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The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly Election Night Drinking Games

Tyler Durden's picture


While some believe tonight is critical to the future of our nation - and well could be - we believe some will need placating as the results roll across the bottom of their screens and are manipulated in an ever-increasing multitude of 10-dimensional holographic charts that we fully expect to work incorrectly at some point. To fulfil that 'need for numbing', we have found three drinking games of varying suspected quantity that we hope will prove useful. From simple and stand-alone, to team-based and punish-your-friends focused, we believe there is a fair-and-balanced approach here for everyone.


Simple But Effective: George Washington's Bar Bro

Can be done alone; standard drink til you stink approach...

  • Drink if someone manipulates a giant touch-screen map.
  • Drink if you see a hologram. Drink again if someone is talking to it.
  • Drink for any sighting of a panel of undecided voters.
  • Any time there is a split screen, drink for as many seconds as there are pundits onscreen.
  • Drink when the anchor awkwardly stalls for time. I’m looking at you, Wolf Blitzer.
  • Drink any time an election in your home state comes up on the crawl.
  • Drink any time an election is “still too close to call.”
  • Drink for any election result where a candidate gets more than 70 percent of the vote.
  • Drink any time “exit polls are showing” something.
  • Drink when an anchor or pundit is visibly bummed out about election results.
  • Take your friend’s drink if he or she is visibly bummed out about election results.
  • Finish your drink when results are official in your home state.
  • Finish your drink when one of the presidential candidates wins Ohio. It’s the only state that really counts.
  • Finish your drink if someone you voted for wins.
  • Finish your drink and take a shot if your candidate loses. It’s going to be a long four years.


Complex But Well Worth It: HyperVocal's Matrix of Moonshine

This game is more about punishing others with your excellence than punishing yourself...


Start by picking a winner for each state using the color-coordinated charts below.

Then simply sit back, relax and wait for the results to pour in as freely as the booze.

As each state is announced, use the matrix above to calculate your points — and start pounding ’em back. (e.g. you choose Obama to win Ohio; It is a swing state; you are proven correct; you get +10 points... or you choose Romney to win Michigan; It is Probable for Obama; Romney wins Michigan; You get +10 points... or you choose Romney to win California; It is a Not Close For Obama state; you are proven a fool when Obama wins it; You get -40 points DRINK!!!)

1 point = Make someone drink
10 points = Make someone take a shot
20 points = Shotgun a beer

You may accumulate points if you wish, and deal them out as you wish and when you wish — but if you go below zero, you gotta drink until you’re back in the positive!


The Goldilocks Drinking Game:

Simple, effective, live-streamed, and wil keep count for you should the measure of the evening get the better of your mathematical skills...

Whether you get your results from CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, C-SPAN or one of the broadcast networks, take a drink every time someone on screen says anything on the following list:

  • Ground Game
  • Firewall
  • Sandy
  • Photo ID
  • Recount
  • Youth Vote
  • Enthusiasm
  • The Name of a Third Party Candidate (Gary Johnson, Jill Stein,Virgil Goode, Rocky Anderson)
  • Ohio
  • Reagan

The team at DebateDrinking will be live-scoring across various news media for the evening - beginning at 7pm ET



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Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:07 | 2953425 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

After campaigning on a mantra that he 'really will be fiscally more responsible' & that the economy has been improving for the last 2 years, Obama will lay down a dose of actual economy reality tomorrow, warning of a pending macro meltdown, justifying his encouragement of Timmay to dramatically ramp up the sales of full faith & credit IOUs to The Bernank & Co., and create and fund via executive order (despite not being constitutional) the Department of Hostile Extraterestrials from Outer Space Defense Agency, headed by the illustrious Paul Krugman.

Watch for oil, and consequently everything else tangible to resume the relentless march upwards, one the Emperor resumes his place on the throne for another 4 years.

In the interim, the forced "beautiful deleveraging" on the part of savers & businesses will continue, as the private sector cuts consumption, hiring and investment back at an even more rapid pace, to enable even higher deficit spending for QEeternity.

Hopeless & Changeless.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:08 | 2953454 walküre
walküre's picture

you say it like it's a bad thing

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:29 | 2953498 Zer0head
Zer0head's picture

My favorite is watching Erin Burnette on CNN

ever since she got the nose job (botched) her nostrils flay  much like those of  a horse. Everytime you spot a hanging booger you take a shot. (and its cold in Ohio so the boogers are plentiful)

Now if only she had a horse face the picture would be complete.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:44 | 2953560 Michaelwiseguy
Michaelwiseguy's picture

I'm cracking my first Sam Adams, now saluting the sinking if the USSA, and listening to Gerald Celente on Alex Jones internet rario with the volume on TV muted.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:00 | 2953596 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Obama: "We have gone through a very difficult passage...".  You mean four years going through a 'very difficult orifice'?

