pom pom squad.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:06 | 2927859 Grinder74
Grinder74's picture

Hey, girls that play lacrosse are hot!

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:12 | 2927270 Itch
Itch's picture

Kevin make sure you wear your rubber arm bands son.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:14 | 2927273 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

So one can safely assume that the Fed has moved into the "levitate world markets" mode

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:16 | 2927276 Vincent Vega
Vincent Vega's picture


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:21 | 2927289 Awakened Sheeple
Awakened Sheeple's picture

It seems to be working that way for the EUR at this minute.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:17 | 2927279 machineh
machineh's picture

Germans get upset when they ring 33 Liberty on a normal workday to check on their gold ... and no one's home.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:03 | 2927618 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

You mean the gold that has the label Property of Germany pasted over the label Property of UK pasted over the label Property of Jon Corzine pasted over the label...

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:19 | 2927283 thetruthseeker
thetruthseeker's picture

It is posts like this that help me survive this industry by always keeping me laughing. Keep up the good work, my fellow soldiers of truth.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:23 | 2927293 Zola
Zola's picture

What a douche...

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:23 | 2927298 Brokenarrow
Brokenarrow's picture

You can bet he sees himself as a hero. And, he and his wifee are wondering what his new post will be at Pimco. His pals have probably become rich front running his trades that he alerts them what his wmt bot secret phone in someone else's name.

I lost a small fortune shorting the maket. I actually believed that the us had fair and free markets. The ppt was a myth. The whole system is a fucking ruse. I am utterly discusted with these criminals. It took me a while to realize the fix was in 2008.

People are getting cery sick of this game.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:40 | 2927346 Karlus
Karlus's picture

I suspect the opposite. His managers are going to catch on to the fact that people are mentioning his name over and over here and might/might not have him explain what is going on.

He will not be able to of course and will most likely be either severed to mitigate reputational risk or just pulled from BB at the minimum.

I am halfway wondering if he is remoting in from home or BB Anywhere...

Bottom line: Being lit up on ZH will cave anyone's world unless you are JonC

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 09:59 | 2927601 Bobbyrib
Bobbyrib's picture

The first clue was W enforcing the ban of naked short selling while allowing it during the market ramp during the stock market bubble.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:23 | 2927299 Jason T
Jason T's picture

Kevin, you had the talent to become a great trader and instead of that, you became a market manipulator for America's loan shark.

Kevin replies, "its a living"

It's a waste of life.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:56 | 2927400 thetruthseeker
thetruthseeker's picture

"It's a living."

This is like Nazi soldiers saying, "I was just following orders."

Well Kevin, I hope you received some good trinkets for selling your soul.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:24 | 2927301 Coldfire
Coldfire's picture

God's work must be done, come hell or high water.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:32 | 2927320 djsmps
djsmps's picture

Don't you mean Chuck Schumer's work?

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:27 | 2927305 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

Meanwhile in Russia: German gold lost in boating accident. ;-)

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:35 | 2927328 yrbmegr
yrbmegr's picture

Andrei, you've lost another ship?

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:46 | 2927368 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



It was the whole fleet actually....we were kinda hoping you could help.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:02 | 2927612 Bobbyrib
Bobbyrib's picture

Those morons trusted a ship filled with gold in Russian waters? Putin will be getting his cut, you can count on that.

Next time go through Chinese waters. /sarcasm.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:36 | 2927312 Rainman
Rainman's picture

What the hell is Brian Sack doing on the list ? I thought he wuz " retired " end of September. Guess not. He's now an advisor.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:57 | 2927404 Brokenarrow
Brokenarrow's picture

You can bet he's being paid by the taxpayer to keep his mouth shut. Let's see.......$165k/yr as a little side income probably works.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:32 | 2927319 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

The FedEx guy will talk with him when he stops by around 10:30 in his rain gear and a bunch of packages under his arm that need signing for. 

Signed for by:  Kevin Henry

Signed for by:  Keith Henry

Signed for by:  Kevin Harvey

Signed for by:  Kenny Hairy

Signed for by:  Keven Henny


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:38 | 2927337 ReallySparky
ReallySparky's picture

No rest for the wicked.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:40 | 2927349 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

just another scumbag imo :YAWN:

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 09:00 | 2927392 Zola
Zola's picture
1. douchebag   The term "douchebag" generally refers to a male with a certain combination of obnoxious characteristics related to attitude, social ineptitude, public behavior, or outward presentation.

Though the common douchebag thinks he is accepted by the people around him, most of his peers dislike him. He has an inflated sense of self-worth, compounded by a lack of social grace and self-awareness. He behaves inappropriately in public, yet is completely ignorant to how pathetic he appears to others.

