• Monetary Metals
    05/02/2016 - 01:28
    The price of gold shot up this week, and silver moved proportionally. Headlines are screaming for gold to hit $10,000 or $50,000. Does this alleged new bull market have legs?

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly Election Night Drinking Games

Tyler Durden's picture


While some believe tonight is critical to the future of our nation - and well could be - we believe some will need placating as the results roll across the bottom of their screens and are manipulated in an ever-increasing multitude of 10-dimensional holographic charts that we fully expect to work incorrectly at some point. To fulfil that 'need for numbing', we have found three drinking games of varying suspected quantity that we hope will prove useful. From simple and stand-alone, to team-based and punish-your-friends focused, we believe there is a fair-and-balanced approach here for everyone.


Simple But Effective: George Washington's Bar Bro

Can be done alone; standard drink til you stink approach...

  • Drink if someone manipulates a giant touch-screen map.
  • Drink if you see a hologram. Drink again if someone is talking to it.
  • Drink for any sighting of a panel of undecided voters.
  • Any time there is a split screen, drink for as many seconds as there are pundits onscreen.
  • Drink when the anchor awkwardly stalls for time. I’m looking at you, Wolf Blitzer.
  • Drink any time an election in your home state comes up on the crawl.
  • Drink any time an election is “still too close to call.”
  • Drink for any election result where a candidate gets more than 70 percent of the vote.
  • Drink any time “exit polls are showing” something.
  • Drink when an anchor or pundit is visibly bummed out about election results.
  • Take your friend’s drink if he or she is visibly bummed out about election results.
  • Finish your drink when results are official in your home state.
  • Finish your drink when one of the presidential candidates wins Ohio. It’s the only state that really counts.
  • Finish your drink if someone you voted for wins.
  • Finish your drink and take a shot if your candidate loses. It’s going to be a long four years.


Complex But Well Worth It: HyperVocal's Matrix of Moonshine

This game is more about punishing others with your excellence than punishing yourself...


Start by picking a winner for each state using the color-coordinated charts below.

Then simply sit back, relax and wait for the results to pour in as freely as the booze.

As each state is announced, use the matrix above to calculate your points — and start pounding ’em back. (e.g. you choose Obama to win Ohio; It is a swing state; you are proven correct; you get +10 points... or you choose Romney to win Michigan; It is Probable for Obama; Romney wins Michigan; You get +10 points... or you choose Romney to win California; It is a Not Close For Obama state; you are proven a fool when Obama wins it; You get -40 points DRINK!!!)

1 point = Make someone drink
10 points = Make someone take a shot
20 points = Shotgun a beer

You may accumulate points if you wish, and deal them out as you wish and when you wish — but if you go below zero, you gotta drink until you’re back in the positive!


The Goldilocks Drinking Game: DebateDrinking.com

Simple, effective, live-streamed, and wil keep count for you should the measure of the evening get the better of your mathematical skills...

Whether you get your results from CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, C-SPAN or one of the broadcast networks, take a drink every time someone on screen says anything on the following list:

  • Ground Game
  • Firewall
  • Sandy
  • Photo ID
  • Recount
  • Youth Vote
  • Enthusiasm
  • The Name of a Third Party Candidate (Gary Johnson, Jill Stein,Virgil Goode, Rocky Anderson)
  • Ohio
  • Reagan

The team at DebateDrinking will be live-scoring across various news media for the evening - beginning at 7pm ET


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Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:07 | 2953425 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

After campaigning on a mantra that he 'really will be fiscally more responsible' & that the economy has been improving for the last 2 years, Obama will lay down a dose of actual economy reality tomorrow, warning of a pending macro meltdown, justifying his encouragement of Timmay to dramatically ramp up the sales of full faith & credit IOUs to The Bernank & Co., and create and fund via executive order (despite not being constitutional) the Department of Hostile Extraterestrials from Outer Space Defense Agency, headed by the illustrious Paul Krugman.

Watch for oil, and consequently everything else tangible to resume the relentless march upwards, one the Emperor resumes his place on the throne for another 4 years.

In the interim, the forced "beautiful deleveraging" on the part of savers & businesses will continue, as the private sector cuts consumption, hiring and investment back at an even more rapid pace, to enable even higher deficit spending for QEeternity.

Hopeless & Changeless.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:08 | 2953454 walküre
walküre's picture

you say it like it's a bad thing

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:29 | 2953498 Zer0head
Zer0head's picture

My favorite is watching Erin Burnette on CNN

ever since she got the nose job (botched) her nostrils flay  much like those of  a horse. Everytime you spot a hanging booger you take a shot. (and its cold in Ohio so the boogers are plentiful)

Now if only she had a horse face the picture would be complete.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:44 | 2953560 Michaelwiseguy
Michaelwiseguy's picture

I'm cracking my first Sam Adams, now saluting the sinking if the USSA, and listening to Gerald Celente on Alex Jones internet rario with the volume on TV muted.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:00 | 2953596 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Obama: "We have gone through a very difficult passage...".  You mean four years going through a 'very difficult orifice'?

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 21:46 | 2953830 CrockettAlmanac.com
CrockettAlmanac.com's picture

I'll be switching to retrovision when my shows come on at 9. Anyone up for a game of "Hi, Bob?"

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:33 | 2953476 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

Yo Tyler I'm in AA! But to go out in blaze of glory for these sociopathic presidential fucktards? No way! If I'm gonna get cracked out and loaded, it'll be tomorrow, out of principle!