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 21:46 | 2953830's picture

I'll be switching to retrovision when my shows come on at 9. Anyone up for a game of "Hi, Bob?"

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:33 | 2953476 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

Yo Tyler I'm in AA! But to go out in blaze of glory for these sociopathic presidential fucktards? No way! If I'm gonna get cracked out and loaded, it'll be tomorrow, out of principle!

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:53 | 2953583 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

That explains it.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 22:10 | 2953870 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Yes, professionals don't need support groups ;-)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 22:52 | 2953963 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

rehab is for quitters.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:52 | 2953411 RiotActing
RiotActing's picture

Thanks for this... Will make tonight somewhat tolerable....

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:53 | 2953414 Q.E.easy
Q.E.easy's picture

Voted most likely to be fatal ZH drinking game of 2012.


Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:22 | 2953494 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

And I'm already out of scotch....

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:37 | 2953506 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Oh, Bummer.... Got more Tullamore Dew just in time!

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 21:01 | 2953721 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

+1 - Love the Tulley.



Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:38 | 2953538 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I'm sticking with beer tonight, all out of Zacapa ;-)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:56 | 2953570 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Haven't tried that one.(Edit: looks like it's sold up here, have to try it.) I like to fly to Costa Rica and pick from a plethora of rums to drag home. Of course I'm not adverse to sampling many of them there!

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:57 | 2953592 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Its really good. A friend turned me on to it...Guatemalan, very nice, some stimulating conversation and you can get through a half bottle before you even realize it ;-)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:53 | 2953415 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

Long "Liver Transplants".

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:52 | 2953577 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Just drink the clear stuff.


Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:54 | 2953416 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

and a boilermaker it will be for me...

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:55 | 2953417 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

I'm waiting for the riots drinking game.

- If a looter gets shoot by police, drink.

- If a cop gets attacked by looters, drink.

- If a reporter gets attacked by looters, drink.

- For every 5 cars on fire, drink.

- For every hoodie, shout ZIMMERMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 21:26 | 2953778 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

Tonight the Chicago PD are on full staff and full alert in case Obammy loses tonight.  CPD moto for the recent summit's held in Chicago was...

"We get up early to BEAT the crowds." 


I say bring it - moar broken windows bitchez.  


"Our police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder" - The Honorable Richard J. Daley.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:54 | 2953420 RmcAZ
RmcAZ's picture

Already hammered if CNN is on.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:55 | 2953421 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Do the already drunk get handicap points ?

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 22:52 | 2953966 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Only if the Hologram talks back to you.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:55 | 2953423 IndicaTive
IndicaTive's picture

I think I'll just drink....

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:57 | 2953429 fuu
fuu's picture

Ron Paul bitchez!

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:28 | 2953512 XitSam
XitSam's picture

I think I'll inventory my ammo and food.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:55 | 2953589 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

You already know. 

Raise a glass.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:57 | 2953430 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Game? Drinking at times like this is no game to me. I plan to guzzle tequila every time i hear the word incumbent, challenger, republican, democrat, and district. I hope to pass out quickly while singing bye bye miss american pie.



Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:38 | 2953670 infinity8
infinity8's picture

Yes. I'm crying in my scotch and passing out to this one - American Tune:


good luck everybody.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:58 | 2953432 Being Free
Being Free's picture

beginning at 7pm ET

too late, I already started.

(Sometime last week I think...not real sur...wheres my damn beer...oh, ok)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:00 | 2953437 Goldilocks
Goldilocks's picture

Hole - Celebrity Skin (2:43)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:01 | 2953439 buzzardsluck
buzzardsluck's picture

I'm a total drunk, but refuse to take on this game.  It's worse than taking a drink when someone dies in the movie Hardboiled.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:07 | 2953455 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Or watching "Leaving Las Vegas"...

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:01 | 2953440 toomanyfakecons...
toomanyfakeconservatives's picture

No matter who loses, I'm going to hit the Knob Creek Reserve tonight.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:06 | 2953450 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

You didn't drink that..........

