Now The Rats Are Sinking The Leaking Ship

Tyler Durden's picture


While the massive population of New York City is awfully impacted by Sandy, there is a more populous and even more caustic population that is struggling with the aftermath: Rats! As Forbes notes, the NYC Subway is notorious for its rat population and with all five subway tubes now submerged, one can only imagine where these cute cuddly rabies-wielding devil rodents will make their new homes. "Rats are incredibly good swimmers and they can climb" is hardly the reassuring news lower Manhattan homeowners were looking for, and as the Daily Mail notes, this could bring infectious diseases such as leptospirosis, hantavirus, typhus, salmonella, and even the plague into human contact. On the bright side (well not really), rats don't need to bite a human to transmit its gross payload; rodent feces and urine can spread conditions like hantavirus just as easily - get long hand sanitizer stocks!


If they can do this - then what happens when they are forced above ground?


Cue gratuitous "biggest rat in the world" scary video clip (real or not - this is crazy)


  • Rats can climb brick walls, trees, and telephone poles, and walk across telephone lines.
  • Rats can fall from a height of 50 feet without getting hurt.
  • Rats can jump three feet in the air from a flat surface and leap more than four feet horizontally.
  • Rats can scamper through openings as small as a quarter. General rule: If a rat’s head fits into the hole then the body will follow.

Everything you did not want to know about rats and really did not want to ask:

Rats Fact Sheet

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Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:03 | 2931397 ZackAttack
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"Everyone knows what is in Room 101, Winston..."

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:25 | 2931452 hedgeless_horseman
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I hope that many affected ZH readers were well prepared for this hurricane.  You were warned...


Commit to prepare for zombies, so that currency collapse, EMP, hurricanes, revolution, world war, or anything else will seem relatively mild.  Understand that the time to make a plan and prepare is before, not after a zombie invasion.  Understand that there is no way you can plan or prepare for every contingency, but doing something today goes a long way to peace of mind, and eliminating any regrets should the shit actually hit the fan.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:27 | 2931476 malikai
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Real or not, I got to know why in the fuck that giant rat is getting the chinese suction cup treatment? For those who don't know, the purpose of that treatment is to find out where your qi is imbalanced and get it unblocked and flowing again.

Who in the fuck would want to touch that thing to find that out?

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:43 | 2931545's picture

Cats, bitchez!

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 12:18 | 2931658 economics9698
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Rats = pellet guns.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 12:46 | 2931752 knukles
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What we need is a good Richard Geere Rat-Love Demonstration.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 13:00 | 2931810 Leopold B. Scotch
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I believe this Rat situation is related to the "Goldman Light Up Night" amid the blackout photo from a few posts earlier.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 12:23 | 2931675 Mr Lennon Hendrix
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Quick!  Kill the rats!  Trade in your barbaric relic!

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 12:45 | 2931751 The Proletariat
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I wonder if rats would make a good "filler" for pink slime or high fructose corn syrup?  Regards, BigAg

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 13:00 | 2931813 Leopold B. Scotch
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It's all Goldman hires.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 13:20 | 2931893 americanspirit
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Rats and their feces already constitute a portion of the 'filler' in all processed meat and many other food products. USDA even publishes tables with 'acceptable' amounts of rodent parts, feces and hair in a whole range of products. So dig in and enjoy.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 16:46 | 2932712 CPL
CPL's picture

Ever seen the Secrey of Nimh?


Maybe the rats are doing it as revenge?  lol

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 16:52 | 2932735 Tango in the Blight
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Do not underestimate the power of lolcatz!

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:04 | 2931404 lolmao500
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And there's 32 million of them.


Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:22 | 2931463 Mr Lennon Hendrix
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Collateralized Rat Swaps

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:29 | 2931488 icanhasbailout
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Am I imagining things or did the train announcer say "If you see a suspicious package on the train, keep it to yourself"?

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:43 | 2931543 RiverRoad
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Gotta watch them furry little ankle biters.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:46 | 2931561 Stuck on Zero
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Watch out.  The rats have invaded GS and are posing as day traders.


Tue, 10/30/2012 - 12:21 | 2931671 Mr Lennon Hendrix
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They've been doing that since 1925.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:04 | 2931405 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Why do I have a feeling from reading this article that right now there is some guy in a coma in some hospital in NYC, who is going to wake up in a few weeks to a seemingly empty hospital where the only sound is distant vaguely human groans....

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:06 | 2931412 lolmao500
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NYC zombies are not gonna moan for brains, they gonna moan for ipads.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:13 | 2931434 l.kimbot
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Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:21 | 2931460 Hugh G Rection
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Jew York and the District of Criminals need to sink into the Atlantic, we'd all be better off.


it was not preached to the crowd

it was not taught by the state

it was not spoken aloud

when the Saxon began to hate

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:28 | 2931484 yabyum
yabyum's picture


Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:31 | 2931500 Hugh G Rection
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Did I offend your tribe?


It was not suddenly bred.