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:53 | 2953583 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

That explains it.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 22:10 | 2953870 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Yes, professionals don't need support groups ;-)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 22:52 | 2953963 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

rehab is for quitters.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:52 | 2953411 RiotActing
RiotActing's picture

Thanks for this... Will make tonight somewhat tolerable....

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:53 | 2953414 Q.E.easy
Q.E.easy's picture

Voted most likely to be fatal ZH drinking game of 2012.


Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:22 | 2953494 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

And I'm already out of scotch....

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:37 | 2953506 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Oh, Bummer.... Got more Tullamore Dew just in time!

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 21:01 | 2953721 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

+1 - Love the Tulley.



Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:38 | 2953538 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I'm sticking with beer tonight, all out of Zacapa ;-)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:56 | 2953570 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Haven't tried that one.(Edit: looks like it's sold up here, have to try it.) I like to fly to Costa Rica and pick from a plethora of rums to drag home. Of course I'm not adverse to sampling many of them there!

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:57 | 2953592 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Its really good. A friend turned me on to it...Guatemalan, very nice, some stimulating conversation and you can get through a half bottle before you even realize it ;-)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:53 | 2953415 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

Long "Liver Transplants".

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:52 | 2953577 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Just drink the clear stuff.


Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:54 | 2953416 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

and a boilermaker it will be for me...

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:55 | 2953417 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

I'm waiting for the riots drinking game.

- If a looter gets shoot by police, drink.

- If a cop gets attacked by looters, drink.

- If a reporter gets attacked by looters, drink.

- For every 5 cars on fire, drink.

- For every hoodie, shout ZIMMERMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 21:26 | 2953778 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

Tonight the Chicago PD are on full staff and full alert in case Obammy loses tonight.  CPD moto for the recent summit's held in Chicago was...

"We get up early to BEAT the crowds." 


I say bring it - moar broken windows bitchez.  


"Our police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder" - The Honorable Richard J. Daley.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:54 | 2953420 RmcAZ
RmcAZ's picture

Already hammered if CNN is on.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:55 | 2953421 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Do the already drunk get handicap points ?

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 22:52 | 2953966 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Only if the Hologram talks back to you.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:55 | 2953423 IndicaTive
IndicaTive's picture

I think I'll just drink....

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:57 | 2953429 fuu
fuu's picture

Ron Paul bitchez!

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:28 | 2953512 XitSam
XitSam's picture

I think I'll inventory my ammo and food.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:55 | 2953589 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

You already know. 

Raise a glass.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:57 | 2953430 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Game? Drinking at times like this is no game to me. I plan to guzzle tequila every time i hear the word incumbent, challenger, republican, democrat, and district. I hope to pass out quickly while singing bye bye miss american pie.




Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:38 | 2953670 infinity8
infinity8's picture

Yes. I'm crying in my scotch and passing out to this one - American Tune:



good luck everybody.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 18:58 | 2953432 Being Free
Being Free's picture

beginning at 7pm ET

too late, I already started.

(Sometime last week I think...not real sur...wheres my damn beer...oh, ok)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:00 | 2953437 Goldilocks
Goldilocks's picture

Hole - Celebrity Skin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3dWBLoU--E (2:43)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:01 | 2953439 buzzardsluck
buzzardsluck's picture

I'm a total drunk, but refuse to take on this game.  It's worse than taking a drink when someone dies in the movie Hardboiled.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:07 | 2953455 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Or watching "Leaving Las Vegas"...

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:01 | 2953440 toomanyfakecons...
toomanyfakeconservatives's picture

No matter who loses, I'm going to hit the Knob Creek Reserve tonight.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:06 | 2953450 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

You didn't drink that..........

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:11 | 2953462 WilliamShatner
WilliamShatner's picture

I'm already drunk.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:42 | 2953553 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

It helps to be prepared ahead of time. With any luck, most ZHer's will pass out before the final results are posted...

Wed, 11/07/2012 - 07:20 | 2955136 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Star trekkin' while under the influence -- you're gonna lose yer license! :>D

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:25 | 2953495 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Since I refuse to play the game and watch this crap my plan is to drink everytime a fellow Hedger refers to Ron Paul... And for a kicker I'm going to do a shot when I see "gold bitchez". That's my plan.

Edit. My drink of choice is Black and Tans. My shot if choice is Crown Royal

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 19:27 | 2953509 magpie
magpie's picture

Ron Paul for the Federal Reserve replacement uh bank, platinum bitchez.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:00 | 2953546 Overfed
Overfed's picture

I'll help ya' out.


Voted today. Wrote in Ron Paul for President.



Almost left it out; gold, bitchez!!  :-)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 20:43 | 2953679 RockyRacoon
RockyRacoon's picture
  • 3M Co. (MMM)

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....and more HERE

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 21:12 | 2953746 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

How about "Ron Paul Bitchez"?  That is almost like a Black and Tan as it is a mix of two different things.  I too am patiently waiting here in blissfull silence for this political charade to finally go away, but I have a sinking feeling that it will not be over tonight and that our livers will yet incur an even greater hue of yellow.

+1 Dr. E.  At least now I can truthfully tell everyone who might inquire that I did in fact vote today... on ZH.    

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 22:15 | 2953876 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

A friendly PSA for those of you drinking Black & Tans (or more accurately if you're actually in Ireland, a Light & Bitter or a Blacksmith), because there are proper Black & Tans or shitty Black & Tans, and nothing in between. Get your stout or porter and pale ale choice correct, and then get your pour technique correct:

Ah, the Black & Tan!


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