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:11 | 2953462 WilliamShatner
WilliamShatner's picture

I'm already drunk.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:42 | 2953553 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

It helps to be prepared ahead of time. With any luck, most ZHer's will pass out before the final results are posted...

Wed, 11/07/2012 - 07:20 | 2955136 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Star trekkin' while under the influence -- you're gonna lose yer license! :>D

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:25 | 2953495 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Since I refuse to play the game and watch this crap my plan is to drink everytime a fellow Hedger refers to Ron Paul... And for a kicker I'm going to do a shot when I see "gold bitchez". That's my plan.

Edit. My drink of choice is Black and Tans. My shot if choice is Crown Royal

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:27 | 2953509 magpie
magpie's picture

Ron Paul for the Federal Reserve replacement uh bank, platinum bitchez.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:00 | 2953546 Overfed
Overfed's picture

I'll help ya' out.


Voted today. Wrote in Ron Paul for President.



Almost left it out; gold, bitchez!!  :-)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:43 | 2953679 RockyRacoon
RockyRacoon's picture
  • 3M Co. (MMM)

    ISSUE 48•20 | 05.15.12 | Stockwatch

    $86.40 (-$1.03) (-1.2%) Investor confidence wavered following president and CEO Inge Thulin’s gory public suicide at this morning's annual shareholder meeting. more»

  • General Electric (GE)

    ISSUE 48•19 | 05.08.12 | Stockwatch

    $18.77 (+$0.02) (+0.11%) Share prices rose after CEO Jeffrey Immelt threw a bunch of light bulbs off the GE Building's roof and it was totally sick. more»

  • Hearst Corporation (HRST)

    ISSUE 48•18 | 05.01.12 | Stockwatch

    $17.13 (+4.18) (+12.7%) Stock prices for the publisher of the popular women's magazines Cosmopolitan and Elle rose sharply today on word the company had acquired cutting-edge nano-body-scanning technology that will now allow editors to isolate and map men... more»

  • Coca-Cola Co. (KO)

    ISSUE 48•16 | 04.17.12 | Stockwatch

    $73.47 (+.81) (+1.1%) Profits are up for the company's sports drink, Powerade, because part of the bottle is made of plants and people love that shit. more»

  • Groucho Marx Disguises (GMD)

    ISSUE 48•15 | 04.10.12 | Stockwatch

    $47.05 (-.61) (-1.3%) The company's value plummeted after the unveiling of a newly retooled disguise featuring no mustache, an average-sized nose, and, in the place of this black glasses, stylish wire frames. more»

  • H.J. Heinz (HNZ)

    ISSUE 48•14 | 04.03.12 | Stockwatch

    $13.51 (+.88) (+7.0%) Shares rose this week when the Pittsburgh-based company discovered after going through some old papers that it was a global conglomerate that sells other items abroad besides ketchup, such as baked beans and baby food. more»

....and more HERE

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 21:12 | 2953746 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

How about "Ron Paul Bitchez"?  That is almost like a Black and Tan as it is a mix of two different things.  I too am patiently waiting here in blissfull silence for this political charade to finally go away, but I have a sinking feeling that it will not be over tonight and that our livers will yet incur an even greater hue of yellow.

+1 Dr. E.  At least now I can truthfully tell everyone who might inquire that I did in fact vote today... on ZH.    

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 22:15 | 2953876 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

A friendly PSA for those of you drinking Black & Tans (or more accurately if you're actually in Ireland, a Light & Bitter or a Blacksmith), because there are proper Black & Tans or shitty Black & Tans, and nothing in between. Get your stout or porter and pale ale choice correct, and then get your pour technique correct:

Ah, the Black & Tan!


Tue, 11/06/2012 - 23:35 | 2954052 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

Agreed.  I only have my Black and Tans at the following establishment.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 23:59 | 2954107 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

And for Ireland, well, there is this place to check out which is also on Nicollet Mall.  Can be hard to get a seat (and women! Like I need another one of them...) There is ample Irish whiskey and the food is great but who's hungry for food?  Smithwicks on tap here.  There are moar but these two need to be visted at least once if in downtown Minneapolis.  There is no reason you can't end up shitfaced at just these two places if you are staying at the Hyatt for some fucking conference.  Sheiks "Gentlemen's Club" is not far away if you really, really need to see some of that.(or some client wants to really press your expense account)


Wed, 11/07/2012 - 01:20 | 2954627 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture


You probably have had cask conditioned ales, porters and stouts, but those who haven't would be shocked at how superior they are to their lesser brethren. The difference can't be overstated.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 23:02 | 2953983 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Way to take on for the team.

