The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly Election Night Drinking Games

Tyler Durden's picture

While some believe tonight is critical to the future of our nation - and well could be - we believe some will need placating as the results roll across the bottom of their screens and are manipulated in an ever-increasing multitude of 10-dimensional holographic charts that we fully expect to work incorrectly at some point. To fulfil that 'need for numbing', we have found three drinking games of varying suspected quantity that we hope will prove useful. From simple and stand-alone, to team-based and punish-your-friends focused, we believe there is a fair-and-balanced approach here for everyone.

 

Simple But Effective: George Washington's Bar Bro

Can be done alone; standard drink til you stink approach...

  • Drink if someone manipulates a giant touch-screen map.
  • Drink if you see a hologram. Drink again if someone is talking to it.
  • Drink for any sighting of a panel of undecided voters.
  • Any time there is a split screen, drink for as many seconds as there are pundits onscreen.
  • Drink when the anchor awkwardly stalls for time. I’m looking at you, Wolf Blitzer.
  • Drink any time an election in your home state comes up on the crawl.
  • Drink any time an election is “still too close to call.”
  • Drink for any election result where a candidate gets more than 70 percent of the vote.
  • Drink any time “exit polls are showing” something.
  • Drink when an anchor or pundit is visibly bummed out about election results.
  • Take your friend’s drink if he or she is visibly bummed out about election results.
  • Finish your drink when results are official in your home state.
  • Finish your drink when one of the presidential candidates wins Ohio. It’s the only state that really counts.
  • Finish your drink if someone you voted for wins.
  • Finish your drink and take a shot if your candidate loses. It’s going to be a long four years.

 

Complex But Well Worth It: HyperVocal's Matrix of Moonshine

This game is more about punishing others with your excellence than punishing yourself...

 

Start by picking a winner for each state using the color-coordinated charts below.

Then simply sit back, relax and wait for the results to pour in as freely as the booze.

As each state is announced, use the matrix above to calculate your points — and start pounding ’em back. (e.g. you choose Obama to win Ohio; It is a swing state; you are proven correct; you get +10 points... or you choose Romney to win Michigan; It is Probable for Obama; Romney wins Michigan; You get +10 points... or you choose Romney to win California; It is a Not Close For Obama state; you are proven a fool when Obama wins it; You get -40 points DRINK!!!)

1 point = Make someone drink
10 points = Make someone take a shot
20 points = Shotgun a beer

You may accumulate points if you wish, and deal them out as you wish and when you wish — but if you go below zero, you gotta drink until you’re back in the positive!

 

The Goldilocks Drinking Game: DebateDrinking.com

Simple, effective, live-streamed, and wil keep count for you should the measure of the evening get the better of your mathematical skills...

Whether you get your results from CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, C-SPAN or one of the broadcast networks, take a drink every time someone on screen says anything on the following list:

  • Ground Game
  • Firewall
  • Sandy
  • Photo ID
  • Recount
  • Youth Vote
  • Enthusiasm
  • The Name of a Third Party Candidate (Gary Johnson, Jill Stein,Virgil Goode, Rocky Anderson)
  • Ohio
  • Reagan

The team at DebateDrinking will be live-scoring across various news media for the evening - beginning at 7pm ET

Enjoy...