The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly Election Night Drinking Games

Tyler Durden's picture

While some believe tonight is critical to the future of our nation - and well could be - we believe some will need placating as the results roll across the bottom of their screens and are manipulated in an ever-increasing multitude of 10-dimensional holographic charts that we fully expect to work incorrectly at some point. To fulfil that 'need for numbing', we have found three drinking games of varying suspected quantity that we hope will prove useful. From simple and stand-alone, to team-based and punish-your-friends focused, we believe there is a fair-and-balanced approach here for everyone.


Simple But Effective: George Washington's Bar Bro

Can be done alone; standard drink til you stink approach...

  • Drink if someone manipulates a giant touch-screen map.
  • Drink if you see a hologram. Drink again if someone is talking to it.
  • Drink for any sighting of a panel of undecided voters.
  • Any time there is a split screen, drink for as many seconds as there are pundits onscreen.
  • Drink when the anchor awkwardly stalls for time. I’m looking at you, Wolf Blitzer.
  • Drink any time an election in your home state comes up on the crawl.
  • Drink any time an election is “still too close to call.”
  • Drink for any election result where a candidate gets more than 70 percent of the vote.
  • Drink any time “exit polls are showing” something.
  • Drink when an anchor or pundit is visibly bummed out about election results.
  • Take your friend’s drink if he or she is visibly bummed out about election results.
  • Finish your drink when results are official in your home state.
  • Finish your drink when one of the presidential candidates wins Ohio. It’s the only state that really counts.
  • Finish your drink if someone you voted for wins.
  • Finish your drink and take a shot if your candidate loses. It’s going to be a long four years.


Complex But Well Worth It: HyperVocal's Matrix of Moonshine

This game is more about punishing others with your excellence than punishing yourself...


Start by picking a winner for each state using the color-coordinated charts below.

Then simply sit back, relax and wait for the results to pour in as freely as the booze.

As each state is announced, use the matrix above to calculate your points — and start pounding ’em back. (e.g. you choose Obama to win Ohio; It is a swing state; you are proven correct; you get +10 points... or you choose Romney to win Michigan; It is Probable for Obama; Romney wins Michigan; You get +10 points... or you choose Romney to win California; It is a Not Close For Obama state; you are proven a fool when Obama wins it; You get -40 points DRINK!!!)

1 point = Make someone drink
10 points = Make someone take a shot
20 points = Shotgun a beer

You may accumulate points if you wish, and deal them out as you wish and when you wish — but if you go below zero, you gotta drink until you’re back in the positive!


The Goldilocks Drinking Game:

Simple, effective, live-streamed, and wil keep count for you should the measure of the evening get the better of your mathematical skills...

Whether you get your results from CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, C-SPAN or one of the broadcast networks, take a drink every time someone on screen says anything on the following list:

  • Ground Game
  • Firewall
  • Sandy
  • Photo ID
  • Recount
  • Youth Vote
  • Enthusiasm
  • The Name of a Third Party Candidate (Gary Johnson, Jill Stein,Virgil Goode, Rocky Anderson)
  • Ohio
  • Reagan

The team at DebateDrinking will be live-scoring across various news media for the evening - beginning at 7pm ET


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TruthInSunshine's picture

After campaigning on a mantra that he 'really will be fiscally more responsible' & that the economy has been improving for the last 2 years, Obama will lay down a dose of actual economy reality tomorrow, warning of a pending macro meltdown, justifying his encouragement of Timmay to dramatically ramp up the sales of full faith & credit IOUs to The Bernank & Co., and create and fund via executive order (despite not being constitutional) the Department of Hostile Extraterestrials from Outer Space Defense Agency, headed by the illustrious Paul Krugman.

Watch for oil, and consequently everything else tangible to resume the relentless march upwards, one the Emperor resumes his place on the throne for another 4 years.

In the interim, the forced "beautiful deleveraging" on the part of savers & businesses will continue, as the private sector cuts consumption, hiring and investment back at an even more rapid pace, to enable even higher deficit spending for QEeternity.

Hopeless & Changeless.

walküre's picture

you say it like it's a bad thing

Zer0head's picture

My favorite is watching Erin Burnette on CNN

ever since she got the nose job (botched) her nostrils flay  much like those of  a horse. Everytime you spot a hanging booger you take a shot. (and its cold in Ohio so the boogers are plentiful)

Now if only she had a horse face the picture would be complete.

Michaelwiseguy's picture

I'm cracking my first Sam Adams, now saluting the sinking if the USSA, and listening to Gerald Celente on Alex Jones internet rario with the volume on TV muted.

krispkritter's picture

Obama: "We have gone through a very difficult passage...".  You mean four years going through a 'very difficult orifice'?

vast-dom's picture

Yo Tyler I'm in AA! But to go out in blaze of glory for these sociopathic presidential fucktards? No way! If I'm gonna get cracked out and loaded, it'll be tomorrow, out of principle!