It will not swiftly abate.

Through the chilled years ahead,

When Time shall count from the date

That the Saxon began to hate.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:38 | 2931523 Zionist Jew
Zionist Jew's picture

You hate-filled goyim beasts are pathetic.


Your role on this earth is to serve the Jews, not to obsess about supposed false flag attacks perpetrated by Mossad and dual citizen sayanim inside the US Government.


Pay your taxes, King Bibi needs more bullets and tanks for the erasing the "Palestinian" plague from Greater Israel.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:50 | 2931575 Hugh G Rection
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PNAC "Rebuilding America's Defenses"

September 2000


"Further, the process of transformation, even if it brings about revolutionary change, will be a long one, absent some catastrophic and catalyzing event--such as a New Pearl Harbor."

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:55 | 2931588 kralizec
kralizec's picture

Heh.  No zombies after Katrina though, doubt Sandy will create more than minor pestilence...

Too bad, that.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 13:16 | 2931775 knukles
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Maybe no Zombies but what with shelves empty, frozen food all but thawed, milk gone bad, MD 20/20, Nighttrain, Thunderbird (What's the price, twice as nice) malt liquor and Kools comin' into short supply, there gonna more than likely be some "peaceful legal assembly human rights protest marches" to take advantage of untended electronics, furniture and clothing stores.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 13:13 | 2931866 e_goldstein
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Don't be so sure. I bet that since the rats are running free, the CHUDs are soon to follow.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:07 | 2931415 Dr. Engali
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It's funny how much that giant rat resembles Blankfein... 

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:22 | 2931465 realtick
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Or any rodent for that matter

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:08 | 2931418 Aguadulce
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Buttercup: Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?
Westley: Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.
[Immediately, an R.O.U.S. attacks him

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:09 | 2931423 Matt
Matt's picture

"In the U.S., about 14,000 people annually report direct attack from rats - occassionally inflicting mortal wounds"


Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:15 | 2931438 Dr Benway
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Infection. My WTF line was how rats destroy 20% of all agricultural products yearly. I very much doubt that is correct.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 12:33 | 2931715 dhengineer
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Very true.  They get into the storage bins and eat their fill.  That's why the ancient Egyptians began deifying cats and worshiping them.  The kitties could be "domesticated" and they caught the rats that were destroying the harvest.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 12:55 | 2931795 knukles
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Of course the rats destroy every thing in sight, are the most destructive species ever known to man, spread misery, disease and Democratic politics especially when memorialized by a US Department of Fictional Horseshit for a Bigger Budget Requirement is on the line.

If Krugman had an ounce of sense he'd be preaching about a Rat Invasion instead of Aliens... aka 1% Plutocracy as opposed to Foreigners...

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 13:03 | 2931832 Leopold B. Scotch
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I've lost track.  Are we talking Rodents or Goldman?

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 13:10 | 2931857 Flakmeister
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The most destructive species known to Man is....


At least the rat population will stabilize before destroying the planet, we have yet to demonstrate that ability....

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 21:02 | 2933263 MrSteve
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In India, much of the harvest is stored in the open, in heaps on the ground. The rats contaminate much of the food, more than they "eat". They produce waste where they eat so the contamination is greater than what they physically touch.

Rodent waste "allowed" is why I no longer use any ground pepper. You want to grind the whole peppercorns yourself.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:09 | 2931424 Overfed
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Long arsenic!

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:10 | 2931425 valkir
valkir's picture

Tonight after dark the fun start.Rats+looters.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:12 | 2931430 Miss Expectations
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Well, here's hoping the cockroaches drowned...nevermind, they're probably climbing out of the basements to the upper floors, too.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:32 | 2931502 Long-John-Silver
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Not just climb out, they can fly out too.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:37 | 2931522 JohnG
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Roaches are bloody hard to kill without chemicals.  Hell they can live for up to a week without thier heads and only die because they dehydrate.  Lots of other fun facts about roaches:

Have a hell of a lot of problems with American cockroaches down here in the south.


Tue, 10/30/2012 - 12:57 | 2931801 knukles
knukles's picture

Cockroaches been around since before the several extinctions and can survive Atom Bomb Testing Radiation.

And cause me to break out in hives....



Tue, 10/30/2012 - 13:20 | 2931890 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

Hell they can live for up to a week without thier heads and only die because they dehydrate.

So, I had to go to the kitchen late at night, flipped on the light and saw a big palmetto bug on the counter.  I smashed it really hard with my flip flop, picked it up with a tissue and flushed it.  I got my glass of water and went back to bead.  The next morning, I looked in the sink and there was its head, still alive.  I could tell because the antennas were still very active.  (I don't doubt your story.)

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:50 | 2931576 Trimmed Hedge
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I hope the bedbugs made it out okay...

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:13 | 2931433 Mr Lennon Hendrix
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Hand sanitizer ain't gonna do shit.

Tue, 10/30/2012 - 11:16 | 2931439 Cheesy Bastard
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Unless you drink it.

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