Does "Oro Putaz!" count?

Ron Paul wuz here.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:24 | 2953501 Orly
Orly's picture

Have a shot whenever someone says, "Landslide."  It'll take a while to get there but it'll get the job done.


Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:40 | 2953549 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I have a feeling its gonna be exactly that Orly.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:38 | 2953539 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

If Ron Paul wins, I will drink a bottle of

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:40 | 2953551 Overfed
Overfed's picture

I'd be in full celebration mode. If Ron Paul won by some miracle,  I'd go buy a bottle of Aha Toro or Asombroso and drink it all in one night.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:10 | 2953621 bunnyswanson
bunnyswanson's picture

Ron Paul - now therer is a president I'd take a bull#t for. 

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:38 | 2953671 Goldilocks
Goldilocks's picture

REALLY!-! with Seth & Kermit

VID-20111120-00004 (2:28)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:42 | 2953556 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Tip back 2 shots if the phrase ' the balance of this election...' is used. 

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:50 | 2953574 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

I'm pre-arranging my trip to the E.R.

The vehicle has a stocked bar.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:59 | 2953601 spanish inquisition
spanish inquisition's picture    NJ extends email voting

I will estimate the final New Jersey vote at 382,579,642 for Obama and 395,462,233 for Romney

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 23:05 | 2953987 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture email....


Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:26 | 2953646 Goldilocks
Goldilocks's picture

Marilyn Manson - Sweet Dreams (Lyrics) (4:52)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:45 | 2953680 papaswamp
papaswamp's picture

I'm just drinking....neither main party spells success for this country. we go people.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:49 | 2953691 mirac
mirac's picture

shot gun a beer...cracked me up

I drink all the time anyways.

Don't know whether to laugh or cry...and I am Canadian!

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:50 | 2953693 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

CBC News election headline: Victoria public toilet voted best place to go in Canada.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:54 | 2953698 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

Thanks Tyler, I love it, but let's try Manipuflation's longer term drinking game as it is is even more realistic.

If Candidate A is "elected"- drink heavily for four years.

If the other Candidate A is "elected"- drink heavily for four years.

If neither candidates A or A are elected tonight because of provisional ballot issues, power outages, lack of transportion, inability to find the correct polling place and/or read the ballot without assistance, voting machine issues occur, or absentee votes mysteriously appear or dissappear-drink heavily for four years.

If the election results end up being contested in the SCOTUS- buy a distillery.  

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:57 | 2953707 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

I am not going to watch Chris Mathews, though he will try to pre-call anything and everything for Obummer.

Got a fifth of Gin to bear the election coverage.

Wish me luck!

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 21:03 | 2953727 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Gin and bear it! Luck! If you feel a tingle, drink more...

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 21:22 | 2953767 eduard khil
eduard khil's picture

Democracy in action question...
Thumbs up for Templeton Rye
Thumbs down for Tanqueray

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 22:02 | 2953857 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

It sdeems to me thath thesr alchocol shanaingans are relly disreaspectdul of the USA electoral process, which is well knonw as an inspiration to the world as well as a big part of waht made this countryu numbr 1!

I weep for are future...

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 22:08 | 2953868 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

by the way,..ALL proper aMericans shouls be drinking BOURBEN and watrey domesticv beers!!

This is AMERCIA!  Drink AMericaaan or GO HOME!

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 22:18 | 2953890 nmewn
nmewn's picture

lol...north, central, south american...its all good.

Wed, 11/07/2012 - 00:34 | 2954308 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

dang, I didn't want to be here

Wed, 11/07/2012 - 01:40 | 2954710 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

cachashsa FTW!!

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 22:22 | 2953895 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Some Russian clients taught us to drink 'red dog' shots: 1/2 top-shelf tequila, 1/2 sambuca, and a dash of tabasco. 

I'm saving a double of that (a 'double-dog dare' if you will) just in case I need to induce vomiting if'n I catch a glimpse of the right reverend Al Sharpton.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 23:31 | 2954045 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

I must be boring, I'm just doing a few green Heinekens. No shots. No hard stuff.

Wed, 11/07/2012 - 00:33 | 2954297 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

drink more heavily now

Wed, 11/07/2012 - 01:41 | 2954714 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

If they're green, they've gone bad.  Avoid, avoid.

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