RiotActing's picture

Thanks for this... Will make tonight somewhat tolerable....

Q.E.easy's picture

Voted most likely to be fatal ZH drinking game of 2012.


Urban Redneck's picture

And I'm already out of scotch....

krispkritter's picture

Oh, Bummer.... Got more Tullamore Dew just in time!

Ness.'s picture

+1 - Love the Tulley.



nmewn's picture

I'm sticking with beer tonight, all out of Zacapa ;-)

krispkritter's picture

Haven't tried that one.(Edit: looks like it's sold up here, have to try it.) I like to fly to Costa Rica and pick from a plethora of rums to drag home. Of course I'm not adverse to sampling many of them there!

nmewn's picture

Its really good. A friend turned me on to it...Guatemalan, very nice, some stimulating conversation and you can get through a half bottle before you even realize it ;-)

Yen Cross's picture

Long "Liver Transplants".

The Gooch's picture

Just drink the clear stuff.


earleflorida's picture

and a boilermaker it will be for me...

lolmao500's picture

I'm waiting for the riots drinking game.

- If a looter gets shoot by police, drink.

- If a cop gets attacked by looters, drink.

- If a reporter gets attacked by looters, drink.

- For every 5 cars on fire, drink.

- For every hoodie, shout ZIMMERMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN.

Ness.'s picture

Tonight the Chicago PD are on full staff and full alert in case Obammy loses tonight.  CPD moto for the recent summit's held in Chicago was...

"We get up early to BEAT the crowds." 


I say bring it - moar broken windows bitchez.  


"Our police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder" - The Honorable Richard J. Daley.

RmcAZ's picture

Already hammered if CNN is on.

Rainman's picture

Do the already drunk get handicap points ?

A Nanny Moose's picture

Only if the Hologram talks back to you.

IndicaTive's picture

I think I'll just drink....

fuu's picture

Ron Paul bitchez!

XitSam's picture

I think I'll inventory my ammo and food.

The Gooch's picture

You already know. 

Raise a glass.

buzzsaw99's picture

Game? Drinking at times like this is no game to me. I plan to guzzle tequila every time i hear the word incumbent, challenger, republican, democrat, and district. I hope to pass out quickly while singing bye bye miss american pie.



infinity8's picture

Yes. I'm crying in my scotch and passing out to this one - American Tune:


good luck everybody.

Being Free's picture

beginning at 7pm ET

too late, I already started.

(Sometime last week I think...not real sur...wheres my damn beer...oh, ok)

buzzardsluck's picture

I'm a total drunk, but refuse to take on this game.  It's worse than taking a drink when someone dies in the movie Hardboiled.

Yen Cross's picture

 Or watching "Leaving Las Vegas"...

toomanyfakeconservatives's picture

No matter who loses, I'm going to hit the Knob Creek Reserve tonight.

A Lunatic's picture

You didn't drink that..........

WilliamShatner's picture

I'm already drunk.

krispkritter's picture

It helps to be prepared ahead of time. With any luck, most ZHer's will pass out before the final results are posted...

StychoKiller's picture

Star trekkin' while under the influence -- you're gonna lose yer license! :>D

Dr. Engali's picture

Since I refuse to play the game and watch this crap my plan is to drink everytime a fellow Hedger refers to Ron Paul... And for a kicker I'm going to do a shot when I see "gold bitchez". That's my plan.

Edit. My drink of choice is Black and Tans. My shot if choice is Crown Royal

magpie's picture

Ron Paul for the Federal Reserve replacement uh bank, platinum bitchez.

Overfed's picture

I'll help ya' out.


Voted today. Wrote in Ron Paul for President.



Almost left it out; gold, bitchez!!  :-)

RockyRacoon's picture
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Manipuflation's picture

How about "Ron Paul Bitchez"?  That is almost like a Black and Tan as it is a mix of two different things.  I too am patiently waiting here in blissfull silence for this political charade to finally go away, but I have a sinking feeling that it will not be over tonight and that our livers will yet incur an even greater hue of yellow.

+1 Dr. E.  At least now I can truthfully tell everyone who might inquire that I did in fact vote today... on ZH.    

TruthInSunshine's picture

A friendly PSA for those of you drinking Black & Tans (or more accurately if you're actually in Ireland, a Light & Bitter or a Blacksmith), because there are proper Black & Tans or shitty Black & Tans, and nothing in between. Get your stout or porter and pale ale choice correct, and then get your pour technique correct:

Ah, the Black & Tan!