He often talks about how cool, successful, and popular he is, yet never catches on to the fact that he comes across as a total loser. Nevertheless, he firmly believes that he is the smartest, most desirable, and most charming person in the room... and will try to bad-rep anyone who would threaten to expose this facade.

He fancies himself a ladies’ man, yet tends to be a joke to all but the most naive of women. He tries to portray himself as part of the in-crowd (a fashionista, an upwardly mobile professional, the life of the party, etc.) but only succeeds in his own mind.

To everyone else, he is an annoying and arrogant phony who comes across as a wannabe overcompensating for his insecurities. He tries to appear like the center of whatever group will tolerate him, but in reality, he is just a tag-along who mooches drinks, women, contacts, social standing, and other benefits from the group... while contributing nothing.

A-list ego; D-list status.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 09:01 | 2927417 Dadburnitpa
Dadburnitpa's picture

Case in point: the typical Facebook aficionado.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:56 | 2927399 Bazinga
Bazinga's picture

You are all being too hard on Kevvy. Don't you know he is having wet dreams about being a Fed Prez and to that end, will not let rain, sleet, or snow keep him from his destiny...kissing any amount of ass even if it means being the only one in the office during a huricane!

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 08:56 | 2927402 Roandavid
Roandavid's picture

Work ethic Bitchezz!!!

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 09:06 | 2927433 DavidC
DavidC's picture

If the market doesn't go up today does he get the sack?


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 09:08 | 2927441 dark pools of soros
dark pools of soros's picture

Who's Bridget?  And I bet that 'assistant' never gets a day off.. especially the next two days

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 09:19 | 2927470 El Hosel
El Hosel's picture

 " Orderly Markets" are the only way to go in the new normal. Henry just saw somthing he liked in the data this morning and goosed the futures. Booo Yaaaah


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 09:24 | 2927482 Richard Head
Richard Head's picture

Kevin Henry: cocksucker and traitor.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 09:32 | 2927501 Dollar Bill Hiccup
Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

I know dude's name is Kevin Henry, but I think John Henry fits nicely. You know, bad ass steel worker of yore.

Kevin is probably equipped with flippers and an aqualung, goggles with HUD Bloomberg feed, just to maintain continuity.

Following that analogy one step further and for your listening pleasure ... Big Bad John.


What do algos play with when they are not trading ?

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 09:52 | 2927560 moonstears
moonstears's picture

Lord Kevin Henry, we know, as you that balance comes only with one master Sith, and one lord. You are the one lord on call today. You have a great chance at soul cleansing. You can bring balance! I'll help you...

1. Go to the search in the computers and look for page titled " discount window".

2. Find "Eligible entities" page.

3. Erase "Preferred banking and Govt entities" option.

4. Replace with "Any person or business, currently taxed in the United States requesting not less than $500, and providing proper identification verification as such."

5. Have a cigar. You will have done what no US Political leader, or banking master understands the importance of, freed the economy.

Thank me later, say Wed, here at ZH...maybe a small contributing article? Maybe a simple explanation on forms required and how to request said funds?


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 10:50 | 2927779 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

All those extra hours and the fucktard has been demoted.

He's now just a Analyst/Trader.

Whereas quite clearly on his LinkedIn profile he was a Senior Analyst/Trader


Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:31 | 2927932 atomicwasted
atomicwasted's picture

I honestly feel sorry for this poor bastard.  Raised inside the bubble, I am sure he feels he's doing important work, and I have no doubt he's trying to do the best job he can.  He has no freakin' clue what's really going on, and now he's the fall guy, as the Bernank has left his cheese in the wind.  In front of the whole world, no less.  When he gets shitcanned he's going to have no idea about what really happened. 

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:40 | 2927954 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

He probably just forgot to shut his terminal off on Friday.

Next thing you know, we'll be reading about the cleaning lady causing a 5000pt swing in the DOW.

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:48 | 2927987 vonMises
vonMises's picture

he's probably home... ever heard of bloomberg anywhere? ;)

i mean he's like WAY too important to be wasted on a puny hurricane isn't he? 

Mon, 10/29/2012 - 15:40 | 2928708 Catflappo
Catflappo's picture

I think he was a 'Senior Analyst' on LinkedIn.   But only 'Analyst' here.

I suggest he signs up to three more sites and he can make his way on through Manager, President of the NY Fed, and finally Chairman of the FOMC.


Tue, 10/30/2012 - 01:23 | 2930551 resurger
resurger's picture

epic lol

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